Whew. Went out with friends to a bar, and didn't drink.

Old 12-09-2009, 12:36 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Looking For Myself...Sober
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Originally Posted by NewPosture View Post

I guess it wasn't very smart to put myself in that situation. I shouldn't, really. I rationalized it because it was a birthday celebration for a loved co-worker, but... there are other ways for me to show my affection than struggle through an evening where I might slip. I needn't be a martyr. And what's the reason, anyway? Am I hoping I slip?
This popped out at me.
The I read what cubile wrote here.

It's about NOT fighting it. I'm powerless. I quit training to run that marathon. If I can be around drinkers it's because the problem is not there anymore. I don't want to drink, I can't drink. I don't get to make the choice... If I give myself the choice, I'll make the wrong one, eventually. If I try to tough it out, I just get resentful, self pitying.... it's no fun at all.

So NP... Have you quit fighting? If not, one of these times you step into the ring, it's gonna be a KO... yours....
So I have nothitng to add. I hope you make it. Being scared all the time is no way to live. Thats why we work a program. To remove the obsession and like others have said. After time, it isnt an issue of fighting anymore.
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Old 12-09-2009, 12:46 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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NewPosture - I'm glad you posted. It's a good discussion. I think this is one area where it's not "one size fits all" - where knowing ourselves is key. I remember early on going into a favorite bar to meet with friends and being very resentful that I couldn't have anything. Yet I knew I couldn't and wouldn't. I rarely put myself in that situation these days, but when I do - I no longer am angry or sorry for myself. It gets easier as you get stronger & more determined, though - so it probably isn't worth risking being tempted when you're newly sober. Today, I know I can't touch it even if one is put in front of me at a wedding reception, retirement party, whatever.

I do agree that these are early days for you and I would be very cautious 'til you get your sealegs. I think it's important that you're putting it out on the table by making it somewhat public, as you put it. When I first told my relatives (last Christmas) that I no longer drank I simply said, "I felt I was becoming too dependent on it." No one tried to coax me. (They were probably thinking "It's about time".) I honestly didn't think I'd ever have fun again without it. It did take awhile for me to adjust to not getting numb in order to have a good time, but now I can't imagine taking a chance on being dragged back into hell.

I hope we all enjoy the season - not just sober, but happy and content to be that way.
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Old 12-09-2009, 03:01 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Thanks for the words.

Wow: the "not fighting" thing hit me. I'm nowhere close to that. It was a struggle, and my mind and thoughts were spinning and bouncing off of each other. But about this trip.

I'm going to visit friends and family, like I said. I should also say, I live 300 miles from my partner, and I get to see her maybe once a month if I'm lucky. We've been married for 8 years. I moved for a job, we both thought it was a good decision...

Anyway. I say the above because I can't not go. I know I have a choice for everything, but man. I gotta see her. I really miss her, and a week with her is too much to give up right now.

I guess, long story short:
  • I'm still fighting-- I am not a zen-master recovery person yet (I guess in AA, this is "dry drunk")
  • When presented with temptation, my "tools" are fuzzy but not in my forefront
  • I will be telling my friends and family I am visiting I won't be drinking
  • You all are really making this for me. Thank you so, so much for caring for a complete stranger.
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Old 12-10-2009, 06:46 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Hey NP..good luck on your trip and stay strong. If anyone asks you why you don't want a beer, tell them you're on a health kick...drink lots of green tea and water, come back here when you get back and tell us all how great you did!
Stay positive
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Old 12-11-2009, 01:27 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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okay this really come home to me.... what ashya pointed out... thats what i have been doing. no drugs no drugs no drugs.... no opiate no opiate. i cant take those one leads to too many. then i start pity for me. cause i do have pain. i can seem to get nothing done without a damn pill...which makes me resentful and more pity.... here i sit with eveyrthing to do and obssessing about if i had just ONE pill i could have strength and feel like doing something....i know its a lie...i am just tired of being tired.
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Old 12-12-2009, 09:40 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Just a quick report back for the people who care.

On the trip. Been really hard... but I haven't slipped! And this time of night, when it's 10:40p, I feel good about the decision. I'll feel good in the morning too... but the 3-9pm hours will be tough!
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Old 12-12-2009, 09:43 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Good job, NP!!
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Old 12-12-2009, 09:53 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
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Glad you are working things out to your benefit NP
Blessings to you and your wife...
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Old 12-12-2009, 09:56 PM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Thanks for the update NP - and well done!
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Old 12-12-2009, 10:10 PM
  # 30 (permalink)  
struggling @ 6 months
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Way to go on your victory!! For me that would be a slippery slope. I was told that you don't go to the "cat" house for a kiss. Stay strong
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