cant sleep-
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: san diego, california
Posts: 5
cant sleep-
so i went 7 days no booze whatsoever and was starting to feel pretty good, but went to Vegas mon-tues for work and fell into my old habits. I came home feeling really bad and have proceded to drink every night since, with a blackout on thursday. I drank friday night at work and felt so horrible this morning that it triggered a major anxiety attack while i was driving to work tonight and I called the AA hotline and the guy on the phone talked me off the ledge. So in turn i ended up drinking again and now i feel horrible and can't sleep. I realize i need help and im self medicating out of lonliness and anxiety, but my anxiety is triggered by my drinking. I'm physically starting to feel bad, and i'm just really scared. Sorry just venting and feeling bad about myself
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 128
I can relate to what you described. I struggled so much early in my recovery. I suggest you make as many AA meetings as possible. Listen, learn, and apply what you learn. You may also want to try something that I did for a long time. Each morning I would get up and say out loud, "I will not drink today, no matter what happens." Say it like you mean it and mean it when you say it. It worked for me. It takes determination and total commitment. You can do it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Buzz-free Zone
Posts: 1,372
TMC,
Just read your post and had a flashback to 14 months ago. The way you felt/are feeling is exactly how I began to feel then and that's what got me into recovery. A "bottom" does not have to strictly be the loss of a home, family, job, etc. (altho, give it time and it's pretty likely those losses will come). My bottom was the loss of my own self-respect and the guilt, shame and remorse that I was feeling on a daily basis. The unbearable emotional pain caused by my drinking (which also included loneliness, anxiety and fear) had gotten so bad that I knew I HAD to do something about it. I can't explain it exactly; I just knew I had had enough and wanted to stop those feelings because if I couldn't, I thought I would die.
I picked up the phone and made a bunch of calls to detox's, hospitals, etc. and eventually found a local community rehab that had counselors who specialized in alcoholism on an out-patient basis and had a sliding scale payment option. The one-hour weekly sessions were made around my schedule too and it's completely anonymous.
This counselor saved my life, but he credits my recovery with my "wanting" to stop and doing whatever it took to turn things around. Was it easy? Not always. Was it worth it? Absolutely.
Reading your post was such a reminder of how horrible I felt about myself and how grateful I am to be sober today.
I give you credit for calling the AA hotline for help - it's a start and a possible sign that you're approaching that "unbearable" point (if you haven't already). And yes, anxiety is caused by alcohol since alcohol is a central nervous system depressant and when you withdraw from it, your system experiences panic.
If I could wrap what I have today and give it to you and anyone else who is suffering, I would - it's the best gift in the world.
All the best,
Bee
Just read your post and had a flashback to 14 months ago. The way you felt/are feeling is exactly how I began to feel then and that's what got me into recovery. A "bottom" does not have to strictly be the loss of a home, family, job, etc. (altho, give it time and it's pretty likely those losses will come). My bottom was the loss of my own self-respect and the guilt, shame and remorse that I was feeling on a daily basis. The unbearable emotional pain caused by my drinking (which also included loneliness, anxiety and fear) had gotten so bad that I knew I HAD to do something about it. I can't explain it exactly; I just knew I had had enough and wanted to stop those feelings because if I couldn't, I thought I would die.
I picked up the phone and made a bunch of calls to detox's, hospitals, etc. and eventually found a local community rehab that had counselors who specialized in alcoholism on an out-patient basis and had a sliding scale payment option. The one-hour weekly sessions were made around my schedule too and it's completely anonymous.
This counselor saved my life, but he credits my recovery with my "wanting" to stop and doing whatever it took to turn things around. Was it easy? Not always. Was it worth it? Absolutely.
Reading your post was such a reminder of how horrible I felt about myself and how grateful I am to be sober today.
I give you credit for calling the AA hotline for help - it's a start and a possible sign that you're approaching that "unbearable" point (if you haven't already). And yes, anxiety is caused by alcohol since alcohol is a central nervous system depressant and when you withdraw from it, your system experiences panic.
If I could wrap what I have today and give it to you and anyone else who is suffering, I would - it's the best gift in the world.
All the best,
Bee
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Humboldt TN
Posts: 114
Thanks for sharing, and don't beat yourself up to much...addiction is not like a sinus infection that can be cured with vitamin C and a cocktail shot. It's a process..focus on the days you HAVE been sober
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