Whew. Went out with friends to a bar, and didn't drink.

Old 12-08-2009, 11:57 PM
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Whew. Went out with friends to a bar, and didn't drink.

Big deal for me. Went out with friends last night, and tonight, and played it straight.

Tonight, hands shaking, I ordered a ginger ale and lime. I meant to get tonic and lime, a ginger ale with lime is kind of stupid, but I got a bit confused while ordering. Normally a double whiskey-diet rolls off my tongue.

I shouldn't be in risky situations like that, because I was very close to drinking. But I have to socialize and see my friends-- they're not drunks and rarely go out, so it was just an odd couple of days. Not typical behavior.

Anyway. I'm happy. And this puts me on day 5.

Now. Let's see how my vacation next week staying with my real alcoholic friends go. I told my partner yesterday. I decided to make it somewhat public. I hope she'll be able to support me in the process, and that I let her!

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Old 12-09-2009, 12:00 AM
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Thumbs up good job

I know what u mean about habits.... day 5 awesome... thank u for sharing it helps motivate so me.... thanks again.
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Old 12-09-2009, 12:57 AM
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Glad you came home sober NP...
Certainly hope you will be successful next week too.

Tho I tried ..very hard....for 4 years ...I could not keep
my sober time running continiously until I quit
hanging around drinkers/bars/clubs/lounges/parties.

Not to say it will be impossible for was for me.

Well done on your 5 sober days
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Old 12-09-2009, 01:14 AM
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I agree with carol!

I Have discovered by trying to stop drinking but mixing with friends,going out where alcohol is served, that at this stage of early sobriety (4 days AGAIN) alcohol truly has a mind of its own and that I dont have a defence against the 1st drink and to my bewilderment I find myself drinking again and my last session was WORSE than ever!

Only speaking for myself, you might be different!

kind regards from Julia
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Old 12-09-2009, 02:49 AM
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Congrats on your 5 days
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Old 12-09-2009, 04:18 AM
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Congrats on 5 days np, in AA it is said that if one hangs around a barbershop long enough eventually one will get a haircut!

You may be different then me and many others, but in early sobriety I avoided ALL situations where alcohol was present, I had spent many years being burnt, why in the world did I need to play with the flame?

I am an alcoholic and for me there is only one reason to go to a bar.... that reason for me is to get drunk. As far as socializing, well I go out at least 3 nights a week with recovering alcoholics, we have dances, parties all year long that are full of friends.

Do I ever go around where drinking is going on? You bet I do, I go out to dinner with no temptations at all, even when my wife has her rare drink. I go to wedding receptions, sporting events and even concerts. Notice one thing those all have in common? Not a single one of them has the soul purpose of drinking, unlike a kegger where the only REAL reason to go is to get drunk, the same is true of a bar, the primary purpose of a bar is to drink, if one just wants to socialize there are tons of places to socialize.

I am with Carol and others, in early sobriety why tempt your self?
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Old 12-09-2009, 07:08 AM
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I don't know if I'm more impressed or scared for you?
To be in that situation after 5 days and come through it is amazing, well done. At the same time I'm with everybody else. I'm scared this vacation might be too much for you; however you've shown immense strength and I wish you all the best and enjoy your days. You know where we are if it gets too tough.
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Old 12-09-2009, 08:19 AM
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I can't be around alcohol at all or I'll end up drinking. I congratulate you on staying sober in a bar, but maybe it would be better for you to avoid such situations for a while as you are still new to recovery. Just my opinion...
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Old 12-09-2009, 08:21 AM
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Hey NP...good on ya for staying strong. So how did you feel the next day? Did you wake and and say to yourself " wow I feel great and clear headed!!"..or did you wake up and feel like you missed out on drinking and that it sucked?
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Old 12-09-2009, 08:39 AM
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Like Tazman said, if you play with fire long enough, you WILL get burned! With that being said, I too have gone to bars with friends and not drank. I am at 30 days today, so very new as well. For me though, the temptation to drink is NOT there. I can go to bars with friends and drink my cranberry juice and be just fine. I do however need to keep my guard up and stay sharp and motivated. This is where AA comes in. They give me the tools to stay on top of my game. I also understand that going to bars will eventually stop and I wont be there. When I do make the CHOICE to go places like this, I do a lot of mental preparation before I even step foot in there. And once there, the desire is gone. If I were to start feeling uncomfortable or the desire to drink would come, I would be OUT of there! And not return.

So I guess it all depends on how you feel. Only you can know for sure. Just be careful! Good luck this week!
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Old 12-09-2009, 09:06 AM
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Wow. Every single one of these replies hit the nail on the head. I did wake up feeling really good today, which is a direct result of not drinking last night... anyway.

I guess it wasn't very smart to put myself in that situation. I shouldn't, really. I rationalized it because it was a birthday celebration for a loved co-worker, but... there are other ways for me to show my affection than struggle through an evening where I might slip. I needn't be a martyr. And what's the reason, anyway? Am I hoping I slip?

I am worried about my vacation. It's to visit friends who moved away (for 4 days) and my partner's father (for 3 days). Friends are 10-15 drinks per day-ers, and pops is a solid 8-10. It's a big city, though... maybe I'll find meetings to go to during the day to keep me straight.

Thanks for the support and suggestions to avoid these situations.
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Old 12-09-2009, 09:35 AM
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One of my concerns Newposture is the length of time you will be exposed to problematic drinking. To me, recovery is kind of like building your stamina for running. When you first start out, you can only go maybe a mile or 2 before you need to stop and take a break. The longer you "train," the further you can go. Just like being around alcohol. The longer you "train," (AA, other recovery programs) the longer you can be around it without getting tired, burnt, having a slip, etc. You would not go out and run a marathon right out of the gate, nor should you go and be around problematic drinkers for 7 days straight.

I hope this makes sense. It does in my head at least! haha. Best of luck on whatever choice you make. And yes, it IS a choice!
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Old 12-09-2009, 09:48 AM
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I don't know... I want to offer a different perspective.

It's not about stamina. If you have admitted that you are truly powerless over something, anything, then by definition.... how would a person train themselves to gain that power.... with out trying to take that power back.

For me it's not about stamina.

It's about NOT fighting it. I'm powerless. I quit training to run that marathon. If I can be around drinkers it's because the problem is not there anymore. I don't want to drink, I can't drink. I don't get to make the choice... If I give myself the choice, I'll make the wrong one, eventually. If I try to tough it out, I just get resentful, self pitying.... it's no fun at all.

So NP... Have you quit fighting? If not, one of these times you step into the ring, it's gonna be a KO... yours....

Don't step into the ring if you are not done fighting it.

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Old 12-09-2009, 09:56 AM
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On several occasions, I've ate in the bar area when, I was in a hurry and seating was limited.

Sitting in a bar area while eating doesn't bother me. I wouldn't want to go to a bar to spend an evening though.
Work on your recovery first before you go to clubs.
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Old 12-09-2009, 09:56 AM
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Possibly what I said did not come out right. I didn't mean that you should hang out around people drinking if it is still an issue and you are struggling with picking up that drink. What I am trying to say as that in time it will get easier. People that have worked the steps, recovered, and drinking is not a temptation can be around alcohol and not drink and it isn't an issue. What I am saying is that "possibly" in time you will be able to do it. But probably not right now.

I know the first night of my sobriety, 3 guys picked me up and took me out to dinner before my first AA meeting. They had 55 years sobriety between them. We went to a restaurant and actually sat in the lounge. They asked me if it was an issue, and of coarse I said "no." But I sat there and looked at all the people having some wine with dinner and my mind was jumping all over the place. Obviously to the other guys it didn't even register. They have removed the temptation, and to them it could just as well have been water in those glasses. Hard to say what I would have done had those 3 guys not been there.
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Old 12-09-2009, 10:06 AM
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Originally Posted by bdiddy5522 View Post

People that have worked the steps, recovered, and drinking is not a temptation can be around alcohol and not drink and it isn't an issue. What I am saying is that "possibly" in time you will be able to do it. But probably not right now.
Exactly. emphasis mine.

Are you there yet NP? If not, you might find yourself starting over after this trip.

I begged off the yearly ski trip last year with my buddies, and I don't regret it all. This year I'm going, I want to go skiing, not drinking. I am gonna live my life and have as much fun as I can.... sober. What I had to do is get into the steps and stay in conscious contact with my HP. Will I have a moment or two? probably, but I ain't gonna feel sorry for myself, quite the opposite, I will be grateful to be there this year.

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Old 12-09-2009, 12:27 PM
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Hey NP!! Welcome!! Congratulations on your 5 days sober!

Everyone here has fantastic advice, and I respect you for reaching out and getting involved here. I'm on Day 37. Like you, I was in a bar already on Day 4 . . . because I work in one. It's doable. Oddly enough, being in the bar is the last place I feel susceptible to drinking even though it would be quite easy to drink on the job with no consequences other than personal ones. Also, I had to go on vacation on Days 8-17 . . . to visit family/friends as well. People who drink daily and include the activity as a cornerstone in their lives. Staying in homes with complete access to a wide array of whatever kind of liquor I could ever want . . . I made it. It can be done. I had everything and anything pushed at me (alcohol-related and emotionally), but I did not drink. Trust me, part of me really wanted to slip many times during vacation, but it is possible not to take that drink. Your desire to be sober must outweigh your desire to continue down the same old path that brought you here . . .

Look at this like a brand new adventure. I haven't seen the world through completely sober eyes in nearly 17 years, and everyday is an opportunity to experience something new. To build a new arsenal of coping mechanisms in addition to grand experiences. The universe has given you a second chance. Do something great with it. (The universe has given me more chances to survive than I can count . . . I finally took advantage! You can do the same.)

Stay sane and sober. Much peace and wellness to you on your journey!

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Old 12-09-2009, 12:45 PM
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Thanks for clearing up what I was trying to say Mark. One other thing that was advised to me right after getting sober. My first day sober was a Monday. I was scheduled to leave that Wednesday afternoon for a 5 day hunting trip with a bunch of guys. I asked the guys that night that took me to supper and my first meeting what they thought, knowing I would be the only one drinking and would be around it constantly. What they told me was: "Sounds like an awesome time, have fun." I didn't get it. They told me (although every situation is different, and they felt I was in a pretty good "place") to say the serenity prayer a hundred times a day. Pray to my "God" and keep telling myself: "no one can make you drink if you don't want to." I also downloaded some AA speakers to my I-Pod to listen to at night. They said that is vital when you can't make it to a meeting. They all gave me their phone numbers and said call ANY time I feel like picking up a drink.

So I guess what I am saying is if you feel you need/want to go on this vacation, there is plenty of ammunition you can take with you to fight off cravings. The important thing is to NOT take that first drink.

PS: I did not drink on that trip!
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Old 12-09-2009, 12:50 PM
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Congrats on 5 days, np..and your success in the bar situation!

I had a weird thing happen to me that relates to this. The first time I tried to stop drinking, I went 2 weeks and then went to a fund raiser/Halloween event..held in a bar. I did fine...drank Sprite, left early..not really a big deal. Then 2 nights later, I tied one on by myself. wth? I realized later, that while I was able to not drink in that bar situation, it must have triggered the old feelings of wanting to drink, and I just did it later. I learned that I let my guard down, so to speak. Just a heads up to you that that can happen as well.

Glad things are going well for you!
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Old 12-09-2009, 01:26 PM
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I asked the guys that night that took me to supper and my first meeting what they thought, knowing I would be the only one drinking and would be around it constantly.
Should read- The only one NOT drinking! Sorry.
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