Old 12-01-2009, 12:56 PM
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i've done my almost
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Let me just say that I知 incredibly grateful and lucky to have not seriously injured someone or myself. I知 lucky to be alive and I know it.

I知 also incredibly grateful that I have all the tools at my disposal to gain a secure foothold in sobriety (and this is b/c of SR, AA, IOP, and all my friends and family who have been giving support and 途ides).

BUTearly sobriety SUCKS.

I just don稚 feel right. My whole world has been turned upside down once the drugs and alcohol stopped working and left me with some very serious consequences. I just don稚 know how to act, how to think, how to live. I feel like a little kid, but this time without the innocence.

I work full time. I知 doing 90 in 90 in AA, I go to IOP two times a week, and I read on here a lot, so I知 staying busy. but I still find myself worried, confused, lonely, anxious, bored, angry, etc

Anyone have any 努ords of wisdom?
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Old 12-01-2009, 01:05 PM
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Thanks for sharing! You are doing all the "right things" one thing that has really helped me in addition to all the meetings and groups was getting involved in strenuous exercise. There is no way to stay "Depressed" while working out (running, weightlifting, push ups, brisk walking, jogging etc.)
It is a great outlet, makes you feel and look better and totally helps with the "moods"! When you feel yourself down and starting to dwell, assides from picking up the phone and calling someone such as a friend or sponsor, try taking a 5 minute jog around the block, or try doing 5 pushups or any other type of physical activity you can think of. This should help. Couple that with meetings and therapy etc, and you will find that each day you will get stronger and feel a bit better. Life always is full of up and downs but when we are sober we are really able to live and be in control of our own destiny much more then when we are letting the bottle control our choices.
We cannot control everything in this world of course but we can control whether we are going to pick up today or whether we are going to make the most of the day we have by taking positive action. You are taking positive action, pat yourself on the back and remember to be proud of that fact that you are working towards a brighter future starting with today! Congratulations and keep up the great work.
I love the Yoda quote by the way, it is so true!
All the best!
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Old 12-01-2009, 01:06 PM
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"BUTearly sobriety SUCKS."

Just takes time to get used to. Sounds like your doing a great job of keeping busy. All I can say is just relax and let it happen. Try new things do stuff you really enjoy. Share an interest with someone. Just starting month 6 today. Life isn't perfect, but much better. I can have fun again and enjoy nightlife without getting wasted. Take it at your own pace and try not to stress. I've never heard any one bash 90 in 90 as not being productive, especially with a good sponsor. Feel free to vent here anytime... It's cathartic!
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Old 12-01-2009, 01:19 PM
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It sounds like you're doing many things to help your recovery, and that's great.

In very early sobriety I was very lost. I had literally just moved to a new area (where English was not the first language), and we had left both my children behind as they were in university and could not make the move with us. So...I was so far down, I knew I had to begin to listen to my inner voice, to my soul. Through a mini-miracle, I got involved in a volunteer position working with women on the street. It changed my life completely and helped me to begin to feel that I was worth the work that recovery would take.
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Old 12-01-2009, 01:24 PM
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Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
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Oh!! My only concrete suggestion; exercise! A couple good cardio sessions a week does wonders for my mood and general clarity of thought.
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Old 12-01-2009, 02:41 PM
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I know how you feel. I haven't had a drink since last Thursday now and it's sort of like rediscovering myself, but in a scary way. Learning to live without the thing you've relied on for so long... it's sort of a shock, but also very courageous. I'm keeping my mind set on the promises others have made me: that I'm going to become the author of my life now, and things are bound to change for the better because I'm in the driver's seat... instead of my wine.

Just like every new driver behind the seat of a new car, the feel takes some getting used to.
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Old 12-01-2009, 03:32 PM
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Yes it does suck, I didn't know who the heck I was w/o alcohol and I was afraid of my own shadow. It takes time, and a lot of work, getting sober is the easy part recovery requires working a program even if it's just your own personal program. Your problem didn't develop overnight and it won't go away that quickly either. Writing, whether on SR or elsewhere is often a very good aid in dealing with all the new emotions/fears/joys you will experience.
Hang in there recovery is definetly worth the effort.
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Old 12-01-2009, 03:53 PM
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It's hard to get to know the person inside. And scary. But very rewarding. Think about it! You can be anything now! And when the doubts and fears come, you can handle them rationally without drugs. Then the confidence,not ego, starts to form and the boredom isn't boredom but opportunity. Good job on stayin' clean.
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Old 12-01-2009, 04:02 PM
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Is it hot here or am I crazy?
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Hi Kjell,

I agree, sometimes, living sober sucks - but living drunk sucks more.

Don't expect that you will feel "normal" right away. It takes time for your brain (the organ) to get accustomed to physiologically function without alcohol. Eat well, drink plenty of water, write here on SR and read. Your mind and emotions will soon follow. Stick with your plan of going to meetings. I echo what others say about exercise.

It took me close to one full year before my brain, body and mind began to work together in sober unison. That first year sure sucked and some days still suck. But my chances of leading a happier and healthier life are far better sober than if I was trying to do it drunk.

I wish the best for you. Please keep us updated.
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Old 12-01-2009, 04:30 PM
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everything is already ok
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Welcome to SR and yep those early days sure can be tough but then who said giving up drugs and alcohol and facing our demons and living life was gonna be a breeze?

But together we can and its never all doom and gloom, there is at least the fact that we are drug free today and not having to obssess about how to get more and more ..... and of course it does keep getting better.

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Old 12-01-2009, 05:38 PM
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Lots of good advice here kjell.

I figure I spent the best part of 20 years walking into the woods of alcoholism...I wasn't going to find my way home in a single bound...

One of the greatest things about my recovery for me was it taught me patience.

I was so used to instant gratification, instant fixes. I had to let go and develop a little faith that things would turn out just through waiting , and that sometimes the best things take time.

They did work out tho, Kjell.
Hang in there

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Old 12-01-2009, 06:50 PM
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i've done my almost
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Thanks everyone.

Another day down (and sober).

...and I can't say it enough - I'm blessed to be alive and able to get well and set things straight.

I never knew what "one day at a time" meant until recently and it makes perfect sense to me now.
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Old 12-01-2009, 08:10 PM
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It gets better, TRUST me.

Being sober all of the time forces you to deal with sh**t, and that in turn makes you stronger. Without being able to 'phase out' when things suck, you're forced to make real life better.

Just hold out a while longer dude.
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Old 12-01-2009, 08:25 PM
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I love the total honesty shown here. No one tried to talk Kjell out of feeling that way, or claimed it was all sunshine & rainbows.

I was quite miserable for the first few weeks. Detoxing alone left me shredded. I took baby steps every day for awhile, just glad to be free of the poison. As for feeling happy and optimistic, it came along later. (I can understand how some get fed up and never make it very far.) Just when I thought I wouldn't feel any better, other feelings started to introduce themselves to me again - hope, excitement, anticipation. I say it often here, but I had to learn to live again without numbing myself.

Congratulations on making it this far, & as the others have said - it will improve, you will feel good about life again!
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Old 12-01-2009, 09:40 PM
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For me --

90/90 + sponsor/working steps = beginning of end of crazy
90/90 alone = still crazy (maybe crazier)

Still though: First 90, reasonably crazy
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Old 12-02-2009, 12:03 AM
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Good to see you still hanging in there... I was caught by the thread title... haha yes early sobriety sucks... it sucks so bad... give yourself some time... it was about 4 months before my compulsion to drink went away... hit those meetings talk to your sponsor, post on here... exercise (really good stuff for depression)... I take the OTC anti depressant St. Johns Wort... find that helpful... I know its hard, but try not to be too rough on yourself... It Gets better...

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Old 12-02-2009, 07:18 AM
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I don't know how much wisdom there is in it, kjell, but my experience was similar. I remember those first few months as being a mixture of panic and desperation, along with a lot of time spent feeling out of sorts. Just kind of lost. I didn't know what to make of it, and it was confusing.

But, I started using those tools that were at my disposal. It's one thing to have them there; it's another to pick them up and use them. I started taking the 12 steps on the first day I didn't drink, working out of the Big Book with a sponsor who spoke of a spiritual solution as being the only hope of a real alcoholic.

I was very lucky. I was into the 4th step before the first month was up, and although every day wasn't great, it was obvious that a change was happening. That obsession to drink was gone. I still didn't like facing life too much, but I had the feeling that things were going to be OK. I wasn't sure how, and I didn't have any answers, but I believed that what I was doing was leading me to something completely new.

Just about the only question that matters in early recovery in AA is 'What step are you on'? If that work is solid and progressing, the discomfort and confusion can be a blessing. It shuts my brain off and allows me to accept the experience that is taking place.
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Old 12-02-2009, 11:52 AM
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I am finding that the rewards of recovery come very gradually, almost like you don't notice it at first. We are used to getting everything NOW, NOW, NOW, so it is hard to cope with.
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