I never ran track, but I'm learning to jump the hurdles
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 38
I never ran track, but I'm learning to jump the hurdles
It is officially my 30th day sober. I am beyond relieved, but tonight at work, I was presented with a bit of a test. A man I'd dated back in October, a contributing factor (my feelings, not him specifically per se) to a very drunken October might I add, stopped into my workplace tonight to "smooth things over" a bit and reaffirm his interest in me.
I think the last time I saw or spoke to him was on Day 1 lol . . . and boy, do I know my triggers, the minute the words started coming out of his mouth, I wanted so badly to pour a bottle of liquor down my throat. Romantic relationships and intimacy have always affected me this way. I really hadn't planned to even date anyone until well into next year. His arguments were legitimate, but man did the situation make me want to drink. Just scratching the surface of romance started pushing me over the edge.
I know I clearly have serious issues with these types of relationships . . . my inability to handle such feelings is what made me throw myself off the wagon after 7 months the last time I got sober . . . I know the smart thing to do, but the semi-conflict inside me, the alter argument in my head, tells me that the adult thing to do is to be open. That part of what propelled me into the bottle was my inability to let people in . . . it was a reflex learned in order to shut people out . . . so I don't want to continue that pattern either.
Hmmmm, a conundrum . . . not really, but kinda. Ah, so many new beautiful, sober obstacles to contend with . . .
much love all. stay sane and sober. and huge *sigh* that I made it to day 30
I think the last time I saw or spoke to him was on Day 1 lol . . . and boy, do I know my triggers, the minute the words started coming out of his mouth, I wanted so badly to pour a bottle of liquor down my throat. Romantic relationships and intimacy have always affected me this way. I really hadn't planned to even date anyone until well into next year. His arguments were legitimate, but man did the situation make me want to drink. Just scratching the surface of romance started pushing me over the edge.
I know I clearly have serious issues with these types of relationships . . . my inability to handle such feelings is what made me throw myself off the wagon after 7 months the last time I got sober . . . I know the smart thing to do, but the semi-conflict inside me, the alter argument in my head, tells me that the adult thing to do is to be open. That part of what propelled me into the bottle was my inability to let people in . . . it was a reflex learned in order to shut people out . . . so I don't want to continue that pattern either.
Hmmmm, a conundrum . . . not really, but kinda. Ah, so many new beautiful, sober obstacles to contend with . . .
much love all. stay sane and sober. and huge *sigh* that I made it to day 30
capra laeviculus
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: German Village, OH
Posts: 3,427
Congratulations on 30 days!
I'm glad you passed your test! I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you on it though, 'cause I'm kinda the opposite. I have always preferred to be sober in any new relationship situation. It was just when I was alone that I crawled into my bottle
-Goat
I'm glad you passed your test! I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you on it though, 'cause I'm kinda the opposite. I have always preferred to be sober in any new relationship situation. It was just when I was alone that I crawled into my bottle
-Goat
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Congratulations on 30 days and jumping those hurdles! 
I wish I could give you some advice on the relationship front, but I don't have any experience with the sobriety/relationships dynamic. Sounds like you're doing great, though!
I wish I could give you some advice on the relationship front, but I don't have any experience with the sobriety/relationships dynamic. Sounds like you're doing great, though!
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