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A Message From WLDKATZ

Old 07-22-2009, 10:28 PM
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A Message From WLDKATZ

It has been a long time in coming yes I know, There is so much to say yet dont know where to begin, as of this moment I am ok, not as strong as I should be ( mentally......death is on the mind a lot lately and the depression is trying to set in permently.........I promise I am not letting it) but holding on.......

Called Amy tonight said "Sis I have a fifth of vodka".................I couldnt even open the bottle I smashed it in the plastic bag it was in didnt say a word to My Edward and puked like there was no tomarrow...........I am not giving up my sobrity because things are down...................they maybe but Dam! It dont EVER count me out till the sand is ice cold from the snows that plague this place so darn much............


My Daughters, some may know some may not.......I Lost the girls at 8 months and almost 3 weeks ( 2 days shy) reasons I cannot get into for fear that my loved ones will know the truth and it will hurt them so much more than they ever need to be hurt..........Found a song from my mother favorite singer and she says it all.........


Fly, fly little wing
Fly beyond imagining
The softest cloud, the whitest dove
Upon the wind of heaven's love
Past the planets and the stars
Leave this lonely world of ours
Escape the sorrow and the pain
And fly again

Fly, fly precious one
Your endless journey has begun
Take your gentle happiness
Far too beautiful for this
Cross over to the other shore
There is peace forevermore
But hold this mem'ry bittersweet
Until we meet

Fly, fly do not fear
Don't waste a breath, don't shed a tear
Your heart is pure, your soul is free
Be on your way, don't wait for me
Above the universe you'll climb
On beyond the hands of time
The moon will rise, the sun will set
But I won't forget

Fly, fly little wing
Fly where only angels sing
Fly away, the time is right
Go now, find the light

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIeBqsujCqg

Well I will fill in a bit more as my strength returns........I have missed you all and have really missed my support and tough love.......Thanks for being there for me and My Edward......We have all greatlt appreciated the love a nd support we have recieved from al of you ( and YES Especially you both Unk Rusty and Amy the calls and just hearing the support from you both for me and Edward while hospitalized will make us both ever so honored to call you Both FRIENDS AND FAMILY!)

God Bless and Much Love,
Pamm and Edward



PS those of you who congradulated me on my 2 years, I havent missed you just cant sit for very long yet and thank you all!!!!!
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Old 07-22-2009, 10:32 PM
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So sorry for your pain honey, and so glad to hear you are hanging tough. *hugs*
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Old 07-23-2009, 01:08 AM
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I'm so sorry you're going through such a horrible time. You were one of the first people that talked to me on here and I've seen you over there in the whining thread so I know you've been going through something.

This place has been great when life has been kicking me in the @ss, I hope you'll find that here too. I really wish there was something more I could say but I don't think there is. Please know though that I do hope that this dark time turns around for you.

My thoughts and heart go with you Pamm. :ghug3
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Old 07-23-2009, 03:59 AM
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katzy
Dam! It dont EVER count me out till the sand is ice cold from the snows that plague this place so darn much............
thats our katzy!

the Persivarence Princess!

will call you over the weekend pamm

xxooxxoo n blessings

squeeze that edy too...

unk
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Old 07-23-2009, 06:02 AM
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:ghug3 Hope you are feeling better very soon.
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Old 07-23-2009, 07:40 AM
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All my best to you, Katz.
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Old 07-25-2009, 09:30 PM
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Thank You ALL, for that boost!
Sorry I havent been on, just so much going on..........need all the strength I can get to fight just the every day battles ( IE the state cutting me off my medical, momma in the hospital, Edward being falsely accused of assulting his ex--never fear it is all being taken care of he was at the hospital with me in surgery and on camera plus all of our family and friends were with him until really late.....)

Everyone is doing well, momma is home from the hospital, our prayers were answered some how with this stupid diet they put me on it took me off the kidney transplant list and got my kidneys produicing more........I cant help but wonder how ppl can drink beer that crap was nasty tasting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sugar is still doing funny things my surgon saw me a few days ago and was estatic with all of the progress my wounds have been making the one belly wound is now less than 1-1/2 inches, tonight Edward asked me "How do I pack it when there is only a pin hole at your bellybutton"..........now if everything else would just become a pin hole.......

Sammy, Nephew is doing AWSOME!!!!!!! Still being a part time qb coach for MS State University football team, So damn proud of him, it is an honor for an 18 year old to be allowed that!!!!!!!!!!

My Edward is holding on, lost his grip the other day, but that is exspected with everything that has been going on, plus the fact that he never losses it......wish he needed me more..........he just promises me that it is that he wants me he doesnt Need me.........it hurt but I guess I understand what he was talking about........I am so honored that he stands beside me everyday being my strength and support even when I dont deserve it.......


Talked to my Amy..........she is doing well just hanging on like us.........Unk, it was nice talking to you last week......will send you the new home phone number so you can get ahold of us 24-7 and Edward says hello and sends his best!


As for the depression I think I hear it best on david Letterman last night, the reason for all the tears is because I was told to live today like it was my last................I aint givin up!

Well it is late again and KFC gave Edward and I food posioning again so I need to be heading back to bed..........everyone take care hold your love ones tight and make sure to let yourself know everyday that you are truely worth being here and loved!!!!!!


God Bless and Strength and support!

Pamm
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Old 07-25-2009, 09:37 PM
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So sorry to hear about the babies Pamm. I haven't been around here lately but I've been thinking about you. Get some rest, take care of you and ffs don't eat KFC! It's crap!!!
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Old 07-25-2009, 09:55 PM
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Keep on keepin' on Pamm. It sounds like some things are looking up - must have something to do with that incredible spirit of positivity of yours
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Old 07-26-2009, 04:22 PM
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LOL
that or the sedatives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry that was just bad of me, but funny..........lol
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Old 07-26-2009, 05:22 PM
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Pammie Katz...

I might have caved in...I think I may. You are a survivor of the best kind..

You make me ashamed of any whines I have, gf.

Give my best to Ed.

and :praying:
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Old 07-26-2009, 11:46 PM
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Thank You Sweetie! Edward says hello and thank you as well....... I was Talking with Unk today and I told him of a story that involves one of my hhc nurses( I have home health care nurses come in twice a day and the weekends and the other two times a day my dressings need changed Edward takes care of it).....She was dead serious and told me "Pamm you have your own ministry and it is so very powerful that you are going to see changes in those around you" sort of blew off what she was saying, so I called my momma, a preacher btw among other things, and asked her all she could say was baby shes right..........made me stop and look around and I truely dont see that in myself, so many ppl here as well as other sites I go too offer me pretty much the same thing.......right now I have a girl friend who just lost her home is going threw a divorice just about lost a child in the fire, and has 3 special needs children at home..........she calles me everyday.....and comes to check on me often or just takes me away to get out of the house......here she worries about me yet it is me worrying about her 24-7......I have a plaque in my living room that I had boughten for a friend who gave it back to me because they felt I deserved it more.....it says " God gives us friends so that we may know that we are never alone"........touches me deeply everytime I read it because it is true.......sort of like SR, I have recieved so many blessings threw friends on here that I cannot even begin to count them, and in more ways than one.......
I sat at the hospital one day feeling so damn misrable crying and just plain feeling bad for myself and my Nurse, he is a blessing, introduced me to a young man..........he couldnt talk and couldnt see, but he loves making new friends...........made me realize that there are ALOT of ppl in this world who are ALOT worse off than I have ever been............

Thus I stick it out, I know my HP has something in store for me not too sure yet what and deadly afraid I am begining to see what it is ( IE getting back into the political thing.....like finishing my Masters and kicking some butt!), but until that time I will listen to my Dearest friend, which of course everyone should know, My Edward......"Allah my not give us what we WANT but He gives us what we NEED".......it has taken me some time to figure that out....still working on it but it makes so much sence.....God takes His time with us, He may not give it to us when we want it but when we need it it is there......and if not there is a reason.......


So thanks IO after all that you have been threw and your losses and issues that you claim are whines....please know that I dont think I am that bad off......Gods just still working on me!!!!!!!


YouTube - He's Still Working On Me ~ SG Artists kids


Good Night and sweet dreams and I love you IO thanks for you on going support!


Love and Hugs,
Pamm
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Old 07-27-2009, 03:35 AM
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xxooxxoo

unk
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Old 07-27-2009, 03:55 AM
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Pam keep on keeping on.
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Old 07-27-2009, 09:20 PM
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Thank You Taz, nice to see you it has been awhile how have you been doing hon?



Hiyas unk.............................next Drs appointment is Wensday............scared sugar going wacky again!



night!



love ya,
Pamm
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Old 07-31-2009, 09:16 PM
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isnt family the best?!?!?!?!? ( feel the sarcasum?!?!?!SP) this is some BS god I hate STRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Going to bed before I puke some more!



Pamm
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Old 08-01-2009, 05:56 AM
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Hi Pamm, just stopping by to say "hello". I wish/hope things were going better for you. Keep hanging in there.
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Old 08-04-2009, 10:48 PM
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Thanks Vegi, all is almost well here on the home frount just hanging on and taking it one small step at a time and thanks for asking!!!! Hoping all is well with you my family........keep on keepin on!!!!!


God Bless and loads of hugs and love!
Pamm
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Old 08-04-2009, 11:05 PM
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Sorry to hear you are having such difficult times. Please hang in there.
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Old 08-05-2009, 07:03 PM
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will give you a holler over the weekend katzy!
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