I am sick & need to change

Old 02-09-2009, 10:10 PM
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I am sick & need to change

Hi All,

I need to stop drinking but cant seem to get it right. I feel like crap & I am probably going to be losing my job because of my drinking & the effects of my hangovers. I called in sick again today & I know that my boss knows why (at least I think he knows). I have messed up with clients in situations where drinks were served.

I quit for 2 weeks a few months ago & started to feel great but I couldn't seem to keep it up. This was the longest that I have gone without drink in over 20 years. I am embarassed of my drinking & am too self consious to be going to the local churches & being seen going to AA meetings (silly... I know).

One of my problems is that I worry too much about what others think (unless I am drinking then I am ok with making an ass out of myself).

Every time I go out & have a few drinks I cannot stop until something or someone stops me. I cant have one,two or a few, its all or nothing.

How do you stay off the booze, I have pretty bad nerves & I have bad anxiety problems (drinking helps but then feels twice as bad the next day). I don't know what to do or where to start this time, I know that it seems simple to just not drink but as all of you know its not.

I am feeling really disappointed in myself & my lack of control, what the heck is wring with me??? I am starting to get really depressed & have had thoughts of ending things (only imagined... I cant do that to my Father). My hope is failing quickly & I cant see the light.

Any advice & wisdom that you have is greatly appreciated. I know I need to get over my fear of AA & my ego of getting seen going/leaving the local churches etc.

Congratulations to all of you who are in the process of quitting or have quit... it is the toughest challenge that I have ever faced.

Thanks for reading
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Old 02-09-2009, 10:21 PM
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Hi, and welcome. I also thought I was drinking my anxiety away, until I quit drinking, then poof! gone. I had trouble on my job as well, I am blessed that they gave me a second chance. Stick around these boards, maybe seek someone to talk to professionally.. starting with your doctor. Withdrawal can be fatal. Support is key.

Read.. post.. get the support you need. We're all here, and have been in your shoes.
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Old 02-09-2009, 10:36 PM
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I too can relate ...I got fired on Monday morning was in an AA
meeting at noon. But I did return to drinking ...until I read
"Under The Influence" by Milam and Ketcham.

We have excerpts as a sticky post in our Alcoholism Forum
and we also have information there on withdrawing from alcohol.

They are threads 1 and 2....I do hope you will read them.

After I read "Under The Influence" I did re connect to my God and AA.
I've not had another drink since '89.

Welcome to our recovery community...
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Old 02-09-2009, 10:43 PM
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Welcome to SR!

Originally Posted by NewBeginning010 View Post
One of my problems is that I worry too much about what others think (unless I am drinking then I am ok with making an ass out of myself).

Every time I go out & have a few drinks I cannot stop until something or someone stops me. I cant have one,two or a few, its all or nothing.
Yup. I think pretty much every single one of us here can relate to that.

Originally Posted by NewBeginning010 View Post
I have pretty bad nerves & I have bad anxiety problems (drinking helps but then feels twice as bad the next day).
I also thought I had bad anxiety issues. I'm coming up on two months sober and lo and behold, it's almost completely gone. I was 100% convinced that I was drinking to manage the anxiety -- how shocked was I to discover that the drinking was actually causing it.

Stick around and keep posting. This is a great place.
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Old 02-09-2009, 10:55 PM
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Welcome Newbegging.
I probably could have written that intro word for word. The only thing I would add is that I did lose my job and I did lose my drivers license. That was several years ago and I still didn't quit.
In my opinion you have to come to the absolute decision to quit completely and then do it.
You are the same as me, after you have that first one you are no longer in control but you can choose to not have that first one,
It isn't easy. With the help of all the wonderful people here at this forum though I am succeeding. When I want to drink,which you will, I come here and read and post and through that process the urge goes away and I can think clearly.
Good luck in your journey. We are here to help.
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Old 02-09-2009, 10:56 PM
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Thank you all for your posts & thoughts :ghug3 Carol, I will go read those stickies now ;-)
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Old 02-09-2009, 11:32 PM
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NewBeginning010, welcome to SR. I can tell you I am on medication for anxiety and depression and I think after I have been sober for about 2 months, I won't need those anymore. The alcohol does bad things to our body both mentally and physically. Once that is gone, you will be amazed how much better you feel. You said you felt better after quitting for a few weeks, imagine how good you will feel after a few months or even years. Alcohol is poison to our bodies. Have you ever looked up the definition of poison:

1. a substance with an inherent property that tends to destroy life or impair health.
2. something harmful or pernicious, as to happiness or well-being: the poison of slander.
3. Slang. any variety of alcoholic liquor: Name your poison!

Sounds like booze to me. It is even used as the 3rd definition. I think that says a lot.

Keep coming here and lay off the booze and you will be better in the long run, and maybe even save that job.
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Old 02-09-2009, 11:45 PM
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I never thought I'd be saying this, but...try AA! Just once. I woke up 13 days ago and decided I'd had enough. I took the night off and went to a meeting, by myself. Fortunately, I didn't lose my job. I've missed way too much time from work that was alcohol related. I'd stay home because of my depression and drink to numb it and then feel twice as bad the next day. Today I actually would say I was "happy". It's wierd. I'm calm, and I don't know that I ever would have used that word to describe myself. Going to that meeting changed my life. I haven't been to one since, I've been coming here for support and it's working.
Stick around!
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Old 02-10-2009, 06:55 AM
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Hi New Beginning.......these wise folks have said everything I wanted to share with you. Note my name ViciousCycle.......and it is. I was just like you......I would drink to kill the anxiety and to just function.......but that just started a downhill was always worse after so I would drink again to squelch that Like Mamabin......I am calm now. I am not feeding the cycle anymore. I was a hammer head, if I can do it, you can will be amazed how good your mind will feel after the first few days. It is empowering. I hope you can make this life-altering first step. Hang out here, these people are the absolute BEST! They will help you no matter what time of day or night. Post and read!!! We are with you on this!! :ghug
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Old 02-10-2009, 10:43 PM
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Thank you all for your support. I am on day 2 & so far so good ;-)

ViciousCycle I know exactly where you are coming from as I have been the definition of your tag also. All of the best to everyone.
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Old 03-17-2010, 03:15 PM
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Hi Everyone,

I haven't posted here in a while & wanted to bump my first post here. I was doing well until I had to fly to a funeral & a wedding (different countries), my panic attacks & fear of flying made it easy for me to have an excuse to pick up a drink, actually it was pretty hard dealing with it... the fear & panic is really tough to go through.

I was doing well before & working on myself while working my program, I guess I didn't try hard enough or I need external support (or both) because I have started to drink heavily in the last few days... I am not even sure why. I think it is because of unresolved emotional issues from the past.

All I know is that I miss the people that I was close with on this board (Dee & my newbie bus peeps hehe) as well as a lot of other wonderful people here.

I am going to beat this animal forever this time, thanks to all of the amazing people for being there for others. You are helping so many people everyday (thank you ;-).

Thanks to all of you that are taking the time to help others here. Your support means so much to those that are still struggling.

Love & Best Wishes,

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Old 03-17-2010, 03:22 PM
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Welcome back Newbeginning.
I reread my post to you last year and realize I spelled your name wrong and for that I am sorry.
My message remains the same.
You can make it if you try. Good luck.
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Old 03-17-2010, 03:24 PM
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I'm both glad and sorry to see you back, NB
I know you can do this, mate

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Old 03-17-2010, 03:37 PM
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I've just read this thread for the first time and I wanted to welcome you back... Keep working on staying sober; maybe find someone to talk to about your anxiety and depression.
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Old 03-17-2010, 05:15 PM
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Smile Hi nb

..see ya on the 'newbie' bus,i friend,ozy..
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Old 03-17-2010, 05:20 PM
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Welcome back! Try something different this time to stay sober. You can do it, one day at a time.
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Old 03-17-2010, 05:36 PM
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Hi nb! So glad you returned - that's a great sign. I did the same things you did, over & over. I was at the point where I felt I was going to die & was not ready to check out of this life. No amount of alcohol was doing the job anymore & I was behaving in an insane way - emotions all over the place & unable to keep my life from becoming chaos. Yet here I am - over 2 yrs. sober. So I know you can do the same.

You are not alone nb! Please stick close by SR and let us know of your progress. We're all rooting for you.
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Old 03-17-2010, 07:11 PM
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Hello NB,

I wasn't a SR member back in early '09 so it's nice to meet you.

Stumbled onto this site, I'd say accidentally, but really believe it was by divine intervention.

I can see that the same (if not more) love and support is still here for you (me included)!

Welcome back. Look forward to sharing with you. Take care ~

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Old 03-17-2010, 07:26 PM
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Hi there! I posted "Fist Step" on this site last Sunday. I ususally drank about 4 times a week. Usually a bottle of wine each night. I havent had a sip yet and it is day 4. I suffer from anxiety and used booze as my crutch. I have felt wonderful these last days. No Hangovers and i didnt have to call in sick to work. I want to feel like this everyday! I have not had one anxiety or panic attacks since. What does that tell you.....booze causes anxiety!
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Old 03-18-2010, 01:52 AM
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Day 15 today and anxiety starting to improve!!!!
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