Welcome!
I never thought I'd be saying this, but...try AA! Just once. I woke up 13 days ago and decided I'd had enough. I took the night off and went to a meeting, by myself. Fortunately, I didn't lose my job. I've missed way too much time from work that was alcohol related. I'd stay home because of my depression and drink to numb it and then feel twice as bad the next day. Today I actually would say I was "happy". It's wierd. I'm calm, and I don't know that I ever would have used that word to describe myself. Going to that meeting changed my life. I haven't been to one since, I've been coming here for support and it's working.
Stick around!