Maggie12

I'm trying to come to terms with my problem. I haven't had a drink in two weeks, and this is pretty amazing for me. I've lived with my partner for eight years now, and he has always had problems with alcohol and at times vicodin and other meds. He drink's atleast a fifth of whiskey per day... He seems to be a functioning alcoholic. He is successful in his career, and very professional within his line of work. Although due to my also demanding work schedule, I hardly see him due to constant drinking and passing out - this is usually his state when I arrive home from work.

He actually encouraged me to start down the destructive path years ago, there is a significant age difference between the two of us... He thought I needed to 'mellow' out and 'have fun'... I was easily intimidated by him, and I have always felt a sense of fear of being alone or going without a support system in life in general. He also has anger problems and has caused serve emotional pain for me. He has a tendancy to destroy things in the house when he is drunk, name calls, berates me, demands me to pick up his alcohol,run errands, etc.. He really does scare me at times too, he becomes a hateful monster. But for some reason I love this man with everything in my heart - maybe i'm stupid? or weak? both? I don't know really....

Anyway, My problem started by my BF manipulating me into getting his prescription drugs for him. It was really embarassing for me, and against my morals. In turn I started abusing these substances as well. Even to a point that my hair was falling out due to malnutrition, this was the effect of the extensive vicodin use. I'm concerned that it may have had lasting effects on my organs as well... especially since I have been drinking regularly for the past few years. I stopped using vicodin about 4 years ago.

In the past couple of years, I had started drinking about 1 bottle of red wine and vodka each night after I come home from work. I also take prescription medication due to depression and anxiety problems. These are completely regulated by my doctor, but I shouldn't drink while taking them. I have alcohol in the house still, but haven't touched it. I don't know why I haven't dumped it yet... but I feel like my BF will just buy more hoping I will drink it. It's like I can't escape the pressure to drink. So I keep the bottles in there as almost a disguise that I am still drinking so he won't pressure me into doing it with him.

Another problem I have is that Alcoholism is rampant throughout the industry I work in... due to the intense stress level involved with my type of work and the hours as well. I am constantly surrounded by people that have the same problem. I've hidden my problem very well over the years, and many others do too. Although I constantly have a high level executive telling me drinking stories and making his drinking adventures conversation. He also fails to show up to work at a decent time, so I am burdened with his hangover when he gets in.... I wind up doing more work than I should, and not to mention the amount of time he wastes talking about how much he had to drink the night before. I also have to deal with this guy while he is completely drunk and then he can not remember our business agreements. Overall people totally excuse him from his behavior due to his title and name within the industry, so everyone just laughs it off.. except for me. I try to pretend it's funny, while I'm screaming inside 'YOU DRUNK IDIOT'.

I get so angry inside that it makes me so depressed at work. I've retreated to my office, which is causing even more depression...
I am so completely stressed out and depressed between trying to stop my drinking and trying to deal with living with my alcoholic boyfriend, and then having to go to work or get calls constantly from a drunk co-worker. I am so numb right now to everything, and feel so alone. I spend my evenings by myself, either in front of the TV or hiding in the den trying to avoid my BF and his drunk behavior.... while also overcoming my problem. Then getting to work early day to day and having to go through the whole routine over and over again with the same people

I feel like I want to drink now, but I know I can't... and really don't want to. But It's almost like I don't know how to make this depression go away. I can't easily change jobs right now, and I don't want to move out before I have had a chance to work on our relationship and my boyfriend coping with his drinking as well.

Anyway, I could use some advice if anyone has some to offer....

izz4us

Maggie
Spend your evenings in an A.A. Meeting one hour out of your day will change your life.

12-Step Visit From St. Nicholas
T'was the night before Christmas When I went on a bender,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a bartender.
The empties were stacked by the chimney just fine,
In hopes that St. Nick would fill them with wine.
With Mama in her kerchief and I with my booze,
We'd just settled down for a long winter's snooze.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I put down my drink to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I crawled and then stumbled
To open the shutters where I stood and just mumbled.
Then what to my bloodshot eyes should there appear
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.

I thought it was DT's and needed help quick!
I didn't know it was only St. Nick.
I poured myself another as the reindeer came
While he shouted and called them by name:

"Now Barfly! Now Wino! Now Boozer and Rummy!
On Drunkard! On Alky! On Dipso and Dummy!"
So up to the housetop St. Nicholas flew
While I pulled the pop-top on another brew.

I trembled with fear when I heard a new sound--
Down the chimney came St. Nick with a bound.
His cheeks were like roses, he grinned like a possum,
His eyes, how they twinkled, his nose had rum-blossoms!



I offered him a drink, step up to the bar,
"Not today," he said, "I am now so-ber."
He had a clear face and a little beer belly,
That shook when he laughed like a bowl
full of jelly.

This was too much, it increased my thirst.
"Hold it!" said St. Nick, "First things first.
You don't have to drink, easy does it,
Now that wasn't too hard, was it?"

He reached in his sack and with a great fuss
He gave me the book "Alcoholics Anonymous."
"Read this 'Big Book' for a life sublime,
Follow the principles one day at a time.

"This is the best present I can give,
Twelve steps -- a new way to live.
The AA program keeps me sober, it's true."
Then giving a nod, up the chimney he flew.

Then I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,
"You now have a choice, starting tonight.
So Merry Christmas to all and to all Season's Greetings,
Don't pick up that first drink, and go to AA meetings!"





Click Santa's Sleigh and Go To A Meeting!













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brians

thanks, I enjoyed the poem. So true

miss communicat

Dear Maggie,

Welcome to SR. Its good to see you are ready to make some positive changes in your life.

When I realized that drinking was a problem for me, it was no coincidence that the relationships I had at that time were a reflection of where my mind had been when drinking.

As soon as I became sober and clear, my desire first was to get to know and enjoy myself better, without the baggage of emotional complications. The relationships I had then are no longer current in my life, and for me, this was part of how they say in AA, "In the beginning, change everyting: People, Places, and Things (that are "triggers" emotionally)"

AA also, paradoxically suggests, "In the first year, make no major changes" What is meant here, is not to voluntarily start a new relationship, get married, move to another state...etc, because we alcoholics tend to seek INSTANT gratification and to take any actions that appear to relieve of us momentary emotional discomfort.

If a relationship ends because it jeopardizes a persons sobriety, that is a positive change. If it deepens because of a person's sobriety, there again is a positive change.

However, it is not the focus nor should it become the focus of a person's life in early sobriety. Early sobriety is very very vulnerable. Please keep the focus on you, find and immerse yourself with support for staying sober.

First Things First.

Good luck to you!

BigSis

Hi Maggie, good to see you here.

When I first started drinking, it seemed to be to involve myself with fun people. "Exciting" things happened around folks who drank, and I loved being a part of the excitment.

Toward the end, though, my life began to sound more like the one you describe. Chaotic. Uncertain. Lonely. ... hard.

It was so damned HARD to keep drinking. So I stopped. I didn't go to meetings, but there are some things I DID do...

My husband stopped at the same time... we were in agreement about this, and if he hadn't, I don't think I would be sober today.

We stopped seeing everybody who drank. Every. Body. That was hard, and caused some difficult feelings.

Today, I see some of those folks from "back in the day". Those who quit drinking eventually are happy to see me. Those who didn't... well, a lot of them are gone. Some are dead. Some are in jail. Some don't seem to be able to drink in public anymore....

That was 22 years ago. I surrounded myself with sober people. I got rid of the booze in the house. I found other people, places and things to do that focused on not drinking.

Because your boyfriend is so enmeshed in the drinking, you might consider a program like AA or SMART recovery. I think it would be difficult to stop the chaos if one of you is still bringing it into the home.

Alcoholism is chronic - it never goes away. Not ever. Not even after you get sober.

Alcoholism is progressive - it gets worse over time. What you have today is better than what you will have tomorrow if you keep drinking.

Alcoholism is fatal. But then, so is life in general, eh? I suppose it is the time between NOW and the END that is what we need to concentrate on.

Do I want to get to the end of my life feeling good, and happy, and content?
Or, do I want to get to the end of my life, screaming for someone to please stop the pain?

You came in here and reached out. That is big, Maggie, really, really big. Keep reaching out - there is a lot of help out there. Lots of options.

Sending prayers to you for strength and commitment.

((hugs))

gurujake

Maggie,

Know that you are not alone. I relate quite a bit to the situation that you are describing. I was a functional alcoholic who maintained a good job and successful career for several years while I drank whiskey each night until I passed out. That was often the state that my partner found me in when he arrived home from work. Although I was never an angry or violent drunk, I was totally absent from the relationship mentally. It was a lonely existence for both of us. And, I made the mistake of continuing to drink while I took medication for my anxiety. That took my alcoholism to a new low...looking back, I think that allowed me to get to my bottom more quickly as my "awake time" while drinking shrunk significantly. Well, all that is in the past and I have long since forgiven myself for my actions, however I DO NOT forget them. By the grace of God, I have now been sober 16 months and I am not looking back. Going to several AA meetings a week AND establishing a "posse" of sober friends who I am accountable to has been critical to my success. There are literally hundreds of meetings daily in the L.A. area. I encourage you to seek out a better life by learning from those of us who know what you are dealing with. Best wishes!

serenitytoday

Have you been going to AA meetings? When I first came into the program I didn't understand the whole "meeting thing." I only went to one a week and then was frustrated why it was not helping. Now, I have established going to once a week women's group that has helped me tremendously. I never knew how benefical it was to be around other women in recovery. You are in my prayers and good luck!!

CarolD

Hi and Welcome!


My long term depression is why I began AA recovery.
In order to stay sober. I left my stressful job
and my drinking lover.

My depression left at 2/3 months sober.
I learned to live on less income and no hassles.
My drunk lover survived our parting

And I have thrived!

I do hope you will find a way out of the mess.
I did.

Blessings