Maggie,
Know that you are not alone. I relate quite a bit to the situation that you are describing. I was a functional alcoholic who maintained a good job and successful career for several years while I drank whiskey each night until I passed out. That was often the state that my partner found me in when he arrived home from work. Although I was never an angry or violent drunk, I was totally absent from the relationship mentally. It was a lonely existence for both of us. And, I made the mistake of continuing to drink while I took medication for my anxiety. That took my alcoholism to a new low...looking back, I think that allowed me to get to my bottom more quickly as my "awake time" while drinking shrunk significantly. Well, all that is in the past and I have long since forgiven myself for my actions, however I DO NOT forget them. By the grace of God, I have now been sober 16 months and I am not looking back. Going to several AA meetings a week AND establishing a "posse" of sober friends who I am accountable to has been critical to my success. There are literally hundreds of meetings daily in the L.A. area. I encourage you to seek out a better life by learning from those of us who know what you are dealing with. Best wishes!