Hi Maggie, good to see you here.
When I first started drinking, it seemed to be to involve myself with fun people. "Exciting" things happened around folks who drank, and I loved being a part of the excitment.
Toward the end, though, my life began to sound more like the one you describe. Chaotic. Uncertain. Lonely. ... hard.
It was so damned HARD to keep drinking. So I stopped. I didn't go to meetings, but there are some things I DID do...
My husband stopped at the same time... we were in agreement about this, and if he hadn't, I don't think I would be sober today.
We stopped seeing everybody who drank. Every. Body. That was hard, and caused some difficult feelings.
Today, I see some of those folks from "back in the day". Those who quit drinking eventually are happy to see me. Those who didn't... well, a lot of them are gone. Some are dead. Some are in jail. Some don't seem to be able to drink in public anymore....
That was 22 years ago. I surrounded myself with sober people. I got rid of the booze in the house. I found other people, places and things to do that focused on not drinking.
Because your boyfriend is so enmeshed in the drinking, you might consider a program like AA or SMART recovery. I think it would be difficult to stop the chaos if one of you is still bringing it into the home.
Alcoholism is chronic - it never goes away. Not ever. Not even after you get sober.
Alcoholism is progressive - it gets worse over time. What you have today is better than what you will have tomorrow if you keep drinking.
Alcoholism is fatal. But then, so is life in general, eh? I suppose it is the time between NOW and the END that is what we need to concentrate on.
Do I want to get to the end of my life feeling good, and happy, and content?
Or, do I want to get to the end of my life, screaming for someone to please stop the pain?
You came in here and reached out. That is big, Maggie, really, really big. Keep reaching out - there is a lot of help out there. Lots of options.
Sending prayers to you for strength and commitment.
((hugs))