Class of April 2018 Part 17
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Morning
how are you doing Erratic?
I hear you on the cravings. Because I have drank again I’ve unleashed the beast so I’m having stronger thoughts of taking a drink but I know I have to shut that thought down immediately. Last night I left work and my head went to get some wine and I just said the serenity prayer over and over. And the urges do pass. It’s uncomfortable but it is worth it.
ususally I will say the Serenity prayer and say I can’t change the fact I am alcoholic. That I cannot drink moderately or safely. But grant me courage to get through the cravings and live a good life sober. I can change that!
anyway, all ok from me. I’m sober and that’s great.
I am over the virus now. I am on day 3 of a 3 days shift which has been fine. Seren is with her dad. He is still a thorn in my side. I can’t wait till I don’t have to have anything to do with him at all. But I do have boundaries now and that protects me. All I get from his is constant put downs. It really shatters my self esteem but I have to work on that and not allow him to get to me.
my new bunny is great, she is so adorable and they 2 of them are bonding which I’m so happy about. It makes me feel better about leaving Marley alone now she has a friend!
apart from that just plodding on. Looking forward to my days off.
have a great day all
how are you doing Erratic?
I hear you on the cravings. Because I have drank again I’ve unleashed the beast so I’m having stronger thoughts of taking a drink but I know I have to shut that thought down immediately. Last night I left work and my head went to get some wine and I just said the serenity prayer over and over. And the urges do pass. It’s uncomfortable but it is worth it.
ususally I will say the Serenity prayer and say I can’t change the fact I am alcoholic. That I cannot drink moderately or safely. But grant me courage to get through the cravings and live a good life sober. I can change that!
anyway, all ok from me. I’m sober and that’s great.
I am over the virus now. I am on day 3 of a 3 days shift which has been fine. Seren is with her dad. He is still a thorn in my side. I can’t wait till I don’t have to have anything to do with him at all. But I do have boundaries now and that protects me. All I get from his is constant put downs. It really shatters my self esteem but I have to work on that and not allow him to get to me.
my new bunny is great, she is so adorable and they 2 of them are bonding which I’m so happy about. It makes me feel better about leaving Marley alone now she has a friend!
apart from that just plodding on. Looking forward to my days off.
have a great day all
Say cheese!
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,379
morning x
good to hear from u snitch x
day 5 for me, woke up at 7 and then went back to bed at 8, just in one of my moods. I will be fine and take my tablet today again, i took it early yesterday as i had a craving but as i said i took the tablet and shut that door down.
i am back to work tomo, so i hope u have good days off x
good to hear from u snitch x
day 5 for me, woke up at 7 and then went back to bed at 8, just in one of my moods. I will be fine and take my tablet today again, i took it early yesterday as i had a craving but as i said i took the tablet and shut that door down.
i am back to work tomo, so i hope u have good days off x
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Hi all,
How you feeling today Erratic?
Try to remember all feelings pass, good and bad.
in trying to be in more touch with my feelings. I was on the platform last night waiting for the train and this horrible kind of dark feeling of doom came on me. I actually said in my head ooh this is a horrible feeling I don’t like this and I acknowledged it was just a feeling and it would pass and it did but I totally get where you are coming from.
also, talk about awakening the AV again!! My head was saying to me you don’t have to get up tomorrow, get a bottle of red wine it will nice. Just try to control it this time. My oh my! I shut it straight down! I said the serenity prayer over and over and I was saying God please just get me home safe. So I went to the shop and bought some nice food and got myself home and oh am I so glad today that I didn’t drink.
I have been doing prayers and meditating. I keep having to tell myself that I am alcoholic and that I cannot drink safely or moderately and thinking that drink all the way through to the bitter end . How I feel in the morning when I wake up. Shame. Guilt. Regret. Remorse. I don’t want to feel like that.
it’s like a battle going on but I can’t give in.
at least I have proved that the longer you are off alcohol the less you think about it and that drinking again fires up the compulsion. It’s so not worth it. But it isn’t easy. Simple but not easy.
i am grateful to be waking hangover free with no regrets or guilt today.
we can do this!
How you feeling today Erratic?
Try to remember all feelings pass, good and bad.
in trying to be in more touch with my feelings. I was on the platform last night waiting for the train and this horrible kind of dark feeling of doom came on me. I actually said in my head ooh this is a horrible feeling I don’t like this and I acknowledged it was just a feeling and it would pass and it did but I totally get where you are coming from.
also, talk about awakening the AV again!! My head was saying to me you don’t have to get up tomorrow, get a bottle of red wine it will nice. Just try to control it this time. My oh my! I shut it straight down! I said the serenity prayer over and over and I was saying God please just get me home safe. So I went to the shop and bought some nice food and got myself home and oh am I so glad today that I didn’t drink.
I have been doing prayers and meditating. I keep having to tell myself that I am alcoholic and that I cannot drink safely or moderately and thinking that drink all the way through to the bitter end . How I feel in the morning when I wake up. Shame. Guilt. Regret. Remorse. I don’t want to feel like that.
it’s like a battle going on but I can’t give in.
at least I have proved that the longer you are off alcohol the less you think about it and that drinking again fires up the compulsion. It’s so not worth it. But it isn’t easy. Simple but not easy.
i am grateful to be waking hangover free with no regrets or guilt today.
we can do this!
Say cheese!
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,379
good to see u snitch hun xx
I totally get what u wrote and you cant give in hun xx
Im not bad its day 6 for me and just fnished work. my hrs have been cut a little again, which cant be arsed to think about. I have been getting cravings but have been taking tablet early to make sure i dont cave. i wrote a kind of positive post in jan class i will post here, its just my thoughts for this afternoon as i know it can change lol in half hr. will copy and paste it here. you know u can also post in that class if it helps u further suz xx or im always on messenger if you need to talk or anything xx totally here for you hun x only good thing that came out of that AA was i got to see u and we talked. anyhoo will leave it there going to finish my latte x
I have finished work and come home and im having a gingerbread latte. its getting near that time again, but again i will take tablet to push away the thought of hey ill have a drink this evening as i just did work! not!!!!. did have slight craving while at work, but hey ho it passed. just kept on thinking certain things and hey im on day 6 and i want to get back to that 73 days i did last year, also i said i would do a year, but im breaking this year down, so i want 100 days behind me! so i better keep doing what im doing xx there we go my thoughts for this afternoon xx oh ive also starrted playing farmville lol when im at a loss or antsy lol/ so farmville is part of my toolbox lol
right going off to feed the chickens and plow the field lol for 20 mins x
keep going everyone x we can do this xx
I totally get what u wrote and you cant give in hun xx
Im not bad its day 6 for me and just fnished work. my hrs have been cut a little again, which cant be arsed to think about. I have been getting cravings but have been taking tablet early to make sure i dont cave. i wrote a kind of positive post in jan class i will post here, its just my thoughts for this afternoon as i know it can change lol in half hr. will copy and paste it here. you know u can also post in that class if it helps u further suz xx or im always on messenger if you need to talk or anything xx totally here for you hun x only good thing that came out of that AA was i got to see u and we talked. anyhoo will leave it there going to finish my latte x
I have finished work and come home and im having a gingerbread latte. its getting near that time again, but again i will take tablet to push away the thought of hey ill have a drink this evening as i just did work! not!!!!. did have slight craving while at work, but hey ho it passed. just kept on thinking certain things and hey im on day 6 and i want to get back to that 73 days i did last year, also i said i would do a year, but im breaking this year down, so i want 100 days behind me! so i better keep doing what im doing xx there we go my thoughts for this afternoon xx oh ive also starrted playing farmville lol when im at a loss or antsy lol/ so farmville is part of my toolbox lol
right going off to feed the chickens and plow the field lol for 20 mins x
keep going everyone x we can do this xx
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Morning.
thanks Dee yes I can I know I can!
im on day 5 today. I’m serious about this. I just have to smash that stupid “romantic” notion of alcohol l. There is nothing romantic about my drinking. I am feeling stronger today but am keeping it in the day.
I saw your post to me on the jan class. I will post there later. I am doing some AA but I’m not going to get a sponsor and I’m going to different meetings just for connection. I think sponsors can be invaluable but I don’t feel I really need one and that is me talking not the addiction. If I feel I do then I will find one. I do like some of the principles in AA and I want to live in the sunlight of the spirit.
I will check out some smart meetings actually but I do love spirituality and I want to go deeper there. Also do more things that are good for me like yoga and walking.
Im just about to take seren to school. It is great to wake up without a hangover or with any feelings of shame or remorse. I am feeling quite hopeful this morning and looking forward to my new sobriety !
keep up the good work Errqtic, we do not need that poison.
oh someone I know from AA said that apparently doctors (I think she said doctors) are trying to push for alcohol to have a warning label like cigarettes. Not just because it has the potential to be addictive but because alcohol consumption can be linked to cancer etc all the things smoking can be linked to so if they have warnings on cigarettes why not alcohol? I don’t know how true that is but I think it’s a great idea.
anyway, off to do school run will catch you all later xx
thanks Dee yes I can I know I can!
im on day 5 today. I’m serious about this. I just have to smash that stupid “romantic” notion of alcohol l. There is nothing romantic about my drinking. I am feeling stronger today but am keeping it in the day.
I saw your post to me on the jan class. I will post there later. I am doing some AA but I’m not going to get a sponsor and I’m going to different meetings just for connection. I think sponsors can be invaluable but I don’t feel I really need one and that is me talking not the addiction. If I feel I do then I will find one. I do like some of the principles in AA and I want to live in the sunlight of the spirit.
I will check out some smart meetings actually but I do love spirituality and I want to go deeper there. Also do more things that are good for me like yoga and walking.
Im just about to take seren to school. It is great to wake up without a hangover or with any feelings of shame or remorse. I am feeling quite hopeful this morning and looking forward to my new sobriety !
keep up the good work Errqtic, we do not need that poison.
oh someone I know from AA said that apparently doctors (I think she said doctors) are trying to push for alcohol to have a warning label like cigarettes. Not just because it has the potential to be addictive but because alcohol consumption can be linked to cancer etc all the things smoking can be linked to so if they have warnings on cigarettes why not alcohol? I don’t know how true that is but I think it’s a great idea.
anyway, off to do school run will catch you all later xx
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Well done on day 7 Erratic.
hi Dee.
im going to bed alcohol free which I am happy about but I’m struggling with acceptance this time round. I have to fully concede to my innermost self I am alcoholic. But there is some nagging doubt. I know that is just the Av trying to win out. I am praying for acceptance . I don’t want to drink. Or do I? Is that the truth? The truth is I do want to drink but moderately with no consequences and I can’t do that. So that’s where the acceptance comes in. I think I’ve just actually helped myself there haha:
the addiction is strong isn’t it! But I am not going to let it win!
im so glad I have t drunk alcohol today.
night everyone xxx
hi Dee.
im going to bed alcohol free which I am happy about but I’m struggling with acceptance this time round. I have to fully concede to my innermost self I am alcoholic. But there is some nagging doubt. I know that is just the Av trying to win out. I am praying for acceptance . I don’t want to drink. Or do I? Is that the truth? The truth is I do want to drink but moderately with no consequences and I can’t do that. So that’s where the acceptance comes in. I think I’ve just actually helped myself there haha:
the addiction is strong isn’t it! But I am not going to let it win!
im so glad I have t drunk alcohol today.
night everyone xxx
Say cheese!
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,379
morning x
sry couldnt really reply yesterday and again today ive been sucked into work this weekend x
day 8 for me and wasnt feeling to good last night so went very early bed, feeling a little bit better.
i hear u snitch on addiction and also about excepting that we cant seem to moderate our drinking, i have no answers, guess i have to read more into it. guess its time to buy another book lol. saying that, i will prob learn a bit as i have joined 100 days of lasting change, so see if that helps and come up with stuff. sry im rambling, x
thanks dee for sticking with us xx
sry couldnt really reply yesterday and again today ive been sucked into work this weekend x
day 8 for me and wasnt feeling to good last night so went very early bed, feeling a little bit better.
i hear u snitch on addiction and also about excepting that we cant seem to moderate our drinking, i have no answers, guess i have to read more into it. guess its time to buy another book lol. saying that, i will prob learn a bit as i have joined 100 days of lasting change, so see if that helps and come up with stuff. sry im rambling, x
thanks dee for sticking with us xx
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Apologies if this comes across as harsh, but I don't reckon people who have 2500 posts on a recovery website have a normal relationship with alcohol Snitch.
D
D
😊
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Morning
say 6 for me and I am feeling sooooo much better and positive! I’ve been listening to the freedom model of addiction and it is soo good. I need to get into my think brain (well my subconscious brain) that drinking alcohol is BAD . Today I choose sobriety.! I feel alive. I like being present. I’ve done some mindfulness meditation this am and feeling hopeful and encouraged for the future.
Erratic please make sure you show yourself compassion and take care of yourself. Your mood is going to be up and down I’m hoping I’m going to bounce back a quicker as I have had longer sobriety and so I have got used to dealing with life and emotions without drinking. It takes time and it’s uncomfortable but it is worth it/
I had a lovely sober sleep last night and it’s the best feeling to wake up knowing exactly what you said and did the night before. No surprises!
Wishing you a sober Saturday
xxxx
say 6 for me and I am feeling sooooo much better and positive! I’ve been listening to the freedom model of addiction and it is soo good. I need to get into my think brain (well my subconscious brain) that drinking alcohol is BAD . Today I choose sobriety.! I feel alive. I like being present. I’ve done some mindfulness meditation this am and feeling hopeful and encouraged for the future.
Erratic please make sure you show yourself compassion and take care of yourself. Your mood is going to be up and down I’m hoping I’m going to bounce back a quicker as I have had longer sobriety and so I have got used to dealing with life and emotions without drinking. It takes time and it’s uncomfortable but it is worth it/
I had a lovely sober sleep last night and it’s the best feeling to wake up knowing exactly what you said and did the night before. No surprises!
Wishing you a sober Saturday
xxxx
Say cheese!
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,379
OMG suz what u said to me is so lovely and im trying not to think ive let u down. I have drank tonight and if i came on and read would it mean any less that i drank? ofcause it did for me as u and i know that the years u have been sober and kep with me and others mean so much and its not what u have said doesnt mean anything as it means alot so i dont want u to think u posting and then i have drank means less if u understand? its because of you dee and daisy and some others that i still come back and still try and do and wish and can get sober as i will say this is my year, so what i have changed the date 2 times and its only 2 times this month i have drank. so dont not post or anything is you and others have kept me going xx love to u x
i have to learn which i have but my moods or feeling or is i resort to back what is self harm. i got told when first told i was bpd is when 40 i will be dead. i am now 50 and before then is alcohol and my self hatred/distrustion is will kill me.so i am actually fighting with ur help and others xxxx there u go, i opened up x
i have to learn which i have but my moods or feeling or is i resort to back what is self harm. i got told when first told i was bpd is when 40 i will be dead. i am now 50 and before then is alcohol and my self hatred/distrustion is will kill me.so i am actually fighting with ur help and others xxxx there u go, i opened up x
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Cheshire. U.K
Posts: 8,003
Hi lovelies, I'm just checking in but I'm not in the best frame of mind as we've had some very sad news on one of my other threads and we're all a bit shell shocked.
Day 7 for you I hope Suze and you will beat this again, I have every faith in you, you just need to have every faith in you too. Have you ever gone back on here to those days when you first joined Aprilers and read your posts? If you haven't, then please do it, it can be quite an eye opener. Addiction is very strong, but you are stronger. xx
I'm sorry you drank Erratic. You didn't let anyone down, you came back. If you didn't come back we'd be let down. You must want to be sober else you wouldn't keep trying so hard. Keep on fighting, keep on pushing yourself, we all have your back and want so much for you to stay sober.
Thanks for being our friend and mentor Dee
Lots of love to you all xx
Day 7 for you I hope Suze and you will beat this again, I have every faith in you, you just need to have every faith in you too. Have you ever gone back on here to those days when you first joined Aprilers and read your posts? If you haven't, then please do it, it can be quite an eye opener. Addiction is very strong, but you are stronger. xx
I'm sorry you drank Erratic. You didn't let anyone down, you came back. If you didn't come back we'd be let down. You must want to be sober else you wouldn't keep trying so hard. Keep on fighting, keep on pushing yourself, we all have your back and want so much for you to stay sober.
Thanks for being our friend and mentor Dee
Lots of love to you all xx
Say cheese!
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,379
just looked at my 3rd day on 100 days this link makes interesting read. https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/b...your-willpower
i just read again also what u said to snitch daisy, that is also a good idea x i think i should go back to my first post which is like well over a 2 and more decades ago, what a thought!!!!!
hope u have an ok sunday daisy its really lovely to see u xx u are always in my thoughts aswell as u snitch and u dee xx
i just read again also what u said to snitch daisy, that is also a good idea x i think i should go back to my first post which is like well over a 2 and more decades ago, what a thought!!!!!
hope u have an ok sunday daisy its really lovely to see u xx u are always in my thoughts aswell as u snitch and u dee xx
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