One Year and Under Club Part 63
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Congratulations wisc! 2 months is great! I agree, daily posting on SR helps keep me present in the right head space to stay sober. I’ve made it 6 days now and on the start of day 7 today, although it’s not yet 7.30am here in Oz. I’m confident that I’ll make it through the day, one day at a time 
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,707
Morning Unders
I don’t know why, but reading your comments Willow reminded me of when I first stopped.
Though I’d had many attempts in the past, but to be honest, they were just to placate my husband, so when I really meant business, like this is it, I don’t want to drink any more, it’s killing me and any life I want to have.
So once I’d decided that I do not drink anymore, come hell or high water, how the heck did I keep that promise to myself. I’d let myself down so much before, how could I do this?
I searched the internet and came upon SoberRecovery web site. I didn’t even acknowledge the ‘Recovery’ bit, that was for others, I just wanted to stay sober.
I soon realised Sober and Recovery go hand in hand....if you wanna have a life after booze that is.
You can sit there forever, sober, but wouldn’t it be so much better if you had a life fulfilled, happy, at peace.
I know for me, this is the happiest I’ve ever been. Not my manic happy like when I drank, but a meaningful happy, happy in my own skin, satisfied with my life, even with all its ups and downs.
Well, that’s life really and dealing with ups and downs head on and not running to the bottle for escapism, gives a sense of living, being a grown up.
So Recovery is so important. Recovery gives us our lives back.
I don’t know why, but reading your comments Willow reminded me of when I first stopped.
Though I’d had many attempts in the past, but to be honest, they were just to placate my husband, so when I really meant business, like this is it, I don’t want to drink any more, it’s killing me and any life I want to have.
So once I’d decided that I do not drink anymore, come hell or high water, how the heck did I keep that promise to myself. I’d let myself down so much before, how could I do this?
I searched the internet and came upon SoberRecovery web site. I didn’t even acknowledge the ‘Recovery’ bit, that was for others, I just wanted to stay sober.
I soon realised Sober and Recovery go hand in hand....if you wanna have a life after booze that is.
You can sit there forever, sober, but wouldn’t it be so much better if you had a life fulfilled, happy, at peace.
I know for me, this is the happiest I’ve ever been. Not my manic happy like when I drank, but a meaningful happy, happy in my own skin, satisfied with my life, even with all its ups and downs.
Well, that’s life really and dealing with ups and downs head on and not running to the bottle for escapism, gives a sense of living, being a grown up.
So Recovery is so important. Recovery gives us our lives back.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,171
So much of what you say there is true for me Mags, so many attempts before SR. I also feel that it was my point of no return, that if I didn't stop now, I would be beyond my own reach. I also prefer dealing with life's ups and downs head on than looking for a bottle.
Willow, I know for sure you had to do that last year losing both your parents in quick succession. Do you feel up to sharing what led to your recent lapse? Was it complacency teamed with temptation or did a specific situation set off a train of thought? Keep strong dear friend.
Willow, I know for sure you had to do that last year losing both your parents in quick succession. Do you feel up to sharing what led to your recent lapse? Was it complacency teamed with temptation or did a specific situation set off a train of thought? Keep strong dear friend.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Canada
Posts: 6,879
Originally Posted by Mags1 
So Recovery is so important. Recovery gives us our lives back.
I know 12 steps program could help but I'm allergic to "god" which is in about 9 of the 12 steps...
Where do I go for help on this matter without these 12 steps?
I think SR is the answer (again!)... if I'd know where to look at?
_____
That was a good post for me Mags because it made me think : what could I do today to improve my life? Thanks.
Have a good day! ☼
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Thanks Mags, really wise words 
Toots I had been thinking about drinking a long time before I drank again.
I think it was part complacency, and thinking I can just have a few drinks with friends and then stop. But it’s never that simple is it, because the cravings just come back with a vengeance again.
But it was more than just complacency too. I have just been so sad for so long. I miss my parents so much, especially my Mum. The pain is constant and awful and I don’t like it. I question my existence all the time. I don’t know why I’m here. And I want my Mum back so badly that sometimes I don’t even want to exist without her here. I know that sounds awful but it’s how I feel a lot of the time.
Like CK, I don’t think I’ve really even started on recovery. I had just abstained from drinking because I knew I was drinking way too much and it was bad for me. Deep down I don’t think I really wanted to stop, I wished I could drink “normally”. But I can’t, even though I thought maybe I could. Or the AV convinced me that maybe I could. And drinking temporarily numbed pain, I’d used it for that purpose for so many years, the temptation to numb the pain overwhelmed me. So I drank. I think because I’d had the thought many times before I actually drank, that I barely put up a fight when the AV spoke to me that day.
I know I need to find fulfilment in my life so that I don’t need or want alcohol to fill the hole and dampen the pain. I don’t really know, I’m in a pretty sad headspace tonight so maybe shouldn’t be posting all this, but it’s how I ‘m feeling. Tonight is 1 week sober. I’m not going to drink, but I need to find a new reason to live. Some sense of purpose, that doesn’t involve alcohol. I will figure something out, I’m going back to see a counsellor again. But both of the last two I saw don’t see any problem with drinking wine in the evening to relax, so I’m not sure either are the right person for me to be talking to. I don’t know , it just feels difficult to open up to them fully knowing that... It may not be relevant at all, but if I’m going to really get my act together, I need to feel able to be totally honest with them I think.
Toots I had been thinking about drinking a long time before I drank again.
I think it was part complacency, and thinking I can just have a few drinks with friends and then stop. But it’s never that simple is it, because the cravings just come back with a vengeance again.
But it was more than just complacency too. I have just been so sad for so long. I miss my parents so much, especially my Mum. The pain is constant and awful and I don’t like it. I question my existence all the time. I don’t know why I’m here. And I want my Mum back so badly that sometimes I don’t even want to exist without her here. I know that sounds awful but it’s how I feel a lot of the time.
Like CK, I don’t think I’ve really even started on recovery. I had just abstained from drinking because I knew I was drinking way too much and it was bad for me. Deep down I don’t think I really wanted to stop, I wished I could drink “normally”. But I can’t, even though I thought maybe I could. Or the AV convinced me that maybe I could. And drinking temporarily numbed pain, I’d used it for that purpose for so many years, the temptation to numb the pain overwhelmed me. So I drank. I think because I’d had the thought many times before I actually drank, that I barely put up a fight when the AV spoke to me that day.
I know I need to find fulfilment in my life so that I don’t need or want alcohol to fill the hole and dampen the pain. I don’t really know, I’m in a pretty sad headspace tonight so maybe shouldn’t be posting all this, but it’s how I ‘m feeling. Tonight is 1 week sober. I’m not going to drink, but I need to find a new reason to live. Some sense of purpose, that doesn’t involve alcohol. I will figure something out, I’m going back to see a counsellor again. But both of the last two I saw don’t see any problem with drinking wine in the evening to relax, so I’m not sure either are the right person for me to be talking to. I don’t know , it just feels difficult to open up to them fully knowing that... It may not be relevant at all, but if I’m going to really get my act together, I need to feel able to be totally honest with them I think.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,171
Willow, I feel you have done the right thing to open up just now about how you have been feeling. I definitely see the benefit of going to the right counsellor, but someone who is going to dismiss your over reliance on alcohol is definitely not the one for you. I also wonder whether you need to speak to your doctor, I feel perhaps you are a little depressed or struggling to move forward through the stages of grief. I feel you are correct that you need something positive on your life to keep you looking forward and not spend so much time looking back. Perhaps you could think on what you enjoy doing most and see if you can expand a hobby. Also I know you have such a caring nature and feel you would be a wonderful volunteer visitor in a hospital or care home. Perhaps helping others to deal with their life difficulties will take some of your focus from dwelling over long on your own? I am glad you opened up Willow, and am certain you have come back to the right place for support.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Thanks Toots, I have been to the doctor, and have tried a couple of different antidepressants but the side effects are too awful. I have found SAMe to be helpful but I had run out and not bothered to reorder any, and that’s possibly part of the problem.
I was in a real funk last night when I posted but am a bit brighter this morning. I ordered some more SAMe online last night (it has both my doctor’s and psychologist’s approval and encouragement, they both recommend it for patients). So I feel that’s a good thing to have done. I hadn’t really realised how beneficial it actually is until I stopped taking it regularly every day. So hopefully that will help get me on a more even keel.
The other thing is that my exercise routine has fallen by the wayside and I’ve put on a bit of weight, so that’s not helping. I know that daily exercise is a really important contributor to my mental health. So today there’s no excuses, I’m putting my gym clothes on and doing some exercise before I leave the house, after coffee.... coffee first
I know what you mean about doing something to help others being important to help make my life worthwhile, and I’m looking at options going forward where I’m able to do this more. I still need to work and bring a reasonable income in, but I’m trying to figure out how to combine the two so I’m getting fulfilment from helping others in my daily job too.
One week sober and I’m starting on week 2 today, which has also given me a little boost. Even just having a week sober under my belt is a good feeling
I was in a real funk last night when I posted but am a bit brighter this morning. I ordered some more SAMe online last night (it has both my doctor’s and psychologist’s approval and encouragement, they both recommend it for patients). So I feel that’s a good thing to have done. I hadn’t really realised how beneficial it actually is until I stopped taking it regularly every day. So hopefully that will help get me on a more even keel.
The other thing is that my exercise routine has fallen by the wayside and I’ve put on a bit of weight, so that’s not helping. I know that daily exercise is a really important contributor to my mental health. So today there’s no excuses, I’m putting my gym clothes on and doing some exercise before I leave the house, after coffee.... coffee first
I know what you mean about doing something to help others being important to help make my life worthwhile, and I’m looking at options going forward where I’m able to do this more. I still need to work and bring a reasonable income in, but I’m trying to figure out how to combine the two so I’m getting fulfilment from helping others in my daily job too.
One week sober and I’m starting on week 2 today, which has also given me a little boost. Even just having a week sober under my belt is a good feeling
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NE Wisconsin USA
Posts: 6,223
Thanks all of you for the congratulations on 2 month.
I just read all of your posts and can relate so much.
This time I started feeling actually broken. Like something went on with my brain. It scared me and the first week was awful but necessary.
It will be 7 years soon since I joined in with SR, and though the participation was broken up with relapses and terrible drinking, misuse of scripts, I look back and see I am more chronic.
I live the disabled life. So I am able to pour a lot of energy in to recovery and have the sober benefits.
Surprisingly and grateful, in these past two months, I never became so overwhelmed and reach the **** this **** decision, or **** it decision. That's how I describe it and talked often with my therapist about it. I think I'm prepared if it arises.
And, I've given myself permission to express my sobriety and recovery efforts here, and in person to some people I know. I've felt guilt and shame at times for the minimum amount of sobriety because I've been in the program so long.
Just don't drink when you are overwhelmed.
Well that's my 2 cents worth. I appreciate this 1 and under thread because of your guys sharing. Even though I've been participating a short time. I also like early risers and 24 hour connection.
I have been listening to an AA podcast since I said I want to go to meetings again. I will soon.
You_Rock_
I just read all of your posts and can relate so much.
This time I started feeling actually broken. Like something went on with my brain. It scared me and the first week was awful but necessary.
It will be 7 years soon since I joined in with SR, and though the participation was broken up with relapses and terrible drinking, misuse of scripts, I look back and see I am more chronic.
I live the disabled life. So I am able to pour a lot of energy in to recovery and have the sober benefits.
Surprisingly and grateful, in these past two months, I never became so overwhelmed and reach the **** this **** decision, or **** it decision. That's how I describe it and talked often with my therapist about it. I think I'm prepared if it arises.
And, I've given myself permission to express my sobriety and recovery efforts here, and in person to some people I know. I've felt guilt and shame at times for the minimum amount of sobriety because I've been in the program so long.
Just don't drink when you are overwhelmed.
Well that's my 2 cents worth. I appreciate this 1 and under thread because of your guys sharing. Even though I've been participating a short time. I also like early risers and 24 hour connection.
I have been listening to an AA podcast since I said I want to go to meetings again. I will soon.
You_Rock_
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,707
Willow, I was so happy when I reached 7 days, one whole week. Though I’d reached it before, this time it felt for good. I can’t remember how many emotions I went through, newly sober.
Looking back I had so much anxiety, I blamed it on everything but stopping drinking.
Fortunately reading wise words on SR not to do any life changes in the first year of sobriety (unless there is danger or harm to yourself), which were very wise words or I’d have turned my life upside down.
I guess the amount of time we drank had its affects and takes a long time for our addictive brain to settle down to no booze.
I do know that it does get better, there are many SR members that are a testament to that.
With a sober tool box full of ways to aid you on the road of recovery, day 1 becomes a thing of the past.
Looking back I had so much anxiety, I blamed it on everything but stopping drinking.
Fortunately reading wise words on SR not to do any life changes in the first year of sobriety (unless there is danger or harm to yourself), which were very wise words or I’d have turned my life upside down.
I guess the amount of time we drank had its affects and takes a long time for our addictive brain to settle down to no booze.
I do know that it does get better, there are many SR members that are a testament to that.
With a sober tool box full of ways to aid you on the road of recovery, day 1 becomes a thing of the past.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Thanks Mags, I do wonder how much anxiety and depression is related to previous alcohol consumption. After drinking pretty relentlessly for more than 30 years, there’s bound to be emotional and mood issues that aren’t going to resolve overnight. I know I just have to keep on going, one day at a time and hopefully the moods stabilise over time. I know I have grief that’s not going away anytime soon but I’ll keep working on my “stuff” sober
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,171
Willow, I felt that all the emotional issues I had drank to suppress, welled up certainly over the first year or so of sobriety. I did find counselling helped me to focus on feeling those emotions, acknowledging the importance of them at that time of my life, and finally letting them go.
It sounds like you aware once again, being proactive in your recovery, looking to find ways to make sobriety work for you.
Wiscsober, I call it a duvet day!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking the occasional day just for yourself, I feel we all ought to care more for ourselves ( as apposed to being selfish) more often.
It sounds like you aware once again, being proactive in your recovery, looking to find ways to make sobriety work for you.
Wiscsober, I call it a duvet day!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking the occasional day just for yourself, I feel we all ought to care more for ourselves ( as apposed to being selfish) more often.
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,189
Willow, it takes time for your brain to purge itself of 30 years of ingesting what basically is poison. Your brain have been overcompensating for years and it will definitely take a while to find a new, normal, sober base line from which to view life. Your moods will ping pong all over the place early on. That's why it is often stated that people in recovery should not make any big life changing decisions, such as job changes, moving, new relationships, etc, for at least a year.
CK, I have sat in a couple dozen AA meetings, and the shares are extremely powerful if you find a good group. I tend to go when I am in a severe depressed state and drinking thoughts start popping back up in my head. Like yourself, the god thing makes it difficult for me to jump in fully. I have done a lot of research on addiction over the past few years, and I realize there is a biological reason for addiction. The neural wiring for addiction that we constructed over the years never goes away. How we avoid taking that first drink once again and reactivating the addiction wiring is up to each individual. And yes, there is a difference between just not drinking and recovery. In fact, I feel that I am still recovering now and will always be in some state of recovery. It is hard to pretend that 33 years of daily drinking never happened. For me, not drinking has brought me a sense of contentment that I never experienced while drinking. Drinking always had crazy highs and scary lows for me. Being content with yourself and the life you choose to lead is pretty awesome!
Have a good day all!
CK, I have sat in a couple dozen AA meetings, and the shares are extremely powerful if you find a good group. I tend to go when I am in a severe depressed state and drinking thoughts start popping back up in my head. Like yourself, the god thing makes it difficult for me to jump in fully. I have done a lot of research on addiction over the past few years, and I realize there is a biological reason for addiction. The neural wiring for addiction that we constructed over the years never goes away. How we avoid taking that first drink once again and reactivating the addiction wiring is up to each individual. And yes, there is a difference between just not drinking and recovery. In fact, I feel that I am still recovering now and will always be in some state of recovery. It is hard to pretend that 33 years of daily drinking never happened. For me, not drinking has brought me a sense of contentment that I never experienced while drinking. Drinking always had crazy highs and scary lows for me. Being content with yourself and the life you choose to lead is pretty awesome!
Have a good day all!
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 8,762
Thanks Toots and Stargazer
I’m hopeful that with time my mood swings will level out a bit. I agree that during drinking, there were extreme highs and lows (more lows than highs). Now I’m up and down and all over the place but not masking the down with alcohol. And with time hopefully my neurotransmitters will come back to some state of normality.
For now, exercise, healthy eating, lots of nonalcoholic fluids and vitamin supplements are my plan. Plus working on acceptance, gratitude and being gentle and kind to myself and others. That’s got to be a good place to start anyway
Wisc I agree with Toots, rest days are important. Some days I don’t want to get up, and if I don’t have anything important to do, I’ll happily stay in bed with a book
I’m hopeful that with time my mood swings will level out a bit. I agree that during drinking, there were extreme highs and lows (more lows than highs). Now I’m up and down and all over the place but not masking the down with alcohol. And with time hopefully my neurotransmitters will come back to some state of normality.
For now, exercise, healthy eating, lots of nonalcoholic fluids and vitamin supplements are my plan. Plus working on acceptance, gratitude and being gentle and kind to myself and others. That’s got to be a good place to start anyway
Wisc I agree with Toots, rest days are important. Some days I don’t want to get up, and if I don’t have anything important to do, I’ll happily stay in bed with a book
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,707
Willow, being nice to ourselves is so important in our recovery. We do deserve to rest and if you feel like reading in bed for the day, why not! I do nowadays and I don’t feel guilty, I love it!
Yeah toots, duvet day catches on.
Yeah toots, duvet day catches on.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NE Wisconsin USA
Posts: 6,223
Ok...I'm ready to go and full of recovery thoughts. Yesterday is in the books....a lot of addictive behavior and thinking without the drugs, no relapses just worn out. This morning feeling excellent.
I'm down to living in 23 minute increments compared to 30 a few weeks ago. Desktop timer....perfect for my OCD tendencies...but it's how I focus and get things done....household duties a must.
One more thread to check in on....keep posting love your notes.
I'm down to living in 23 minute increments compared to 30 a few weeks ago. Desktop timer....perfect for my OCD tendencies...but it's how I focus and get things done....household duties a must.
One more thread to check in on....keep posting love your notes.
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