Bekindalways

Checking in:

I've been deedily employed most of the day: sewing, helped Dad write a check, yoga, took apart a broken keyboard sliding tray, got together more thrift store things . . . starting to drag a bit but not bad.

Schools have early dismissal today and the storm should end tomorrow morning.

And onward . . . .

Ayers

Wednesday morning

Yes, this is the part that interests my daughter as well. They do aMAzing stuff with reconstructive tattooing. They also removed scarring from a previous operation on a breast. Made it disappear !!! The stuff they do on people's faces too - portwine blemishes, scars from injuries, harelip etc is mind boggling.

Kitty , I see you reading posts, but not posting. What's up, girl? You okay?

Alice, this has been a very long silence. Hope you are planning on posting soon? I miss your posts.

Barbs, how are you and the hounds?

Bee, "snowing sideways " ??? Wow, is that like a blizzard?

I can really feel climate change affecting us here. Our usually temperate climate is changing to something akin to desert conditions. Sweltering hot during the day_ and now suddenly for the last couple of days - the evenings and early mornings are chilly. I mean , "putting away the summer pj's and wearing long sleeves again" chilly. So weird.

Lots of office stuff for today before I leave for my weekend trip tomorrow. Got a nice playlist ready for the 3 hour drive. Will check in to say bye tomorrow. And see if I can connect while there.

Lots of love to you all XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sunflower84

Hi Everyone,

Sorry went a little quiet just been in a very kind of subdued reflective mood.
Feeling quite positive today.

My local herbalist had good chat with me and suggested hypnotherapy which I've already been considering, she gave me a recommendation and I phoned her today. She was such a kind lady, she has just released a book so isn't offering sessions at the moment but we got chatting and she gave me a free session over the phone.
She had me close my eyes and imagine this evil alcohol spirit that has taken over me and asked where I feel it / see it in my body and I said its in my head, in my brain, then what it looks like and I said its a black evil looking ball with red eyes just scuttling around in my head...
Anyway long story short, each time I want to drink I picture this evil beast and remember this is now just an empty habit and that its time to cast it away. She is also quite spiritual and said to meditate for ten mins daily just solely focusing on this evil thing and imagine it leaving my body, just leaving me and going somewhere else. She said it will like darkness so replace it by filling myself with self love and light...
I felt so good after the call with her and I've written it all down to keep by me to focus on daily.
Also she stressed how good Cadas will be for me, this is the place I was due to start 121 therapy but missed it with the binge, she has worked with them in the past and said she feels they will massively help, so as soon as I got off the phone I called them and they were so kind and said I don't have to re refer and go through assessments again and that a letter will be in the post with the next available session for me, really feel the Universe, God, Guardian Angel, what ever we like to call it has watched over me today and helped...

Just at home working at the moment and still desperately trying to catch up, I'm staying calm and focused though and I know if I stay sober and work hard then all will be ok.

I know I've not been trying enough, I think once that evil little beast starts scuttling in my head for a drink I don't fight it hard enough and I know deep down I can do better than this! Time to really dig deep! I will kill myself if I carry on I know it, I can have such a happy healthy life but I have to fight that evil scumbag monster and I'm ready to really go for it!


Sending lots of love out to you all too and sorry my posts are seeming selfish right now, just so head full I can only really think about this battle and my work but I will catch up properly and reply better soon. Still surfacing really.

Anyway its good to be back!

I notice Alice hasn't been here for some time. I hope you're ok Alice and make it back to us soon xxx

xxx

Bekindalways

Morning all, I type this to the sound of snowplows and shovels. It has stopped snowing sideways or otherwise. Yeah the snowing sideways is a bit like a blizzard. There is a certain energy in the storm that I enjoy.

Kitty as always I so wish you didn't have such a rough path to journey; however your courage and persistence just wows me! I am honored to be here with you.

So today I want to get a good leg workout in, figure out shear pins for the snowplow and get to Cosco for groceries for my Dad.

Peace to all.

Dee74

I'm glad you're posting again. I think like me, you naturally gravitate to the hard way of doing things - when I finally accepted I had to stop drinking to live the kind of life I wanted and be the person I wanted to be, things got a lot easier for me

I think my 40s and 50s have been consistently the best times of my life beKind - it's no accident that corresponds with my recovery years

D

Barbs

Hi everyone,

I've been sick in bed for a few days hoping this passes soon.

Kitty, so glad you're back. I commend you're tenacity! Never give up trying.

Ayers, enjoy your trip.

Bee, snow storms already... they'll be here on the east coast soon enough, ugh...

I got a surprising email from my daughter the other day, yay!!! Not sure were we stand. She vented her grievances and I responded with understanding,
apologies and love. We'll see how it goes

Ayers

Thursday morning

I'm off in a couple of hours. The car is packed to the ceiling with huge pots for her patio , planted up hanging baskets and what not - and my SIL's gifts I'm dropping on the way there . I got her one of those gardening trolleys that I love so much. So ... hope there's space left for my suitcase.

Barbs ((()))) , shame man, hope you feel better soon.

Bee, don't get snowed in !! Or snowed under

Kitty, glad you had a good experience with the herbalist. I can see you really trying and I know you really want to get better. Just keep chipping away , a day at a time.

Lots of love to all. Will try check in while away - otherwise Sunday when I get home XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dee74

get well soon Barbs
and bon voyage Ayers

Sunflower84

Morning,

Another lovely morning here, real crisp Autumnal weather. Cold but bright blue skies and sunshine. I'll make the most of it today and walk as much as I can between working as it's due to change tomorrow and start raining again.

Thank you all for your replies, really does instil me with more confidence that you all feel I'm being strong and doing well with not ever giving up this fight.

Ayers, have an awesome stay with your Daughter, look forward to hearing about it when you return.

Dee, thanks for your reply and I look forward to getting to that point and experiencing happy times and being more at peace.

Bee, Love hearing of the weather there, I can always visualise it so vividly from your posts. I too like the energy from a storm, we don't get them the same here but I always love to watch any extreme weather and get a certain satisfaction from it.

Barbs, Hoping you feel better soon and I'm pleased you and your Daughter have opened up to each other. Get Well Soon x

Well I'm just sat eating some cucumber, celery, carrot and hummus and drinking one of my current fave herbal teas, its one of the "Yogi" Teas and its called Alkalizing Herbs. Tastes delicious and so healthy.
Once I've finished I'm walking my dog and then working.

Back Soon x

Sending Lots of Love and Peace back to you all x

Bekindalways

Great to wake up to all the posts. I'm traveling today which usually makes me grouchy. Ah well.

Kitty like Dee says, there do seem to be folks who have to try multiple times before they get it. That just seems to take so dang much courage. I'm so glad you have the strength and persistence to get up and go at it again and again. Drink that tea; enjoy that autumnal air!

Barbs, from what I remember, that is big news that your daughter called. Of course with relationships there is no guarantee but it looks like this is a bit of movement. You mentioned you were getting cravings a while back. How is that going?

I never got to my workout yesterday but did go shopping for my Dad. Sigh. I dislike most things having to do with food. I finished up being beyond grouchy. Hitting that reset button of sleep was a good thing . . . .hmmm . . .we humans are a bit like computers in that we need to be restarted on a semi regular basis.

So off to get some breakfast, do a bit of yoga and find a bill to pay . . .yeehaw.

Bekindalways

I'm back in the mountains and feeling a bit grouchy . . . .sigh. I just seem to have lots of needy people in my life. I have chosen this. It can make me feel involved and like I am showing up for life but can also make me feel taken advantage of . . . . this is why I hang out on the friends and family forum as I really struggle more with boundaries and self care than alcohol . . . sigh . . . not that alcohol didn't become a problem; it certainly did.

Okay off to set up the ironing board, build a fire and call my sister again!

Dee74

Have a good weekend Everyone

D

Bekindalways

Ended the day with one of the noisiest parties that I can remember in a long time. 6 young teenagers over for the evening . . .well . . . 4 teenagers added to the 2 already in residence. It was fun to watch as the kids played noisy games of pick up sticks and Jenga with uproarious enjoyment.

We all worry about kids spending too much time on their phones so it feels good to see them enjoying games their parents and grandparents played. I set down a rule that the noise needs to stop after 10 pm. It is 11 pm right now and they seem to have settled a bit.

Kids with whom you have a relationship are so much easier to be around but this group seemed like a good set.

Anyhow the situation ended my bad mood.

Sunflower84

Good Morning,

7:40am here, feeling really good.

Bee, glad to hear your mood picked up with the cheerful environment of the party.

Well I had an absolutely awesome day yesterday! A friend visited who lives a couple of hours away and all we did was LAUGH! She too is very spiritual so she had an appointment booked here with a lady that does energy work. We walked and then went for herbal tea and some healthy food at this little cafe here and we just couldn't stop laughing, the energy was insane lol. We went into a charity shop and were laughing so hard someone actually asked us if we'd been drinking.
We then went to a place here called the medicine garden which we both adore, its where the energy work is done and the shop part sells teas, herbal remedies, crystals and these spiritual tinctures called meldings. I'm new to the crystals and meldings so really enjoyed looking into it all.
Ichose a crystal which I have with me now which is Amber, I got some lovely incense and I for the first time tried dowsing, I chose a crystal pendulum and used it to determine which of the meldings were spiritually for me. I selected two with it and unbelievably one was related very much to detoxing and healing after a detox! Could not believe it, so they allow you to have a tester of the two you select which I had and apparently the effects can work on you for days so I'm going in again next week and buying the two I chose. I got real good energy in there, love all this type of stuff so it was very enjoyable

I came home feeling so energised and happy, put my incense on and candles then me and my BF had some food together and a real nice night.
We're both not drinking at all now, sat the future holds we can't determine but we are trying our best and right now it's all good.
I'm feeling very grounded, present and aware.

Today I'm having my nails done this morning, my nails look really scruffy at the moment so BF has got me the appointment to pick me up a bit, I'm going to have a lovely walk with my dog and I have my Mum calling in later this afternoon for a bit so it should be a nice day.

Some other exciting news is we have a trip to Edinburgh booked for New Years, we're staying there for 2 nights for Edinburgh Hogmanay which is amazing, huge street party with lots going on and we have tickets to the concert in Prices Gardens, we plan to have a very quiet Christmas just focusing on spending time with each other and his parents, especially his Mum as it looks like this will be her last and then time with my Parents too. Nice quiet Christmas then our two days away. I haven't been anywhere for such a long long time so it feels so nice to have something to look forward to it really does.

Right I'll stop rambling now and just send lots of Love and Peace to you all and thank you all again for being here, feel so grateful to still be here with you all.

xxx

Bekindalways

I'm waking up with kids asleep all over the house. I'm feeling smug that I survived such an epic teen party. I did make use of earplugs.

So today, I'm hoping to clean up a bit, gather together ancient cross country ski wax, and email the financial advisor and accountant . . . . ugh . . .this last is depressing. I don't know why but I don't like dealing with them even though they are lovely people and personal friends.

Bekindalways

So email to financial advisor is about ready to send, a couple of loads of laundry are running and I went into Catholic School Marm mode to run the kids off . . . I don't think I was super mean but decided it was time for the troops to head back home.

I had a salad of avocado and smoked salmon for lunch and now am indulging in a mid-morning cup of coffee.

Off to call a sister, send the email to the financial advisor and do another 10 min of yoga.

Ayers

Monday morning

So lovely to come home and read all your posts.

The visit to my daughter was the best !!! I worked very hard - did her garden , even built a little bench between two trees I planted - from those hollow cement bricks and two lintels for the seat - came out brilliant - with a smack of terra cotta paint. Had my eyes done - finally - it felt like the procedure went on forever ... but now I'm sooo glad I had it done.

My daughter had a last minute call from her company to tell her she is needed again in Johannesburg ( 4 hours away from her home) so, on Sunday she drove home with me - took my car this morning for the week and will be back Friday . So in these last couple of weeks I've seen more of her than I did the whole year . I am one happy chappy.

Kitty - you sound well. That's good to hear. Love the idea of the crystals etc. Keep at it, you are doing great.

Bee, a teenage group get together can be exhausting - but sounds like you enjoyed it . Enjoy waxing the ski's - I suppose you'll be cross country"ing" soon ? You are so active , you make me feel like a blob

Love to you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sunflower84

Afternoon,

Just approaching 1pm here, the weathers changed again and its dull and raining, bring back the Autumnal crisp bright days please!

All is good here still, day 7 now and had not a single temptation to drink at all over the weekend. I've been busy walking, cooking lots and lots of lovely food, clearing out clothes and wardrobes etc. I have a big bag of things to take to the charity shop and found lots of clothes I'd forgotten I had, my wardrobe and clothes and so on have never been so organised, it's a good feeling!

Today I'm working, I was up just before 6am and had a nice walk with my dog.
Me and my BF have been playing games at the table over the weekend, card games and a couple of board games, its been lovely.

Ayers Im so glad you had a lovely trip and I can tell how elated you are to be having the quality time with your Daughter, its so nice, happy for you The bench between two trees sounds so sweet, feel free to come and help me out too lol

Bee, how are you today? I too love smoked salmon and avocado, Yum. When you do yoga are you using anything online? or just doing what you already know? I really want to be doing more but never seem to get round to it. What are your plans this week? Sending lots of love.

How is everyone else???
Alice where are you? Hoping so much you're ok. Barbs? Red? Caramel? David? Mike? ...

Seems so quiet on here doesn't it...

Anyway love to you all xxx

Bekindalways

Good evening all.

Ayers, I'm really not that active, I just have a habit I started a long time ago of listing things I've done during the day. I found decades ago that keeping a done list forced me to look at good things about myself. It is so easy for me to see everything that I'm not doing and what is bad about me.

My parents were super active people. It is why I have a garage, storage room and shed full of backpacking, ski, and rafting equipment. Some of it is over 50 years old. I did all of these activities growing up but I'm really more of a natural couch potato. My mom and I really struggled as we were so different.

Every now and then in the evening, I check in with myself as to how I would feel about drinking. If I'm a bit bored and/or stressed, I admit a glass or 3 of wine sounds good. It doesn't seem to be really a craving just something I test out every now and then. Do any of you do this? Kind of take a measurement of your desire to drink?

I wish we had more of our old group checking in but am still happy to be chugging along with Kitty and Ayers and an occasional post from Barbs and Alice. I think Red relapsed and joined another class. I completely support anything that helps . . . . hmmm . . . . Although Kitty if you decide to join another class maybe Ayers and I will just follow you!!! Be forewarned!

Bekindalways

Hey all, long day. Cleaning up the house and getting packed to leave again.

I think I'm on the outs with the father of my borrowed family. I suppose it was inevitable as we are becoming family and are woking/living together. Irk. Tough.

Anyhow 5 hour drive through freezing drizzle and I still have my summer tires on.

I'm happy to be safely at my sister's.

Keep on keeping on!