Dee74

yes its fine now thanks Ayers

D

Sunflower84

Morning,

6:40am here now.

Bonnie, So sorry to hear your beloved Dog is so poorly. Sending tons of love and strength to you. I'm pleased to hear your Mum is settled in and as Ayers said I'm sure she'll make friends there soon. Thinking of you Bonnie.

Darkling, reading your frustrations and can relate a lot apart from the Motherhood parts... I hope you can get back on track soon and feel better. What work is it you do? Apologies if you've already said, still got a sloppy brain working after last weekends slip.

Barbs, work sounds full on for you, hope it's not too stressful and you get through everything ok. I smiled as I read your words telling me to breath, I need to remember this, I'm frantic this week catching up with everything.

Bekind, sounds like you're getting on and doing well. Sounds like your grief is coming out and you're healing a bit which is good. Panna Cotta, delicious, feeling hungry now Hope all goes smoothly with your Sister visiting.

Ayers, I loved the description of your relationship with alcohol, I'm going to read it again and again. So very true! That's nice to hear of the group posting after all that time and I can definitely see this group lasting like that, such strong connections in here now which is lovely. Hope you have some nice plans for the weekend Ayers.

Well I got myself in a mess again with falling behind with work and finances after drinking so heavily. I've had to do so much extra work to catch up so I couldn't get to AA last night, I wanted to so much but I must have my rent and bills covered so I had to keep working. I'm ok but so disappointed this week my new routine was all cancelled, swimming Monday cancelled along with a meal with a friend Wed and AA yesterday. All I can do is work at catching up though, I'm dreading the office meeting so much Monday, I've had the worst month work wise so I'm not looking forward to it one bit.
Other than being behind again I'm managing ok. I'm about to do some bits of work now then onto my main work at 9am. My main work is Biz Development and Account Managing for an eCommerce company. It's not a salesy company which is nice, the office is just all the technical people then I work from home speaking with businesses we already deal with or are already in strong contact with from meetings at trade shows and so on. At the moment I just need to set some good meetings up and get to the point of then sending out proposals and so on. If I stay sober and keep working like I have this last two days all will be ok. Working so much harder the last couple of days has made me realise I haven't worked hard enough for a very very long time! I feel ashamed at that but I've been in such a fog I didn't realise. At least I can see the difference now and I know what I must do.

Right I better get another coffee and crack on.

Thinking of you all.

Lot's of Love and strength your way.

Back Soon xxxxx

Sunflower84

Nearly forgot, Alice I loved your post yesterday, almost felt I was sat there on your porch too lol. Sounded lovely. Hope you have a good day and a nice weekend ahead.

Dee, glad to hear your back is much better now

Aliceiw

Hi Katy, I hope you're managing to keep up with things. At least it sounds like you have no time for drinking. Good luck at your meeting on Monday.

Barbs, It sounds like you're quite busy too. Do you handle divorce cases/ Is that why you wish people would stay together?

Bonnie, I am so very sorry about your sweet dog. I hope the vet is taking measures to control any pain she might be having. It's so hard to say goodbye this way.

Ayers. I'm not sure if we'll still be hanging in here five years from now. I hope so.

Bekind -- Haha on eating the panna cotta. I find that I have "hungry days." These are days where I never feel like I cant eat enough sweets and carbs. Ugh. I hate those days, especially because I'm trying to follow a diet. I never had hungry days when I drank. I'll take hungry days over drinking though.

Darkling, I can relate to your frustration and guilt as a mother. I wonder if I caused what is happening with my son, even if indirectly. Why are you feeling frustrated? Is something going on?

Yesterday I had to go to the market, and I bought a bottle of Proseco. It was such a good price, and the brand was a very good brand. I put it int the fridge to take out when we have visitors in early May. I was kind of surprised at myself that I bought it, but I have no desire to drink it.

My almost-husband comes home today. He wants to go to the Harley store to get new handlebars for our bike, so I have a ride to look forward to later today. And we're going to get his new cowboy hat stretched so he can wear it comfortable at the wedding. I'm keeping busy with planning for that.

Thats about it from me. Nothing too exciting or outrageous today, but that's ok. I like it when things stay calm. I talked to my son last night. He has his court date next Thursday..

Stay well everyone

mns1

Hello friends!

Today marks 3 months sober for me. Man that third month went by fast!

I still deal with intermittent sleep issues, but my energy levels are finally starting to balance out. I no longer feel like I need gallons of caffiene to get me through the day. I’ve drastically cleaned up my diet, and I honestly feel the best I have felt in years. Alcohol cravings are getting pretty rare, but they still pop up from time to time. And when they do, I am ready for them.

Now I’m ready for a nice sober spring! The weather in my parts is finally warming up and it is glorious.

Hope you all are doing well!

Sunflower84

Mike,

Amazing to hear, amazing!
So pleased for you and it's great to hear from you.

I send wishes for your journey to continue and for you to carryon doing and feeling so well.

DarklingSong

((((Bonnie))))
So sorry to hear about your dog. I have been through that pain before. I am sending you a loving intention and prayers......may your dog be pain free, may she be peaceful, may she feel your love. Thinking of you.

DarklingSong

Great to hear you are doing well Mike.
Katy....sorry to hear about the work stress. Hope you get through it soon.

I am having a bad Friday night. Visiting family tomorrow. Just need to do this one hour at a time. Will post more when I get through this fog.

matrac

I’m not much for posting today, but I am coming out of lurking mode DS to tell you not to drink today! You can do it, and tomorrow you’ll be so glad that you didn’t. I’ll be thinking of you and hoping for your strength and resolve to remain sober. !

Thanks all. Your sentiments about my dog mean a lot to me. I’m ok, just sad.

Katy, sounds like your doing ok. I hope you can find time though to get to a meeting....hoping it will keep you on track? I have a pretty stressful job and when I used to drink, [I] often did so after a tough day as a reward or more so as a way to unwind. Nowadays when I come home, it helps for me to start making dinner or tidy up before I even sit down...somehow that helps me shift gears and I get through the evening much better.

Alice you sound so well. I’d love to hear more about your wedding plans. Careful on the bike! Hope your son’s case goes well. Is he doing better?

Ayers, good to be reading your posts again....really missed you when you were away.

Mike....so very happy to hear about your sobriety. I remember how you struggled. What do you think has helped you become sober?

matrac

Beat regards Beekind and Barbs. Hope you have a nice week off planned Barbs?

Bekindalways

Hang tough Darkling . . .ride that urge. I'm hoping your anxiety is staying at bay too.

Mike as always so good to hear from you. Were you just finally ready to quit or was it something else.

News for me: a storm is moving in which is nice in a way; I had a steak for dinner which is rare for me and then realized it was Friday Lent . . . . was this some kind of subconscious thumbing my nose at the church?

Aliceiw

Thinking of you Darkling. Hope you get through your event without drinking.

Katy, I hope you're catching up with your work.

Bonnie, I'm thinking of you as you deal with the passing of your cherished furbaby.

You asked about my wedding plans, Bonnie. We are going to get married in a simple ceremony at my fiance's parents house. It will be very informal. We wrote on the invitation that people are welcome to wear jeans or shorts and tee-shirts.

Our story is this: we originally met in kindergarten, and played together on the large firetrucks in the playground outside. In first grade Fiance was left back, and since we lived on opposite ends of the school district, we lost track of each other until 9th grade when we became each other's first bf/gf and first kiss. I (stupidly) broke up with him that year and we lost track of each other completely. It wasn't unti about 4 years ago that I heard from him. He had cancer, but he wasn't posting g about it in social media because he didn't want people to feel sorry for him. However, for some reason, he was pulled to tell me. He wrote me a long letter and I immediately replied. We struck up a conversation that grew into a friendship. I was still trying to repair my broken marriage, so I was trying to fix him up with my single girlfriends. When it became apparent that we were falling in love with each other, I actually attempted to go to a hypnotist to erase my affection from my mind. As time went on, though, it became apparent that no matter what I did, my marriage was not going to get better. Fiance wrote to me and told me to come to Texas. Eventually, I got the courage to do that, and it's been one of the best decisions of my life. So we've from kindergarten to first kiss to marriage. It only took us 52 years. haha.

I truly think that coming here saved my life. Fiance doesn't drink at all, bit I was drinking heavily when I first came down. He gave me lots of love and encouragement to stop, and that made it much easier than it ever would have been if I'd stayed in my marriage. So he saved my life, and he says I saved his too. He had such a scary diagnosis - an incurable type of melanoma tumor behind his eyeball and thyroid cancer - that he considered committing suicide. Me coming down gave him a new reason to live and to be very proactive in fighting his cancer. And it seems to be working. He is cancer free after 3 years, and he goes for scans every six months and for shots in his eye every four weeks. I'm very, very hopeful, and optimistic, that the cancer won't spread and that he'll live a long, happy life.

I am truly so blessed.

Hang in there all of you. Good to hear from you Mike! Keep fighting the good fight. Glad your AV is simmering down.

CaptainHaddock

Mike, I was very happy to read this!

mns1

Matrac and Bekind, to answer your questions, I think I really did just reach a breaking point. Couldn’t stand living like that anymore.

I think what helped most at the beginning was changing up my routine approach to staying sober. That’s one of the reasons I stayed away from here. Not because it wasn’t helpful, but it was part of an overall pattern that wasn’t working. So I decided to not think so much about my problem with drinking. That is, I decided to stop living like an alcoholic trying to avoid drinking and start living as if I never had a problem to begin with. Get up earlier, workout more, read more, work harder. It gave me (and still gives me) a sense of normalcy that I wasn’t feeling otherwise.

Obviously, I still need to be vigilant, because drinking alcohol would not be a good idea and cravings do pop up from time to time. But it doesn’t consume my thinking like it was before.

Bekindalways

This makes a certain amount of sense Mike. Thanks for the explanation. So many times in life, we need to change it up in some way. There probably is someone that had a plan and followed it and it worked but for me life has been a series of surprises and changes and trying to flex with this is an art I never quite get but keep trying to do.

Alice, I love your story. Wonderful.

So I'm off to do a bit more exercise, calculate a check to my brother, and read a book on grieving to my Dad. A friend sent us a book with daily readings on grief and it has been a nice way to kind of touch base.

matrac

What a wonderful story Alice. I wish you a long and happy life together.

Mike, I’m glad your new approach is working. It does make some sense. Sometimes we fall into routines around an addiction and changes things might open your eyes to what you need to do to be sober for good. Glad you popped in to say hi.

Bekind always thinking of others....youre a good soul.

My daughter committed to the University of Rochester. Glad the decision is made. On to new adventures! Exciting time for her.

Dee74

Congrats Mike

Alice I really feel SR saved my life too

D

Bekindalways

Ending a grey day on the inside and a grey one on the outside. I actually kind of like it when the weather matches my mood . . . it makes for climatic permission to not feel upbeat. I don't feel like drinking just a bit down.

Hope you all are doing okay. Spring is on its way inspite of waking up to snow here.

Sunflower84

Morning Class,

8:25am here, yesterday was rubbish! I struggled so much with my emotions, I felt so down, drained, depressed... I really struggled and I felt so selfish as my bf's Mum has now been put in a hospital bed in the living room so we know the end for her is getting closer, very sad. He went to visit her yesterday and I couldn't even go with him, I couldn't face being with all his family when I was so depressed and anxious. He was so understanding and was ok with it. My office meeting tomorrow is in the same town as where his Mum lives so we're calling in tomorrow afternoon together.
Today being Mothers Day I'm really trying to pull myself round, I feel better than yesterday, I'll be heading over to my parents on the train later today and taking my dog with me and a couple of gifts for my Mum.
I'm trying to keep my anxiety at bay, tomorrows office meeting is really getting to me, I feel so ashamed going in with the worst month on record behind me, I'm dreading it.
The main thing is I'm sober, if I drank I know I wouldn't even get there so the idea in my head is to have a lovely afternoon with my parents and dogs and get an early night ready to wake tomorrow strong to face things and keep fighting to turn things round and be doing well.

Darkling, how are you getting on? Are you managing ok? Hoping so, let's keep sending each other strength, we know we can do this and we also know what terrible anxiety we both suffer if we pick up that poison. Routing for you, lots of love.

Bonnie, hope you're holding up and you and your dog are in my prayers... Good to hear your Daughter has decided on her chosen University. You're right about me getting to a meeting, I really need to, I had to miss the Saturday night one unfortunately so the next one for me will be the local AA Thurs night.

Bekind, I relate to what you said about the weather matching your mood, I sometimes feel that way too. Hope the weather and your mood are a little less grey today and you start to feel a bit brighter again. At least you're not feeling like drinking which is great

Alice, your story is lovely. Sounds like you guys are soul mates and meant to be together, beautiful.

Good to hear from you CaptainHaddock, also interesting to read about your change in strategy Mike, I keep altering my ways of dealing with this. Good to hear from you again and hoping your sober journey continues.

Thinking of everyone here, sending lots of strength and positive vibes even though I'm kind of struggling a little with positivity but I'm determined to "fake it till I make it" today lol.

I'm not sure if I mentioned how my Dad is, after the surgery he then got an awful abscess in his mouth and his whole face, head, neck was swollen right up, he's really suffered bless him and then had to go to the dentist and have the tooth and roots removed on Friday. I'm looking forward to spending some time with him today, anytime I think about a drink I think immediately of what my Dads been through and going through and it makes me step up and be strong.

Missing your morning post Ayers, hope all is well and looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Lots of Love to you all.

Back Soon.

Katy x

bobdrop

Hi all. I was going to wait until the 2 month mark to post again, but after reading Mike's post, I just had to say ditto. You worded how I felt very well. I am at 1 1/2 months and doing OK. I just couldn't have the daily focus on booze anymore. Besides, I have come to realize something else lately. The self destructive behavior of drinking has now stuck its' head out a different hole. You read alot here about sugar and eating in general after quitting. With my diabetes, I think that I have just found a different path of self destructive behavior. It really is very similar and I now know that I'm going to have to approach it the same way. It's not going to kill me as fast as booze will, but kill me it will. Therefore, no matter the initial pain, I have to attack this like an addict would, and cut ALL sugar and ALL bad carbs with an Atkins type regime. I can see it very clearly now. Now I need a daily focus like this group on that issue I would hate to think that the destructive behavior would stick its' head out yet another hole, but we'll see. I guess as long as each one would reach death slower is a good thing

Will probably be back with you at 2 months,

David