Dee74

last part here:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rt-9-a-20.html (Class of August 2018 Part 9)

Sunflower84

Morning Class,

Cheated a little today with my no laptop before walk rule, I just couldn't sleep properly, I'm ok just one of those nights so I gave up at 5am and got up, I'll walk my dog when it's light... So for now it's a coffee and my SR friends

Thanks Dee

Alice, sorry to hear you're suffering with your back again. The London Fog sounds interesting, might give it a try, I like reading recipes each of you try too, we should all make a point of sharing things we try I laughed to myself reading your second post about the rotary club, especially comparing them to Ayres garden pool!!!
Really hope your back eases up for you soon Alice and I shall share any non alcoholic concoctions I come across, my brain isn't very creative this morn after not sleeping very much but I'll come up with something Hope you rest and recover very soon.

Bekind, thanks for asking about the AA meeting, yep it was a good group, Hope your knee's feeling better when you wake. Have a great Friday Bekind.

Thinking of everyone else, How are you Ayers? Darkling, Bonnie, Barbs, DoubleDee and anyone else?

I've been trying to build a bit of a routine into my life as you all know, working from home I sit very isolated and with the anxiety I've been battling I became very withdrawn and shut off, anyway I really feel I'm making progress now, it's after this last relapse, I've just found this extra strength from somewhere, I'm just so determined to stay sober this time that I'm fighting for it. So all going well my new routine should be - Monday's CBT & Swimming in the evening, Tuesdays Temple or Yoga when it starts in April, Thurs evenings AA & Sat evening NA. Sorry this is a bit of a boring post lol, I just find sharing these plans so helpful, hope you're not all yawning reading this

6:20am here now, I'll read my book for an hour then walk my dog before it's work time.

Thinking of you all.

Sending lots of Love, Strength, Peace and Positive Vibes today xxxxxxxx

Dee74

Wishing you the best with your back Alice

D

DarklingSong

Katy, your plans sound great.....certainly not boring!

Alice, how I loved that poem. I hate pretentious 'look at me' groups too. They always made me want to drink even more.

Hope your knee is ok Be Kind. Make sure to ice it if it is swollen.

So here it is Friday evening. I started to want to drink this morning. I am reading 'The Recovering'. Even though i think it shows both the pleasure and pain of drinking, somehow reading just lit up my desire.....the wanting. It describes it so perfectly. Her drinking was a lot like mine.....but then maybe everyones drinking is all the bloody same in the end, once the threshold of addiction is crossed.

I am not going to drink today. I am certain about it. The strength of the longing took me by surprise though. After everything this addiction has done to me, all the things I have done to myself......it beggars belief I could even contemplate it. Day 81.

Strength to all.

Sunflower84

Evening,

9:55pm here. Today's been pretty good. Walked then worked, also I booked my yoga!!! Yayyyyy, booked and paid for now. So I have 6 weekly classes starting April 16th, very pleased. I cooked a lovely meal tonight for me and my bf, a chilli and tomato pork dish I do with tons of fresh veggies and brown rice, it was delicious and made so much we'll have it tomorrow too.
Also my bf has been offered a days work trial on Tuesday!!! It may not be full time at first but he'll find out more Tues. It's building works, scaffolding, roofing etc etc which he's done before so fingers crossed this is the start of him working again. I really hope so and so does he.

Darkling, Congrats on 81 days I can relate to your post so much, the surprise of wanting a drink like that after all it's done to you. I'm just the same, it's always the days I feel really buzzing and alive that it gets me, just today I was walking around with bags full of lots of nice things I'd bought, herbal teas, fresh fruit, foodie treats and so on.... I felt for a few mins that a drink would just be the icing on the cake but I was ready. Usually I'd of got a drink at that point but not a chance now. I'm just accepting now that it's a bad habit formed in my mindset and will take sometime to retrain my brain to not think that way... So I got busy in the kitchen cooking instead and got a can of ice cold coke, not a healthy drink or a drink I usually go for but it just gave me that satisfying feeling I needed at that moment.
Tonight has been lovely, I said to my bf how much nicer it is us being sober, we talk, laugh, relax, no arguing, no broken things in the home, no being sick, no black outs and most importantly no withdrawals, no sinking into a hell again that more often than not leads me back to hospital.

I have a little job to do over the weekend, just a little sideline updating some social media pages, so tomorrow I'll be up for a walk, then working and then I'm going with my friend to an NA meeting in a town not too far away. I'm feeling good, the herbalist picked up on how well I'm doing, she said I'm looking really well and can tell I'm much stronger and happier, it was great to hear that from her.

Well I hope you friends are all doing ok, seems a little quiet on here at the moment... Thinking of you all

Much Love to you all xxxxxxxx

Dee74

congrats on 81 days DS

D

Bekindalways

Hey ho all, we made it back down from the mountains.

Good dinner tonight. I still get a pang or two when I don't get wine with dinner but that is just life for where I am now. I can live with this.

Sunflower84

Morning all,

Bad night sleep again, I drift off easily enough but I wake so many times then gave up and got up at 5:30am. Not feeling too bad and I kind of expect this when I stop, often happens and I've had it much worse so shouldn't complain. I'm at the laptop again before my walk but when I'm up that early I think as long as I'm up and out walking before 8:30am then it's all ok.

Worrying a little about how quiet it is here, hoping you are all ok???? even if you're not please do come back!!! We're all friends here and support each other through the highs and lows so either way please lets all stay put

I ordered a printed mug for Mothers Day from the craft market here, it's a printed picture of my dog, my Mum is obsessed with him lol, sometimes I think she comes to see him more than me so I've got her the mug with him on and baking her fave coffee and walnut cake closer to the time. It's not until 31st but I'm enjoying being organised and it's keeping me healthily busy. I'm collecting the mug this morning then I'll be focused on this little extra job I have to do then I have the NA meeting this evening,

Hoping eveyone is ok and please check back in when you can. Missing your posts and hearing from you.

Tons of Love and Hugs to you all xxxxxxxx

Ayers

Saturday morning

Hi all my friends. Jeez, I was inactive here for just a couple of days and we are already on another page. Thanks Dee.

It has been a wild and busy couple of days . I will take time to respond to posts , but don’t want that to keep from posting altogether.

Meeting sister in law and husbands cousin ( wife of the patient) for breakfast in a little while. The patient is doing well and might be moved out of ICU today. I always marvel at how a life can be saved. If he hadn’t gone to the doctor when he went, he might not be here today – that is how bad it was – the doctor said he would not have seen this weekend. Now he has the possibility, not to die from his heart giving in, for a good 15 to 20 years still. And he’s already in his 70’s.

Which brings me to how we are saving our lives here, daily, by quitting alcohol. I am and have always been a worrier – and I find it so wonderful to have one less thing to worry about – alcohol… and the effects on the body. For years I had to tick all the boxes regarding health risks, or risky habits. Now it’s so wonderful to have one that I don’t have to tick.

Lots of events coming up – ones that would have caused me stress a couple of months ago – but that I am completely comfortable with now.
Going to the Fair Cape(wine region) on Wednesday for a week to get together with the 2 couples we spent time with in Brittany in July. So, the last time I saw them I was still partaking in the partying and drinking (a month before I quit)– going to be a bit different this time around. I will party, but I will not drink. The one couple are the owners of one of the very best wine estates in South Africa - really good quality wine – and they are very drinking “fit”, if you get my drift, just part of their everyday lives.
The other couple also live in the Cape and live a very relaxing lifestyle – involving loooong lunches and good wines , and have already lined up a list of lunch venues for us.

Then in April we have been invited to join friends at their place in Vilanculos – and island off Mozambique. (Just hope the cyclone has passed by then). Also , again, will be revolving around long lunches on the patio , on the beach – and lots of wine.

I’m really okay with it all. Life has to carry on and I accept that mine is just a bit different to what it used to be.
For the better.
I do not feel as if I am going to be losing out on any fun. But on the other hand , I am realistic, and I know that I am going to have to be super strong. It’s fine to sit here now and say I’ll be fine, but another story being there and caught up in the moment.
The one thing that I think will help , is the fact that I don’t drink.
(That is so liberating to say)
I don’t drink.
There. Easy.

The other reason I will be strong … my husband.
I do not have the words to describe the expression on his face when he looks at me now. Adoration, admiration, awe ….
The “out of the blue” hugs I get from him and the secret smiles from across the table at social events.
I never , ever want to disappoint him . I never , ever want to disappoint myself again and feel the despair I felt, the uselessness of my existence, the merging of hours, days, weeks, months and years with nothing to show for it .

Apologies for only addressing myself here , I sort of got carried away – I will catch up with all of you later today and concentrate on only you.Promise. Think I’m late now for the breakfast .

Lots of love and huggggssss xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xx

Sunflower84

Great to hear from you Ayers,

I've missed your morning posts but completely understand. Sounds a very busy time for you. Amazing to read of your Husbands cousins husband, if I have that right, having been given that extra chance and more life to live and so luckily by the sounds of it.

Your plans ahead sound exciting, I know it will be tough at times to resist but like you said you simply don't drink, at least you'll fully enjoy it all and have memories that aren't blurred and distorted, and no hangovers! I think us none drinkers have maybe got the better deal. I'm telling myself that now anyway Reading your words saying "I don't drink" made me just say it out loud to myself a couple of times. It is that simple, I do not drink. I shall be repeating this to myself now lol.

Beautiful words about how your husband looks at you now and you not wanting to loose that or disappoint yourself or him, just beautiful

Enjoy your breakfast!

xxxxxxxxx

Aliceiw

Happy Saturday y'all.

Dee, thanks for the good wishes on my back. I appreciate it. I hope yours is doing well these days too. I did break down and ask my pain doctor for a muscle relaxer. He told me he thought it would be best to go on vicodin for a week, so i am taking that. i really don't think it puts me at risk for a relapse of any kind. I was on tramadol for so long that im immune to the buzzed feeling those kinds of drugs can impart, and i'm grateful for how it takes the edge of the piercing pains when I move.

Ayers -- good to hear from you today and to hear that your friend is doing well. Yes, modern medicine can certainly be a marvel when it works well. And I love how you sum up so perfectly how much there is to look forward to now that we are sober. Events like the ones you have to look forward to are so much better without alcohol. I remember well doing things like that when drinking. I'd always promise myself that I'd take it easy and not make a mess of things at those types of events. Then I'd wake up in the morning with a throbbing head and a heart in my gut full of regret trying to remember how stupid I got. Ugh. Good riddance to those days and hello to the happy feeling of being able to remember good times out with friends. Love it that your sobriety has added such happiness to your relationship with your husband.

I'm off to a Harley club meeting this morning. I'm gonna introduce myself to the club officers and see if I can sign up to do some community volunteering or help with fundraising. I'm going to try in the coming days and weeks to find ways to get out of my shell and be useful in some way.

For no particular reason, I feel really joyful today. It reminds me of how quickly emotions can come and go. They pass by like the wind through trees. I can be cranky and hopeless one minute, and the next, watching the way the sunlight falls across the carpet in a particular way can transport me back to a happy childhood memory and change my mood altogether. All things pass. It's cliche, but true. My daughter is working hard on herself and learning mindfulness, so she's inspiring me by sharing insights she's gaining from her therapy. I'm so happy that she's starting to take control of her life. She's lost more than 20 pounds now, and she's feeling very good and centered. It's spring break for her now, and she decided to spend it here with us rather than fly back to NY to be with her dad. We'll take her to a rodeo and concert next weekend, and I'm really looking forward to that. Last year I snuck away on the pretense that I needed to get something out of the car and went to the concession to down a couple of beers before going back into the arena. No more need to lie and hide my drinking. I can just be me and enjoy life as it unfolds without being held captive to the AV's constant lies about how everything would be better with a little booze.

I subbed yesterday and had a very good day. I met lots of awesome kids. So many people are kind of scared of teenagers because their mood swings can be so abrupt and unsettling. But I really enjoy listening to them. If you just shut up and ask questions, I find that they're so willling to share their hopes and dreams and fears...even with a lowly sub. Haha. I'm thinking that going back to teaching might not be such a bad thing. I do enjoy the kids so much.

Well, hope everyone has a happy Saturday. Do something nice for yourself this weekend. I'll be thinking of all of you and wishing you well.

xo

Bekindalways

Good morning all. Good to read all the posts.

Ayers, your future trips sound so exotic to me on the opposite side of the planet. I'm not sure how well I would do with going to such wonderful events with wine served but I like Alice, I know I would overdo it and wind up sick, ashamed and regretful.

I started coming to SR years before I quit drinking to read good news. The humility and difficulty of stopping drinking is the epitome of good news and choosing life. I may not be able to stop a mass shooter or genocide or the election of a bad politician but I can life today sober and go to bed sober. In this I make my own good news.

Alice, you said something in the last thread about how I do so much for others and seem busy. For whatever reason doing stuff for others is way easier than doing stuff for myself. This is why I'm doing a bit of a reverse lent in trying to pay attention to what makes me happy and doing it. Also I spend lots of time online which isn't all that constructive . . . . a kind of informational addiction.

My lenten resolution has petered out a bit. Alice's comment reminded me to double down. So today I'm going to sew and ice my knee for self care. The knee is better but still not good. Perhaps I can get to the exercise room and do some upper body work out.

Carry on lovelies.

DarklingSong

Glad to hear everyone is doing pretty well....

I feel a bit in the 'in-between' today. I haven't made any significant changes to how I spend my weekends so the drinking void is still quite present. It isn't so obvious during the working week but long weekends are reminders of alcohol soaked days and just completely checking out from myself. So, a work in progress.

Best wishes to all.

Bekindalways

Darkling do you have any ideas on how to kick back and relax without the alcohol?

This is one I'm always struggling with. I suppose my answer so far has been knitting and netflix.

matrac

I am heartbroken today. I learned that my sweet dog has kidney failure. She’s old and I guess this is going to be the way that it will end. She has been skipping her meals and her breath was terrible, I thought maybe it was her teeth and I know that can cause kidney problems in dogs so we went to the vet. Her teeth are OK,but her kidneys are not. Going to try hydration and check for an infection, but outside that and a special diet, there’s not much we can do. Most people outlive their dogs, and you know that when you bring home that adorable puppy, but you put that out of your mind until the “time” comes.

Dogs can teach you a lot about how to live.....live in the moment, find joy in the company of others, trust your instincts, respect boundaries, and be gracious and forgiving. I will try to remember that.

Update later

Bekindalways

Oh Matrac, I am so so sorry. Yeah we know we will most likely outlive our dogs but man oh man, it is still a shock when they head for the land of slow tennis balls (or whatever their passion is). Courage to you. I hope you have a teeny bit more time with this fuzzy girl.

matrac

Thank you bekind. She’s in the vet hospital and we’ll see what they say tomorrow about her prognosis.......As for what to do you in your free time. I think you should keep a journal....you are good at writing! I can envision everything when you tell your story. I think you should think about several things that you can do for yourself each day too - not good to exclude yourself.

Alice, you sound great! Things are looking up? Did you find another dress?

Ayers, so good to read your post. I’m glad that you have such support at home. My husband and I have a better relationship too since I stoped drinking. Your vacations sound wonderful, so exotic compared to mine.

DS make plans for fun on the weekends. Isn’t there a museum, or movie, or restaurant to try....change it up a bit!

Katy, sounds like you’re working very hard at sobriety and your plan has changed....wish you all the best.

Hi to the rest of you!

Sunflower84

Morning all,

Firstly Bonnie I am so so sorry to hear of your poorly dog! I'm such an animal lover and huge lover of dogs my stomach flipped reading your post. I know just how you must be feeling so I send huge hugs your way and will say a prayer for you and your Dog. Thinking of you.

Alice, it's so good to read your post, I can feel the positive vibes through your words. Very inspiring, I'm pleased you have something to take the edge off your back pain, lets hope it's fully healed for you soon. Your Mum and Daughter time sounds lovely, also I'm noticing a lot of people getting into mindfulness now, I'm the same, it' helped me come leaps and bounds since really getting into it through my CBT therapy, my book and the temple meditating. Also as Bonnie mentioned, have you found another dress yet??? Hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend, I'm sure you will, you sound in a really good place.

Darkling, I get where you're coming from, I used to just relax at home n those days but this time round I feel getting out is key, can you go for a nice walk and then maybe get back home and pamper yourself a bit, have a relaxing bath, cook something nice, find a new recipe that will keep you busy cooking for a while, put some music on and create a lovely meal, or a recipe to bake if you prefer... I was very hyper and restless on Friday and I knew I was in just the sort of mood I'm in when I end up drinking so I cooked a huge meal for me and my bf, by the time I sat down with the food there was no trace of alcohol thoughts in my mind. Hope you end up having a brighter day

Bekind, Good for you taking some time for yourself, rightly so! Hope the knee eases up soon, I love the fact you're still wanting to work out, no stopping you! lol. Hope you have a lovely day and keep on giving some of that kindness to yourself, you deserve it.

It's 7:25am here now, Sunday morn.
Last night I went to the NA meeting, I preferred my smaller AA group local on Thurs, I'm glad I went because even just the pride I feel for pushing myself to go is worth it, I just felt more nervous at this one, much larger louder group. It's the first time in a meeting I haven't shared / spoke, I just wasn't feeling it but as this time round it's all about ACTIONS I will try it again next week. I'm learning to give things a chance and a real go before I just close the door on it and say it's not for me. So I will be at AA every Thurs and I will try this one again a couple of times and see if it is for me or not. Yesterday was a great day, I went to the shops and had a bargain rummage round the charity shops, I got a few really lovely things for the house, candle holders, flower pots and other bits and pieces. I also found two couches going on a free site we call freecycle here, I've been wanting to find some for ages and thought I would be stuck with the ones I have for ever but today I have a van bringing these two new ones, the couple giving them away are from a town close by, they just got new ones and these I've got from them look brand new, I'm really pleased about it, making my home nicer and improving things really makes me feel happy
Also I found an add online offering 10litre tubs of paint that should cost £68 for £10!!! So we have one here ready to paint next weekend. Yesterday was definitely bargain day!!!! lol. I found / got all sorts. So that's all the new little bits from the charity shops scattered around, the paint and two couches coming today.
I didn't start my freelance job I mentioned yet so I have to do that when I get off here and will be doing it all day and night pretty much. I don't mind, I'm pleased to have the extra work to be honest. While I'm glued to that my bf is power washing the garden and cooking us a chicken Sunday dinner later.
Things are good at the moment, they really are. I just want this feeling to last.
My one close friend I have local, the one also in recovery, 2 years sober now is who took me to the meeting last night and we have planned Mondays as our weekly catch up day now, so every Mon evening we'll go for a swim and then the weeks we have enough time / money we will go for a nice meal somewhere afterwards. Really pleased about this, it's another day with some routine, some positive routine out of the house.

Right, I'll leave it there and grab another coffee and start this work.

So much love to you all xxxxxxx

Bonnie I will be saying a little prayer for you and your beloved pooch xxxxxx

Back later class xxxxxxxx

Dee74

I'm sorry to hear that matrac - prayers and best wishes from me too.

D

Bekindalways

Good Sunday morning here. My nephew spent the night and we are having family discussions about why there shouldn't be federal government not money not to mention, "Why do girl scouts get to sell cookies and boy scouts don't." Nephew is 12.