Class of August 2018 Part 10
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,999
Originally Posted by bobdrop 
Hi all. I especially enjoyed hearing from Mike and David. For whatever reason, the males don't do the day to day writing. Something I wouldn't mind doing if there were more guys doing it. I guess I'm an old school kind of person that can't relate to enjoying the same things that the females do.
David, I was very interested in hearing how your life has really changed after 8 months. I know there are no guarantees, but......
Mike, great work. I am so happy for you. 4 months is awesome.
I don't want to sound strange here. I really do love you Barbs, Ayers, Alice, BeKind, and anyone I missed. I just like to be able to talk about football and garage work and stuff like that too to pass the time, I guess to get to 6 months, which seems to be the line in the sand. I was there once before before, but didn't know what I do now. Back then, I was just angry all the time because I was still young and couldn't drink.
I am not doing very well right now and hope the motto of not kicking a person while they're down will hold true. I hope you will indulge me while I get some of this off my chest with people that "know" me. I should probably join the May class when it opens.
I seem to keep getting to about 2 months and then start having issues in my mind. This last time, I started with the thing of not even caring if I lived any longer. You know, I've been blessed to have lived to almost 60 with a great family. I've accomplished everything, right? I've raised my kids to live on their own. That's my biggest job, right? One of the problems is that the relationship with my wife has been dwindling. I would never post this on an open forum, but I know most of you are near my age and might understand. I have had high blood pressure for 45 years and now have diabetes, which has led to ED. I have an obsession with the things that I'm losing and it always ends in depression.
Anyone have an answer for all this?
I think I will join the May class and keep my head down until 6 months and then hopefully see things clearly.
Love you all!
David, I was very interested in hearing how your life has really changed after 8 months. I know there are no guarantees, but......
Mike, great work. I am so happy for you. 4 months is awesome.
I don't want to sound strange here. I really do love you Barbs, Ayers, Alice, BeKind, and anyone I missed. I just like to be able to talk about football and garage work and stuff like that too to pass the time, I guess to get to 6 months, which seems to be the line in the sand. I was there once before before, but didn't know what I do now. Back then, I was just angry all the time because I was still young and couldn't drink.
I am not doing very well right now and hope the motto of not kicking a person while they're down will hold true. I hope you will indulge me while I get some of this off my chest with people that "know" me. I should probably join the May class when it opens.
I seem to keep getting to about 2 months and then start having issues in my mind. This last time, I started with the thing of not even caring if I lived any longer. You know, I've been blessed to have lived to almost 60 with a great family. I've accomplished everything, right? I've raised my kids to live on their own. That's my biggest job, right? One of the problems is that the relationship with my wife has been dwindling. I would never post this on an open forum, but I know most of you are near my age and might understand. I have had high blood pressure for 45 years and now have diabetes, which has led to ED. I have an obsession with the things that I'm losing and it always ends in depression.
Anyone have an answer for all this?
I think I will join the May class and keep my head down until 6 months and then hopefully see things clearly.Love you all!
You all who keep fighting against all odds are my true heroes. The Finnish people have some word for it; I think it is sisu . This is you to a T Bob . . . well . . . and Darkling too . . . hmmm . . . maybe all of us at some point.
I can see how the gentlemen might want some moral support from each other. Apparently it is fairly common to have groups sift down to mainly women. I wish it wasn't this way. The two halves of the species do seem to have some differences both powerful and subtle. I'm not sure anyone has been able to out line these accurately.
Well, all I had another day of nothing glamorous nor exciting. Didn't drink. Didn't think about it. I will take it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,285
Wednesday morning
Helloooooo all. So great to get back and have an omnibus to read through.
I missed it so much having contact with you all.
The trip was absolutely amazing. I do not have the words to describe how beautiful and perfect it was. The weather was glorious every day – not a cloud, no wind and water 26 degrees (Celsius), with different blue hues as it gets deeper. Azure. And so so clear – like a chlorine advert for your pool.
I see it as an extra week of summer added – because we are already deep into Autumn here, with weather getting chilly.
I have never talked and laughed so much in my life . Oh and the food !!! They have a local man who is their chef – very grand , hmm? And we had the most divine seafood dishes that he prepared . Played backgammon – took it along to the little island where we went to snorkel. Felt like watching a National Geographic program underwater. Walked around in our cozzies and wraps( another SA word for bathing costume) the whole day, and then sat talking in their pool when we got home , till sundown. Glorious.
Was so great to hear from Mike, Bob and David – nice to have the men around for a change .
And at this stage we need every input possible , our group has dwindled to the bare minimum.
I did a little whoop-whoop here on my own for you , Mike. You know I always believed you can do this , and so pleased you proved me right.
David, I love the fact that you have moved away from conventionalism and you are pursuing what makes you happy – working for yourself.
Bob, along with sobriety comes clarity and reality. We not longer have an alcohol haze to blur our realities in life. I respect your openness and sharing your most personal emotions with us, my friend. I am sorry that your relationship with your wife is not what you were hoping it to be, but stick to it and give it some time. Remember that it must be a huge adjustment for her as well.
Katy, if you are reading this, please, please come back to us. I am so worried about you.
Even if it is just to let us know that you are not ill or laying in a hospital somewhere? I feel like you all are my family now – but you are privy to much more than my family is – I share more on here than with my closest family. I hope you see us in the same light and we can be that for you too. We are here, waiting for you, girl.
Alice, your post about your daughter and her anger towards you , sounded very familiar. I really know how you feel, I’ve been there as well. It breaks one’s heart. It hurts so badly when you see someone you love so much suffer with their emotions and uses you to vent. But so true, children show their worst side to the one they feel safest with. As always I say, give it some time, take a step back and give her more and more rein. Then watch her grow. Hugs, my friend.
I must say , you made me giggle when you said “snow-plow” mother. What a great description. Will try and find a situation where I can use that. 😊
Darkling, if you are reading this, I want to tell you how much I miss you. Please consider popping in again. Letting us know how you are doing?
Bee, all alone in the beautiful mountains, doing chores, sewing and looking after your renters …
You are such a strong lady, with so much wisdom. I love reading what you’re up to every day.
Loved your description of laying on the floor , having a unplanned AA-type chat with the plumber and the “demise of the condenser”. You have such a way with words. Have you ever considered trying your hand at writing a book? And did you ever look at Duolingo for your Spanish?
Bonnie, I think you are totally overworked. It is no wonder that you feel lost. And I understand that you need the funds to keep two kids at university. But , my friend, I think you need to invest a little more in yourself now. I can “feel” how bone tired you must be, working those long hours. I would not be able to do that, I assure you. So , coping with that and staying sober deserves loud applause from me. You need some me-time. If you can’t get away, try and make time everyday to spoil yourself in small ways – a candle lit bubble bath, new slippers, days when you don’t cook at all. I have that, my family knows on Saturdays I don’t provide a meal, it’s up to them to make a plan.And they accept it. Not negotiable.
Barbs, long time no see. Hope you are feeling better with your change in meds. Have you been to see the doctor yet?
Zoey, you are doing great. Those times when you get blindsided by a sudden urge to have a glass of wine – I knowwww…. Always when you least expect it, isn’t it? Out of the blue. I try and remind myself that it is only going to last a few seconds/minutes. That this too shall pass. And it always does. Hang in there.
We are in the middle of a legal dung-throwing battle with the agent-owner of the townhouse my daughter is in. Long story for another time, but not pleasant, having to fight for her rights when she is innocent. These are the times when I wish she lived closer so that we can give her more support.
I think I’ll spare you all now, and sign off. Will rather keep all the rest for a next post. Don’t want to cause any bleeding eyes here. 😊
But , good to be back on track and in the safety of the fold here.
Love and hugs to you all XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXX
Helloooooo all. So great to get back and have an omnibus to read through.
I missed it so much having contact with you all.
The trip was absolutely amazing. I do not have the words to describe how beautiful and perfect it was. The weather was glorious every day – not a cloud, no wind and water 26 degrees (Celsius), with different blue hues as it gets deeper. Azure. And so so clear – like a chlorine advert for your pool.
I see it as an extra week of summer added – because we are already deep into Autumn here, with weather getting chilly.
I have never talked and laughed so much in my life . Oh and the food !!! They have a local man who is their chef – very grand , hmm? And we had the most divine seafood dishes that he prepared . Played backgammon – took it along to the little island where we went to snorkel. Felt like watching a National Geographic program underwater. Walked around in our cozzies and wraps( another SA word for bathing costume) the whole day, and then sat talking in their pool when we got home , till sundown. Glorious.
Was so great to hear from Mike, Bob and David – nice to have the men around for a change .
And at this stage we need every input possible , our group has dwindled to the bare minimum.
I did a little whoop-whoop here on my own for you , Mike. You know I always believed you can do this , and so pleased you proved me right.
David, I love the fact that you have moved away from conventionalism and you are pursuing what makes you happy – working for yourself.
Bob, along with sobriety comes clarity and reality. We not longer have an alcohol haze to blur our realities in life. I respect your openness and sharing your most personal emotions with us, my friend. I am sorry that your relationship with your wife is not what you were hoping it to be, but stick to it and give it some time. Remember that it must be a huge adjustment for her as well.
Katy, if you are reading this, please, please come back to us. I am so worried about you.
Even if it is just to let us know that you are not ill or laying in a hospital somewhere? I feel like you all are my family now – but you are privy to much more than my family is – I share more on here than with my closest family. I hope you see us in the same light and we can be that for you too. We are here, waiting for you, girl.
Alice, your post about your daughter and her anger towards you , sounded very familiar. I really know how you feel, I’ve been there as well. It breaks one’s heart. It hurts so badly when you see someone you love so much suffer with their emotions and uses you to vent. But so true, children show their worst side to the one they feel safest with. As always I say, give it some time, take a step back and give her more and more rein. Then watch her grow. Hugs, my friend.
I must say , you made me giggle when you said “snow-plow” mother. What a great description. Will try and find a situation where I can use that. 😊
Darkling, if you are reading this, I want to tell you how much I miss you. Please consider popping in again. Letting us know how you are doing?
Bee, all alone in the beautiful mountains, doing chores, sewing and looking after your renters …
You are such a strong lady, with so much wisdom. I love reading what you’re up to every day.
Loved your description of laying on the floor , having a unplanned AA-type chat with the plumber and the “demise of the condenser”. You have such a way with words. Have you ever considered trying your hand at writing a book? And did you ever look at Duolingo for your Spanish?
Bonnie, I think you are totally overworked. It is no wonder that you feel lost. And I understand that you need the funds to keep two kids at university. But , my friend, I think you need to invest a little more in yourself now. I can “feel” how bone tired you must be, working those long hours. I would not be able to do that, I assure you. So , coping with that and staying sober deserves loud applause from me. You need some me-time. If you can’t get away, try and make time everyday to spoil yourself in small ways – a candle lit bubble bath, new slippers, days when you don’t cook at all. I have that, my family knows on Saturdays I don’t provide a meal, it’s up to them to make a plan.And they accept it. Not negotiable.
Barbs, long time no see. Hope you are feeling better with your change in meds. Have you been to see the doctor yet?
Zoey, you are doing great. Those times when you get blindsided by a sudden urge to have a glass of wine – I knowwww…. Always when you least expect it, isn’t it? Out of the blue. I try and remind myself that it is only going to last a few seconds/minutes. That this too shall pass. And it always does. Hang in there.
We are in the middle of a legal dung-throwing battle with the agent-owner of the townhouse my daughter is in. Long story for another time, but not pleasant, having to fight for her rights when she is innocent. These are the times when I wish she lived closer so that we can give her more support.
I think I’ll spare you all now, and sign off. Will rather keep all the rest for a next post. Don’t want to cause any bleeding eyes here. 😊
But , good to be back on track and in the safety of the fold here.
Love and hugs to you all XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXX
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: England
Posts: 615
I'm here, just want to let you know out of respect that I'm ok.
How I do not know.
Started with the best day on the Easter Saturday with Bf, parents, dogs etc but we drank on a huge binge which with me having to wean off very carefully because of my withdrawals I only managed to stop yesterday. Hallucinated all last night. So unfortunately today I'm back to day 1.
A lot happened on this binge so I'm hoping this is the one to scare us into being well again. I feel so stupid keep saying it but I know this can't go on.
My Mum came to stay for a couple of days helping me wean off very slowly so I didn't go back into hospital, me and bf had a huge fight so he wasn't here. He's back now and we're both not drinking, he said he is adamant he won't after all that's happened and I'm the same but I know this keeps repeating.
I don't know what to do but keep trying. I wanted to check in the last few days but I won't until I'm fully off the drink, can't bring myself to so I'm back here at day 1.
I'm so exhausted today so I will read over posts properly later or tomorrow and love and miss you all dearly.
For so many days I've been dreaming of waking up fresh, coffee, you guys and a walk with my dog but instead I've been laid on the couch being watched over whist weaning back down. It's been HELL, so much respect for you all doing so well, it inspires me to know I can do it, I have to do it.
Will check in again soon.
Sorry I disappeared, glad to be back with you all more than you'll know xxxxxxx
How I do not know.
Started with the best day on the Easter Saturday with Bf, parents, dogs etc but we drank on a huge binge which with me having to wean off very carefully because of my withdrawals I only managed to stop yesterday. Hallucinated all last night. So unfortunately today I'm back to day 1.
A lot happened on this binge so I'm hoping this is the one to scare us into being well again. I feel so stupid keep saying it but I know this can't go on.
My Mum came to stay for a couple of days helping me wean off very slowly so I didn't go back into hospital, me and bf had a huge fight so he wasn't here. He's back now and we're both not drinking, he said he is adamant he won't after all that's happened and I'm the same but I know this keeps repeating.
I don't know what to do but keep trying. I wanted to check in the last few days but I won't until I'm fully off the drink, can't bring myself to so I'm back here at day 1.
I'm so exhausted today so I will read over posts properly later or tomorrow and love and miss you all dearly.
For so many days I've been dreaming of waking up fresh, coffee, you guys and a walk with my dog but instead I've been laid on the couch being watched over whist weaning back down. It's been HELL, so much respect for you all doing so well, it inspires me to know I can do it, I have to do it.
Will check in again soon.
Sorry I disappeared, glad to be back with you all more than you'll know xxxxxxx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Texas
Posts: 341
Wow, Katy. Geez. I'm really glad to know you're ok so far. Girl, I truly hope this last one was the one that gets you well. Please try to hold onto the memory of how bad and scary things got as you move forward. You seem to go through such dramatic ups and downs. When you're doing well, you do SO well, and when you crash you crash super-scary hard. I forget, but have you seen a psychiatrist at all to check whether you might have some psychological issues going on that predispose you to having such huge ups and downs? I really worry about you. I'm glad you seem to have come out of this last one, but really, there must be something underlying that hasn't been fully addressed? I don't know. I just really hope this time things stick. I hate to see you going through this. If past behavior is a predictor, your going to have some scares -- or scare yourself (I do it too!) with regard to your health as you start to get the alcohol out of your system. That will scare you and you'll stay sober for a while, then start feeling great as your fears are alleviated, then you'll start to even out, then, if you don't have solid support and a plan, something will happen to trigger you and you'll crash again into the depths. I don't mean to be so blunt, but I'm sure you can see this pattern yourself. It's like alcoholic bipolar. Are you going to be ok this time? Is this last one gonna make your sobriety stick? I hope so, girl. You scare me. I don't want anything bad to happen to you. Please hang on tight this time.
Bob, Mike, David! Good to hear from you guys! I'm very glad you are doing so well, Mike and David, and I'm really glad you're still checking in to let us know how you're doing. (David, good luck with your professional decisions. I hope you find work that you love soon. I can relate to the sturm and drang of the search for meaningful work. Going through all of it myself, so far with no success in finding my place in that world. It will come. I have faith for both of us.) Bob, ugh. Sorry about your relationship problems with your wife. I'm sure it seems really depressing to you at the moment, but in the big picture, it's small stuff compared to your long-term health and recovery. Try to keep focused on the big picture -- going back to drinking isn't going to help smooth things out -- particularly with regard to the bedroom issues -- I'm sure you know that. But, like Zoey said, we've all been there. Those issues affect women too, believe me. If it's really bothering you, I hope you look into some of the many therapies that are available now. My ex used them with lots of success and felt better when he was going through a rough patch. And too, counseling for you and your wife? I don't know, but it seems from past posts like you care very deeply for her and she for you. Don't let the little day to day crap pull your focus from the big picture. Easier said than done, I know. Feel free to throw my glib advice back into my face when I get dragged down by the dailies....haha. Hugs to you, friend.
So yeah, I read once that the reason women tend to hang in as communicators in situations like ours in here is because of how we developed in our cave-man/woman days. In general, the men were the hunters -- out looking for meat and having to be forward focused and silent as they pursued their quests out away from home in dangerous situations. Women, on the other hand, had to stay in communities to raise the children and had to cooperate with one another to be able to gather food nearby or maintain gardens and so forth on the home front. For that reason, the theory goes, men tend to be more silent and focused, and women tend to be more talkative and cooperative as communicators. Not sure if it's true, but it makes some sense I guess. Keep stopping by to check in with us, ok? We'll keep the chatter going.
Ayers, I'm glad things were so nice on your trip! You seem to be doing so well! You're so focused and you never seem to even have thoughts of slipping! It's great! I'm very happy for you!
So, I had a surgery recently. I wasn't going to talk about it, but what the heck. We let it all hang out in here. I've been dieting and working out, but haven''t been having as much success as I wish I were, so I decided to go for a smart-lipo procedure. I had my hips and back done a week ago. It was really, really strange! They give you a cocktail of drugs that are supposed to put you into a twilight sleep so that you're basically awake for the procedure. I have only a few little snapshot memories of the whole thing. The rest is like a big blackout. I see the doctor later today and I feel scared that he's going to tell me I did something embarassing! Anyway...I'm still a bit sore, but really it was not traumatic at all. I went to the gym and walked a couple of miles on the treadmill the day after, and three days after I took a long 3-hour motorcycle trip to see some of my relatives who live near here. I was, and am fine. I feel a little guilty -- a little selfish and vain -- on one hand, I feel like, who the hell am I to spend that money on something as frivilous as getting rid of the fat on my hips. I'm nobody and not important and nobody in the world gives a damn about how much fat is on my hips. On the other hand, I feel like -- Hey! I've spent the great majority of my life working my butt off, taking care of all of the people around me and neglecting myself. This is my time, and life is short, so why the hell not do something that will make me feel a bit more comfortable in my own skin? Screw it! I must say, that the decision to just do it was solidified when I added up how much money I've saved in just the short time I've been sober. It's a lot guys! Have you added up how much you all have saved? If not, I think you should, and look at it in black and white! It's shocking how much that daily bottle or two of wine was taking out of my pocketbook. I'm still in the black even after the surgery, so I don't feel too bad.
So, I did visit my family, and while I was there we had a family dinner. Before that, my relatives were drinking quite a bit, and my cousin kept urging me to have just one glass with them. It was getting awkward, and I'm not close enough with them to have told tham that I quit, so I finally aquiesced and let her pour me one glass of champagne. I sipped it -- didn't drink the whole thing, and didn't have any desire to do so or any urge to get more. And truthfully, I'm ok with myself for having done that. It deflated the tension and didn't hurt me or my resolve one bit. If that happens from time to time and doesn't divert me from the good path I'm on, I'm ok with that. I hope nobody thinks less of me because of that. It worked for me. If I ever find myself in a position where something like peer pressure seems to be dragging me back into addiction I'll revisit my thoughts and revise my plan even if it means having to tell people flat-out that I'm a recovering drunk. For now, though, it's all good.
My daughter had her appointment with her shrink and was diagnosed as having bipolar depression type two. My type of depression is bipolar type 1. I've had manic episodes where I've felt invincible and could basically live just on air and my profound thoughts. Her type tends more toward the depressive side with brif periods of normal. She was prescribed the same type of medication that I take, though, and I really think it will make a difference for her if she sticks with it. I'm hoping she will.
Well....that's all from me for now. Hey Bonnie, Bekind, Barbs, Darkling and anyone I'm neglecting to mention. Stay well, y'all.
Bob, Mike, David! Good to hear from you guys! I'm very glad you are doing so well, Mike and David, and I'm really glad you're still checking in to let us know how you're doing. (David, good luck with your professional decisions. I hope you find work that you love soon. I can relate to the sturm and drang of the search for meaningful work. Going through all of it myself, so far with no success in finding my place in that world. It will come. I have faith for both of us.) Bob, ugh. Sorry about your relationship problems with your wife. I'm sure it seems really depressing to you at the moment, but in the big picture, it's small stuff compared to your long-term health and recovery. Try to keep focused on the big picture -- going back to drinking isn't going to help smooth things out -- particularly with regard to the bedroom issues -- I'm sure you know that. But, like Zoey said, we've all been there. Those issues affect women too, believe me. If it's really bothering you, I hope you look into some of the many therapies that are available now. My ex used them with lots of success and felt better when he was going through a rough patch. And too, counseling for you and your wife? I don't know, but it seems from past posts like you care very deeply for her and she for you. Don't let the little day to day crap pull your focus from the big picture. Easier said than done, I know. Feel free to throw my glib advice back into my face when I get dragged down by the dailies....haha. Hugs to you, friend.
So yeah, I read once that the reason women tend to hang in as communicators in situations like ours in here is because of how we developed in our cave-man/woman days. In general, the men were the hunters -- out looking for meat and having to be forward focused and silent as they pursued their quests out away from home in dangerous situations. Women, on the other hand, had to stay in communities to raise the children and had to cooperate with one another to be able to gather food nearby or maintain gardens and so forth on the home front. For that reason, the theory goes, men tend to be more silent and focused, and women tend to be more talkative and cooperative as communicators. Not sure if it's true, but it makes some sense I guess. Keep stopping by to check in with us, ok? We'll keep the chatter going.
Ayers, I'm glad things were so nice on your trip! You seem to be doing so well! You're so focused and you never seem to even have thoughts of slipping! It's great! I'm very happy for you!
So, I had a surgery recently. I wasn't going to talk about it, but what the heck. We let it all hang out in here. I've been dieting and working out, but haven''t been having as much success as I wish I were, so I decided to go for a smart-lipo procedure. I had my hips and back done a week ago. It was really, really strange! They give you a cocktail of drugs that are supposed to put you into a twilight sleep so that you're basically awake for the procedure. I have only a few little snapshot memories of the whole thing. The rest is like a big blackout. I see the doctor later today and I feel scared that he's going to tell me I did something embarassing! Anyway...I'm still a bit sore, but really it was not traumatic at all. I went to the gym and walked a couple of miles on the treadmill the day after, and three days after I took a long 3-hour motorcycle trip to see some of my relatives who live near here. I was, and am fine. I feel a little guilty -- a little selfish and vain -- on one hand, I feel like, who the hell am I to spend that money on something as frivilous as getting rid of the fat on my hips. I'm nobody and not important and nobody in the world gives a damn about how much fat is on my hips. On the other hand, I feel like -- Hey! I've spent the great majority of my life working my butt off, taking care of all of the people around me and neglecting myself. This is my time, and life is short, so why the hell not do something that will make me feel a bit more comfortable in my own skin? Screw it! I must say, that the decision to just do it was solidified when I added up how much money I've saved in just the short time I've been sober. It's a lot guys! Have you added up how much you all have saved? If not, I think you should, and look at it in black and white! It's shocking how much that daily bottle or two of wine was taking out of my pocketbook. I'm still in the black even after the surgery, so I don't feel too bad.
So, I did visit my family, and while I was there we had a family dinner. Before that, my relatives were drinking quite a bit, and my cousin kept urging me to have just one glass with them. It was getting awkward, and I'm not close enough with them to have told tham that I quit, so I finally aquiesced and let her pour me one glass of champagne. I sipped it -- didn't drink the whole thing, and didn't have any desire to do so or any urge to get more. And truthfully, I'm ok with myself for having done that. It deflated the tension and didn't hurt me or my resolve one bit. If that happens from time to time and doesn't divert me from the good path I'm on, I'm ok with that. I hope nobody thinks less of me because of that. It worked for me. If I ever find myself in a position where something like peer pressure seems to be dragging me back into addiction I'll revisit my thoughts and revise my plan even if it means having to tell people flat-out that I'm a recovering drunk. For now, though, it's all good.
My daughter had her appointment with her shrink and was diagnosed as having bipolar depression type two. My type of depression is bipolar type 1. I've had manic episodes where I've felt invincible and could basically live just on air and my profound thoughts. Her type tends more toward the depressive side with brif periods of normal. She was prescribed the same type of medication that I take, though, and I really think it will make a difference for her if she sticks with it. I'm hoping she will.
Well....that's all from me for now. Hey Bonnie, Bekind, Barbs, Darkling and anyone I'm neglecting to mention. Stay well, y'all.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 697
Good morning everyone.
Good to hear from the guys. So much going on with all of you my head is spinning trying to catch up. I can't quit organize my thoughts to respond like I would like. But please now that I am thinking of you all and wishing you all strength on this journey.
I had a follow-up with my doctor and we decided to keep things as they are with my meds. They seem to be working for now. I did discover that I have hyperthyroidism. Some of the symptoms seem to correspond with my anxiety. I have a complete physical scheduled for August so I will address it more then. I may see a holistic doctor in addition to my primary care physician. I'm not sure how confident I feel in my pcp.
Love to you all.
Good to hear from the guys. So much going on with all of you my head is spinning trying to catch up. I can't quit organize my thoughts to respond like I would like. But please now that I am thinking of you all and wishing you all strength on this journey.
I had a follow-up with my doctor and we decided to keep things as they are with my meds. They seem to be working for now. I did discover that I have hyperthyroidism. Some of the symptoms seem to correspond with my anxiety. I have a complete physical scheduled for August so I will address it more then. I may see a holistic doctor in addition to my primary care physician. I'm not sure how confident I feel in my pcp.
Love to you all.
Sober Soldier
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,911
Originally Posted by zoeydog
Wow, Mike! How great to hear from you … and wonderful that you are 4 months sober. This group has gone quiet, but it seems like those who are still here are doing pretty well with alcohol! Fill us in on your life these days.
I am also absolutely loving the single life. I felt sorry for myself a lot last year following a rough breakup, but now I am fully embracing the sober single life. I think it might be best for me right now anyway as I can stay focused on sobriety and my career. I think I also read somewhere (maybe AA big book) that it’s a good idea to avoid romantic relationships for the first year of sobriety. And although I don’t go to meetings or agree with everything in AA, I think that is a solid piece of advice that I am going to follow.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,999
I'm chiming in from the armpit time of my day: late afternoon.
So good to see all the posts. It does choke me up a bit to see the courage and persistence displayed in this small group of people.
Katy, I'm so impressed that you just keep at it trying to get there. I want this to be your last binge as much as everyone. However, please please keep coming back no matter what. I assign you the Sisu badge of honor along with the others that just keep picking themselves up.
Alice, you inspired me to do a conservative calculation of what I have saved. It was indeed an eye opener. Thinking about the time and health benefits just doubles down on the advantage of what we are doing.
I second Alice's request to our wonderful men, " Keep stopping by to check in with us, ok? We'll keep the chatter going." Justtony if you are still around stick your head in too. Heck with you we would have a full quartet of gentlemen . . . . Yeehaw . . . . Man Power!
Okay all, I'm off to do a bit of yoga to honor all your courage, start some laundry and find a phone number.
So good to see all the posts. It does choke me up a bit to see the courage and persistence displayed in this small group of people.
Katy, I'm so impressed that you just keep at it trying to get there. I want this to be your last binge as much as everyone. However, please please keep coming back no matter what. I assign you the Sisu badge of honor along with the others that just keep picking themselves up.
Alice, you inspired me to do a conservative calculation of what I have saved. It was indeed an eye opener. Thinking about the time and health benefits just doubles down on the advantage of what we are doing.
I second Alice's request to our wonderful men, " Keep stopping by to check in with us, ok? We'll keep the chatter going." Justtony if you are still around stick your head in too. Heck with you we would have a full quartet of gentlemen . . . . Yeehaw . . . . Man Power!
Okay all, I'm off to do a bit of yoga to honor all your courage, start some laundry and find a phone number.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: nj
Posts: 470
thanks all as always for your support.
Alice, I think you’re right about your daughter and you are doing the right thing taking her to a psychiatrist. A change in behavior can be a warning. My son is the same age and suffers from a mood disorder, I know what you’re talking about and going through. There was a time when my son was extremely angry toward me and I learned that (when I didn’t put up with his blaming me, ect), he was hating himself instead and taking it out on me and that was scary. He has since turned it around and doing much better. He s in therapy and taking medication.
Barbs, a hyperactive thyroid can definitely contribute to your feelings of anxiety. Good that they found this issue. It can be treated and then maybe you can see how much medication you really need. I’m hoping that your treatment will bring you relief.
Thanks Ayers....I’m committed to trying to figure things out. I can’t make huge changes overnight, but I can begin to set limits. I decided to do that today nd let paperwork undone so that I could get home at a decent dinner hour
Bob, there’s treatment for ED....hoping you can find a specialist to confide in, and I hope that things will get better. You are going through some difficult times. Be kind to yourself and take good care
Katy, I’m worried for you too. I also think that you need more help than youre getting. Maybe you’ll consider what Alice said? What about a rehab stay? I know you may not like that idea, but your drinking seems to be very dangerous at this pint? I’ll be thinking of you
Good to hear from everyone else. Hang in there and stay committed.
Alice, I think you’re right about your daughter and you are doing the right thing taking her to a psychiatrist. A change in behavior can be a warning. My son is the same age and suffers from a mood disorder, I know what you’re talking about and going through. There was a time when my son was extremely angry toward me and I learned that (when I didn’t put up with his blaming me, ect), he was hating himself instead and taking it out on me and that was scary. He has since turned it around and doing much better. He s in therapy and taking medication.
Barbs, a hyperactive thyroid can definitely contribute to your feelings of anxiety. Good that they found this issue. It can be treated and then maybe you can see how much medication you really need. I’m hoping that your treatment will bring you relief.
Thanks Ayers....I’m committed to trying to figure things out. I can’t make huge changes overnight, but I can begin to set limits. I decided to do that today nd let paperwork undone so that I could get home at a decent dinner hour
Bob, there’s treatment for ED....hoping you can find a specialist to confide in, and I hope that things will get better. You are going through some difficult times. Be kind to yourself and take good care
Katy, I’m worried for you too. I also think that you need more help than youre getting. Maybe you’ll consider what Alice said? What about a rehab stay? I know you may not like that idea, but your drinking seems to be very dangerous at this pint? I’ll be thinking of you
Good to hear from everyone else. Hang in there and stay committed.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 451
Doing a bit of a fly-by and I scramble for work. So great to hear from everyone. And while we are all dealing with our individual issues -- kids, health, etc. -- we also appear to be staying pretty focused on our sobriety. 
Happy Thursday to this lovely group!
Happy Thursday to this lovely group!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: England
Posts: 615
Morning all,
Feel reluctant to post as I usually reply so personally but I feel a little rubbish at focusing right now so please do forgive me. I am reading back and catching up as best as I can.
I'm doing ok but still feeling so exhausted and I've had the strangest nights sleep or lack or since this last binge, really odd nightmares and racing thoughts but whilst feeling sort of still awake if that makes sense, hard to explain and my head being foggy right now I'm probably not doing a great job.
Reading suggestions of rehab, I'd love to but if I go then my house has gone, and my job, I'd have nowhere that I could stay with my dog when I got out, I just honestly don't feel it's an option for me, I'd love to go to one for a few weeks and get fully well but I just don't see how. Also reading about seeing a psychiatrist, I definitely feel my mental health needs further assessment and as you said Alice, these are huge ups and downs, alcoholic bipolar fits how I feel so well, I know I'm not responding very well this week but your post was spot on, couldn't of said how it feels better myself, I do love how close we are here and that we really get a feel and understanding as to what each of us are going through.
Here in England you can't just go directly to a psychiatrist unless it was private and I'm not in a position to afford that, If I see my Doctor they can sometimes refer but it's usually just for some basic counselling like I just had which was CBT, they didn't really delve into my mind at all though, just gave me some useful techniques for managing the anxiety. I agree I need more than this. Also unfortunately I've not lost my CBT therapy because with my relapses I missed two appointments which means they strike you off.
It's really great to see Bob, Mike and David back in the group! I really relate to your recent post David about the repeated cycles with work. Again sorry I feel as I'm typing this that I hope I'm making sense, my head is so exhausted this week, I drank day and night for 2 weeks, it's really taken it's toll on me.Anyway great to see you guys back and that you're doing well, really pleased.
This week I've just been trying to catch up on things, it's another bank holiday weekend here for us so after today I have 3 days off. Tomorrow I'm bringing Boo home, our kitten and then I have a good friend who is in long term recovery and also a counsellor now coming over to visit me, I think I'll burst into tears when I see her, I've been isolating myself so much and we've been chatting a lot and she can just feel how low I've got, she said I need a huge hug, bless her, really can't wait to see her, I think the lunch out with her and good heart to heart tomorrow will really pick me up. I know every week I say my plan for the weekend is to paint but this weekend we definitely are. There is no chance at all I will drink, I know that. When I get this ill and have a binge this bad I always stop for a while, the thing is now finding ways to change a while into forever!!!! But as we all know right now it's just day by day.
So sorry again I'm rambling, just blurting out my thoughts and how it is right now.
I missed two yoga sessions whilst drinking too, I'm there again next Tuesday evening, the teacher knows I'm unwell and struggling so I was just honest and told her I had a huge set back.
My Dads still healing well but I'm so upset that he had to see me in such a state, they turned up in the thick of it, it was awful, I'm so sorry for making him see his daughter like that when he's going through what he is, he should have his check up in a couple of weeks to check the surgery is all a success and no return of the evil cancer.
As I said I am here reading and will share my usual, much more together, personal and positive posts as soon as I'm up to it.
Thinking of each of you as always.
Much Love all xxxxxxx
Feel reluctant to post as I usually reply so personally but I feel a little rubbish at focusing right now so please do forgive me. I am reading back and catching up as best as I can.
I'm doing ok but still feeling so exhausted and I've had the strangest nights sleep or lack or since this last binge, really odd nightmares and racing thoughts but whilst feeling sort of still awake if that makes sense, hard to explain and my head being foggy right now I'm probably not doing a great job.
Reading suggestions of rehab, I'd love to but if I go then my house has gone, and my job, I'd have nowhere that I could stay with my dog when I got out, I just honestly don't feel it's an option for me, I'd love to go to one for a few weeks and get fully well but I just don't see how. Also reading about seeing a psychiatrist, I definitely feel my mental health needs further assessment and as you said Alice, these are huge ups and downs, alcoholic bipolar fits how I feel so well, I know I'm not responding very well this week but your post was spot on, couldn't of said how it feels better myself, I do love how close we are here and that we really get a feel and understanding as to what each of us are going through.
Here in England you can't just go directly to a psychiatrist unless it was private and I'm not in a position to afford that, If I see my Doctor they can sometimes refer but it's usually just for some basic counselling like I just had which was CBT, they didn't really delve into my mind at all though, just gave me some useful techniques for managing the anxiety. I agree I need more than this. Also unfortunately I've not lost my CBT therapy because with my relapses I missed two appointments which means they strike you off.
It's really great to see Bob, Mike and David back in the group! I really relate to your recent post David about the repeated cycles with work. Again sorry I feel as I'm typing this that I hope I'm making sense, my head is so exhausted this week, I drank day and night for 2 weeks, it's really taken it's toll on me.Anyway great to see you guys back and that you're doing well, really pleased.
This week I've just been trying to catch up on things, it's another bank holiday weekend here for us so after today I have 3 days off. Tomorrow I'm bringing Boo home, our kitten and then I have a good friend who is in long term recovery and also a counsellor now coming over to visit me, I think I'll burst into tears when I see her, I've been isolating myself so much and we've been chatting a lot and she can just feel how low I've got, she said I need a huge hug, bless her, really can't wait to see her, I think the lunch out with her and good heart to heart tomorrow will really pick me up. I know every week I say my plan for the weekend is to paint but this weekend we definitely are. There is no chance at all I will drink, I know that. When I get this ill and have a binge this bad I always stop for a while, the thing is now finding ways to change a while into forever!!!! But as we all know right now it's just day by day.
So sorry again I'm rambling, just blurting out my thoughts and how it is right now.
I missed two yoga sessions whilst drinking too, I'm there again next Tuesday evening, the teacher knows I'm unwell and struggling so I was just honest and told her I had a huge set back.
My Dads still healing well but I'm so upset that he had to see me in such a state, they turned up in the thick of it, it was awful, I'm so sorry for making him see his daughter like that when he's going through what he is, he should have his check up in a couple of weeks to check the surgery is all a success and no return of the evil cancer.
As I said I am here reading and will share my usual, much more together, personal and positive posts as soon as I'm up to it.
Thinking of each of you as always.
Much Love all xxxxxxx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,285
Friday morning
Hi guys and girls.
Katy, I’m was so relieved you made it back to us. Like Alice, I am scared for you and your health. Every time you disappear I imagine you back in hospital. Your experience sounds horrible – truly scary. And somehow I think that maybe, just maybe, it was scary enough for you too, to get your head around this and make some very serious decisions. We are talking about your life here – you have so much living yet to do, so much going for you, I can only hope you grab that with both hands and choose life . But that said, I am proud of you for giving it another go. You are resilient and strong, persistent and courageous. So glad to have you back, I am rooting for you – I know in my heart that you can and will win this batlle.
I remember when Mike had such a hard time getting through weekends – the despair in his voice every Monday. And look where he is now. Mike , I salute you. Maybe share some ideas here , or pm Katy ?
Alice, good news about your daughter. I hope her meds help her . Imagine how she must feel, being stuck in that vortex of emotional outbursts and depression – and knowing that it is not the real “her”.
It must be such a relief for both of you to know help is at hand and that it can only get better from here.
Your comment about me doing well and never to seem to have thoughts of slipping … I promise you that might be how it seems, but I struggle often, very often . On this trip recently, you can imagine how many cold Mozambiquan beers and cocktails and ice cold white wine was going round? My friend’s husband was very thoughtful , and bought some non alcoholic wine and beer for me. And there were times when I had some. And it helped so much – being part of the moment and not feeling left out. But my main method of letting those thoughts go , is telling myself that I don’t just want a glass of wine. I want a bottle or two. I was never a one glass type of girl.
Good on you for having procedures done for your own wellbeing. I endorse it fully. Now is your time, your turn and you deserve it. You go girl !!! Hope you look fabulous. Enjoy the new you 😊
Barbs , sorry to hear about your hyperthyroidism. But I always feel that if we have answers, at least we can move ahead and do something about it. No wonder you weren’t feeling yourself. Here’s to medication !!! Good stuff that helps us live our lives fully.
Barbs , jay for you setting some limits . That’s a good start. It’s really not a bad idea to become somewhat selfish sometimes and put yourself first.
I came up for an idea for H’s birthday and I hope he’s going to like it. He is a minimalist. Hates “things and stuff”. His motto is, if you can’t eat or drink it, don’t bother buying it. Now, his gift falls in the “stuff” category , but …. The idea came from watching him design buildings. Starting with a concept, embroidering and adding to it. And then finally , taking even more time to take away and minimalise and simplify , until he is happy with the core and essence.
Picasso has line drawings of cattle, called the Bulls series. Black and white. 11 of them. I chose 3. He loves his cattle on the farm. First one with quite a lot of detail. Second one more cubist. And last one a simply line drawing.
Copies. Silkscreened on cotton-paper. I love it 😊 Hope he does too. Will look great in his office.
Okay , thanks for lending me an ear. I’m off to have them framed.
Love you lots XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXX
Hi guys and girls.
Katy, I’m was so relieved you made it back to us. Like Alice, I am scared for you and your health. Every time you disappear I imagine you back in hospital. Your experience sounds horrible – truly scary. And somehow I think that maybe, just maybe, it was scary enough for you too, to get your head around this and make some very serious decisions. We are talking about your life here – you have so much living yet to do, so much going for you, I can only hope you grab that with both hands and choose life . But that said, I am proud of you for giving it another go. You are resilient and strong, persistent and courageous. So glad to have you back, I am rooting for you – I know in my heart that you can and will win this batlle.
I remember when Mike had such a hard time getting through weekends – the despair in his voice every Monday. And look where he is now. Mike , I salute you. Maybe share some ideas here , or pm Katy ?
Alice, good news about your daughter. I hope her meds help her . Imagine how she must feel, being stuck in that vortex of emotional outbursts and depression – and knowing that it is not the real “her”.
It must be such a relief for both of you to know help is at hand and that it can only get better from here.
Your comment about me doing well and never to seem to have thoughts of slipping … I promise you that might be how it seems, but I struggle often, very often . On this trip recently, you can imagine how many cold Mozambiquan beers and cocktails and ice cold white wine was going round? My friend’s husband was very thoughtful , and bought some non alcoholic wine and beer for me. And there were times when I had some. And it helped so much – being part of the moment and not feeling left out. But my main method of letting those thoughts go , is telling myself that I don’t just want a glass of wine. I want a bottle or two. I was never a one glass type of girl.
Good on you for having procedures done for your own wellbeing. I endorse it fully. Now is your time, your turn and you deserve it. You go girl !!! Hope you look fabulous. Enjoy the new you 😊
Barbs , sorry to hear about your hyperthyroidism. But I always feel that if we have answers, at least we can move ahead and do something about it. No wonder you weren’t feeling yourself. Here’s to medication !!! Good stuff that helps us live our lives fully.
Barbs , jay for you setting some limits . That’s a good start. It’s really not a bad idea to become somewhat selfish sometimes and put yourself first.
I came up for an idea for H’s birthday and I hope he’s going to like it. He is a minimalist. Hates “things and stuff”. His motto is, if you can’t eat or drink it, don’t bother buying it. Now, his gift falls in the “stuff” category , but …. The idea came from watching him design buildings. Starting with a concept, embroidering and adding to it. And then finally , taking even more time to take away and minimalise and simplify , until he is happy with the core and essence.
Picasso has line drawings of cattle, called the Bulls series. Black and white. 11 of them. I chose 3. He loves his cattle on the farm. First one with quite a lot of detail. Second one more cubist. And last one a simply line drawing.
Copies. Silkscreened on cotton-paper. I love it 😊 Hope he does too. Will look great in his office.
Okay , thanks for lending me an ear. I’m off to have them framed.
Love you lots XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXX
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
Hi Katy
I didn't go to rehab and I didn't have access to addiction counselors - but I still quit and stayed quit - it can be done
Its not always pleasant and frequently uncomfortable but so's continuing to drink.
I really hope you'll make good choices for yourself from here on in.
D
I didn't go to rehab and I didn't have access to addiction counselors - but I still quit and stayed quit - it can be done
Its not always pleasant and frequently uncomfortable but so's continuing to drink.
I really hope you'll make good choices for yourself from here on in.
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: England
Posts: 615
Thank you Ayers, my strength increases knowing people really believe I can do it...love your morning posts.
Dee, Thank you! You have no idea how much hearing that helps!!!!! I need to believe it can be done from within me, thanks for sharing that, I believe I can do it. I just feel I'm trapped in a habit, a boring, dull, miserable, painful repeated cycle, I think it's happening so much and often I almost EXPECT it to happen now... I need to break the cycle and it's time to get damn tough on myself! I seriously can't do this anymore.
Thanks for all posts everyone and welcoming me back.
I'm still reading back and catching up, will get there and post more when my head will focus but so much appreciation, love and strength to each of you here!
Dee, Thank you! You have no idea how much hearing that helps!!!!! I need to believe it can be done from within me, thanks for sharing that, I believe I can do it. I just feel I'm trapped in a habit, a boring, dull, miserable, painful repeated cycle, I think it's happening so much and often I almost EXPECT it to happen now... I need to break the cycle and it's time to get damn tough on myself! I seriously can't do this anymore.
Thanks for all posts everyone and welcoming me back.
I'm still reading back and catching up, will get there and post more when my head will focus but so much appreciation, love and strength to each of you here!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 451
Katy, thank you for posting. Good luck with your counselor (and bursting into tears isn't a bad thing!). Boo, yoga, a good cry with someone who cares and staying sober. I think you are on the right path. Please keep us posted.
Ayers, your gift sounds amazing! He's going to love it. Can't wait to hear how it goes …
I am doing really well, but as always, on guard against a slip. Mine happen very quickly and come out of nowhere. But this time around, something feels different. I'm not having the awful cravings, and choosing alcohol free drinks automatically, not even realizing I did that until I'm half-way through my komubucha or tonic! I hope that's indicative of me truly being committed this time. It's the longest I've made it by far. But I still focus on each day rather than forever. Forever just seems impossible, but each day is do-able. Quit-lit really helps, too! I'm still not sleeping great, and sometimes wake up feeling hungover (it's so great to realize that I'm not). But this too shall come, I think!
Good morning Matrac, Bekind, Barbs, Mike, David, Dee and everyone else! Hang in there this weekend. Stay connected.
Ayers, your gift sounds amazing! He's going to love it. Can't wait to hear how it goes …
I am doing really well, but as always, on guard against a slip. Mine happen very quickly and come out of nowhere. But this time around, something feels different. I'm not having the awful cravings, and choosing alcohol free drinks automatically, not even realizing I did that until I'm half-way through my komubucha or tonic! I hope that's indicative of me truly being committed this time. It's the longest I've made it by far. But I still focus on each day rather than forever. Forever just seems impossible, but each day is do-able. Quit-lit really helps, too! I'm still not sleeping great, and sometimes wake up feeling hungover (it's so great to realize that I'm not). But this too shall come, I think!
Good morning Matrac, Bekind, Barbs, Mike, David, Dee and everyone else! Hang in there this weekend. Stay connected.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: nj
Posts: 470
Katy, don’t mean to preach, just worried about you. Just as you mention Why you can’t go to rehab, understand that that’s the same reason why you can’t drink. You can win this war and I am your comrade.
Ayers, your gift sounds great. I did a charcoal of Picasso once...My husband has a big birthday coming up and I’m struggling to figure out what to give him. It seems like everything I’ve given him in the past looses its luster. I think on a milestone b’day something with memories woven in might be good....just not sure what the thing would be.
Zoey, sounds like you’re doing great. Dissect those impulsive moments to learn what it is you’re telling yourself at the moment you go for or think about a drink.... if you’re saying that this one doesn’t matter, it does. If you’re saying that you just can’t do it, well yes you can....ect... You know you won’t be satisfied the minute the alcohol wears off, so think of the scenario backwards...think of the hangover before the high, think of the disappointment before the permission, think of the consequences before the secrecy.
We can all do this! How do I know that? I know it because we were not born drinkers. We have potential, we have strength (that we may have forgotten), and we have the will to live a better life (else we would not be here).
Ayers, your gift sounds great. I did a charcoal of Picasso once...My husband has a big birthday coming up and I’m struggling to figure out what to give him. It seems like everything I’ve given him in the past looses its luster. I think on a milestone b’day something with memories woven in might be good....just not sure what the thing would be.
Zoey, sounds like you’re doing great. Dissect those impulsive moments to learn what it is you’re telling yourself at the moment you go for or think about a drink.... if you’re saying that this one doesn’t matter, it does. If you’re saying that you just can’t do it, well yes you can....ect... You know you won’t be satisfied the minute the alcohol wears off, so think of the scenario backwards...think of the hangover before the high, think of the disappointment before the permission, think of the consequences before the secrecy.
We can all do this! How do I know that? I know it because we were not born drinkers. We have potential, we have strength (that we may have forgotten), and we have the will to live a better life (else we would not be here).
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