Class of October 2017 Support Thread pt. 3
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 504
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 147
Stumbling down the Tunnel of Sober Recovery
The side we all come from is the dark side, and it is as dark as any tunnel can be. But somehow not dark enough for us not to see the crates and shelves and bars and shops filled with booze, or to hear the tinkling and clinking sounds of glasses and bottles. The laughter and boisterous side, the jostling and jokes and the drunken, floating, fun side. Or the later on sit-at-home-alone and having a bottle all by ourselves side. Both parts of the dark side, both ruled by the always present voice, the one urging us to have just one more, or a couple more, or a few…
Some of us, at some stage, are lucky enough to resist, and begin making our way down the tunnel, into darkness even darker yet. Darkness quickly filled with sweaty dreams and trembling shakes and headaches and other body pains, and always, the ever-present “Big Thirst”. All amplified, through our foggy thoughts, by the cajoling, inviting voice, sometimes whispering, and other times screaming: “Just one? Maybe two…??”
We all of us stumble, some of us many times, over bottles, empty or full, along the way. Some of us fall, and many of us never get up again; crawling back instead, to the clinking glasses and bottles and laughter of the social drunk, or the solitude and eventual oblivion of the lonely drunk. Lured back to the smell and taste of alcohol, to lingering sickness and eventual death, by that seductive voice.
But some of us still carry on: further on into the dark, with memories of better days to support us and give us strength. Soon, the bottles along the way seem to get less and less, and we don’t stumble as often. When we look up, though, we realize the bottles are still there; just as many as before and still strewn down the whole length of the tunnel. What is different, is that we now walk around them, or simply kick them out of the way. We can now see them, because there is light at the end of the tunnel…
This light, I know, gets stronger each day we are free of alcohol, and is there for all of us.
corriec (28 days and counting; 4 weeks; two days to my first month. Feeling good, and proud). And above all – thankful.
Some of us, at some stage, are lucky enough to resist, and begin making our way down the tunnel, into darkness even darker yet. Darkness quickly filled with sweaty dreams and trembling shakes and headaches and other body pains, and always, the ever-present “Big Thirst”. All amplified, through our foggy thoughts, by the cajoling, inviting voice, sometimes whispering, and other times screaming: “Just one? Maybe two…??”
We all of us stumble, some of us many times, over bottles, empty or full, along the way. Some of us fall, and many of us never get up again; crawling back instead, to the clinking glasses and bottles and laughter of the social drunk, or the solitude and eventual oblivion of the lonely drunk. Lured back to the smell and taste of alcohol, to lingering sickness and eventual death, by that seductive voice.
But some of us still carry on: further on into the dark, with memories of better days to support us and give us strength. Soon, the bottles along the way seem to get less and less, and we don’t stumble as often. When we look up, though, we realize the bottles are still there; just as many as before and still strewn down the whole length of the tunnel. What is different, is that we now walk around them, or simply kick them out of the way. We can now see them, because there is light at the end of the tunnel…
This light, I know, gets stronger each day we are free of alcohol, and is there for all of us.
corriec (28 days and counting; 4 weeks; two days to my first month. Feeling good, and proud). And above all – thankful.
O-n K-a-r A-r-r-e-s-t
Join Date: May 2016
Location: US
Posts: 600
corriec welcome back!
Lulu glad you are safe and sound at the new place
BigShoe hang in, hang in
BMU - I have some melatonin too and will probably use it tonite. One thing that happened to me is that I built a tolerance and it lost its affect after some time so I took a big break. I remember some days that I felt a bit groggy in the morning. My other thing I used to use was Nyquil.. guess I can forget that as it has alcohol in it. I am trying now to just wear myself out before bed and reading is my best remedy. I normally fall asleep with my ipad in hand (Kindle app). After a couple of times of that, it falling and waking me up, I normally can just conk out. I think hot baths help a lot too to get yourself in that relaxed mode.
EastofEden - I am searching around for plan ideas too. I want to be armed for success. One thing I think is good is to give yourself something to look forward to - not drinking. I tivo programs or have movies in queue for netflix. I look forward to certain meals or right now I am looking forward to my junk food (looking to remedy that in the future). I look forward most of all to a good book before bed. I look forward to and even if I don't post, I always read here every single day. When I get to driving again, I will not be going to a certain grocery store because the drive thru is right there and also down the same road. I will not go down the aisles that have alcohol in them. Very importantly I will not buy the snack foods that I bought when I was drinking. I write in a journal and I write here. I hope you keep posting how you are doing and what works and doesn't work for you.
Lulu glad you are safe and sound at the new place
BigShoe hang in, hang in
BMU - I have some melatonin too and will probably use it tonite. One thing that happened to me is that I built a tolerance and it lost its affect after some time so I took a big break. I remember some days that I felt a bit groggy in the morning. My other thing I used to use was Nyquil.. guess I can forget that as it has alcohol in it. I am trying now to just wear myself out before bed and reading is my best remedy. I normally fall asleep with my ipad in hand (Kindle app). After a couple of times of that, it falling and waking me up, I normally can just conk out. I think hot baths help a lot too to get yourself in that relaxed mode.
EastofEden - I am searching around for plan ideas too. I want to be armed for success. One thing I think is good is to give yourself something to look forward to - not drinking. I tivo programs or have movies in queue for netflix. I look forward to certain meals or right now I am looking forward to my junk food (looking to remedy that in the future). I look forward most of all to a good book before bed. I look forward to and even if I don't post, I always read here every single day. When I get to driving again, I will not be going to a certain grocery store because the drive thru is right there and also down the same road. I will not go down the aisles that have alcohol in them. Very importantly I will not buy the snack foods that I bought when I was drinking. I write in a journal and I write here. I hope you keep posting how you are doing and what works and doesn't work for you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 116
Originally Posted by Rubaduck 
Hi all,
Just had my first (surprise) live chat with some fellow Octsobers - Mel & Soul. Short and sweet but put a smile on my face.
Just starting my third week now. Went back and checked how long my original effort was when I joined. It was longer than I remembered, but when I finish this week I'll have beaten my "record". The difference is in how I feel - no AV this time. I actually think the relapses helped. I simply translate "I'd love a beer" to "I'd love to relapse". That's not true, so the AV shuts up instantly. Plus I'm trying hard with my whole lifestyle, particularly saving money. Penny-pinching is actually kind of enjoyable for me at the moment. I want to see the difference in my bank account after a few months.
Have a good one everybody.
Just had my first (surprise) live chat with some fellow Octsobers - Mel & Soul. Short and sweet but put a smile on my face.
Just starting my third week now. Went back and checked how long my original effort was when I joined. It was longer than I remembered, but when I finish this week I'll have beaten my "record". The difference is in how I feel - no AV this time. I actually think the relapses helped. I simply translate "I'd love a beer" to "I'd love to relapse". That's not true, so the AV shuts up instantly. Plus I'm trying hard with my whole lifestyle, particularly saving money. Penny-pinching is actually kind of enjoyable for me at the moment. I want to see the difference in my bank account after a few months.
Have a good one everybody.
That is amazing progress and attitude!
I have made a commitment to really watching the sugar in my diet because I truly believe it increases my depression and cravings for booze. Plus, dropping the wine did NOTHING to move the scale (dammit) so I have to dig deeper. I feel better and am really starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel more often now that it has been 3+weeks. I am excited for what's ahead. I don't want to mess it up.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 116
Originally Posted by Getbetter72
I hate to be Captain Obvious but you need to talk to your husband or maybe point him in the direction of articles or a book on how to support a recovering alcoholic. Telling you that you should just drink is something that should never come out of the mouth of your support system. Really shouldn't even cross his mind. Just as this is a learning curve for you in your recovery it is a learning curve for him too as he learns how to best support you. We have to sometimes teach our loved ones what we need from them to ensure we maintain sobriety.
I DO appreciate the care that was behind your post however.
O-n K-a-r A-r-r-e-s-t
Join Date: May 2016
Location: US
Posts: 600
pretty cool Mel....
No one forced me to drink either... I did it all on my own. Yes there was peer pressure in the beginning and I wasn't a strong enough kid to stand up to it but no matter, there were quite literally thousands and thousands of times when I could have done something different.
No one forced me to drink either... I did it all on my own. Yes there was peer pressure in the beginning and I wasn't a strong enough kid to stand up to it but no matter, there were quite literally thousands and thousands of times when I could have done something different.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 206
Originally Posted by LuluBread
Side note on the melatonin - I thought id lay back down for a quick nap after I made my last post at 10:26 am. I woke up from that nap at 2:30 pm. Not good!! Now im not saying it was all the malatonin's fault, but ive never taken a 4 hr nap. Im just hoping I can get to sleep tonight after all that napping
I'm not exactly sleeping beauty here
Brighten
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 107
Originally Posted by BrightenMeUp
Hey friends, good morning!!
Ya this time change stuff has messed me up a bit as well. I took my first melatonin last night and I gotta say it did work some but either it carried over to the morning or im still just overly tired, not sure but it was tough getting through my workout earlier.
Its kinda rainy and dreary here today so im not sure what the day holds for me. I know im feeling pretty darn lonely and miserable though.
I hope everybody has a great day today!! Sending happy thoughts to all of ya's!!
Brighten
Ya this time change stuff has messed me up a bit as well. I took my first melatonin last night and I gotta say it did work some but either it carried over to the morning or im still just overly tired, not sure but it was tough getting through my workout earlier.
Its kinda rainy and dreary here today so im not sure what the day holds for me. I know im feeling pretty darn lonely and miserable though.
I hope everybody has a great day today!! Sending happy thoughts to all of ya's!!
Brighten
Beware loneliness. I know that is one of my triggers, mainly because I'm a lone drinker. But loneliness can lead to boredom or depression, both are danger zones. You probably already know that, just reinforcing it to help.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Loneliness...there are a million ways to get out around people. Volunteering, church, AA, taking a class - like a cooking class, or music or engine maintenance, or whatever.
I am not sure when it happened but one day I realized I wasn't lonely - or bored - because those things can be easily remedied.
I was just choosing to think in that negative way.
I am not sure when it happened but one day I realized I wasn't lonely - or bored - because those things can be easily remedied.
I was just choosing to think in that negative way.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 107
I know with my loneliness it leads to depression/guilt of all the wrongs I've done, which makes me not want to be around anyone. I start by doing something productive (see Kit's excellent thread about New Year's Eve strategies). I force myself to at least call someone and sometimes that alleviates the loneliness. Keep in mind I have Type 2 Bipolar (no I'm not a nut case and I don't hear voices or want to hurt anyone, I've heard those before) so my situation is more complicated but the concepts remain the same.
OX
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Upper Left USA
Posts: 630
Feeling a bit better after super long shower. Not as angry or resentful right now. Was grinding my teeth in annoyance at everything mrs would do. Had some food and now a bit more relaxed. Maybe I shouldn’t drink so much coffee? I don’t know.
Loneliness is tough guys, but sometimes I just want to be left alone. Much to do but no energy. Reading all the posts and appreciate being here with you all
Loneliness is tough guys, but sometimes I just want to be left alone. Much to do but no energy. Reading all the posts and appreciate being here with you all
OX
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Upper Left USA
Posts: 630
I love love coffee tho! I have an awesome substitute called Pero that I drink at nite and truly enjoy. Haven’t been brave enough to start the day with it. I fear being too good. No drink or drugs or cigs and no coffee. Hey it shouldn’t really matter if I feel better I guess. But sometimes I have a little time to kill and I would have had a smoke or a drink or a coffee. Honestly I am so cheap I would go to a place and walk by but having the freedom to go... I think it’s a mental issue and have to change my thinking.
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