Class of May 2017 Support Thread Part Three
capra laeviculus
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: German Village, OH
Posts: 3,427
Thank you so much for the input everyone. And yes, Dee, googling that author yielded the desired result 
Weev -- I have *never* had any luck when I was looking. Not once. Not in my entire life.
But, heh, even though I have known that to be true for quite a while it did not stop me from actively looking when I was alone.
I am not what you would describe as "socially challenged"... No, it's way worse than that. Even though I always scored as severely introverted when I took anything like a Myers-Briggs assessment, you wouldn't know it by meeting me. I am extremely outgoing. The problem is that it's not always real. The real me is below the surface. The outside me is a tough biker guitarist dude with long hair and leather. The inside me is afraid of spiders. Well... not really afraid, per se... but I do give them more respect than they may be due.
I am pretty good about allowing the inside me to show through the veil to those closest to me. The problem is that the veil still gets in the way sometimes.
On a related topic, I am working on self-awareness. *JUST* like it says in the big book, I always think I'm being a good guy when in fact I just want the world to do as I wish.
Tonight I got upset because, in my mind, I was trying to help someone and they were not listening to me. But, in fact, I had a tantrum because I was not getting my way. Once I realized that (and these realizations are happening somewhat more quickly these days, thankfully) I saw that may way may not have been the best way after all, and that I should listen more and think a little more outside the box if my true intention is to be helpful... which it is, of course. My way doesn't matter if it isn't helpful.
Weev -- I have *never* had any luck when I was looking. Not once. Not in my entire life.
But, heh, even though I have known that to be true for quite a while it did not stop me from actively looking when I was alone.
I am not what you would describe as "socially challenged"... No, it's way worse than that. Even though I always scored as severely introverted when I took anything like a Myers-Briggs assessment, you wouldn't know it by meeting me. I am extremely outgoing. The problem is that it's not always real. The real me is below the surface. The outside me is a tough biker guitarist dude with long hair and leather. The inside me is afraid of spiders. Well... not really afraid, per se... but I do give them more respect than they may be due.
I am pretty good about allowing the inside me to show through the veil to those closest to me. The problem is that the veil still gets in the way sometimes.
On a related topic, I am working on self-awareness. *JUST* like it says in the big book, I always think I'm being a good guy when in fact I just want the world to do as I wish.
Tonight I got upset because, in my mind, I was trying to help someone and they were not listening to me. But, in fact, I had a tantrum because I was not getting my way. Once I realized that (and these realizations are happening somewhat more quickly these days, thankfully) I saw that may way may not have been the best way after all, and that I should listen more and think a little more outside the box if my true intention is to be helpful... which it is, of course. My way doesn't matter if it isn't helpful.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Originally Posted by Weev1l 
Crikey. Long post.
Summary:
Want a relationship
Missing father
Can't have one til I work thru childhood issues
Hopeful
Love sobriety and doing great.
Love you all
Summary:
Want a relationship
Missing father
Can't have one til I work thru childhood issues
Hopeful
Love sobriety and doing great.
Love you all
Do you see a therapist for the childhood issues? God know we all have them :/
Glad you love sobriety and SO glad you are doing "great" my friend...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Originally Posted by Weev1l
Hey Rain, good to hear from you, sober twin - how’s the family? How’s your insomnia? I’m trying valerian tea before bed but I couldn’t say it’s giving me any extra hours just maybe a deeper sleep. I’m not waking every night at 4.30 like before when my body expected a drink but I don’t know if it will ever totally go away because I drank so long and so consistently… must be imprinted pretty deep.
It’s way easier, no cravings, and my brain’s clearing a bit. I’m hoping my empty head is in fact serenity and peace!!! I have achieved zen nirvana and didn’t even notice.
I’m having a funny day tho. I woke up and decided I needed a man this morning and have been tempted to join a dating site all day. I went into the city to get my coffee, but it’s official: my Higher Power has imposed a 10 mile exclusion zone round me. Would you believe it I saw NO men AT ALL. Even in the coffee shop. Not ONE. Is that even possible? Did they get up and move county? Anyhoo, I should take the hint: He knows what’s best for me. New relationships go hand in hand with relapse sometimes.
I’m just reading chapter 1 from “Is it love or is it addiction” by Brenda Schaeffer which starts by saying most efforts to love fail unless a person has actively tried to develop his or her individual potential and personality. Not sure you can do that when your main focus is on getting drunk. Yet another reason to be on my own for a while yet. Me and The Dog are best buds.
Also really grateful for what Sun, Dee and Goat wrote on this thread about isolation and fear of intimacy in relationships. I’m pretty sunk into the way of life of 12 step recovery programs now. I’m doing some intense written work at the moment in SLAA - I accidentally ended up in a meeting one day, and felt right at home with some of the “socially challenged” people there. No holding hands or hugging either!
They have a concept called “social, sexual and emotional anorexia”. I don’t like the word but it’s about patterns of avoiding closeness or inability to trust that usually start in childhood and can end up with isolation and aloneness through subconscious choice. It’s the anniversary of my father dying today and I expect that’s bought all this up. He is at peace, if my prayers for his forgiveness are heard, but he, among others, taught me not to trust.
I’ll get there. I’m facing stuff I’ve run away from for ever. Four months is a million miles away from Day 1, isn’t it? Just the thought of going back there fills me with dread. How did I ever think taking a drink would improve my ability to solve any problem? I pray none of us ever goes near that filthy stuff ever again. I love that we’re all exploring different ways of finding relief from the problems of living in reality. I could stay sober if this is all I had to deal with but you lot have work and relationships and children in the equation. I take my hat off to you. Love you guys
It’s way easier, no cravings, and my brain’s clearing a bit. I’m hoping my empty head is in fact serenity and peace!!! I have achieved zen nirvana and didn’t even notice.
I’m having a funny day tho. I woke up and decided I needed a man this morning and have been tempted to join a dating site all day. I went into the city to get my coffee, but it’s official: my Higher Power has imposed a 10 mile exclusion zone round me. Would you believe it I saw NO men AT ALL. Even in the coffee shop. Not ONE. Is that even possible? Did they get up and move county? Anyhoo, I should take the hint: He knows what’s best for me. New relationships go hand in hand with relapse sometimes.
I’m just reading chapter 1 from “Is it love or is it addiction” by Brenda Schaeffer which starts by saying most efforts to love fail unless a person has actively tried to develop his or her individual potential and personality. Not sure you can do that when your main focus is on getting drunk. Yet another reason to be on my own for a while yet. Me and The Dog are best buds.
Also really grateful for what Sun, Dee and Goat wrote on this thread about isolation and fear of intimacy in relationships. I’m pretty sunk into the way of life of 12 step recovery programs now. I’m doing some intense written work at the moment in SLAA - I accidentally ended up in a meeting one day, and felt right at home with some of the “socially challenged” people there. No holding hands or hugging either!
They have a concept called “social, sexual and emotional anorexia”. I don’t like the word but it’s about patterns of avoiding closeness or inability to trust that usually start in childhood and can end up with isolation and aloneness through subconscious choice. It’s the anniversary of my father dying today and I expect that’s bought all this up. He is at peace, if my prayers for his forgiveness are heard, but he, among others, taught me not to trust.
I’ll get there. I’m facing stuff I’ve run away from for ever. Four months is a million miles away from Day 1, isn’t it? Just the thought of going back there fills me with dread. How did I ever think taking a drink would improve my ability to solve any problem? I pray none of us ever goes near that filthy stuff ever again. I love that we’re all exploring different ways of finding relief from the problems of living in reality. I could stay sober if this is all I had to deal with but you lot have work and relationships and children in the equation. I take my hat off to you. Love you guys
YOU are amazing.....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Really not doing well. My crying has increased, my anger and mood swings are unbearable. I am still waiting to get back the results from my neurotransmitter and hormone tests- hoping they give me some answers.
I meditated and did hypnosis for 90 minutes today- it felt great and I am definitely more calm with less racing thoughts but now I am just tired and want to sleep the rest of the day away. My toddler is still napping but will be up soon. I am going to go run some errands when my husband gets home although that's the last thing I want to do. Still, we need groceries and the kids need new shoes. I suppose the drive will help me as I love driving.
Hope to hear from all of you soon...
I meditated and did hypnosis for 90 minutes today- it felt great and I am definitely more calm with less racing thoughts but now I am just tired and want to sleep the rest of the day away. My toddler is still napping but will be up soon. I am going to go run some errands when my husband gets home although that's the last thing I want to do. Still, we need groceries and the kids need new shoes. I suppose the drive will help me as I love driving.
Hope to hear from all of you soon...
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
I'm sorry things are so up and down SFL - but you're not alone in this - we're with you every step of the way - we believe in you
Hi Weev, Goat and Rainman - some awesome recovery occurring here
D
Hi Weev, Goat and Rainman - some awesome recovery occurring here
D
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Texas
Posts: 521
Great post Weeve, family is doing good, I think we have a couple more weeks before we have a houseful. Looking forward to it but at the same time dreading it. I think sleep is overrated,LOL. Like you said 4 months is a million miles away. For myself I think being busy has helped with staying sober. Although I'm ready for a break just don't see it coming anytime soon. Looking forward to a three day weekend. Plans are to hook the jeep up behind the MH and spend a weekend of hiking and jeep'n Probably shouldn't go because of stuff that needs to be done around the house, but hey I've never been known as the spartest man on the world😜
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Originally Posted by Dee74
I'm sorry things are so up and down SFL - but you're not alone in this - we're with you every step of the way - we believe in you
Hi Weev, Goat and Rainman - some awesome recovery occurring here
D
Hi Weev, Goat and Rainman - some awesome recovery occurring here
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Feeling a bit better and looking foward to my therapy this evening.
I actually had an "aha moment" on my way to the gym at 5:45 this morning. I think it was my guides talking to me actually. I realized it's not that sugar or gluten make me crazy because I am allergic or have a food sensitivity or even because I should be eating them, they make me crazy because they are low vibration foods and my soul/higher self is CRAVING high vibrations! That's why when I drink (poison) I feel like hell. That's why when I over do it on wheat, sugar, junk food I feel like a legit crazy person. I need higher vibration foods!
I always feel my best when I eat a huge salad for lunch so I am going to continue that. But I am also looking into more raw foods and maybe making some raw snacks with my dehydrator. I also realize if I am this sensitive to food, I bet my son is also reacting with his mood swings for the same exact reason. He doesn't eat well at all. With the exception of organic fruit he eats every day, the rest of his food is processed. If I could get him to eat some more veggies and beans I think we would see a change in him.
Anyway, just thought I'd share. There's lots of info online about high vibrational foods but mostly it's raw fruits and veggies, legumes, nuts and seeds and fermented foods.
I actually had an "aha moment" on my way to the gym at 5:45 this morning. I think it was my guides talking to me actually. I realized it's not that sugar or gluten make me crazy because I am allergic or have a food sensitivity or even because I should be eating them, they make me crazy because they are low vibration foods and my soul/higher self is CRAVING high vibrations! That's why when I drink (poison) I feel like hell. That's why when I over do it on wheat, sugar, junk food I feel like a legit crazy person. I need higher vibration foods!
I always feel my best when I eat a huge salad for lunch so I am going to continue that. But I am also looking into more raw foods and maybe making some raw snacks with my dehydrator. I also realize if I am this sensitive to food, I bet my son is also reacting with his mood swings for the same exact reason. He doesn't eat well at all. With the exception of organic fruit he eats every day, the rest of his food is processed. If I could get him to eat some more veggies and beans I think we would see a change in him.
Anyway, just thought I'd share. There's lots of info online about high vibrational foods but mostly it's raw fruits and veggies, legumes, nuts and seeds and fermented foods.
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Texas
Posts: 521
Hey Sun, So glad your feeling better.. I had this great big long message I was writing you this morning. I started it while waiting on my flight, well boarded the plane, finished the message, just as I was about to hit reply, plane backed away from gate and poof internet connection was lost and so was my message, now 14 hours later I can't come up with any great, awesome advise to give you ��
Really glad your feeling better, Sending you a great big air hug.
Really glad your feeling better, Sending you a great big air hug.
capra laeviculus
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: German Village, OH
Posts: 3,427
I am going to have to read about high-vibrational foods.
Sugar makes me... strange...
My diet is (thanks to Suze) 100 times better than it used to be. No more processed anything. All fresh, natural, tasty foods.
Anyway.... I *finally* started working on a jewelry website my dad has been asking me to build for him for at least the past 6 months. I'm sure it's great to have a son who is a professional web developer.... but not so great if he never gets around to working on your website
Sugar makes me... strange...
My diet is (thanks to Suze) 100 times better than it used to be. No more processed anything. All fresh, natural, tasty foods.
Anyway.... I *finally* started working on a jewelry website my dad has been asking me to build for him for at least the past 6 months. I'm sure it's great to have a son who is a professional web developer.... but not so great if he never gets around to working on your website
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Originally Posted by Rainman1
Hey Sun, So glad your feeling better.. I had this great big long message I was writing you this morning. I started it while waiting on my flight, well boarded the plane, finished the message, just as I was about to hit reply, plane backed away from gate and poof internet connection was lost and so was my message, now 14 hours later I can't come up with any great, awesome advise to give you ��
Really glad your feeling better, Sending you a great big air hug.
Really glad your feeling better, Sending you a great big air hug.
Keep Going
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: England
Posts: 1,530
Hi Rain, I think we're all going along nicely, Me You Sun and Goat. I reckon we're all just getting on with it and no major hassles to report. Isn't that a miracle?
Where are you in your travels and what are you up to?
I went to the doc to try Champix to stop my ever growing nicotine pill habit - it's costing about $20 a day - new addictions springing up everywhere!!! I took my first pill tonight with great worry after reading the side effects. I don't know what it's called in the US. I'll let you know how I get on.
Nice to hear from you sober warrior
Where are you in your travels and what are you up to?
I went to the doc to try Champix to stop my ever growing nicotine pill habit - it's costing about $20 a day - new addictions springing up everywhere!!! I took my first pill tonight with great worry after reading the side effects. I don't know what it's called in the US. I'll let you know how I get on.
Nice to hear from you sober warrior
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Hey guys. Hope everyone is doing well. I am not honestly. I can't remember if I posted but I got the results of my hormone and neurotransmitter tests and and no wonder I am a mess. Hormone imbalances and really low on several neurotransmitters. I am supplementing but really want to work with a professional. I just don't know where to go. I don't trust regular doctors but I don't want a psychiatrist. Maybe I will ask the lab that did the testing what they recommend. Still crying daily and throwing fits just like my sons. No wonder they are a mess. Their mother is having a nervous breakdown.
Keep Going
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: England
Posts: 1,530
My beautiful sunflower and her baby sunflower seeds.
I can feel yr frustration all the way across the Atlantic. I've got great faith you will find the path where yr energy isn't blocked, like water does. It always finds a way and flows right round any obstacles in its path. Just protect your sobriety honey. Love and hugs back across the ocean xxx
I can feel yr frustration all the way across the Atlantic. I've got great faith you will find the path where yr energy isn't blocked, like water does. It always finds a way and flows right round any obstacles in its path. Just protect your sobriety honey. Love and hugs back across the ocean xxx
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Thank you Rainman and Weev.
Been crying all day- I can't stop. I showed the tests to my dad (he's a physician) and his oh so typical response was to blame me and tell me I need to eat more real foods and stop taking supplements and added the old, "but of course you won't take my advice," all through a text. This is why it took me over a week to share the results with him. I knew he would judge me right away and not trust the lab and tell me I need to go to a doctor.
The only reason I bought the test online is because my then doctor WOULDN'T test my hormones because I was still breastfeeding (I bought the test last year and held onto it until finally submitting a couple weeks ago.)
Anyway, I am disheartened.
But I will get through this.
Next step is to find an endocrinologist to get "proper testing" and perhaps a shrink that will also test neurotransmitters. I've got skin conditions going on too. I know that when we are in "dis-ease" it is our bodies way of healing us but it feels like I am just falling apart. At least I am seeing the dermatologist/allergist in a week and a half. I am trying, maybe not enough but I'm trying.
I just took a bath which was nice and calm- trying to put it all in perspective as people are losing their homes and everything they know with this awful storm. And I'm complaining about my mood swings. I just feel so messed up and all while I am sober...
Been crying all day- I can't stop. I showed the tests to my dad (he's a physician) and his oh so typical response was to blame me and tell me I need to eat more real foods and stop taking supplements and added the old, "but of course you won't take my advice," all through a text. This is why it took me over a week to share the results with him. I knew he would judge me right away and not trust the lab and tell me I need to go to a doctor.
The only reason I bought the test online is because my then doctor WOULDN'T test my hormones because I was still breastfeeding (I bought the test last year and held onto it until finally submitting a couple weeks ago.)
Anyway, I am disheartened.
But I will get through this.
Next step is to find an endocrinologist to get "proper testing" and perhaps a shrink that will also test neurotransmitters. I've got skin conditions going on too. I know that when we are in "dis-ease" it is our bodies way of healing us but it feels like I am just falling apart. At least I am seeing the dermatologist/allergist in a week and a half. I am trying, maybe not enough but I'm trying.
I just took a bath which was nice and calm- trying to put it all in perspective as people are losing their homes and everything they know with this awful storm. And I'm complaining about my mood swings. I just feel so messed up and all while I am sober...
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