Class of May 2017 Support Thread Part Three
Keep Going
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: England
Posts: 1,530
((((Sunny)))) my lovely, lovely, lovechild. I can't help much because I don't even know what to do in my own life let alone yours, but I am heading out to walk Dog now and I will pray for your family up in the forest.
I am thinking of it as my moving meditation now and it is definitely a flow space. I'm sure we are all connected spiritually, you definitely feel closer than the US! You *are* on the right path I can feel that too, just keep asking out into the universe and you will know the right thing maybe not as quickly as I'd like. It will sit bad in your middle otherwise.
I am thinking of it as my moving meditation now and it is definitely a flow space. I'm sure we are all connected spiritually, you definitely feel closer than the US! You *are* on the right path I can feel that too, just keep asking out into the universe and you will know the right thing maybe not as quickly as I'd like. It will sit bad in your middle otherwise.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I have no suggestions for you SFL - only support.
Everyone deserves a little angst free existence - I hope you find yours this year
D
Everyone deserves a little angst free existence - I hope you find yours this year
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Hope you are all having a good week so far. I'm a bit numb right now- I've gone through every emotion in the last week- gratitude and love, anger and resentment, feelings of apathy and of course, sadness.
Today I am just glad to have this morning peace. Going to get the boys off to school and then go to the gym. After that I will try some new paint colors in the kitchen/family room (it's one long room.) This is my first time painting with colors to I'm a bit nervous but excited. I have 5 colors to choose from.
Reiki tonight- I cannot wait to feel that peace again...
Much love to all of you...
Today I am just glad to have this morning peace. Going to get the boys off to school and then go to the gym. After that I will try some new paint colors in the kitchen/family room (it's one long room.) This is my first time painting with colors to I'm a bit nervous but excited. I have 5 colors to choose from.
Reiki tonight- I cannot wait to feel that peace again...
Much love to all of you...
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Texas
Posts: 521
Hey gang, sorry I haven’t been checking in, been traveling a bunch, at the airport now but I’m happy to say I’m heading home. (At least for a couple days. ) I’m doing ok, when I am home I’m busy at the office and trying to do my court ordered stuff done. I have 80 hours of community service to do, Originally I planned on doing 20-30 hrs a month and get this part behind me but with my work schedule I’m struggling to get 10 hrs a month. It is what it is, I’ll get it done eventually.
During my travel I have been praying/talking to my HP more, which I think is really helping, I wish I could get into meditating, I’ve tried but my mind just take off Maybe one day I’ll get it.
SNF, really sorry to hear your having a tough time. Only advise I can say is. Is your marriage worth it, when you got married I imagine your husband was the one you wanted to grow old with, if any of that spark is still there, it may be worthwhile fighting for. Just my 2 cents, it’s worked for me and Linda the 32 Years
That’s all for now lots of love to all of you.
During my travel I have been praying/talking to my HP more, which I think is really helping, I wish I could get into meditating, I’ve tried but my mind just take off Maybe one day I’ll get it.
SNF, really sorry to hear your having a tough time. Only advise I can say is. Is your marriage worth it, when you got married I imagine your husband was the one you wanted to grow old with, if any of that spark is still there, it may be worthwhile fighting for. Just my 2 cents, it’s worked for me and Linda the 32 Years
That’s all for now lots of love to all of you.
Keep Going
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: England
Posts: 1,530
My precious Sun and Rain, I've been struggling to post for a couple of days and this is not very positive but I am trying hard!
I am under so much pressure to produce financial paperwork, and to try to live within this budget, that I really feel a huge load has been placed on my sobriety by the bankruptcy. And now I learn I will have to attend court, and it just brings all the pain of my husband's inquest back.
Today, I cancelled my Body Combat subscription and that was a HUGE part of my recovery. I cried when I said goodbye to all the ladies who I've come to love. Of course, I don't mind facing the music my excesses caused but this one just frightened me. I pray something will replace it.
I also fear that I was self-medicating mental problems with the alcohol for all those years, and that I will never be able to take care of myself and my duties in the real world. I will need help and I am murderously embarrassed.
I can only average about 1 productive day in every 3.
It takes me days to recover from stressful financial calls or letters. I walked again today (for about 15 miles) and eventually settled my mind and felt close to my Higher Power again.
It's not good enough. It's not enough to save my backside.
I need to work, work, work and for a good wage and my mental health continues to be pretty dodgy.
I relentlessly criticise myself and the anxiety is horrible.
Sorry about that guys but I just have to get it out somewhere.
I am under so much pressure to produce financial paperwork, and to try to live within this budget, that I really feel a huge load has been placed on my sobriety by the bankruptcy. And now I learn I will have to attend court, and it just brings all the pain of my husband's inquest back.
Today, I cancelled my Body Combat subscription and that was a HUGE part of my recovery. I cried when I said goodbye to all the ladies who I've come to love. Of course, I don't mind facing the music my excesses caused but this one just frightened me. I pray something will replace it.
I also fear that I was self-medicating mental problems with the alcohol for all those years, and that I will never be able to take care of myself and my duties in the real world. I will need help and I am murderously embarrassed.
I can only average about 1 productive day in every 3.
It takes me days to recover from stressful financial calls or letters. I walked again today (for about 15 miles) and eventually settled my mind and felt close to my Higher Power again.
It's not good enough. It's not enough to save my backside.
I need to work, work, work and for a good wage and my mental health continues to be pretty dodgy.
I relentlessly criticise myself and the anxiety is horrible.
Sorry about that guys but I just have to get it out somewhere.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
Hi weev
I think you're being too hard on yourself. No one springs fully formed from years long addiction.
I had to learn basic things like social interaction, problem solving and dealing with emotions again.
I also had to seek a little help not only with my physical health which I'd neglected but my mental health when it came to things like negative self talk, perfectionism, depression and anxiety.
I'd love to tell you all that took 2 months but it took a year or more for some things - still better timewise than the 3 decades I spent drunk or high
You are on the right road - do not doubt that
d
I think you're being too hard on yourself. No one springs fully formed from years long addiction.
I had to learn basic things like social interaction, problem solving and dealing with emotions again.
I also had to seek a little help not only with my physical health which I'd neglected but my mental health when it came to things like negative self talk, perfectionism, depression and anxiety.
I'd love to tell you all that took 2 months but it took a year or more for some things - still better timewise than the 3 decades I spent drunk or high
You are on the right road - do not doubt that
d
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Texas
Posts: 521
Awesome words Dee, Being to hard on yourself is the first thing that came to my mind also Weave.
You know what is amazing? How the three of us have found each other in May of 2017. And I'm not leaving you out Dee, your mentoring and words of wisdom has gotten all of us through tough times. You've been the teacher and the 3 of us have been your students, Thankyou.
Weave, walked 15 miles.... Wow. You will find something that supports you both financially and emotionally. Your awesome at writing, could be something to look at, Start a motivational walking company, Charge people to go on ridiculously long walks. Find something that you love, your Higher Power will take care of the rest.
Great Big O'l Texas hug to all of you my friends
You know what is amazing? How the three of us have found each other in May of 2017. And I'm not leaving you out Dee, your mentoring and words of wisdom has gotten all of us through tough times. You've been the teacher and the 3 of us have been your students, Thankyou.
Weave, walked 15 miles.... Wow. You will find something that supports you both financially and emotionally. Your awesome at writing, could be something to look at, Start a motivational walking company, Charge people to go on ridiculously long walks. Find something that you love, your Higher Power will take care of the rest.
Great Big O'l Texas hug to all of you my friends
Keep Going
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: England
Posts: 1,530
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi weev
I think you're being too hard on yourself. No one springs fully formed from years long addiction.
I had to learn basic things like social interaction, problem solving and dealing with emotions again.
I also had to seek a little help not only with my physical health which I'd neglected but my mental health when it came to things like negative self talk, perfectionism, depression and anxiety.
I'd love to tell you all that took 2 months but it took a year or more for some things - still better timewise than the 3 decades I spent drunk or high
You are on the right road - do not doubt that
d
I think you're being too hard on yourself. No one springs fully formed from years long addiction.
I had to learn basic things like social interaction, problem solving and dealing with emotions again.
I also had to seek a little help not only with my physical health which I'd neglected but my mental health when it came to things like negative self talk, perfectionism, depression and anxiety.
I'd love to tell you all that took 2 months but it took a year or more for some things - still better timewise than the 3 decades I spent drunk or high
You are on the right road - do not doubt that
d
I found out today I won't have to go to court. Glad I didn't drink on that fear
It does feel like I'm watching the crash in slow mo and not reacting though. I got some paperwork done. I was just such a child and it feels good??? to grow up. Having written that, I'm not sure it does, you know!
I love you D and will be grateful across eternity that you noticed me.
As you know, prayer is my thing, and I pray for your continued health and for much strength in your compassionate work.
Keep Going
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: England
Posts: 1,530
Originally Posted by Rainman1
Awesome words Dee, Being to hard on yourself is the first thing that came to my mind also Weave.
You know what is amazing? How the three of us have found each other in May of 2017. And I'm not leaving you out Dee, your mentoring and words of wisdom has gotten all of us through tough times. You've been the teacher and the 3 of us have been your students, Thankyou.
Weave, walked 15 miles.... Wow. You will find something that supports you both financially and emotionally. Your awesome at writing, could be something to look at, Start a motivational walking company, Charge people to go on ridiculously long walks. Find something that you love, your Higher Power will take care of the rest.
Great Big O'l Texas hug to all of you my friends
You know what is amazing? How the three of us have found each other in May of 2017. And I'm not leaving you out Dee, your mentoring and words of wisdom has gotten all of us through tough times. You've been the teacher and the 3 of us have been your students, Thankyou.
Weave, walked 15 miles.... Wow. You will find something that supports you both financially and emotionally. Your awesome at writing, could be something to look at, Start a motivational walking company, Charge people to go on ridiculously long walks. Find something that you love, your Higher Power will take care of the rest.
Great Big O'l Texas hug to all of you my friends
Lol. That's not a "ridiculously long walk"
those happen when I think mmm I wonder what's over that ridge and just keep going, totally lost because geography is not my strong point. Now, if I decided to walk to say hi to you and Sunny, that might pose a few challenges. It is meditative though ~ after a coupla hours walking and weeping
I kindov get in the "flow state" ~ time disappears and I am at one with the universe. Nature is very sustaining. This is the first time I've noticed the subtle winter colours. Silver and white and acid green and even black are all out there. God matches his colour chart perfectly. It's as beautiful as summer.
Anyway, for all that, I hope you are actually taking a rest occasionally, you're Mr Inspirational himself these days. You are doing an amazing amount in your days. But what about some quiet time just for you? Do you ever get the chance to stop? It's tricky in sobriety to achieve BALANCE. I know this great lady who runs spiritual walking holidays....
Love and a "Great Big O'l English hug to all of you my friends"
Keep Going
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: England
Posts: 1,530
Hello my beautiful ones. 🌝🌈✨
March is come in like a lion and hasn’t turned into a lamb yet.
Excited like a little girl to see the snow this morning. I know enough to drop all my plans and accept we are snowed in for the day. Else Cabin Fever will come.
I have no oil so no heating or hot water, except by electricity and it’s working!!! Thank the lord for all those people who go to work in these conditions. My little heater is puffing away and it’s ok.
Where are you Sunshine. I hope all is well with you my dear.
March is come in like a lion and hasn’t turned into a lamb yet.
Excited like a little girl to see the snow this morning. I know enough to drop all my plans and accept we are snowed in for the day. Else Cabin Fever will come.
I have no oil so no heating or hot water, except by electricity and it’s working!!! Thank the lord for all those people who go to work in these conditions. My little heater is puffing away and it’s ok.
Where are you Sunshine. I hope all is well with you my dear.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Originally Posted by Rainman1
Hey gang, sorry I haven’t been checking in, been traveling a bunch, at the airport now but I’m happy to say I’m heading home. (At least for a couple days. ) I’m doing ok, when I am home I’m busy at the office and trying to do my court ordered stuff done. I have 80 hours of community service to do, Originally I planned on doing 20-30 hrs a month and get this part behind me but with my work schedule I’m struggling to get 10 hrs a month. It is what it is, I’ll get it done eventually.
During my travel I have been praying/talking to my HP more, which I think is really helping, I wish I could get into meditating, I’ve tried but my mind just take off Maybe one day I’ll get it.
SNF, really sorry to hear your having a tough time. Only advise I can say is. Is your marriage worth it, when you got married I imagine your husband was the one you wanted to grow old with, if any of that spark is still there, it may be worthwhile fighting for. Just my 2 cents, it’s worked for me and Linda the 32 Years
That’s all for now lots of love to all of you.
During my travel I have been praying/talking to my HP more, which I think is really helping, I wish I could get into meditating, I’ve tried but my mind just take off Maybe one day I’ll get it.
SNF, really sorry to hear your having a tough time. Only advise I can say is. Is your marriage worth it, when you got married I imagine your husband was the one you wanted to grow old with, if any of that spark is still there, it may be worthwhile fighting for. Just my 2 cents, it’s worked for me and Linda the 32 Years
That’s all for now lots of love to all of you.
32 years sounds pretty amazing- you should be proud of that, it's so rare these days to see. Linda is a lucky woman to have you- I can sense the love in your heart just from your words.
As for the community service, just do what you can! If you can do 11 hours this week, maybe try that- do you have a certain amount of time it needs to be done by?
Hope you are enjoying the weekend and hope you can rest this week as well. I traveled a lot for my last job and I really miss those hotel stays! Something about eating in bed while watching tv haha. Do you ever do that?? Sending you positive vibes for a wonderful week ahead...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Hey Weev- I wish I could hug you- like a big bear, heart-against heart- hug. What you are feeling is totally normal considering all you have been presented with! It's a lot to deal with- it's a lot to have your world turned upside down by the hands of another. If anything, this is the greatest challenge- dealing with life when things don't feel like we have control over there. Maybe one way to help ease the suffering is to focus on the things you can change. So going for those meditative, long walks- finding a body combat type class you can do in your living room, trying a new recipe, journaling, doing 3 minutes of breathwork or meditation. All you need is inside of you. This is what I'm slowly learning. It's all right there- we just need to be still enough to find it, hear it- attune to it. You are going to come out stronger than ever from all of this, it's just not going to happen as quickly as or comfortably as we all would like.
As for your mental health, who can you talk to about this? Where is your support either family or medical? I know I can openly talk to my best friends about my mood issues and it gives me great comfort because they make me realize I'm not alone and I'm not crazy either (neither are you.) You shouldn't have to do this alone- does your health care cover the cost to go see a doctor? Are there alternative medicines that have helped you in the past? I know I recommended it once before but did you ever look into that book,The Mood Cure? How are you eating? I was listening to a podcast yesterday with a type 1 diabetic who also stated how miserable she feels when she has extra sugar in her system- it made me realize I'm not alone when I say that sugar makes me feel absolutely AWFUL. For me this keto diet is the only thing that keeps me balanced emotionally. It's so easy too once you get through the first week or so- you can basically eat bacon, eggs and cheese all day long if you like (or do it vegetarian like I do) Anyway, I think I am sidetracking.
Please keep posting and letting us know how you are doing and feeling. You WILL get through this all, I just know it. Take it one day at a time...
As for your mental health, who can you talk to about this? Where is your support either family or medical? I know I can openly talk to my best friends about my mood issues and it gives me great comfort because they make me realize I'm not alone and I'm not crazy either (neither are you.) You shouldn't have to do this alone- does your health care cover the cost to go see a doctor? Are there alternative medicines that have helped you in the past? I know I recommended it once before but did you ever look into that book,The Mood Cure? How are you eating? I was listening to a podcast yesterday with a type 1 diabetic who also stated how miserable she feels when she has extra sugar in her system- it made me realize I'm not alone when I say that sugar makes me feel absolutely AWFUL. For me this keto diet is the only thing that keeps me balanced emotionally. It's so easy too once you get through the first week or so- you can basically eat bacon, eggs and cheese all day long if you like (or do it vegetarian like I do)
Anyway, I think I am sidetracking.Please keep posting and letting us know how you are doing and feeling. You WILL get through this all, I just know it. Take it one day at a time...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Oh, and I am doing okay. It's been a whirlwind of a week with being convinced I was okay with my marriage being over, then my older son being sick and out of school for 2.5 days. And now we have snow coming on Tuesday which means yet another day with both boys at home. Agh...this winter has been brutal. I think they've already missed 5 days or so!
I put off the job hunting while I concentrate on Reiki and just figuring out my life but I think my goal is to be working by June. At this rate, it will be here in 15 minutes- man time is really flying by.
I have spent the last 2 days painting the kitchen and family room. I honestly feel it was divine inspiration as I don't remember a point where I ever said, "hm, maybe I should paint these rooms?" I just kind of did it, and with doubt, but I think the end result will be worth it.
I finally got my period- I totally missed a month and 7 days! So I'm hoping I will be balanced out from this point on.
Anyway, it's 6:09 am and I need to hop on the bike and get a workout in before the boys get up. It's just me and them until 2 pm- going to try my hardest not to get angry with them today. I just want to enjoy my time with them as much as I can...
Much, much love to all of you...
I put off the job hunting while I concentrate on Reiki and just figuring out my life but I think my goal is to be working by June. At this rate, it will be here in 15 minutes- man time is really flying by.
I have spent the last 2 days painting the kitchen and family room. I honestly feel it was divine inspiration as I don't remember a point where I ever said, "hm, maybe I should paint these rooms?" I just kind of did it, and with doubt, but I think the end result will be worth it.
I finally got my period- I totally missed a month and 7 days! So I'm hoping I will be balanced out from this point on.
Anyway, it's 6:09 am and I need to hop on the bike and get a workout in before the boys get up. It's just me and them until 2 pm- going to try my hardest not to get angry with them today. I just want to enjoy my time with them as much as I can...
Much, much love to all of you...
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
Thanks for the kind words Weev - I'm been busy the last few days and to read your post was lovely. I am very glad you don;t need to go to court tho
I'm glad you've been doing OK too SFL
D
I'm glad you've been doing OK too SFL
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Originally Posted by Dee74
Thanks for the kind words Weev - I'm been busy the last few days and to read your post was lovely. I am very glad you don;t need to go to court tho
I'm glad you've been doing OK too SFL
D
I'm glad you've been doing OK too SFL
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Weev, how are you feeling? I'm worried about you- please check in.
My weekend ended up being pretty good! I finished the painting the kitchen/family room which turned out better than I had hoped, and we got to see some old friends yesterday with their toddler (who we hadn't met yet.) I have tons to do today and am going to drag my 3 year old along with me! I am already prepared for another snow day tomorrow and possibly Wednesday. One of my best girlfriends and I take turns hosting snow days with our boys (which are the same ages.) It's fun but it's a lot of energy to handle 4 boys in one house! My turn is tomorrow. God help me!
I am on the fence about finding a new therapist. I absolutely LOVE my current one but he feels like a friend or someone I knew from a former life- and his psychotherapy skills are lacking. There is so much silence and he just doesn't lead the conversation. I feel like I have to ask for what I want to talk about and even then he doesn't guide me in any way or ask questions. He used to do a lot of sound therapy with me but even that has stopped for some reason. I don't know whether to be honest with him or just tell him I am taking a break. I feel like he has gotten too comfortable with me or something to that effect. I am going to pray for guidance to be led to a new therapist.
Well, that's my update folks. I hope you are all doing well and I'd love to hear from you as well...
My weekend ended up being pretty good! I finished the painting the kitchen/family room which turned out better than I had hoped, and we got to see some old friends yesterday with their toddler (who we hadn't met yet.) I have tons to do today and am going to drag my 3 year old along with me! I am already prepared for another snow day tomorrow and possibly Wednesday. One of my best girlfriends and I take turns hosting snow days with our boys (which are the same ages.) It's fun but it's a lot of energy to handle 4 boys in one house! My turn is tomorrow. God help me!
I am on the fence about finding a new therapist. I absolutely LOVE my current one but he feels like a friend or someone I knew from a former life- and his psychotherapy skills are lacking. There is so much silence and he just doesn't lead the conversation. I feel like I have to ask for what I want to talk about and even then he doesn't guide me in any way or ask questions. He used to do a lot of sound therapy with me but even that has stopped for some reason. I don't know whether to be honest with him or just tell him I am taking a break. I feel like he has gotten too comfortable with me or something to that effect. I am going to pray for guidance to be led to a new therapist.
Well, that's my update folks. I hope you are all doing well and I'd love to hear from you as well...
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