Class of May 2017 Support Thread Part Three
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Texas
Posts: 521
Sponsor
I shared the message below in the New Comers thread and thought I would share it here also
It's amazing how things work, When I say Things I mean my higher power. I've been going to 2-3 meetings a week for the last couple months, my first 5 months of sobriety I did it with the help of SR and a great family support group. I really didn't want to go to AA meetings but the courts said I must go, along with a DWI repeat offender class (32 hr class) and a Victim Impact panel.
I'm a little over half way thru with DWI class and went to the Victim impact panel last week. I'm learning a lot in the DWI class and all I can say about the Impact panel Is WOW. Broke my heart listening to their stories. I'm hoping to take my daughters (24&28) to a Victim impact panel in the future.
Anyway I'm getting off track on what I really wanted to say. Over the last couple weeks I have been thinking about how I should get a sponsor, Last Fri I was thinking about asking a guy who I met at the first AA meeting I went to, well he was there and after the meeting I walked over to say hi, he looked at me and said Do you have a Sponsor? I couldn't believe he asked me first, When I told him I didn't he grabbed a guy standing next to him and said Mike this is Mike, You need Mike as your Sponsor. We went off and talked a bit, I told him the basics of what brought me there, of course my voice crackled a bit but said he will be ok, it will get better. I now have a sponsor, I now have homework assignments he gave me (along with "other" homework) but you know what, I feel good. I truly feel that God has put people, places and things in front of me to help guide me to greater things, he did this in the past but I didn't listen to Him, I did it my way.
To all the folks that are on their first day, their first week, their first month, do whatever it takes to stay sober for 24 hours at a time. As they tell us, it does get better.
Rainman
It's amazing how things work, When I say Things I mean my higher power. I've been going to 2-3 meetings a week for the last couple months, my first 5 months of sobriety I did it with the help of SR and a great family support group. I really didn't want to go to AA meetings but the courts said I must go, along with a DWI repeat offender class (32 hr class) and a Victim Impact panel.
I'm a little over half way thru with DWI class and went to the Victim impact panel last week. I'm learning a lot in the DWI class and all I can say about the Impact panel Is WOW. Broke my heart listening to their stories. I'm hoping to take my daughters (24&28) to a Victim impact panel in the future.
Anyway I'm getting off track on what I really wanted to say. Over the last couple weeks I have been thinking about how I should get a sponsor, Last Fri I was thinking about asking a guy who I met at the first AA meeting I went to, well he was there and after the meeting I walked over to say hi, he looked at me and said Do you have a Sponsor? I couldn't believe he asked me first, When I told him I didn't he grabbed a guy standing next to him and said Mike this is Mike, You need Mike as your Sponsor. We went off and talked a bit, I told him the basics of what brought me there, of course my voice crackled a bit but said he will be ok, it will get better. I now have a sponsor, I now have homework assignments he gave me (along with "other" homework) but you know what, I feel good. I truly feel that God has put people, places and things in front of me to help guide me to greater things, he did this in the past but I didn't listen to Him, I did it my way.
To all the folks that are on their first day, their first week, their first month, do whatever it takes to stay sober for 24 hours at a time. As they tell us, it does get better.
Rainman
Keep Going
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: England
Posts: 1,530
Hi my lovelies, Sun and Rain and Goat.
I just love you Rain, and your post, you're the best. What amazing changes are happening to you!!! We're 222 tomorrow
I haven't been to a meeting since 4 Nov and lost 2 sponsors I think.
I hope I go tonight. I've been along to church and prayer group etc.
Ran into 3 AA's today. One had been sober 14 years and said "I'm going to get good and drunk on the day my last child gets married." They're really small right now!!
And I thought, that's the grip this disease has on us. The Denial. I've been thinking about it since watching Risky Drinking. Those party girls will never leave my head.
There's a thing from the BB, something like "it won't burn me this time, here's how" and I think I feel that way about Cmas. It's a special drink, different to the tanker full I already drank, as tankersfull would say.
I hope you're ok Tankers if you're reading, and you EndOf.
And a big Hi to Mindful, it's lovely to see you here
XXXXX
Love to the lot of you. Keep Going
I just love you Rain, and your post, you're the best. What amazing changes are happening to you!!! We're 222 tomorrow
I haven't been to a meeting since 4 Nov and lost 2 sponsors I think.
I hope I go tonight. I've been along to church and prayer group etc.
Ran into 3 AA's today. One had been sober 14 years and said "I'm going to get good and drunk on the day my last child gets married." They're really small right now!!
And I thought, that's the grip this disease has on us. The Denial. I've been thinking about it since watching Risky Drinking. Those party girls will never leave my head.
There's a thing from the BB, something like "it won't burn me this time, here's how" and I think I feel that way about Cmas. It's a special drink, different to the tanker full I already drank, as tankersfull would say.
I hope you're ok Tankers if you're reading, and you EndOf.
And a big Hi to Mindful, it's lovely to see you here
XXXXXLove to the lot of you. Keep Going
capra laeviculus
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: German Village, OH
Posts: 3,427
Originally Posted by WeaverBird 
"it won't burn me this time, here's how"
I first heard it in 1997 or 8... I remember very clearly what it told me. And... yep... I got burned. I have heard the voice many times since then. When I learned how to recognize and ignore that voice it got sneakier. And when I listened I got burned. Every time.
The last time I drank I had managed to convince myself once again, despite two decades of proving otherwise, that I would not get burned. I remember having *A* drink on Monday. The next thing I remember clearly is waking up in the cat scan machine the following Sunday.
It was good though.... The recovery I've experienced since May has been by far the best recovery of my life. That voice is there, but right now it sounds like a complete moron. I know that voice wants to kill me.
Keep Going
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: England
Posts: 1,530
Sorry guys this is not positive, don't bother reading!
Finding this difficult now. I better step up my recovery efforts for the coming week.
Obsessed with the vodka.
I know I'm doing better than I have in years, everything is better. Everything.
Yet the vodka has a life of its own in my head. I'm sure I'm just going to go into autopilot and buy some. I also think I can just get off my head one time - not even sure I know why/what/who I want to get away from.
Why aren't I more worried about losing my sobriety? It's a weird mental state. God I can taste it. It's just what I do, drink. It was my life.
There are two of me
Finding this difficult now. I better step up my recovery efforts for the coming week.
Obsessed with the vodka.
I know I'm doing better than I have in years, everything is better. Everything.
Yet the vodka has a life of its own in my head. I'm sure I'm just going to go into autopilot and buy some. I also think I can just get off my head one time - not even sure I know why/what/who I want to get away from.
Why aren't I more worried about losing my sobriety? It's a weird mental state. God I can taste it. It's just what I do, drink. It was my life.
There are two of me
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
re-read your old posts WB - get some ammo to help you fight your addiction and your apathy.
This link is proving pretty popular too:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-recovery.html (101 Helpful Hints For Recovery)
D
This link is proving pretty popular too:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-recovery.html (101 Helpful Hints For Recovery)
D
Keep Going
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: England
Posts: 1,530
Thanks Dee
I think I'm in a bit of trouble. I haven't had to work anywhere near as hard as the early days at staying sober for a while now.
Am going to a meeting now in a bit of a panic.
Just the first line of that link is great:
Don't underestimate addiction...
I love you Dee. Thanks for your help. Am a bit scared again. And teary typing this xxxxx
I think I'm in a bit of trouble. I haven't had to work anywhere near as hard as the early days at staying sober for a while now.
Am going to a meeting now in a bit of a panic.
Just the first line of that link is great:
Don't underestimate addiction...
I love you Dee. Thanks for your help. Am a bit scared again. And teary typing this xxxxx
Keep Going
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: England
Posts: 1,530
Going to bed sober, which was about all I could expect a few months ago and for which I was always grateful. I'm grateful tonight.
Sobriety has allowed me to do things not related to staying sober, and it's funny to have to go back to basics, if that's the right way to describe it.
Almost as soon as I sat down in the meeting tonight, the thought of drinking neat vodka had me feeling sick that I would have to force that poison down.
I wouldn't wish this disease on a dog, someone said.
How are you all doing with the season? It seems a lot of people are relapsing at meetings, maybe on SR too. I hope we all keep strong. Thinking of you all and sending my best prayers for you and those people and pets you love
Sobriety has allowed me to do things not related to staying sober, and it's funny to have to go back to basics, if that's the right way to describe it.
Almost as soon as I sat down in the meeting tonight, the thought of drinking neat vodka had me feeling sick that I would have to force that poison down.
I wouldn't wish this disease on a dog, someone said.
How are you all doing with the season? It seems a lot of people are relapsing at meetings, maybe on SR too. I hope we all keep strong. Thinking of you all and sending my best prayers for you and those people and pets you love
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
I think it's normal not to have to work as hard after a while Weaver Bird?
It need not be a sign that you're gettign complacent or slacking off - maybe you're simply changing and recovery is becoming second nature
Thanks for the kind words too
D
It need not be a sign that you're gettign complacent or slacking off - maybe you're simply changing and recovery is becoming second nature
Thanks for the kind words too
D
Keep Going
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: England
Posts: 1,530
Let's be someone else in 2018
I guess I'm just writing free for my own thoughts, so maybe skip over ~ it's going to be long and windy probably
When I was 21 days sober I got ill and it nearly took me back to drinking and I think that is what's going on now. Funny, I can't tell I'm unwell just know I want to fix myself. I feel quite light headed and out of it (which is a familiar state). And ache everywhere.
I've cancelled all events that were preying on my mind, i.e. I said no, which normally gives me a conniption and terrible fear the sky will fall on my head. I am going to be on my own a lot this christmas but I actually like being quiet ~ when I can stop the fears of being an outkast and missing out taking over.
I even managed not to call the inappropriate guy who chatted me up last night. Another violent, emotionally dead, but gorgeous beastie looking to get his ego massaged but not planning on loving me. My type. My old type: No more mischief and mayhem for me. I'm going to look for a nice man and love him instead.
The whole of my life is changing to stay sober. Look back but don't stare, someone here said.
I think for me, it's about allowing myself to flower now and be the adult woman nature and my HP intended. I still miss all the dead people but they were really quite strong minded controlling ones, and I was a dependent drunk. I am quite shy. I must be tough tho to survive recovery.
The doctor rang and said they'd done the wrong tests on me, so that worry about ovarian cancer is now for the poor woman who's notes got mixed with mine to handle. They'd already done the tests weeks back and they came back clear. So another worry lifted today.
I have done nothing more in the financial area, and I should have made some calls, except not spend anything today because for the first time in my life I haven't left the house... my life was lived fast. No coffee for me then and £2.60 saved. I have discovered a new addiction, however. Monster drinks. I new the moment I took a sip this could be a new obsession. So one today. Three tomorrow.
I've listened to Apple music which I haven't been able to do until now because its so mood-altering and that's the last thing I need, up or down. I need to walk a pretty thin level line with no extreme emotions at all. There's loads of playlists and I'm learning what I like to listen to in sobriety. Not extreme metal that's for sure, although that might come later, and I didn't even go look at the stoner, doom & sludge playlist.
I can listen to contemporary christian hymns which are very upbeat and meditation classical music which is very calming. It's a start. Not sure I'll ever get back to my beloved dance music!
So today, I don't want to drink more than I want to drink. From waking up groaning because I was still alive, to thinking today that I might have the start of some little dreams for the future. It might be exciting to see what comes. Nothing too exciting I hope. I don't much like surprises.
I'm one who made it, I'm almost sure.
And SR and it's wonderful people is the thing that helped me.
And my growing faith. Yippee. Never thought this party girl would ever write that.
EX-party girl
I guess I'm just writing free for my own thoughts, so maybe skip over ~ it's going to be long and windy probably
When I was 21 days sober I got ill and it nearly took me back to drinking and I think that is what's going on now. Funny, I can't tell I'm unwell just know I want to fix myself. I feel quite light headed and out of it (which is a familiar state). And ache everywhere.
I've cancelled all events that were preying on my mind, i.e. I said no, which normally gives me a conniption and terrible fear the sky will fall on my head. I am going to be on my own a lot this christmas but I actually like being quiet ~ when I can stop the fears of being an outkast and missing out taking over.
I even managed not to call the inappropriate guy who chatted me up last night. Another violent, emotionally dead, but gorgeous beastie looking to get his ego massaged but not planning on loving me. My type. My old type: No more mischief and mayhem for me. I'm going to look for a nice man and love him instead.
The whole of my life is changing to stay sober. Look back but don't stare, someone here said.
I think for me, it's about allowing myself to flower now and be the adult woman nature and my HP intended. I still miss all the dead people but they were really quite strong minded controlling ones, and I was a dependent drunk. I am quite shy. I must be tough tho to survive recovery.
The doctor rang and said they'd done the wrong tests on me, so that worry about ovarian cancer is now for the poor woman who's notes got mixed with mine to handle. They'd already done the tests weeks back and they came back clear. So another worry lifted today.
I have done nothing more in the financial area, and I should have made some calls, except not spend anything today because for the first time in my life I haven't left the house... my life was lived fast. No coffee for me then and £2.60 saved. I have discovered a new addiction, however. Monster drinks. I new the moment I took a sip this could be a new obsession. So one today. Three tomorrow.
I've listened to Apple music which I haven't been able to do until now because its so mood-altering and that's the last thing I need, up or down. I need to walk a pretty thin level line with no extreme emotions at all. There's loads of playlists and I'm learning what I like to listen to in sobriety. Not extreme metal that's for sure, although that might come later, and I didn't even go look at the stoner, doom & sludge playlist.
I can listen to contemporary christian hymns which are very upbeat and meditation classical music which is very calming. It's a start. Not sure I'll ever get back to my beloved dance music!
So today, I don't want to drink more than I want to drink. From waking up groaning because I was still alive, to thinking today that I might have the start of some little dreams for the future. It might be exciting to see what comes. Nothing too exciting I hope. I don't much like surprises.
I'm one who made it, I'm almost sure.
And SR and it's wonderful people is the thing that helped me.
And my growing faith. Yippee. Never thought this party girl would ever write that.
EX-party girl
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Hi Weev- Sorry I haven't been around. I really want to start posting here more often.
I love your writing- its so in depth, so thought out and so much to take in when reading. I'm glad you can let go of that health scare- I can't believe they could mix up the files like that! What a relief.
Have you ever listened to kirtan music? It's ancient Indian devotional music. If you are open to it, my favorite is Nirinjan Kaur. Really nice background or walking music. Let me know what you think
And not wanting to drink more than you want to drink is HUGE. It's a great feeling. It's what this is all about. You've come a long way dear friend and I can see you slowly changing, shifting. Everything really is going to be okay...
Careful with the energy drinks though- are they sugar or sugar free? I know for me caffeine can really affect my mood. Just want you to keep feeling good. I am actually thinking of switching to decaf at some point- can you imagine?
I love your writing- its so in depth, so thought out and so much to take in when reading. I'm glad you can let go of that health scare- I can't believe they could mix up the files like that! What a relief.
Have you ever listened to kirtan music? It's ancient Indian devotional music. If you are open to it, my favorite is Nirinjan Kaur. Really nice background or walking music. Let me know what you think
And not wanting to drink more than you want to drink is HUGE. It's a great feeling. It's what this is all about. You've come a long way dear friend and I can see you slowly changing, shifting. Everything really is going to be okay...
Careful with the energy drinks though- are they sugar or sugar free? I know for me caffeine can really affect my mood. Just want you to keep feeling good. I am actually thinking of switching to decaf at some point- can you imagine?
Keep Going
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: England
Posts: 1,530
Morning Sunshine!
10 out of 10 for you - I cant believe you read through that enormous post! I should delete it. Whiffle waffle. And the very next day, I'm a different person anyway and it's irrelevant.
I will have a listen to the Kirtan music after - I wanted to check in with you first.
I know you're at home with the children now, and I hope you're finding a way to deal with the change to your routine. I don't like the gym is shut, and the coffee house is shut, and people are off work, and roll on January. I am doing no socialising because I just don't trust myself.
I literally ran into an OA person when I was trying to get to my favourite binge food (I didn't shout get out of my way and push past altho the thought crossed my mind!) and that led to a long conversation about recovery and food plans, and has disturbed the mud at the bottom of the pond again.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to let go of pretty much everything to get my mood stable but not today.
I love you honey and you, and your little sunflowers, are always in my prayers XX
10 out of 10 for you - I cant believe you read through that enormous post! I should delete it. Whiffle waffle. And the very next day, I'm a different person anyway and it's irrelevant.
I will have a listen to the Kirtan music after - I wanted to check in with you first.
I know you're at home with the children now, and I hope you're finding a way to deal with the change to your routine. I don't like the gym is shut, and the coffee house is shut, and people are off work, and roll on January. I am doing no socialising because I just don't trust myself.
I literally ran into an OA person when I was trying to get to my favourite binge food (I didn't shout get out of my way and push past altho the thought crossed my mind!) and that led to a long conversation about recovery and food plans, and has disturbed the mud at the bottom of the pond again.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to let go of pretty much everything to get my mood stable but not today.
I love you honey and you, and your little sunflowers, are always in my prayers XX
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Originally Posted by WeaverBird
Morning Sunshine!
10 out of 10 for you - I cant believe you read through that enormous post! I should delete it. Whiffle waffle. And the very next day, I'm a different person anyway and it's irrelevant.
I will have a listen to the Kirtan music after - I wanted to check in with you first.
I know you're at home with the children now, and I hope you're finding a way to deal with the change to your routine. I don't like the gym is shut, and the coffee house is shut, and people are off work, and roll on January. I am doing no socialising because I just don't trust myself.
I literally ran into an OA person when I was trying to get to my favourite binge food (I didn't shout get out of my way and push past altho the thought crossed my mind!) and that led to a long conversation about recovery and food plans, and has disturbed the mud at the bottom of the pond again.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to let go of pretty much everything to get my mood stable but not today.
I love you honey and you, and your little sunflowers, are always in my prayers XX
10 out of 10 for you - I cant believe you read through that enormous post! I should delete it. Whiffle waffle. And the very next day, I'm a different person anyway and it's irrelevant.
I will have a listen to the Kirtan music after - I wanted to check in with you first.
I know you're at home with the children now, and I hope you're finding a way to deal with the change to your routine. I don't like the gym is shut, and the coffee house is shut, and people are off work, and roll on January. I am doing no socialising because I just don't trust myself.
I literally ran into an OA person when I was trying to get to my favourite binge food (I didn't shout get out of my way and push past altho the thought crossed my mind!) and that led to a long conversation about recovery and food plans, and has disturbed the mud at the bottom of the pond again.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to let go of pretty much everything to get my mood stable but not today.
I love you honey and you, and your little sunflowers, are always in my prayers XX
Today will be the first day my 3 year old is home and I am looking forward to doing absolutely NOTHING as I have an awful head cold. Couldn't even work out this morning but I did get up at 4:30 so I've be doing boring bills/budgets since then. Blah!
Funny how you ran into someone from OA on the way to a planned binge. That is divine intervention! I have been "on track" for a couple days now and it feels good. I just can't do sugar and gluten anymore without consequences. I've been eating dairy as if I am a baby calf (and feeling guilty about it) but it keeps me full and keeps me from going off track.
That stinks that your gym is closed- what's that about! Nonsense!
love you
have a good weekend Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Hope you are all doing well. I am tired- wish I could have slept in a bit more but my internal alarm clock seems to be happy with 3:45 these days.
I had an awful night with the kids- it's our fault for letting them watch tv all morning and not taking them out to get their energy out. Winter is so hard for that reason!
I just want today to be better. I just want to yell less. I get in such a state of anger and I want to be able to control it. I'm making small progress but it's not enough. Ugh. Really not happy with myself this morning.
However its Christmas Eve so I'm going to try to be my best today.
Love you all and hope to hear from you...
I had an awful night with the kids- it's our fault for letting them watch tv all morning and not taking them out to get their energy out. Winter is so hard for that reason!
I just want today to be better. I just want to yell less. I get in such a state of anger and I want to be able to control it. I'm making small progress but it's not enough. Ugh. Really not happy with myself this morning.
However its Christmas Eve so I'm going to try to be my best today.
Love you all and hope to hear from you...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Merry Christmas my Mayflowers- wishing you all a beautiful day today and always!! Hope to hear from you soon!
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