Viperidae

I've always let something far in the future, some possibility or mistake, or end goal freeze me. I look at the end goal and it's so far away I'm overwhelmed. I don't look at things as one step at a time. Nothing is really a dream scenario that I've spoken about. All of that was within my grasp when I got my BA 5 years ago. Now it's more complicated and 5 times more work. However you're correct, I have continually seen the goal as Godzilla and run the other way.

It just takes steps to get there. I have shunned those steps because of a block and fear.

Example with the booze. I talked about getting out of my loft apartment in that nasty city I was in for 4 years. I wanted out and did nothing about it. It became very depressing after 19 years there. I quit drinking in July. In 60 days I gave 30 days notice and was unloading everything I owned. I actually came in ahead of schedule and got out of there before the 30 days was up. At 90-100 days I was in a condo on the beach, doing yoga, and getting ready to leave the country. Then these auto immune things got far worse and I ended up back here. Again though, I shunned the steps to possibly get well over the last 8 months!!

I feel this environment is toxic, and I've got to get out of it. If you lived with 5 drinking bros in a neighborhood riddled with bars, you'd move right? Same thing here, just in a different way. Like a town in a Stephen King novel, there is something here that many people will acknowledge is very off, disconcerting, and dreadful. Like a King novel most people ignore it and go on like a demonic clown isn't murdering children. The kids are all runaways, end of story. People turn a blind eye. I know that's not the case. The clown is out there.

I don't need to convince anyone, except myself. I'm just trying to help you understand my thinking.

Thanks for the patience. I actually feel bad that I failed you guys. And Axe, thanks for acknowledging that I can do those things with time. They aren't unattainable by any stretch of imagination.

V

axeman5971

Vipe - you have done them before in pieces. You have vision and goals. Start stringing together the stretches, achieve those goals in manageable increments, and get to where you want to be. You have the tools and the right rational mind!

I know it takes time and sometimes requires luck and for something to "click." May you find that ASAP!

canguy

G'day Vipe.

I'm with the Axe. You've done some good time while here, so its definitely possible for you. You haven't failed us, haven't failed anybody. We're all a work in progress.
But maybe live in the moment more?, the transformation can come later. Embrace the yoga mind. Here, now.....do today and let tomorrow take care of itself.

If the environment is toxic what are the immediate options for changing it?

All the best

Viperidae

Yeah, live in the now. No last year or the last 20 years, or next week, but right right now.

I am looking ahead a little as I try to determine where to go soon. If I can go to Florida. The Keys are destroyed. The rest of the place is 'ok.' Full power except in the Keys within 10 days. And the same time I'm eating what I should today and taking as good care of myself as I can. Up at 7, showered, buzzed my head, shaved, went out for coffee and a bite. I went with my sister to a Casino where she had a short job. It was a good hour ride there and and hour back with her. Went to the Coach store. I wanted a $200 wallet... omg like butter (must be nice). Nice artwork and sculptures in that casino.

I'm watching The Casey Anthony Story. A car wreck distraction. I'm looking for something on HBO.

Later on

Viper

canguy

Go to Florida as a volunteer to work on the cleanup?

Just a thought....

axeman5971

Vipe - sounded like a good start to the day. Schedules help me. I'm in a recovery-related room 6 days a week now. I'm writing this from the chair of a podiatrist. It's a follow up for a simple ingrown toenail. I followed his home care regimen to a T. Soaking in saltwater, cleaning with peroxide, bacitracin, bandage, repeat. I want it to heal on schedule if not early and 100% cleanly.

I want to keep shaping my recovery that way. 100% adherence to the program, the homework, they prayer. Add some exercise and diet slowly but staying disciplined. Add volunteer work. Bit by bit, but consistent.

It'll add up to a hell of a sober life.

Viperidae

Axe, those ingrown toenails are a pain. My nephew has really wide feet and plays basketball. He's constantly battling the toenail thing. I used to get them myself but the doc just cut the edge off, all the way up the nail and it would heal. Then I learned to do it myself with surgical scissors 'Rambo Surgery' style. I have pronation. I have awesome cork Birkenstock orthotics that cost $40 and are better than any $300 custom orthotic. Combined with good Keens, my feet are happy.

Again right! And I know the stuff, or maybe it hasn't totally sunk in. A little exercise. Take the meds consistently without a drop of alcohol and they can work. The meds are not doing much after my binge, but I gotta give it time.

First time I went to the Florida condo (2 years ago) I hadn't walked more than 100 yards in a year. Buy the end of the month I had nothing to do at 11pm, and started walking. I got to The Marriott and knew I could cut through to the beach. I walked back on the beach and started getting a good sweat. I mapped it on my phone and it was 4 miles. That is real progress, and it starts a yard at a time.

Last night I must have been exhausted because I slept long and hard.

Canguy, my sister suggested the same thing. Go volunteer down there. Not a bad idea by any means. Rental cars have skyrocketed and if I want my own place, to do more than walk to the grocery store and beach, I'll need a vehicle. Heck, if I want AA those folks would pick me up for sure. Previously found $500 a month for a little SUV at a good company. Now the smallest box is $1500 at a no name company.

ok, well I'm planning my day out simply to avoid any AV at 3pm (all I can accomplish today). I'm doing some research online. I've got hawks or osprey screeching on both sides of me right now. I'm at the family spot on the CT River in the forest. Show yourselves birds of prey!!! I want to see you.

later on,

V

axeman5971

I know some sponsors who won't let their sponsees drive to their first month of meetings. Make them ask for rides - kills the ego, makes them open to receive help, encourages fellowship .

canguy

Toe nails.....I was told to cut a 'v' in the centre edge of the nail. It then grows to fill the gap and not down into the corners. It worked for me.

(Yeah, yeah....I know, medical advice etc, lol..... )

Florida looks terrible on the TV. I guess Aus people can sympathise, every year we have huge wild fires, people just instantly lose everything. And I'm sitting here thinking about that....third world disasters on the TV every night of even greater magnitude.....

anyway....beautiful spring morning here. Been up and out for a long tramp along the river, then back here to stoke the coffee pot, make a bit of toast and kick off the day. Confession. Not going to work is brilliant. I got my life back off the 'managers'. Every day feels now like something you've gotten away with. It's dangerous.....too easy to drink all the time, but hold that off and it's living. I didn't realise how totally burnt out I'd become.....

So. Appreciate the day. It's precious.

Later

Dee74

I think we can let that pass canguy

D

Viperidae

Canguy you got crocs around? Love 'em!!

Florida Keys are devasted. Key West is an island of drunks. It's funny the statement from Key West today, which is without electricity or running water, "All we need is the booze," which I'm sure they have plenty of.

The rest of Florida is coming along nicely. Severe damage in some areas of the West Coast, and certain spots.

SO - I emailed a landlord of a building with a very nice efficiency apartment, on Fort Meyers Beach FL today. He called me in 10 minutes. He's a very laid back dude. On the high end of my price range, but he'll pick me up at the airport for a few bucks, and there is a shuttle on the 'island' that goes up and down the strip for 50 Cents. Condo is across the street from the beach, and beach access is free there. Direct ocean access, not a bay or anything. It's 1/2 mile from a large grocery store. Brand new unit. Very compact, but 'luxury' inside. I can cook my own food, walk the beach, swim, and get around for practically nothing. Those factors and the cheap airport pickup make it a top contender, especially since they sustained no damage and my realtor won't even have power for a week.

I'm considering it. I'm going to review this with the family tomorrow. It's a possible step.

So the day was not bad.

V

canguy

Go for it Vipe

Lol...no crocs in my river, bit far south. But the black swans do have a good crop of little cygnets this year.

Viperidae

It was a good day. I feel pretty good. No decisions made. When I was on the phone with the landlord of the condo I mentioned, I told him swimming was paramount to me. He asked if I'd rather have place with a pool, and I said, no... the ocean is across the street, screw pools! He replied, 'You'd swim in The Gulf?!' I was like, 'Hell yes. I always do.' Then he informed me that the water there isn't the same as other spots and it's an estuarial drainage area, gets very silty etc, and people can have issues with it. I thought it was 'American baby-ness.' Heaven forbid you actually go in the ocean, it's got to be a pool, which is a thing.

I googled it today. Turns out that spot is where a major lake is released and routed to during rains. They open the dam. It's where the swamps drain out, and when there is flooding and water is pumped into drainage, that's where it goes. Bacteria, mud, the locals don't go in the water. WTF? It's not out, but swimming is like the #1 thing on my list. In the ocean.

Keep looking.

Today I was very grateful to have my good food from Whole Foods, my little Acura (170k miles, clear coat peeling off, dents, big deal, works good!), a family to come home to, a bit of money for a few nice things, and the chance to go on a trip. Plus a good sister and brother. It's not that bad. A heck of a lot more than many.

Check in later.

V

rascalwhiteoak

Poo water no es buena.

Viperidae

Well Rascal, I do feel a little like a brat because it is a nice place. I mean it's not a sewer. It's still palm trees and tropical weather. But... I'm paying for this and I want ocean. It's so healing for me. Absolutely grounding and rejuvenating.

I'm compensating for that hellish night with food. I'm eating some junk. But I'm sober, and that's most important. I can get back on track very fast with diet when I make up my mind.

I took drugs tonight... Ibuprophen The tendinitis in my legs is back of course. It's the price I pay. I'm stretching them.

Watching a Batman movie.

Vipe

Viperidae

Hi. I feel good. There's not much to report. Of course I ordered an iPhone 8 Plus today. I just give T-Mobile my old one and I get the new one. I'm on their Jump Program. So I've upgraded every time a new one comes out. Exactly what they want me to do. The iPhone X is truly a luxury item. I don't need to spend the extra money on it even though it's not that much more.

The idea would be to get a couple of the iPhone X on day 1, and flip them immediately for far more than retail. It happens every year. A person who endeavored to do this could very possibly come away with enough cash to pay for 2 months in a beach condo. I wouldn't know too much about that.

Donde esta PurpleCat?

Ok later on folks,

Vipe

axeman5971

Joined a home group tonight on day 40!

Viperidae

Congrats on 40 Axe!! Home group as in Meeting?

canguy

Looks like a quiet weekend around here. I'll take it as a good sign.
Sunday morning......2 weeks in now for me. The sleep is brilliant, mood up and positive. But the itching legs is back....

Hoping y'all having a good weekend.

Later

axeman5971

Home Group of AA on Fridays. I've gone for the last four weeks. It's a big group of about 65 that splits after introductions into a large speaker meeting and a smaller beginners discussion. Overall, it's pretty great. There is a lot of good surprise there, plus some younger and more new people. I'm not crazy about one of the older members because he is A bit judge mental. But, like the big book says, we seek progress not perfection.