G'day Vipe.
I'm with the Axe. You've done some good time while here, so its definitely possible for you. You haven't failed us, haven't failed anybody. We're all a work in progress.
But maybe live in the moment more?, the transformation can come later. Embrace the yoga mind. Here, now.....do today and let tomorrow take care of itself.
If the environment is toxic what are the immediate options for changing it?
All the best