HelenofTroy

Good morning folks.

Barbs I'm glad you hung in there. I know all about how lonely it can be when your sig. other isn't around. My husband and I have been in a long distance relationship for 21 years and only see each other on weekends. He comes home Saturday nights and leaves again Monday mornings. I sometimes go to his house instead, which now that I'm retired gives us an extra day or two. My worst rough patch was after my kids had moved out and my old cat had to be euthanized. My house was so empty and I was completely lost. I got into a lot of trouble with my drinking. I went to the humane society and adopted two new cats and it is amazing how much difference it made just having other living creatures in the house. Then after my son died I took his dog back so I am forced to be a responsible adult at least part of the time lol

Bikube I can't even imagine a 5k run! I can manage a 5k walk but that's it. I'm glad for you that you have such supportive parents.

I was planning on a nature walk today with hubby and Thor but there's a cold strong wind blowing out there. It may be a snuggle-in-front-of-the-fireplace-and-tv kind of day after all.

Have a good one everyone.

SoberRobster

Just checking in - Day 58 for me. It's been quite a good week as I went out with an old work mate and stuck to the soft drinks. He was really good about me not drinking and at the end of the night he was talking about giving up himself next year. He does not have a problem like me with alcohol but it would be good to have another non drinking friend if he does pack it in.

Feeling good but I must confess I am not looking forward to the forthcoming Christmas Parties and am already lining my excuses up for non-attendance.

Barbs

Helen I don't think I could handle a long distant relationship like that. I would go insane, and to loose your son as well. So sorry for your loss. I am grateful I have my sweet beagle, Lulu to keep me company.

Although my husband has been working all day and will be for several more hours tonight, it has been a much better day today. My son, who moved to Seattle last January (chasing after and catching a sweet girl) called this morning and we talked for several hours. Then I heard from my daughter, who moved to Chicago a year ago and she is planning on coming home for a visit at Christmas time. What a wonderful surprise that was!

I also managed to work though my anxiety and go to my neighbors house to watch the football game. I think slowly, but surely, progress is being made.

HelenofTroy

Good morning folks.

Hey Rob. Day 58 - awesome! Sounds like you have a good friend there. I have also been finding that my friends have been good about me not drinking and not pressuring me at all. I wasn't giving them enough credit for being decent human beings, which they clearly are. I've thought about that for a bit and I think, for me, anyway, that that's because I saw drinking as so much a part of my own identity that I didn't give my friends credit for seeing me as more than that. I am so fortunate that they do!

Barbs that sounds like a much better day yesterday! How nice that you were able to catch up with your kids My daughter is back in town today for a few days so I'm sure I will be seeing her at some point. She is in the process of moving out of town for her husband's work and is temporarily living at my husband's house there until their new home finalizes. Crazy times for her, and I'm just trying to be supportive. But I should get to see my granddaughter so I'm looking forward to that. And I'm so grateful that I don't have to plan my drinking around a visit with her. Looking back at it, what an exhausting way to live!

Also, I haven't mentioned it in a bit but I really love waking up clear-headed. That never gets old

Have a good one everyone.

Martin1

I am 33 days in now. How is everyone doing? I don't really have much to talk about other than I'm still sober.

SomeSortOfHuman

Hi Martin,

Good work! I don't have much to add at the moment either - I'm v stressed with work and often fancy a drink, but something is stopping me actually doing it. I'd say I'm "quietly resigned" to sobriety at the moment, rather than actively embracing it.

Glad you're doing well, Helen. I liked what you said about not giving yourself enough credit for having an identity beyond booze. Hope you enjoy seeing your daughter and granddaughter.

X

Dee74

Congrats to all you guys - if you're finding it hard, easier times are ahead, I promise

D

Barbs

Yup, yesterday was a great day. I felt like I was actually participating in life. But I think maybe all the excitement of my kids coming home for Christmas had me wide awake at 2:30am. Never went back to sleep. Hubby still working on that damn job and I'm back to thinking about the stash in the garage....I have got to get myself together.

bikube

Hey all, congrats to everyone who had a sober day today.

I have nine weeks now, it feels like time is passing quicker and more easily than in the early days. I've begun to start looking around for jobs, which is scary; I'm not sure if I'm even ready to go back to work yet but I'm getting used to the idea by working on my CV etc.

Like Martin, I don't really have much to say other than that I'm sober. I feel pretty ok at the minute - still have low points with guilt and shame but going to AA is helping.

Love to all x

Barbs

Congratulations bikube on nine weeks!

Martin 33 days is fantastic!

I'm feeling a bit more optimistic about today. I actually saw my husband for a few minutes this morning before he headed back out to work. I don't know how he does 16 hour days for weeks at a time but just a few more days and the job will be finished and we can enjoy a beautiful Thanksgiving. I'm looking forward to that!

HelenofTroy

Good morning folks.

Hey Martin, you're still ahead of me Bikube - nine weeks! That's great! Being back in the workforce will be good, IMHO, because it gets you out among other people. Barbs you must be so relieved that your husband is almost done the long hours. It must be hard on both of you. SSOH I'm so glad you're hanging in there. I get that "quietly resigned" isn't quite where you want to be but it still beats where you were 3 months ago.

I talked to my daughter yesterday about taking all of my wine making equipment. They are moving into a new house next month and will have room to take on the hobby if they choose to. I have been making my own wine for about twenty years. I have four kits waiting to be make up (so 120 bottles worth) to get them started. She isn't drinking at the moment because she is nursing but we had a good conversation about the perils of having lots of wine handy in the house and how easily it can become a habit. She has several cases of wine still at her house left over from her wedding three years ago so I think they have that under control already. Having my wine making equipment and kits waiting to be made was one of the roadblocks to me quitting drinking. Whenever I'd seriously think about quitting I wouldn't because I wouldn't want to waste all the wine I had around. When I'd be running low I wouldn't think about quitting but instead would order more. Can't let myself run out! And the cheap b@stard in me would never let me throw away the equipment, the wine or the kits. I paid good money for all that! And knowing my daughter (she is a cheap b@stard like her mom ) if she decides it is clutter she will just sell it, which is fine by me, because my daughter is still benefiting from it. I don't mind giving it away to my daughter for free but I can't make myself throw it out. Funny the way we think.

I still have wine already bottled which I have occasionally been using in cooking. I'll probably give that to my mom. What I have on hand would be gone by now if I were still drinking anyway and that helps with the idea of giving it away. Also I have some very nice store bought wine in my stash that I will use for gifts for the upcoming season. Then it's done. Sigh.

This has been a huge step for me.

Have a good one everyone.

Dee74

That is a great move Helen

D

HelenofTroy

Thanks Dee.

bikube

Helen, that's amazing that you are planning to do that with your wine and equipment. I can imagine how difficult that must be. Congrats also on being able to maintain sobriety at the minute while you have it all there, I hope I could exercise the same restraint!

Nothing new with me really, just checking in. I kind of use this thread as a log-book for myself. I hope everyone had a lovely day.

I had my weekly therapy session this evening and it reeeeeally opened up a lot for me. Nothing major and not really alcohol-related but it gave my a great perspective on my current situation and my subconscious thought process at present. It was a really worthwhile session and gave me some things to work on.

SomeSortOfHuman

Hi bikube - that therapy session sounds like it was really helpful. Do you mind me asking what type of therapy you are having? I have tried general talking therapy and CBT, but haven't found them particularly useful. How long have you been going? Thanks!

HelenofTroy

Good morning folks.

Day 34. Although my phone app says day 33. It lost a day when it passed the one month mark. Just can't get good stuff for free! lol Martin will have to tell me if I'm wrong, he should be on 35? He helps me keep track lol

Have a good one everyone.

Martin1

Thanks for the support everyone.

Hi Helen

It is five weeks today. 35 days. I was a bit tempted yesterday but it didn't last long. It wasn't like I was struggling but I had to finish cooking something for my dad that was going to take over an hour and I was really tired. In the past I've had a couple of beers while I've been doing it but I just did it and went to bed once it was done.

I've been keeping somewhat busy by doing household jobs.

Also I have an eye test on Monday, I have known for years I need glasses. Can't even see writing on a telly if I'm sitting further than about five metres away. Pretty much everything is blurry further than arms length.

Barbs

Helen that's a big step getting rid of the wine making equipment. Good for you. I would like to ask my husband to clear out the supply he has in the garage but I'm afraid it would cause him to ask me questions about why and I'm too much of a coward to tell him that it tempts me. He still believes that I'm not drinking simply because I want to make healthier choices and not because I can't control my drinking (even though I believe deep down he knows the truth). I'm not ready to have that conversation.

Anyway, been having a pretty good day today. Hope everyone else has as well.

bikube

Hey SSOH! My therapist is a psychologist and she takes a kind of loose approach to talking therapy, sorry, I can't think of a better way to explain it! I've been seeing her for about 3-4 months.

I previously tried general counselling/talking therapy (different therapist) for about six months - felt like a waste of time and money to be honest, I didn't feel like my therapist challenged me or opened anything up for me...he just encouraged me to talk in a kind of stream of consciousness way that didn't teach me anything I didn't already know about myself. Then I tried CBT for 18 months, I loved that therapist and I thought it was useful for a while but then I became disillusioned with the concept of it, I saw it as 'lying to myself', and I just couldn't buy into it anymore. However, my drinking was pretty much constant and out of control at this point so I wasn't really in a good place to be getting any kind of benefit from therapy. Also I was too embarrassed to tell my CBT counsellor about the drinking because I got along so well with him and I didn't want to let him down, lol, so there were so many issues that we just weren't addressing at all.

I told my current therapist about my kinda-negative prior experiences with CBT and talk-therapy when I started seeing her and so she regularly 'checks in' with me about how her method is working out for me, which is great! I think maybe her process could be compared to life coaching?

I hope that helps! How were your previous therapists, did you feel like you could open up with them? Perhaps you haven't found the right person yet? I felt so hopeless and like a lost cause before I found my current person, given that CBT and talk-therapy hadn't ~worked~ for me. But I do feel I'm making progress with my situation now. So don't lose faith!

HelenofTroy

Good morning folks.

Congrats on five weeks Martin! That means I'm there today And welcome to the old-timers club. I always had really good vision, but started needing glasses in my early 30's. Now I can't see a thing without them. Ugh.

Barbs, I get that. It is really tough to let even those closest to us in on our "little secret". For me it was also that once I've told them then that holds me to an even bigger accountability, while if they don't know and I "chose" to relapse then who's the wiser? I also used the "getting healthier" excuse in the beginning but have since told them little things that make my situation clearer. Not so much drinking war stories but more about my concerns about needing a drink and thinking about it all the time. They understand where I am at and are completely supportive.

Bikube that's great that you have found a therapy/therapist that works for you. Many folks have to try more than one before finding one that clicks.

I'm still hanging in there. With this cold weather in my part of the world I have been drinking lots more tea. I grew up in a family of heavy tea drinkers (I was born in England) and I really like tea but it would get in the way of my wine drinking. A girl can only take in so many liquids! lol So now I have my morning large coffee (sometimes two), "regular" tea (Tetley orange pekoe with milk) in the afternoon and a flavoured decaffeinated tea in the evening. Last night was "mulled wine" tea from Lloyd's. Yum! I'm still not very good at water intake so I need to work on that.

I also watched "Clean and Sober" last night with Michael Keaton. It's more about the cocaine than the drinking but it was still insightful. The night before I watched "Smashed". Tonight I'm hoping to watch "Days of Wine and Roses". And I am up-to-date on "Shameless". All of these help remind me that I don't want to be that person.

Have a good one everyone.