Class of March 2016 part 32
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: St. Louis, Mo
Posts: 7,334
Originally Posted by Pelagic263 
Alas, I became an atheist at age twelve. True story, happened in Sunday School.
I've been doing some reading on the "spiritual awakening." It is really fascinating. AA appears to have gotten the idea from the psychologist William James. In fact he's mentioned in one of the appendices. Of course there's a long, long history of the "conversion experience" and sometimes a higher power does not play a part. James called that version the "mystical experience." Well, I'd love to have one of those
And I know a "higher power" can be loosely interpreted. AA even says Nature can serve as a higher power. Well, that's as close as I can get and I've been thinking along those lines, but it doesn't seem to stick.
Haha, can you tell I'm an academic. I think I killed the higher power with analysis.
The whole topic is just absolutely fascinating though. William James' Varieties of Religious Experience is a classic and covers it in-depth. The writing style is not for the faint hearted but I think it's a great read. I'm really enjoying rereading the Big Book as well.
I feel different this time. I really want to make it stick.
I've been doing some reading on the "spiritual awakening." It is really fascinating. AA appears to have gotten the idea from the psychologist William James. In fact he's mentioned in one of the appendices. Of course there's a long, long history of the "conversion experience" and sometimes a higher power does not play a part. James called that version the "mystical experience." Well, I'd love to have one of those
And I know a "higher power" can be loosely interpreted. AA even says Nature can serve as a higher power. Well, that's as close as I can get and I've been thinking along those lines, but it doesn't seem to stick.
Haha, can you tell I'm an academic. I think I killed the higher power with analysis.
The whole topic is just absolutely fascinating though. William James' Varieties of Religious Experience is a classic and covers it in-depth. The writing style is not for the faint hearted but I think it's a great read. I'm really enjoying rereading the Big Book as well.
I feel different this time. I really want to make it stick.
I do believe in a collective higher power though. The power of prayer or meditation can be very strong. There is scientific proof.
You really can have nature as your higher power. Until I was willing to be humbled and give it up, I just kept trying to control it. I'm a fairly intelligent woman, very strong, it did not make sense that I would be an alcoholic. When I finally realized I was and it was okay is when I laid it down.
I hope that makes sense. I know you are more than fairly intelligent and that right there might just be getting in your way.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 712
You never realize it till you get a little bit of sobriety under your belt and all at once you have your life back you never realize how much alcohol and drinking has taken away from you. I do not miss the hiding in the house and drinking not doing anything at all because it might interfere with my drinking. I'm sober and I'm busy enjoying my life that's why I will not drink today.
That and my wife took all my money
That and my wife took all my money
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 593
I like your thoughts there, Bobbieka. I never had any luck with meditation because my dumb brain just won't stop. I should try it again though. I know I drank just to slow it down sometimes. The euphoria of a new semester for instance. I had to slow it down somehow.
And thank you for your thoughts on a higher power. You are wise as well as smart and talented.
This is from the Big Book, quoting a doctor:
"Here and there, once in a while, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences . . . They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces . . . are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them."
I love that idea and I'm not giving up on it, and James discusses slow conversions as well so that's what I'll aim for. But in the meantime I have to deal with the one that gets me every time: "F it. I want to drink." I have had no illusions about control for a while now. I KNOW what's going to happen. That's the sad, hard part, when I simply want it to happen. It's often said here that you have to want sobriety more than you want to drink. I say I do, but some days I don't, and I know it. A tough case I guess. But there's power in that knowledge, too. I know exactly what I'm up against.
Sorry to be such a downer today. It was a weird week.
Kayak, there really is a new tone in your voice. It sounds great!!
Fred stay safe, post back if you need to.
And thank you for your thoughts on a higher power. You are wise as well as smart and talented.
This is from the Big Book, quoting a doctor:
"Here and there, once in a while, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences . . . They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces . . . are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them."
I love that idea and I'm not giving up on it, and James discusses slow conversions as well so that's what I'll aim for. But in the meantime I have to deal with the one that gets me every time: "F it. I want to drink." I have had no illusions about control for a while now. I KNOW what's going to happen. That's the sad, hard part, when I simply want it to happen. It's often said here that you have to want sobriety more than you want to drink. I say I do, but some days I don't, and I know it. A tough case I guess. But there's power in that knowledge, too. I know exactly what I'm up against.
Sorry to be such a downer today. It was a weird week.
Kayak, there really is a new tone in your voice. It sounds great!!
Fred stay safe, post back if you need to.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,313
Wow, thank you everyone ... your posts are really helping me fight through my usual Friday cravings. My daughter has early dismissal at school today and will be home in 30 minutes. I won't take her to the liquor store so I think I am safe.
Thanks, again, to all of you! You truly have helped me today.
Thanks, again, to all of you! You truly have helped me today.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: St. Louis, Mo
Posts: 7,334
Just finished an energy drink, so brace yourselves.
Tonight will be a first for me. I am attending a trivia night with someone from AA. It will be my first of such events that wasn't centered around alcohol.
I am meeting my sponsor at a fall festival tomorrow. Will also be the first time I've gone to this festival and it wasn't about the beer. After the festival we begin working on the steps. I'm pretty excited about that. And apprehensive. I don't want to get to the steps where I have to own up to my harms to others. It would be so much easier if I could just be nice from now on. Doesn't work that way though, does it? I'm ready. It just won't be fun.
Hope everyone is having a great afternoon. I'm in a great mood. Trying to spread the love here!! Maybe some kisses :
Tonight will be a first for me. I am attending a trivia night with someone from AA. It will be my first of such events that wasn't centered around alcohol.
I am meeting my sponsor at a fall festival tomorrow. Will also be the first time I've gone to this festival and it wasn't about the beer. After the festival we begin working on the steps. I'm pretty excited about that. And apprehensive. I don't want to get to the steps where I have to own up to my harms to others. It would be so much easier if I could just be nice from now on. Doesn't work that way though, does it? I'm ready. It just won't be fun.
Hope everyone is having a great afternoon. I'm in a great mood. Trying to spread the love here!! Maybe some kisses :
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: US
Posts: 16,916
Hey guys! I found this & posted it in the 24 hour forum....thought you'd like it for a Friday message (I certainly need to keep it in mind!)
I will also need to stick close to SR this weekend....will be catching up on posts shortly
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,197
Heading home from work - pumpkin cheesecake tea today....but the smell is turning my stomach. The sinus infection that I thought was on its way out is a sneaky bugger and I now feel worse than ever....I just want my bed...wah!! Lol. Hoping to feel a bit better tomorrow and maybe go to the market. I hope you are all doing well...will catch up later.
Talk to you tomorrow Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,690
Hidehi all. What a weird few days sleep wise. I am lucky to get 4 hours in any 24 hour period. Night b4 dreamt of my bro. He has the same birthday as me- but 3 years older. Born apparently almost to the minute. Anyway he died about 7 years ago in his 40's, multiple organ frailure from alcohol abuse. He was yellow. As a family, we supported his partner's decision to unplug him and watch him die. A tear ran down his face with one of his last breaths. Have not really thought too much about him since then. Even being told when waking up from an induced coma by my other bro that I was in the exact same bed space my other bro was in when he died. Creepy. So I have begun dreamingabout him. Never dreamt about him before.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,690
Stupid fingers. These dreams are strange, weird, ugly, scary. In these dreams he is trying to find meth. As far as I know he only drank, did not use. To add to the weirdness I wake up, fully aware of the dream- fall back asleep and then the dream picks up from when it finished. I know that part is true 'cos check the time. Then in the dream, I wake up thinking I have been dreaming. Only to actually wake up and finds I was actually dreaming about dreaming. Something happening in mind space. Going to take the day enjoying the cool weather and letting the thinking side of my brain settle. Not going to apply psychoanalysis or profiling to my sub-c. Does not seem to be a terribly useful exercise. That is only one of several dream threads that have escaped. If god is talking to me- he is speaking in another language. I think I will go back to doing masterpiece stuff. Nice and concrete- kind of.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by PhoenixJ
Hidehi all. What a weird few days sleep wise. I am lucky to get 4 hours in any 24 hour period. Night b4 dreamt of my bro. He has the same birthday as me- but 3 years older. Born apparently almost to the minute. Anyway he died about 7 years ago in his 40's, multiple organ frailure from alcohol abuse. He was yellow. As a family, we supported his partner's decision to unplug him and watch him die. A tear ran down his face with one of his last breaths. Have not really thought too much about him since then. Even being told when waking up from an induced coma by my other bro that I was in the exact same bed space my other bro was in when he died. Creepy. So I have begun dreamingabout him. Never dreamt about him before.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Night everyone, laying in the hotel getting ready to go sleep. Gotta get up at 5:00 am! YUCK! I am NOT a morning person! Ha.
There was a team dinner tonight. Open bar. Ugh. Alcohol is everywhere! The good news is it didn't really bother me and no one was really drinking much anyway.
BUT.....There IS this one woman who I KNOW is an alcoholic because I've smelled alcohol on her breath several times. She hides vodka in water bottles. When you look at her she looks so sad and almost without a soul....like the walking dead. She's sooooo skinny with a protruding belly indicating liver cirrhosis. It's very sad. :-(
I'll check in tomorrow! Xo
There was a team dinner tonight. Open bar. Ugh. Alcohol is everywhere! The good news is it didn't really bother me and no one was really drinking much anyway.
BUT.....There IS this one woman who I KNOW is an alcoholic because I've smelled alcohol on her breath several times. She hides vodka in water bottles. When you look at her she looks so sad and almost without a soul....like the walking dead. She's sooooo skinny with a protruding belly indicating liver cirrhosis. It's very sad. :-(
I'll check in tomorrow! Xo
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,690
KK-the old myth that Vodka does not give one alcohol breath. HA! There was one bloke at an AA meeting I went to in the hills. Cold- but not that cold. This guy was in a polar coat, with a hoodie pulled down so far over his face - he had no face. He reeked of alcohol and breath freshener. As you said, not like one of the walking dead- but one of them.
I was just talking to a guy- jail bird, drugs. Big guy- used to have to be held down by 4 police when he was drunk. Caused other people serious damage. He then said quite openly that he was abused as a child. He now paints, does gym work, meditates- everything he can do to get his life back. That is the key I think- to have the ability to turn a revolting destructive past into a positive learning tool.
I was just talking to a guy- jail bird, drugs. Big guy- used to have to be held down by 4 police when he was drunk. Caused other people serious damage. He then said quite openly that he was abused as a child. He now paints, does gym work, meditates- everything he can do to get his life back. That is the key I think- to have the ability to turn a revolting destructive past into a positive learning tool.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 593
Just an early check-in. The usual insomnia. I'm going to brew a little coffee and work on the SMART handbook for a while.
I was talking to my wife about all of this and she helped me focus on one of my biggest triggers: focusing on past mistakes and becoming depressed about it all. Every time I started to go that route she said "stop, you don't need to focus on the past right now." I agreed, what's done is done and recovery lies in the future.
I hope everyone has a great day. Purplrks I like that thought about peace. We all should find peace, and some of us already have. I'll get there too.
I was talking to my wife about all of this and she helped me focus on one of my biggest triggers: focusing on past mistakes and becoming depressed about it all. Every time I started to go that route she said "stop, you don't need to focus on the past right now." I agreed, what's done is done and recovery lies in the future.
I hope everyone has a great day. Purplrks I like that thought about peace. We all should find peace, and some of us already have. I'll get there too.
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