Midwest1981

83mammaof2-

Good job yesterday of handling the issue with your husband and talking it out!! Glad you didn't get a drink that would have made it worse for sure!

Drinking never solved anything.

Evienne

Hello all, I haven't checked in since a couple of days ago, was doing well, today (15!) I'm feeling wobbly. I need to stick around. What triggers me is a fundamental insecurity, taught by mommy dearest. It's her voice I keep hearing: The way I dress is all wrong, the way I care for my pets is all wrong (I really do spoil them but she ignores hers), my car is all wrong, my house is all wrong, I am all wrong. Yesterday I told her, if anyone would talk to you the way you talk to me, you would never want to see them again, think about it. Then she just blankly stared out of the window. She will be back at it in a day. Ugh.

Truth is, I'm terrified for my new life. My dad bought a home for me to rent from him. I chose the fixer upper close to nature instead of the one that I could move into immediately in the depressing neighborhood. So there's work to be done and I'm gonna have to arrange and do most of it myself. It's almost my dads birthday and since I don't have a lot of money, I decided to quit smoking, he would be so happy but the thought alone makes me queasy. My car does need a lot of tlc and I love working on it but I'm just pretending to know what I'm doing! It will start to fall apart soon. Starting a new job in a month with wonderful opportunities but I will just mess it up like I'm used to. Cops came by yesterday because my ex is still stalking me 5 months after breaking up, I feel uneasy when my phone rings, when I get an email, when someone knocks on the door and when I have to go outside. My Shetland pony is being naughty because I spoiled her a bit too much! I have to train her better but I will surely ruin her.

I'm sorry for rambling. I feel it's all too much for me to handle. I have always felt like a screw up and it makes me want to sneak off into oblivion because that's what I think I deserve. This time, I'm just not going to. I'm NOT having the first drink. (But who am I kidding, the AV spoke slyly.)

Stubbs16

Hey everyone,

Happy Friday! And its nice to wake up sober, once again.

Had those horrible drinking dreams again last night, woke up feeling like I had blown it again! Grateful it was just dreams.

Still feeling fuzzy, its only day 3 for me, but I look forward to feeling better with each passing minute.

Looking forward to getting to know everyone.

My weekend plans are to enjoy some nice weather finally headed to these parts. Lots of outside stuff to do, spruce the yard up, etc. Glad its finally spring here.

The most important thing I HAVE TO DO TODAY, is just not drink. That's it. We can do this guys. Stay strong and sober today friends.

Stubbs16

Evienne, sorry you are feeling insecure. Its hard to break out of the old mindset. Sorry your Mom isn't nicer to you. Hope today is better for you.

Being afraid of new things, experiences is normal. But, its better then staying in the same old cycle, right? Sounds to me like you have a lot going for you. Embrace it, and see what happens. I think great things are in store for you dear. Kick that AV to the curb. It is a sly devil tho, isn't it? But, we are in control, it only wants us to think we aren't!

BlueBlueBird

This.

Midwest1981

Evienne,

15 days sober is wonderful!! You have to be a strong person to be able to do that. Don't listen to your "addictive voice". All it cares about is having a drink it doesn't care about you. Forgetting your worries for a little bit won't help at all when you wake up they will still be there.

I think the house in the country sounds really exciting and so does the new job. I am sure you are going to do great fixing up the house and do well on your new job.

Just take everything one day at a time! if your sober you will be able to handle things as they come up.

Midwest1981

Maximus-

I think we may have been part of the same class awhile back! congrats on day three!!

I am glad spring is here too! It's great to be able to get outside.

Evienne

Thank you so much Maximus. That makes me feel a bit better. I know, I have to stay this course and just see what I can really do, but yikes! For now, I've decided to pay a visit to my godmother. She is a lot more loving than my own.

Sorry about your dreams. Feels so weird waking up after one. But to then find that you're sober indeed is priceless.

Good to know you have healthy stuff planned. Garden work can be so therapeutic! Are you going for flowers or produce, or some upkeeping? Enjoy your weekend in the sun! The earth is coming back to life, just like our class of April, growing and blossoming.

HeatherKy1

Morning!! I hope everyone is buckled in for a great and sober weekend. It's meetings for me all weekend. The kids will be with their dad and that alone time is always a huge trigger for me. So this weekend I'm gonna stay busy hanging out with the sober crew. Hope everyone has a great Friday!!

pams

I could have wrote this post about sleep. That was me 100%. Ended up going into work late many times because of the waking up in the middle of the night. Glad you are with us bluebluebird!

Evienne

You're way too kind.

One day at a time, you are so right, thanks for the reminder. I always get lost in worries about the future, while today is actually not that bad. And tomorrow probably won't be either, as long as I don't drink. I'll try to be excited about everything rather than scared.

LoftyIdeals

Hi all, Jumping in here on day 10 of my journey. Just though I'd try to keep up with my fellow travelers in the April group. We can do this! I like the challenge amp laid down. Make it through this day, this page, this thread, this disease and this life! And do it each day by not drinking today. Glad to be getting sober!

Evienne

Welcome Lofty! Great job on getting to day 10 already. Together we can do this!

Incontrol15

Wishing you all a peaceful sober Friday!

Midwest1981

Welcome Lofty!! 10 days is a great start!

Winslow

Hey all,everyone sounds so positive, love it! Hope we all have a great day😊

Stubbs16

Hi Midwest, yep, we were in class together before. Maybe December? Well, I've been trying for awhile now, and have been in many classes. Good to see you.

Evienne, glad my post helped you a tad. Great you will be seeing your Godmother. My yard plans are just cleaning up some brush, getting things trimmed back. I usually don't plant till after mothers day round here. Spring sometimes still has a few frosty nights.

Just getting ready to take a long walk. Trying for maybe 3 miles, but have foot problems, so not pushing it. Just some gentle exercise, outside on this beautiful spring day. Best of all, I'm sober!!

Have a great one all.

Tati

Hey everyone. I'm a newbie to these parts. I was recommended to join this post by a few other posters. Anyway i'm trying to give up alcohol for the millionth time. I had a incident the night before where I lacerated my thumb in a drunken stupor trying to chop some onions. I had to get 7 stitches and a tetanus shot. I dunno it was kind of a wake up call. I'm a caregiver to my disabled mother, and it's honestly not safe for me to be drinking. I'm essentially putting both our lives in danger.

During the day the cravings are fine. It's the night time thats the worst for me. I don't know what it is about the night, but it's like my depression, fears and anxieties become more intense at night. I take remeron and xanax for sleep and sometimes my adrenaline is so high the meds have no affect on me.

It's only day two and I'm already dreading the night. I have to take my mom out today to do some errands, and I KNOW i'm gonna get frustrated that I can't stop in the liquor store, and then she'll enable me to buy some liquor because she doesn't like "seeing me upset" and yet she HATES when I drink, and guilt trips me whenever I do.

I just LOVE the ritual of being alone in my room and getting plastered. As messed up as that is. I've suffered with severe anxiety and depression for years, and I when I drink it's SUCH a comfort for me. I have these obsessions about stuff I can't control. I CONSTANTLY worry about my mom getting sick, or dying. I have a very small family. It's just me and my brother, and my brother has never been dependable. When my mom initially got sick in 2009. I had no support system. That year nearly killed me physically, mentally and emotionally. I had never felt more alone in my life during that time. So I guess my biggest fear is going through something like that again. I also just worry about my future in general to. I sometimes feel like i'll never get better or feel "normal".

I'm also been dealing with MAJOR homesickness. Me and my mom moved from NYC to allentown PA, and I hate it here. I miss the city sooo much. I was dealing with a lot of the same sh*t in NY, but I feel like moving just opened up a brand new can of warms.

Anyway I just wanna know how to get the through the nights without wanting to rip my hair out. I know nothing will give me the escape like alcohol does, but I just wanna be able to shut my brain off and just BE you know? I just don't know how to be chill so to speak without drinking.

Jan1755

I hear you Tati. I suffer from anxiety also and things are always worse at night. I have used alcohol to deal with stress and anxiety. All my worries. I see a therapist now and she has suggested lighting candles and meditating to the flickering flames. Also meditation. She's also big in journaling. This weekend I will be out of town with a hectic schedule and won't be home where I relax with lemon water and sober recovery. I'm a little stressed that with only seven days of sobriety and being away from home that I could relapse. I'm going to make it a priority to take time for sober recovery every single day. It really helps me.

JoFanelli

Hello there! Every 6/8 days it seems I get rid of a lot of uhm...water :-) for about 24 hours, then back to normal. It's like an auto cleaning. Anybody had similar experiences?