Class of March 2016 Support Thread Part 5
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 176
Oh Rah, I'm sorry for so much pain, tragedy you & your family have gone through! Try not to worry about eating in the beginning. It's better to stay sober!.... I hope things ease up for you at work & your home life!...
There are meet up groups in most cities, where you can meet others with similar interests. Thank you for sharing. I think it helps to get it out of our heads.
Welcome to everyone new. I too need to get out & garden. I did my simple Tai Chi & went for a walk. I've felt down today. Thought of drinking. Drank coffee late & ate too much chocolate, but did eat healthy earlier today.
Kwhite, so happy to see you!... You can do this!... Casey posted a link today from SR about plans. It's really quite helpful. Hope when you have time you'll take a look. good job on applying for three jobs today. I pray & hope your hubs surgery go's well!...
Thank you to everyone for sharing their stories & reasons for avatars.
There are meet up groups in most cities, where you can meet others with similar interests. Thank you for sharing. I think it helps to get it out of our heads.
Welcome to everyone new. I too need to get out & garden. I did my simple Tai Chi & went for a walk. I've felt down today. Thought of drinking. Drank coffee late & ate too much chocolate, but did eat healthy earlier today.
Kwhite, so happy to see you!... You can do this!... Casey posted a link today from SR about plans. It's really quite helpful. Hope when you have time you'll take a look. good job on applying for three jobs today. I pray & hope your hubs surgery go's well!...
Thank you to everyone for sharing their stories & reasons for avatars.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,098
Originally Posted by Pelagic263 
immri, your two word post, "I drank," gave me a shock of recognition because that's exactly what I would say when my wife came home to find me laid out. It was the saddest thing to say, and beyond that there wasn't anything to say. We were way beyond apologies by then.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,098
Originally Posted by CaseyW
Good to see you immri. What's the plan for today?
I drunkenly messaged my old sponsor last night and they want me to come to a meeting tonight, which I think I will do. Clearly this isn't working, why not try that
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Sounds like a good plan. Get something to eat--stay very hydrated today. Lots of water, little coffee if that's your thing. Good idea to hit that meeting too.
You've been in and will continue to be in my thoughts. Glad you're still here with us.
You've been in and will continue to be in my thoughts. Glad you're still here with us.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 176
If you have time, please read this. Think it's helpful for sobriety & recovery. I'm going to read again tom.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/recover...ing/meditation
http://www.soberrecovery.com/recover...ing/meditation
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by Renew12
Yes. In my twenties, I didn't drink daily, nor weekly. Binged, but when I did it was usually way too much! Smoked a little weed at night to sleep, when I could find it. In my teens I drank & smoked more. Ran away from home. Also ran away in pre-teens. 
Early thirties like my twenties. Mid thirties dropped out of college due to finances. A friend helped me get into the hospitality business. Moved to back of house at one job, managed a bar. Oh boy. Then forties moved into a different industry. Stopped for a good time. Lost job. Started at home more. Still went out. Yes, drove drunk. UGH. Late forties, fifties, mainly home. Scared of possible legal consequences. Your list is a lot like mine. Worse things too. My recollection isn't exactly perfect. Have smoked small amounts of weed occasionally, haven't since I quit drinking. I have thought about it though. IMO, means In my opinion. Or IMHO, means in my humble opinion. Reverse tolerance means, when you pass the stage of increased tolerance. Drinking less amounts, but having the same results. Getting drunk off less booze. Basically, it's like climbing a mountain & then climbing back down.
Early thirties like my twenties. Mid thirties dropped out of college due to finances. A friend helped me get into the hospitality business. Moved to back of house at one job, managed a bar. Oh boy. Then forties moved into a different industry. Stopped for a good time. Lost job. Started at home more. Still went out. Yes, drove drunk. UGH. Late forties, fifties, mainly home. Scared of possible legal consequences. Your list is a lot like mine. Worse things too. My recollection isn't exactly perfect. Have smoked small amounts of weed occasionally, haven't since I quit drinking. I have thought about it though. IMO, means In my opinion. Or IMHO, means in my humble opinion. Reverse tolerance means, when you pass the stage of increased tolerance. Drinking less amounts, but having the same results. Getting drunk off less booze. Basically, it's like climbing a mountain & then climbing back down.Your story also has many parallels with mine. Doesn't sound fun when it's all written out, does it? I pray we ALL stay sober & have the lives we dream of. (((praying)))
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by Kwhite
10:00pm - Hi Everyone, thank you so much for your understanding. I am so upset with myself and still do not have a plan. CaseyW- I do agree with you about my husband locking them up. Out of sight out of mind. His surgery is Monday and we need to have a long sit down after. On a good note, I did apply for 3 jobs today and still no calls yet. I do believe that if I was working the recovery would be so much easier. It's really hard sitting here pacing the floor trying to keep myself occupied. I am going to spend time catching up on everyone's posts now. Sorry I haven't been around to offer my support:-(.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,690
Originally Posted by Thirteenth
Dear immri, you have been so positive and helpful to me and I want to try and reciprocate. You
Dear immri, you have been so positive and helpful to me and I want to try and reciprocate. You’ve clearly been able to get days/weeks or more together which is more than I have. The wonderful advice you’ve given me is what I’d suggest you give back to yourself. Is it possible you lost sight of you while helping others? Just a thought, but perhaps you need to be a little more selfish in the short term. I know providing encouragement is supposed to be helpful in and of itself (I agree), but certainly not if you forget about yourself. Again, I certainly don’t know that that’s what happened, but perhaps it’s something to think about?
As for me, I’m still not there and it’s maddening. I know what to do but I don’t do it. Thank you to all who have posted here about their struggles and triumphs and have asked me to check in, given advice, etc. It really helps to have this outlet with those who understand the struggle and don’t judge. I wish I could say I’m doing better. I can say I’m not doing worse so at least there’s that.
It’s nice/hopeful to know we really are all in this together. Seeing all respond to one another with support is priceless. Special thanks to Casey for his lengthy posts for all members and Dee for his stewardship. Still working toward the goal and will be joining the April class, but hoping it will be OK to stick with the March class as well.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 1,227
Hi all. It’s been a while since I’ve checked in, so this will be long. I’ve been reading, but not posting. I have been struggling with being in a funk over recovery, though can’t put my finger on it: it’s a combination of sadness, isolation, anger, resentment, and fear all rolled into one. I’ve had a couple of slips since joining March 17th, but am wrapping up day 3 tonight. The last two days I have had brief moments of rage. Seemingly out of nowhere. My daughter will ask me one too many time to play Minecraft and I feel like I am going to explode. Something someone said here popped into my head that emotions will level out with time, so I’m trying to keep that in mind. Tonight I rode it out by unloading and loading the dishwasher. I may have slammed a cabinet or two in the process, but by the time I sat back down I felt better. During the tantrum (because really, that’s what it was), AV was loud in my head. Sometimes I feel like I have the emotions of a 5-year-old.
There were too many pages to catch up on today to keep track of my thoughts as I was reading. I’ll do better. My thoughts are with those who are struggling, I am there with you. Let’s be strong together. Congrats to everyone who has hit milestones. You rock.
I do want to thank Kiki for posting your “think through the drink” post. Powerful stuff, and a reminder that we can easily forget how bad it can be. As for stages, I am firmly in stage 1 with a few toes dipped into stage 2. I don’t want to know what full-fledged stage 2 is like. So thank you for posting that as well. Reality check for me, and I’m sure many others here. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
And to answer Casey’s get to know you questions:
My username reflects my state of mind when I first joined SR, and probably is still true. A reminder that when I drink, I have a hard time thinking clearly. My brain is muddled. Concentration is crap. Always fighting at least a mild hangover and brain fog. It also is about looking forward and being clear with the direction I want to lead my life. I WANT to be happy, sober, whole.
As far as my family history, alcoholism runs on my dad’s side. And mental illness runs on both sides. My mom and brother are bipolar, as was my dad. My dad was also an alcoholic, as was my dad’s brother and dad, though they never would have admitted to it. So I grew up around drinking on my dad’s side of the family. My dad was an addict from his late teens. For him, in college it was speed (his nickname was speed freak), and later it was alcohol. My parents divorced when I was 2, so I spend every other weekend and ½ of summers with my dad. I always knew he drank, but it didn’t seem to affect him beyond slurring words and bumbling steps at times. It wasn’t until I was maybe 13 or 14 that he progressed into later stages of alcoholism. Once we found him after he had been missing for a couple of days. He was passed out – seemingly for days – with a ½ gallon of vodka by his side. He went to rehab the first time after that. That’s when we knew the extent of his alcoholism. He had hallucinations during withdrawal. He must have replased shortly after being released, and I honestly can’t remember how long he was in treatment; maybe it was only for detox. He was staying with his brother and was alone in the house. He called 911 because he saw planes crashing into the house and heard babies crying from inside the burning planes. He was running into the planes and grabbing as many babies as he could. When the police arrived, he was arrested. False emergency call? They thought he was on drugs? They thought he was crazy? Maybe all of the above. The next 15 or so years were a revolving door of relapse, suicide attempts, detox, psychiatric hospitals, and repeat. I withdrew from him because it was too painful to watch and too confusing to navigate how to have a father/daughter relationship with him. The dad I knew was gone. He was addiction personified. This, to me, is what late stage alcoholism is, and it’s SCARY. He completed suicide with a bottle of pills and a bottle of vodka in Sept. 2004. I miss him. He was a good man. His addiction took that away from all of us.
I've battled depression and anxiety since age 12. I dabbled in drugs and alcohol when I was a teen, but seeing what it did to my dad I swore off of it when I was 17. Then I went to college and hit a severe depression. I also had crippling anxiety. I was either in class, crying or sleeping it seemed. Then I redisovered alcohol and it seemed to solve all of the issues I was having. I believe I hit early stage alcoholism then: obsessing about when I could drink next, get upset if I couldn't drink, had sleeping problems that I turned to alcohol to help with. When I turned 21 and could legally buy booze, I would go out all of the time, get black out drunk, and drink alone if need be. I lived in Chicago in my 20's which was a playground of bars and clubs. I often put myself in very dangerous situations, had alcohol poisioning on more than one occasion, and was on a path of self destruction. So, I swore of hard alcohol and would only drink wine and beer. Hah. Then I met my husband, and we eventually moved out of the city. My drinking became solitary and I often chose drinking over him. When I found out I was pregnant I put down the alcohol immediately and was sober until she was 2 months old. I was part of an online recovery group on ***** back then, and someone asked me what my plan was after my daughter was born. I scoffed at that. I felt GREAT! I felt wonderful in sobriety! Even though I still had 1/2 box of wine in the house that I couldn't get myself to get rid of. That was a huge red flag. Although my drinking slowed somewhat from when I was younger, and before my daughter was born, I would still drink nightly and go through a 5 liter box of wine in 2 nights. My health is suffering. It's time to stop this madness before I end up like my father, and leave my daughter grieving.
There were too many pages to catch up on today to keep track of my thoughts as I was reading. I’ll do better. My thoughts are with those who are struggling, I am there with you. Let’s be strong together. Congrats to everyone who has hit milestones. You rock.
I do want to thank Kiki for posting your “think through the drink” post. Powerful stuff, and a reminder that we can easily forget how bad it can be. As for stages, I am firmly in stage 1 with a few toes dipped into stage 2. I don’t want to know what full-fledged stage 2 is like. So thank you for posting that as well. Reality check for me, and I’m sure many others here. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
And to answer Casey’s get to know you questions:
My username reflects my state of mind when I first joined SR, and probably is still true. A reminder that when I drink, I have a hard time thinking clearly. My brain is muddled. Concentration is crap. Always fighting at least a mild hangover and brain fog. It also is about looking forward and being clear with the direction I want to lead my life. I WANT to be happy, sober, whole.
As far as my family history, alcoholism runs on my dad’s side. And mental illness runs on both sides. My mom and brother are bipolar, as was my dad. My dad was also an alcoholic, as was my dad’s brother and dad, though they never would have admitted to it. So I grew up around drinking on my dad’s side of the family. My dad was an addict from his late teens. For him, in college it was speed (his nickname was speed freak), and later it was alcohol. My parents divorced when I was 2, so I spend every other weekend and ½ of summers with my dad. I always knew he drank, but it didn’t seem to affect him beyond slurring words and bumbling steps at times. It wasn’t until I was maybe 13 or 14 that he progressed into later stages of alcoholism. Once we found him after he had been missing for a couple of days. He was passed out – seemingly for days – with a ½ gallon of vodka by his side. He went to rehab the first time after that. That’s when we knew the extent of his alcoholism. He had hallucinations during withdrawal. He must have replased shortly after being released, and I honestly can’t remember how long he was in treatment; maybe it was only for detox. He was staying with his brother and was alone in the house. He called 911 because he saw planes crashing into the house and heard babies crying from inside the burning planes. He was running into the planes and grabbing as many babies as he could. When the police arrived, he was arrested. False emergency call? They thought he was on drugs? They thought he was crazy? Maybe all of the above. The next 15 or so years were a revolving door of relapse, suicide attempts, detox, psychiatric hospitals, and repeat. I withdrew from him because it was too painful to watch and too confusing to navigate how to have a father/daughter relationship with him. The dad I knew was gone. He was addiction personified. This, to me, is what late stage alcoholism is, and it’s SCARY. He completed suicide with a bottle of pills and a bottle of vodka in Sept. 2004. I miss him. He was a good man. His addiction took that away from all of us.
I've battled depression and anxiety since age 12. I dabbled in drugs and alcohol when I was a teen, but seeing what it did to my dad I swore off of it when I was 17. Then I went to college and hit a severe depression. I also had crippling anxiety. I was either in class, crying or sleeping it seemed. Then I redisovered alcohol and it seemed to solve all of the issues I was having. I believe I hit early stage alcoholism then: obsessing about when I could drink next, get upset if I couldn't drink, had sleeping problems that I turned to alcohol to help with. When I turned 21 and could legally buy booze, I would go out all of the time, get black out drunk, and drink alone if need be. I lived in Chicago in my 20's which was a playground of bars and clubs. I often put myself in very dangerous situations, had alcohol poisioning on more than one occasion, and was on a path of self destruction. So, I swore of hard alcohol and would only drink wine and beer. Hah. Then I met my husband, and we eventually moved out of the city. My drinking became solitary and I often chose drinking over him. When I found out I was pregnant I put down the alcohol immediately and was sober until she was 2 months old. I was part of an online recovery group on ***** back then, and someone asked me what my plan was after my daughter was born. I scoffed at that. I felt GREAT! I felt wonderful in sobriety! Even though I still had 1/2 box of wine in the house that I couldn't get myself to get rid of. That was a huge red flag. Although my drinking slowed somewhat from when I was younger, and before my daughter was born, I would still drink nightly and go through a 5 liter box of wine in 2 nights. My health is suffering. It's time to stop this madness before I end up like my father, and leave my daughter grieving.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 176
Originally Posted by KiKi0615
Oh wow! I wonder if I started getting reverse tolerance? Not sure but don't wanna find out! Maybe not because in the end I could have 6 beers, 3 strong mixed drinks & 2-3 shots in 4 hours or less on an empty stomach & not feel drunk. Who knows...I just don't and CANT go back!
Your story also has many parallels with mine. Doesn't sound fun when it's all written out, does it? I pray we ALL stay sober & have the lives we dream of. (((praying)))
Your story also has many parallels with mine. Doesn't sound fun when it's all written out, does it? I pray we ALL stay sober & have the lives we dream of. (((praying)))
Sober date: 20th May 2023
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,384
Originally Posted by Applekat
Hello class! Here's my check in for today. Day 31. It was a pretty good day. Spring break for kids still. Any of the stay at home parents on this thread can relate to how much we probably both love school vacations and are exhausted by them. With the new baby to add this year, I'm not sure how I will make it through the summer break. Haha! But truthfully I found myself fantasizing about a glass of crisp white wine. I am going to have to work on this every minute of every day.
And I am not sure how I am just saying no to the AV this go around. I still have so many thoughts and cravings but not even giving them an inch. Hope it stays that way!
I have to pull out my recovery related book list to give myself a dose of "scare" again soon.
And I am not sure how I am just saying no to the AV this go around. I still have so many thoughts and cravings but not even giving them an inch. Hope it stays that way!
I have to pull out my recovery related book list to give myself a dose of "scare" again soon.
:
Wooohooo Applecat xxx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 176
My health is suffering. It's time to stop this madness before I end up like my father, and leave my daughter grieving.
Many, many people have fought this battle & won. It takes work, but so does drinking. You can do this, but you truly have to want sobriety more than drinking. Then you can begin a life of recovery to. There are many resources, tools to help. Please choose life. You & your family deserve it, your worth it!.. It gets better, even with a wk, you'll notice a difference. Stay connected here.
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