letitgo

Sorry to hear that SnoozyQ. I too am having communication/intimacy issues. Think its this cloud of depression. When i was drinking I think i was open to doing more things and fun. Now i just feel hopeless and short tempered. I cant hide it anymore because its blatantly obvious i am.pissed off all the time.
I have been married for several years. Sometimes i feel in love and other times like the magic is in the past. Something about the daily stresses of children, work and obligations. We forget to take time for us when together. Things become overwhelming and intimacy always gets pushed to the back burner. I dont want to admit my weakness or i may project my issues on to her. Its all a big f*cking mess and I am going to figure out how to help it. I think fixing it would be too much for me. Maybe i can fix it in the future. Right now its got to be 1 block at a time.

If i ever figure it out i will let you know SnoozyQ.

Soberwolf

Sorry Let

Soberwolf

By the way I found the God delusion debate between Richard Dawkins v John Lennox I watched it yesterday it was excellent

il post it in my scrapbook in user groups if anyone is interested

Leshar

Hello all,
Snoozy, I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. Do you think Shaun might be a bit depressed? Sometimes, pulling away behaviour like his can be an indication of depressed mood? How long has it been going on? Do you think he worries about you returning to drinking? Was it at all better in those two years you weren't?
I know he works a different shift than you, so that makes things more difficult for together time. What did you guys like to do when you first met?
I agree with Croissant, consider things carefully. I think it's important to work as hard as possible on a partnership, whether that includes counselling, for both of you, or you alone, or not. Larry became very obsessive when he was dying. I had to seek counselling to be able to properly care for him. I know your situation is different, but I'm concerned that your unhappiness will lead to a risk of drinking and then the cycle of misery begins again.
Thinking of you. By the way, you look just as young now as you do in your current pic, beautiful girl!
Let, I'm sorry too that you're experiencing marital issues. Depression is so horrible. I hope you're getting yours managed properly. I think it's an illusion that things seemed more fun when we were drinking. Risky. I've had a very difficult time with protracted depression for at least 18 months. I honestly think it's taken this time for my brain to "reset" its receptors, or something, to the absence of alcohol. I guess some people feel better sooner, and plodding on and suffering sucks, but I'd like to think that if we all hang in there, eventually, things will right themselves. Wishing you well too!
Venus, what is Tassie? Is it Tasmania? Is it cooler there?

KeyofC

Must be something in the air...I am also experiencing huge relationship problems..feeling left out, feeling like I'm not a priority, feeling like he don't want to spend time with me. All of which he says are false, but all of which are perfectly provable and true. I too feel like lack of just being friends is a big problem and when I don't feel my needs are met emotionally, the physically is an absolute no-go. Maybe I intentionally hold it back, I don't know. Hard for me to feel cute n cuddly when I don't feel like you even "like" me, want to make your time available to me, make me feel like I am of value to you (other than in the sack dept). I shut down on every level. Besides talking about it and he actually understanding, or even trying, I don't know what else to do. I can only take care of myself at this point. Regardless where that ends up, I have to push forward with my recovery.
Snooz, it's a very tough situation to deal with. I pray you find an outcome that helps either way...((hug))

SoberLeigh

^^^ I totally agree; don't give up, Snooz, without giving it all you've got.

SoberLeigh

^^^This, too, Snooz. I hope that you give counseling a go; go with a positive mind and heart. A marriage and relationship is worth fighting for.

SoberLeigh

Hugs to you, Key; emotions in early sobriety have so many ups and downs. I hope that you find out what is right for your relationship.

You are right to push forward with your sobriety; keep it as your main focus; without sobriety everything else tends to suffer and fall apart. Those sober minds, sober eyes and sober eyes are very clear and strong.

SoberLeigh

Many hugs to you, let.

Have you and your wife considered marriage counseling?

The time, attention, and commitment we give to our children can leave little time and energy for our marital relationships - add in work and we are often beyond exhausted.

Maybe some time away for just the two of you????????

SoberLeigh

Happy Friday/Saturday, Julyers.

Yay; it's the weekend!!!!!

enjoy this day.

Soberwolf

Time for a big grouphug

Croissant

I thought that too, sw. I hate to see people having these struggles. I do remember feeling angry at times when I first got sober, and I do applaud everyone in a relationship....I have no doubt it's hard to steer your own course when dealing with someone else and a relationship too.

I see both sides, but from what I read here on this site, no relationships, intimate or otherwise, are immune from our sobriety journey. There was a time I'm sure my kids had to adjust to the fact I had an opinion now, and I remembered things, lol. And we all know the falling out I had with my Dad, and that will not be resolved. Getting sober, I realised I was playing a part in a pretend play of his that I did not want to do anymore. Leshar, I know you too have had changes in the dynamics with your siblings and friends now sober. So we can all feel for each other. These are draining things, and I did have tears as I read some of the posts because just getting and staying sober is tough enough in the beginning.

Dee74

how do you know that, though, Wendy?

We have some very smart people in this group - it may be as some have said that Shaun is depressed, or at least he may be struggling with the ups and downs of this year just as much as you are - just manifesting them in a different way?

That's why I think an outside perspective could help you both - but I won't raise it again.

D

Dee74

Let I'm sorry for your relationship ups and downs too - getting sober is really the tip of the iceberg I think cos then we have to learn to deal with day to day things and up and downs, and stresses...and we have to learn to face problems and fix them,. not run away to the bottle.

All that takes time, and I think the timetable on when to tackle certain issues is different for everyone.

It's still early days for you...have faith that as long as you stay sober a lot of that other stuff has a way of falling in place eventually

I hope everyone has a great weekend
D

Leshar

What a great place our class is! Everyone supporting each other.
I joined a penpal site to see if I could communicate with Spanish speaking people, but honestly, all I've received are messages from, sorry, no better phrase for it, dirty old men, and young men too, for that matter! Disappointing. What is our world coming to?

Dee74

Geez.
I'm sorry Leshar.

D

Soberwolf

Croiss

Leshar that sucks I'm really sorry that's the type of males you have come across hopefully you meet a spanish speaking pen friend soon XO

Were finishing watching the film San Andreas its so bad it's good you know them movies where your like COME ON lol

Dwayne 'the Rock' Johnston in this movie seems to be the only guy flying either a helicopter, car, plane & even a boat I know its a action/disaster movie but I don't think even Arnie done that in one film

Were watching tomorrowland after I've been reading my new book & loving it roughly halfway through I also received another new book today its on co-dependancy I got it as I've heard ppl talk about it & I have no idea on it & so can't interact so hoping this book gets me up to speed on the subject

Just having tea & cheese & ham toasties watching the end of this movie

SnoozyQ

What a beautiful bunch you all are. I'm so glad we can all be so very honest here with each other . I have taken on board every single reply , thank you. I never even thought Shaun may have depression. Omg I must spend so much time trying to get myself right I don't even consider his feelings & actions. You have all given me a lot to think about. I always seem to get Saturday morning tea break therapy from you guys. Lol. Hope the ham and cheeses toasters were nice Crois.
I love you all , thanks for your very much needed and welcomed advice xx

SnoozyQ

PS ... I sent him a message at work telling him I want to sell the house & move to Townsville with my sister.

I said we have both fallen out of love and I can't compete with video games anymore whilst the house is falling down around us. Ugh... I should have waited. I'm always so impulsive .

Also for morning tea Deb and j just ate bacon & eggs , pancakes & honey, iced coffee, and black forest cake ! Take that depression! Watch out arse ... Oh boy !

venuscat

Gosh there have been some awesome posts. As Dee said, there is a lot of wisdom here. And loads of support.

Leshar ~ Tassie is Tasmania. That was me being cheeky and trying to make Snoozy smile.

I am so sorry for all of you going through relationship struggles at the moment. I had mine too, all over now, but it was really really tough.
My guy abandoned me without a word after four years...no idea why.

Anyway, hoping today/tonight is a good night for everyone.