tnjeeper

Happy Fourth of July all. Day 10 for me. I'll actually remember the fourth this year. Stay strong all

iam2antsy

i've been trying to quit about once every month this year and make it a week or 10 days...been living in an unhappy marriage for years - said i wanted out a few years ago when i was in a better place work wise, mentally, physically - but he was like you'll miss me, how will you do this or that? didn't want to just let it go easy. so now he's had enough of me & said get a job (been self employed & when my give a damn broke let alot of work go) move out & we'll get a divorce. so i'm in a heck of a place right now. but honestly, psyching myself up & looking forward to it. i'm scared to death for sure!! sad but true i'm 51 & never lived on my own. i just pray i can find a job (i'll keep what little is left of the work i do now) & make enough to live a simple life. was married 29 yrs. i keep telling myself people do this every day & make it.

Cissy

I'm sorry, Iam2. There are far worse things than being alone. I have been single for years and I remember what it feels like to be in a terribly unhappy relationship. It's frightening for you I'm sure but if you trust yourself and have faith (in a higher power), you can get through this and you may just wonder why you waited so long. Autonomy is a lovely thing and I wish more unhappily shackled people could experience it.

I forget who said their partner just left them but I'm sorry you too are going through this transition. But as I said to Iam2, same goes for you. (((Hugs))) Happy sober 4th of July, you wonderful July peeps.

I keep trying to come up with a nickname for you but nothing comes. In May, we have Mayflowers and other things that seem to make sense but what can you do with July? Maybe work out something with independence. Liberty! You libertarians figure it out. It's your name, after all.

iam2antsy

cissy - actually i'm not sad i'm going to be alone & single & if i can find a decent job and settle myself in a little apartment yes, i'm sure i will wonder why i waited so long - just scared at the moment.

daisy1

It is a scary prospect being alone. I miss him very much but I know if he came back I would hit the bottle again. Life can be so sad :-(. Xx You are very strong iam2

martina12

Hi all day 5 drawing to a close. I posted here yesterday that I would stay close to SR this weekend as my children are away and I'm home alone.

Well I had a total nightmare in that this morning I decided to edit my email address on here but managed to balls it up so I couldn't get back on until now nearly a 12 hours later!

Poor Anna in admin but she has thankfully got me back on so very grateful to her and I made it sober. Very glad to be back on here..

Hoping everyone is doing ok...

daisy1

Well done Martian, what did you do today? Apart from wrestle with your computer lol
I've had a great girly day with my daughter but I'm struggling a bit now. I don't want a drink I just want the feeling of being sad to go. Feel like a good blub but I'm in bed watching movies with daughter so don't want to spoil it for her.
On a positive, I swear I look less wrinkly only three days in! Lol

martina12

Yes Daisy I spent a considerable amount of time trying to get new email address etc to work and nearly threw my laptop out the window. I lost count of the emails I sent to Anna and nearly lost my work email as well. I then had to recover the lot...I really wish I was more technical, but alls well that ends well

I have been seriously trying to remain sober for the last 18 months with varying degrees of success. I am fully expecting tears and the roller coaster of emotions myself Daisy so I would just ride it out....and stay on here if it helps?

daisy1

I am coming on here every spare second :-). I can feel myself nodding off so phew maybe sleep is coming soon! Night night have a peaceful and sober evening

iam2antsy

no daisy i'm not strong at all just not sad about divorce & losing him from my life - but maybe this is exactly what i need to be strong...so sorry you are so sad.

iam2antsy

am i the only person who let alcohol turn them into a sedentary blob? i've wanted to lose 20lbs all year (i know the alcohol wouldn't let that happen) been eating right & got a fitbit...today i have logged 857 steps (only hit the 10k 1 time since i 've had it). i am going to drag myself out & walk around a couple of stores.

whiteturtle

GAH! I was in northern Michigan the last couple days, so I didn't have reception to get on the site. It was a very bad time to be attempting sobriety and cut off from SR... I stayed sober, thankfully, and now on Day 5, but it was tough. I was with my in-laws (for lack of a better word; my boyfriend and I have been together 8.5 years and will be getting married at some point), and they are an incredibly difficult bunch to deal with. Usually my method of being around them is remaining quiet and trying to shut out the conflict and anger around me, and just keep my wine glass full. Being sober this time was hard at a few points, but not horrifically so. I actually ended up crying and telling them how hurtful and stressful they can be (while a couple of them were drunk), but it felt good to know that those emotions came only from me, and not from intoxication. It was an interesting, good change.

Today is rough, though. 4th of July here. I am leaving for a big family party I go to annually, where everyone usually gets pleasantly buzzed/drunk. I am used to going there for the purpose of having an excuse to get drunk and have everyone around me do the same, and not feeling ashamed. I was worried about it, but now to top it off, I just got back from up north and ran a bunch of errands and cleaned a bunch of stuff in the apartment, so now I have the familiar feeling of "I deserve a drink." So, I am worried about my restraint when I go to the party soon. Even if I don't drink at the party, I keep having the habit of thinking how after the party I will have all night to just drink wine and watch TV or play my videogame, since tomorrow is Sunday with no plans.

I know that I should be strong, and I know that I can do this. At the same time, though, part of me really doesn't want to do it... it just wants to do what my urges are telling me. I hope tonight will not reset the sobriety clock for me.

To everyone else out there headed to parties, good luck! I will probably be popping onto here frequently for support the next few hours, haha. I know we can do this! We just have to, now.

bighaircut

Today was hard, not impossible, but hard. We went to a big community party that had a beer garden. I looked, and then I kept walking and bought myself a diet coke instead. Tonight we will be watching fireworks, which normally I have done with a drink (or 3) in hand. Tonight I will stick to flavored water.

Bebrave

I've been lurking since May. I want to get out of the insanity. I guess I'm a functional alcoholic-- high level job, wonderful family and friends. I'm always the life of the party.

I've had a lot of issues with pain the last 5 years from SI, hip, foot issues etc. Thats when I would say my issues began. 5 of 7 days a week I drink an entire bottle of wine. My DH doesn't drink hardly at all-- but he's been so understanding. Like I said I'm functional, but many nights I'm zoned out by 8:00.

In the last few months, every waking error is consumed in my head about the psyche / why I am drinking / not drinking on a certain day. I hate it!

My wonderful husband deserves more from me.

Dee74

Welcome BeBrave

D

Bebrave

White turtle, I'm in Michigan!

Viperidae

Hi all, I'm not new, but I'm new to you. Hi Martina, hi Cissy. Casey you too! I've been back trying since some point in April. Just don't stop trying.

Dee74

Welcome Johnny

D

whiteturtle

Welcome everyone! So far SR has been great. It's so helpful to meet so many people in the same frames of mind as I have...especially with something that isn't generally discuss-able in regular company.

Bebrave, I like your Ellone icon. Haha, one of my favorite games!

I hope everyone is doing good with the 4th. I am at the party now, and just been drinking Diet Coke. So far it hasn't been as difficult as I anticipated, so I'm hoping it continues this way.

Cissy

You got that right, Johnny! (((Hugs))) to all of you tonight. Heading to bed soon. I'm a bore but I don't care.