GAH! I was in northern Michigan the last couple days, so I didn't have reception to get on the site. It was a very bad time to be attempting sobriety and cut off from SR... I stayed sober, thankfully, and now on Day 5, but it was tough. I was with my in-laws (for lack of a better word; my boyfriend and I have been together 8.5 years and will be getting married at some point), and they are an incredibly difficult bunch to deal with. Usually my method of being around them is remaining quiet and trying to shut out the conflict and anger around me, and just keep my wine glass full. Being sober this time was hard at a few points, but not horrifically so. I actually ended up crying and telling them how hurtful and stressful they can be (while a couple of them were drunk), but it felt good to know that those emotions came only from me, and not from intoxication. It was an interesting, good change.
Today is rough, though. 4th of July here. I am leaving for a big family party I go to annually, where everyone usually gets pleasantly buzzed/drunk. I am used to going there for the purpose of having an excuse to get drunk and have everyone around me do the same, and not feeling ashamed. I was worried about it, but now to top it off, I just got back from up north and ran a bunch of errands and cleaned a bunch of stuff in the apartment, so now I have the familiar feeling of "I deserve a drink." So, I am worried about my restraint when I go to the party soon. Even if I don't drink at the party, I keep having the habit of thinking how after the party I will have all night to just drink wine and watch TV or play my videogame, since tomorrow is Sunday with no plans.
I know that I should be strong, and I know that I can do this. At the same time, though, part of me really doesn't want to do it... it just wants to do what my urges are telling me. I hope tonight will not reset the sobriety clock for me.
To everyone else out there headed to parties, good luck! I will probably be popping onto here frequently for support the next few hours, haha. I know we
can do this! We just have to, now.