IWLSAST

Hey Undies,

First off, thanks again for the many congrats sent my way.

Welcome, anatt. Good luck with your sober journey.

On the mounting time front. It really isn't anything that is an every day thought in my life. For some reason this two year mark was emotional for me. Soon I am sure I will travel forward with little thought that I am two plus years in recovery.

One reason I was emotional might be that the act of not drinking plays only a roll in my recovery. On a few other occasions prior to a relapse, not drinking was the only, or vast majority role. It was a battle of will power.

Oh yes, I vividly remember a particularly challenging day at work some years ago when I was at the time eight plus years sober. There I sat, looked out my window and said to myself, "Hey dude, you quit drinking. No challenge in life will ever compare to that. If you could do that, you can handle anything life throws at you. You got this, man."

Back then I saw my attitude this as a sign of strength. Carlos the conqueror! I wasn't saying I didn't need help, just, through ignorance, not realizing the warning signs that attitude projected.

Funny thing, the feelings I expressed that day were a microcosm of everything that was causing my addiction to alcoholism to progress during that 11.5 year's as it turned out only DRY period.

I was full of ego. I was self centered and self absorbed. Go against my way of thinking and I could build a resentment as fast as you can say that word. I lacked form of real from the heart gratitude for the many blessings in my life at that time. I had EARNED a certain stature and be dammed if anything could stand in my way. I was entitled.

Self searching in recovery has taught my that much of that thinking was some form of fear. Forth step posting another day, though.

My point today is that drinking was but a symptom of some rather toxic thinking on my part. I could spend as long as I wanted at not drinking, but the toxic thinking was always there.

That toxic thinking robbed me of any forms of peace and serenity. Any moments of happy and joy were just that...moments, till the realities of all of my inner struggles resurfaced. I had no FREEDOM, especially from self.

Soooo, to wrap this up...FOR ME, not drinking is only a piece of the puzzle. Finding humility, embracing the growth potential in being vulnerable, acceptance, realistic expectations, searching ways to help others, constant contact with like-minded's, gratitude in my heart through working and living recovery principal have given me FREEDOM from the obsession to drink in such a positive and heartwarming way. I don't fight my AV daily. If I practice my recovery principals daily it leaves little room for AV to crawl inside.

So, to answer your question, Amp....for me now....not drinking will never be second nature. It is a lifelong process that has offered so much more than winning a fight with some that AV. Today I am at peace. Recovery in mind, body and spirit gives me that.

Again, please realize that I can only offer my path. I am by no means suggesting it is the right, or only path...simply my path.

Below is a passage that I read in the mornings. It is a daily reflection from the AA 24 Hours A Day Book from January 6th. By far my fav thought for the day of any I have ever read. Sooo amazing that my new little angel granddaughter, my first, was born on that day of the year. Hummmm, do miracles happen?

AA Thought for the Day - January 6th

Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking. I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everything I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing.

Can I afford ever to forget this, even for one minute?

Enjoy this gift of sobriety today.

Carlos

amp123

Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking. I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everything I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing.

Can I afford ever to forget this, even for one minute?


Yes!!! Absolutely!!! That's the thing!

Dee74

you kinda lost me there amp?

D

amp123

Sorry Dee,
I was quoting Carlos' "Thought for the day" but it turns out that my ineptitude when posting from my phone makes it difficult for me to quote.

I just wanted to say that that passage really clicked with me.

Btw, really like the SR phone app. I actually prefer it to the full site!

BoozeFree

Carlos I love that thought of the day. I saved it on my phone awhile back when you posted it another time.

Went to the casino tonight with $100 and came home with $740! Woohoo! And no I don't believe I owe any of you undies money! Haha
I've been going out every night this week with my sober friends having fun and some good laughs.

It's so nice to hang out with sober people. Something I never did the past 5 years when previously trying to stay sober.

I am looking forward to my days off tho and planning at least one day to stay home and relax and get things done around the house. I'm not used to this going out every night then womping all day.

Gilmer

That's amazing about the casino! Big congratulations!

tootsl1

Wow BeFree you are on a lucky streak! What do you play at the casino? I ve only been a few times and usually play roulette if I play anything. I am more fascinated with people watching, it's easy to see who the addicts are or who are professional gamblers and who are there just to get a late drink!

nymets86

Nice job at the casino!

I'm about ready to go for a jog, and then it's off to the airport for my 2nd wedding in two weekends, which also follows that Bachelor Party three weeks ago now.

It's halfway across the USA and I don't have an exit strategy that's really feasible. My friends tonight are planning on a bit of a bar hop. I'm feeling comfortable enough to go and just have club soda and not stay out too late. If I'm feeling I'll drink, then I'll make a beeline for my hotel. I brought two extra doses of my ambien, so if I get back early, I'll take the double dose and be fast asleep by the time my roommates return from drinking. (I've had a double dose of ambien before and asked my doctor about it, who said it's fine to do once in awhile if I'm not driving the next day).

After the wedding itself at the reception, I plan to stay as long as I feel comfortable, but probably skip the after party at a bar. I'm going to be telling people that I'm on a strict diet (and I've lost weight noticeably now, so people will probably believe me). Also have the allergy med excuse and the fact that I'm in summer school and have homework.

So all in all, I have my sober plan ready to go. I wish it didn't have to get tested like this, but this is life and I'm on Day 44 and 106 of 107. I've had 15-straight sober weekends and I know this needs to be #16. Today marks the 1-year anniversary of when I joined this site and I just read my first post again (which came a few days after I'd been at a wedding where I blacked out the night before leaving for it, blacked out the first night there while out after the rehearsal dinner, blacked out at the after party of the wedding itsel and then drank again the next day).

I'll be checking in here for support. Happy Friday everyone (I think it's still late Friday in Oz and not yet Saturday)!

Gilmer

The plans sound very well thought out. I'm glad you'll have the Ambien so that there will be no chance of lying awake stewing.

GnikNus

I made it to 6 months of sobriety. Half of the first year done.

amp123

Amazing!!! In awe!

Gilmer

Congratulations, GnikNus!

GnikNus

Thanks- what a better life.

DrakeCKC

Congrats on 6 GnikNus!

BoozeFree

Gnicknus big congrats on 6 months! That's awesome.

NYM sounds like you already have some good plans for the wedding. Keep up the great work!

Toots I play this one type of slot machine with a touch screen spinning thing that you can win free games on and then black jack. I don't know how to play any of the other table games. And yes it's kinda sad but you can def see who the gambling addicts are. One night I saw a woman who lost thousands have to be pulled away from a friend of hers.

Off to wompland

Dee74

Congratulations Gnik

D

nymets86

Checking in. Not a drop to drink and enjoying myself. Don't have any desire to drink tonight and being around booze hasn't been an issue. I've told a few friends that asked if I wanted a beer that I was just sticking to water since I'm on a diet and that was that, no more questions.

For some reason, I'm really craving drinking tomorrow night. I'm not quite sure why, but it just seems like the wedding reception and everything will be much more fun with booze even though tonight has been perfectly fun without it. So for now, just gonna power through the rest of tonight and then worry about tomorrow when tomorrow arrives.

nymets86

One more check in. Still sober. Was handed a drink for a toast and just put it down behind me. As usual, nobody cared. Haven't needed to use either of my exit plans and don't think I'll have to. Will just hang out until I'm tired and go get some sleep. The people I'm sharing a room with are all drinking, but aren't drunk sounding (yet) while some others here certainly are. Just hoping it's not too loud back in my room, but either way, better with me being sober than the loud obnoxious drunk.

Dee74

good for you mets

D

nymets86

On my way back to the hotel. Went to the casino with some friends and I made $100. Don't think anybody noticed I wasn't drinking and happy to be going to bed sober after a fun evening out.

Now I gotta focus on making sure tomorrow goes the exact same way....winning more at the casino would be nice too!