One Year and Under Club Part 46
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Last night's speaker at Al Anon asked us to share why we were there. What I shared was simple, that my life got crazy from making the same mistakes and I got willing.
The question stayed with me and I started thinking about other people's answers. It was a great meeting, the kind where I felt like I was exactly where I wanted to be. One woman went there because she was looking for a time frame on how to leave her husband. Another was looking for instructions on how to stay. Someone else wanted to cure their sister's alcoholism. Another person their brother's, another their parents', and another their son's.
It got me thinking about how far back my toxic thinking runs. It goes back way before the current conundrum I'm in, all the way to my Dad, who married a narcissist. Light bulbs flashed in my mind and I knew without a doubt that I was on to something, some kind of step towards healing the source of the pain, if only I can apply the program all the way back to where the toxic thinking began for me.
I was in awe when I considered the twists and turns it took to get to the moment this morning. I started thinking about how my friends on SR encouraged me to go to AA. I thought about how Carlos' experiences of serenity and acceptance from working the program piqued my interest in it. I started thinking about Saskia sharing how her PTSD informs her reactions to things that happen today, and how I've come to see that at work in my own life. I thought about DG's work on extricating herself from codependency and her journey into self care resonated with me. I thought about how Drake's struggle with depression made me aware of my own. I thought about the unfailing love and caring that Toots, Tanja, Gilmer, Dee, and all the senior undies showed me when I didn't love myself. I thought about the countless AA meetings where I've sat and listened til it started making sense. I thought about the hours I've spent taking my soul's inventory, on my own and with other alcoholics. All to get to this starting point, today, where I forgive my Mom and Dad.
Echoing in my head are the words of a member last night who smiled peacefully as he came up to me after the meeting to say that he has no doubt that there is a power greater than him at work, then patted me on the shoulder and suggested I keep coming. Today's experience didn't happen by my will. If left up to me I'd probably continue to harbor that resentment.
My higher power, who or what ever that is, has a plan for me. I don't know what it is, but trust that it's right, and will continue to humbly try to follow it.....while having fun along the way.
The question stayed with me and I started thinking about other people's answers. It was a great meeting, the kind where I felt like I was exactly where I wanted to be. One woman went there because she was looking for a time frame on how to leave her husband. Another was looking for instructions on how to stay. Someone else wanted to cure their sister's alcoholism. Another person their brother's, another their parents', and another their son's.
It got me thinking about how far back my toxic thinking runs. It goes back way before the current conundrum I'm in, all the way to my Dad, who married a narcissist. Light bulbs flashed in my mind and I knew without a doubt that I was on to something, some kind of step towards healing the source of the pain, if only I can apply the program all the way back to where the toxic thinking began for me.
I was in awe when I considered the twists and turns it took to get to the moment this morning. I started thinking about how my friends on SR encouraged me to go to AA. I thought about how Carlos' experiences of serenity and acceptance from working the program piqued my interest in it. I started thinking about Saskia sharing how her PTSD informs her reactions to things that happen today, and how I've come to see that at work in my own life. I thought about DG's work on extricating herself from codependency and her journey into self care resonated with me. I thought about how Drake's struggle with depression made me aware of my own. I thought about the unfailing love and caring that Toots, Tanja, Gilmer, Dee, and all the senior undies showed me when I didn't love myself. I thought about the countless AA meetings where I've sat and listened til it started making sense. I thought about the hours I've spent taking my soul's inventory, on my own and with other alcoholics. All to get to this starting point, today, where I forgive my Mom and Dad.
Echoing in my head are the words of a member last night who smiled peacefully as he came up to me after the meeting to say that he has no doubt that there is a power greater than him at work, then patted me on the shoulder and suggested I keep coming. Today's experience didn't happen by my will. If left up to me I'd probably continue to harbor that resentment.
My higher power, who or what ever that is, has a plan for me. I don't know what it is, but trust that it's right, and will continue to humbly try to follow it.....while having fun along the way.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 2,294
Your post made my day Glee 
As with you my toxic thinking goes way back and would still be controlling my life if I had not made the decision to be sober and find support and love here and with my other recovery fellowships.
Undies!
As with you my toxic thinking goes way back and would still be controlling my life if I had not made the decision to be sober and find support and love here and with my other recovery fellowships. Undies!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 984
Hey everyone, just checking in with this group. I had a relaxing long weekend, and have finished up 14 consecutive sober weekends and now 95 sober days in the last 96. I over-ate this weekend, but got in some great workouts and have noticed that my clothes are fitting a bit looser. Once I get the diet right, I think I'll finally drop the stubborn pounds that I'd put on since losing them in 2013 and if I stay sober, they'll stay off this time since I can regularly exercise.
This weekend wasn't hard at all for me to stay sober. Was with my family out of town and never felt remotely tempted.
Next two weekends will be hard as I have weddings on both of them and I HATE weddings. The first one is in my hometown, so it'll be like an awkward high school reunion. My sober plan for that is to drive myself to the wedding and drive back to my parents house right after dinner and not stick around for the dancing and heavy drinking.
The wedding in two weeks is out of town and will be with college friends that I still regularly see, so no awkwardness. Tough part of that one is no real exit strategy as I can't just fly home on a whim. It's also scheduled to be a night of bar-hopping Friday and then the wedding/reception Saturday. My plan now is to just say that I'm on a strict diet with summer coming up and that I'm not drinking. Again, I think I'm more afraid of the peer pressure than I need to be as I'm sure fee will notice I'm not drinking and those that do won't care. Both those nights I plan to do what I did at my brother's bachelor party and just so with the flow until about 11/11:30 and then go back to the hotel and get in bed and fall asleep before the drunk people I'm staying with come back to the room. Then I'll wake up before all of them and go for a jog while they're still sleeping. I struggle falling asleep, but once I do, sounds don't bother me.....at least not anymore since I've lived in NYC for so long now.
This weekend wasn't hard at all for me to stay sober. Was with my family out of town and never felt remotely tempted.
Next two weekends will be hard as I have weddings on both of them and I HATE weddings. The first one is in my hometown, so it'll be like an awkward high school reunion. My sober plan for that is to drive myself to the wedding and drive back to my parents house right after dinner and not stick around for the dancing and heavy drinking.
The wedding in two weeks is out of town and will be with college friends that I still regularly see, so no awkwardness. Tough part of that one is no real exit strategy as I can't just fly home on a whim. It's also scheduled to be a night of bar-hopping Friday and then the wedding/reception Saturday. My plan now is to just say that I'm on a strict diet with summer coming up and that I'm not drinking. Again, I think I'm more afraid of the peer pressure than I need to be as I'm sure fee will notice I'm not drinking and those that do won't care. Both those nights I plan to do what I did at my brother's bachelor party and just so with the flow until about 11/11:30 and then go back to the hotel and get in bed and fall asleep before the drunk people I'm staying with come back to the room. Then I'll wake up before all of them and go for a jog while they're still sleeping. I struggle falling asleep, but once I do, sounds don't bother me.....at least not anymore since I've lived in NYC for so long now.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 2,294
NYM: Hopefully you will find it all to be second nature after a while. Stick to your plan, it sure seems to be working for you.
Yesterday was an annual pool party/cook out that I have attended for years. Usually went home smashed of course. Now I ignore the booze, head for the soft drinks and think not a thing about it. Have just as much fun too.
Yesterday was an annual pool party/cook out that I have attended for years. Usually went home smashed of course. Now I ignore the booze, head for the soft drinks and think not a thing about it. Have just as much fun too.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,179
Hi gang. Hope all are doing well. Just a pop in to say hello, and that I am thinking about all of you. Enjoy this amazing sober day.
I was at an AA mtg on Sunday morning and was struck by the 50 something co-chair saying on what was his one year anniversary day, "Thank you all for your support and guidance. This has been the best year of my life."
I am not sure if these past almost two years are my best ever? Had some awesome years till alcohol found its grip all over my body, mind and soul. What I will say, without question, its close, and I am more at peace with myself and who I really am than ever before. That has lead to soooo many days filled with a serenity, turning out joyous, happy and free. This freedom from the obsession and bondage of alcohol is pretty darn hard to top.
note to self: Remind yourself every day what you just wrote in that last paragraph, because if you forget, you will relapse...and your life for all intents and purposes will again be as a walking dead.
I was at an AA mtg on Sunday morning and was struck by the 50 something co-chair saying on what was his one year anniversary day, "Thank you all for your support and guidance. This has been the best year of my life."
I am not sure if these past almost two years are my best ever? Had some awesome years till alcohol found its grip all over my body, mind and soul. What I will say, without question, its close, and I am more at peace with myself and who I really am than ever before. That has lead to soooo many days filled with a serenity, turning out joyous, happy and free. This freedom from the obsession and bondage of alcohol is pretty darn hard to top
.note to self: Remind yourself every day what you just wrote in that last paragraph, because if you forget, you will relapse...and your life for all intents and purposes will again be as a walking dead.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Originally Posted by DrakeCKC 
The last two sober years "best of my life"? No.... not really.
Better than they would have been otherwise? Most definitely.
Better than they would have been otherwise? Most definitely.
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