IWLSAST

Hey Undies,

First off, thanks again for the many congrats sent my way.

Welcome, anatt. Good luck with your sober journey.

On the mounting time front. It really isn't anything that is an every day thought in my life. For some reason this two year mark was emotional for me. Soon I am sure I will travel forward with little thought that I am two plus years in recovery.

One reason I was emotional might be that the act of not drinking plays only a roll in my recovery. On a few other occasions prior to a relapse, not drinking was the only, or vast majority role. It was a battle of will power.

Oh yes, I vividly remember a particularly challenging day at work some years ago when I was at the time eight plus years sober. There I sat, looked out my window and said to myself, "Hey dude, you quit drinking. No challenge in life will ever compare to that. If you could do that, you can handle anything life throws at you. You got this, man."

Back then I saw my attitude this as a sign of strength. Carlos the conqueror! I wasn't saying I didn't need help, just, through ignorance, not realizing the warning signs that attitude projected.

Funny thing, the feelings I expressed that day were a microcosm of everything that was causing my addiction to alcoholism to progress during that 11.5 year's as it turned out only DRY period.

I was full of ego. I was self centered and self absorbed. Go against my way of thinking and I could build a resentment as fast as you can say that word. I lacked form of real from the heart gratitude for the many blessings in my life at that time. I had EARNED a certain stature and be dammed if anything could stand in my way. I was entitled.

Self searching in recovery has taught my that much of that thinking was some form of fear. Forth step posting another day, though.

My point today is that drinking was but a symptom of some rather toxic thinking on my part. I could spend as long as I wanted at not drinking, but the toxic thinking was always there.

That toxic thinking robbed me of any forms of peace and serenity. Any moments of happy and joy were just that...moments, till the realities of all of my inner struggles resurfaced. I had no FREEDOM, especially from self.

Soooo, to wrap this up...FOR ME, not drinking is only a piece of the puzzle. Finding humility, embracing the growth potential in being vulnerable, acceptance, realistic expectations, searching ways to help others, constant contact with like-minded's, gratitude in my heart through working and living recovery principal have given me FREEDOM from the obsession to drink in such a positive and heartwarming way. I don't fight my AV daily. If I practice my recovery principals daily it leaves little room for AV to crawl inside.

So, to answer your question, Amp....for me now....not drinking will never be second nature. It is a lifelong process that has offered so much more than winning a fight with some that AV. Today I am at peace. Recovery in mind, body and spirit gives me that.

Again, please realize that I can only offer my path. I am by no means suggesting it is the right, or only path...simply my path.

Below is a passage that I read in the mornings. It is a daily reflection from the AA 24 Hours A Day Book from January 6th. By far my fav thought for the day of any I have ever read. Sooo amazing that my new little angel granddaughter, my first, was born on that day of the year. Hummmm, do miracles happen?

AA Thought for the Day - January 6th

Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking. I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everything I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing.

Can I afford ever to forget this, even for one minute?

Enjoy this gift of sobriety today.

Carlos