Class of April 2014 Part 21
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
I hope your appointment went well ST. I hope things are better for you today.
Also, congratulations on setting the date.
Lovely garden pics Mariah.
Hope everyone is doing well.
Also, congratulations on setting the date.
Lovely garden pics Mariah.
Hope everyone is doing well.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,804
I'm up bright and early this morning, I should have time to read a chapter of a book before going to work. It sets the day off to a great start when I manage to get out of bed early. I aim for 5-30, but it usually creeps up to 5-45. That 15 mins makes all the difference.
Hope all the Fools have a great day.
Hope all the Fools have a great day.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,315
Afternoon Fools,
1.40pm,
at the desk....
Doing lots of reading today, were rained in here, like the rain Forest Gump... it's sideways at the moment..
Love a good storm...
It's good to be sober. My thinking about drinking is still an issue. I think about drinking in either the past, present or future tense all the time.
At least a few times each day!
I'm so much more aware of my thoughts now. I'm trying to break the cycle of negative thinking, about myself and others.
The fact I drank a depressant for 20 years hasn't helped the carved thoughts of negativity.
It's all crap, most of what I've been thinking.
I read so many posts on here and do so much research online. It's become my hobby, I like it. Sometimes you get a post or an article that just hits you right between the eyes and you can fully relate to what's happened. I'm in this for life now. People have to live with all sorts of problems and this is mine.
There was a great article written on being sober for 2 years and all the lessons the author had learnt. I was really impressed with her honesty and knew that 2 years is my new goal to strive for.
Glad to be on this journey with you all....!!!!!
stay tuned.....................
1.40pm,
at the desk....
Doing lots of reading today, were rained in here, like the rain Forest Gump... it's sideways at the moment..
Love a good storm...
It's good to be sober. My thinking about drinking is still an issue. I think about drinking in either the past, present or future tense all the time.
At least a few times each day!
I'm so much more aware of my thoughts now. I'm trying to break the cycle of negative thinking, about myself and others.
The fact I drank a depressant for 20 years hasn't helped the carved thoughts of negativity.
It's all crap, most of what I've been thinking.
I read so many posts on here and do so much research online. It's become my hobby, I like it. Sometimes you get a post or an article that just hits you right between the eyes and you can fully relate to what's happened. I'm in this for life now. People have to live with all sorts of problems and this is mine.
There was a great article written on being sober for 2 years and all the lessons the author had learnt. I was really impressed with her honesty and knew that 2 years is my new goal to strive for.
Glad to be on this journey with you all....!!!!!
stay tuned.....................
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,804
Me too Obo, just think on STs wedding day we'll be around two years sober (I'll be two years and 1 day!). And of course, Anna will have just had her first birthday. Isn't that amazing?
I was chatting to a neighbour recently about alcohol. He doesn't drink at all. He told me that when he was younger he drank a couple of glasses of wine and then walked home, he described it as the worst feeling ever, feeling light headed and not totally in control. He never drank after that.
It struck me as strange, the very thing I used to like about drinking, he found quite intolerable. Of course, he could hear his body screaming "stop, this is dangerous, you're being poisoned!" Whereas I had just ignored the warnings and carried on.
Btw, He's had an incredibly happy and healthy life without alcohol (he's 86 and still farming!).
I was chatting to a neighbour recently about alcohol. He doesn't drink at all. He told me that when he was younger he drank a couple of glasses of wine and then walked home, he described it as the worst feeling ever, feeling light headed and not totally in control. He never drank after that.
It struck me as strange, the very thing I used to like about drinking, he found quite intolerable. Of course, he could hear his body screaming "stop, this is dangerous, you're being poisoned!" Whereas I had just ignored the warnings and carried on.
Btw, He's had an incredibly happy and healthy life without alcohol (he's 86 and still farming!).
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Hey gang...well the doctor gave me the ok to stop taking Prozac, and I'm happy about that, but then perscribed me a much heavier sedative to take during the day which made me discouraged. I'm not going to take it. I used to use this medication to come down from crack/cocaine, and he wants me to take two during the day. I think my doctor forgets that I gave two jobs and a wedding in the works, many of his patients were in a facility prior to seeing him and can't work because of the current state of their condition. Plus, I really really don't want to be sleepy during the day, I'm finally getting a regular sleep schedule back and most days can actually get out of bed feeling well rested and ready to get things done. I'm gonna wait till next month and speak to him again.
I haven't thought about suicide sense I stopped takin the Prozac.
I'm also trying to learn mindfulness techniques that will keep me focused and in the present when my mind starts wandering off into a dark place. Literally just telling yourself over and over what the task at hand is. Literally "coffee, coffee, coffee, brush teeth, brush teeth, brush teeth, drive to work, drive to work, drive to work"
It seems silly but for someone like me with my active imagination and disorder it really is important. I don't think you even need to have a problem to use this skill, it's good for just staying focused in general. The book I'm reading is "the need to please: mindfulness skills to gain freedom from people pleasing and approval seeking"
It's old and I easily found it in a library.
Well that's what's going on with me...hope everyone else is ok!
I haven't thought about suicide sense I stopped takin the Prozac.
I'm also trying to learn mindfulness techniques that will keep me focused and in the present when my mind starts wandering off into a dark place. Literally just telling yourself over and over what the task at hand is. Literally "coffee, coffee, coffee, brush teeth, brush teeth, brush teeth, drive to work, drive to work, drive to work"
It seems silly but for someone like me with my active imagination and disorder it really is important. I don't think you even need to have a problem to use this skill, it's good for just staying focused in general. The book I'm reading is "the need to please: mindfulness skills to gain freedom from people pleasing and approval seeking"
It's old and I easily found it in a library.
Well that's what's going on with me...hope everyone else is ok!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 801
Hey guys- day 3 here. Going to have to get some help. Those of you who do this alone, I don't know how you do it. I admire you greatly. Don't want things to have to change for my family. The one program they're connected with requires that I not be an alcoholic mom! So either I go to aa and hope no one finds out or I "come clean"- knowing that this group won't be ok with it. Me working there is how I pay for my kiddos to go. I could just say screw it because I don't agree w that mentality anyway. But can't do that to my kids at this point. Thoughts?(I am trying online meetings but I think I need a real life person to walk me thru. Sad that I know no one like that - would have to go to aa to find one!)
Rocks- hope you're recovering from the brother visit, and that ST- you're feeling better, OBO- what you said was what I needed to hear -
Miss u all
Rocks- hope you're recovering from the brother visit, and that ST- you're feeling better, OBO- what you said was what I needed to hear -
Miss u all
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Hey izzy- I'm not sure what you should do with the mothers group thing, but even if people don't go to formal Aa dosent mean they are doing it alone. I seem alone most the time, but my friends, family, therapist, psych, coworkers, and even strangers have played key roles in where I am now and where I was last April...your never alone izzy!!! This site is my #1 spot when things are going wrong 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,315
Morning Fools,
8.32am,
at the desk.....
Izzy: I'm with ST on this, despite any set back, which seem to happen all the time in what I read, you have been with the Fools for a year. That alone is a huge effort. I'm not sure I can give any advice, other than I have posted here and been reading here for 390 days...... That's not alone. I haven't felt alone in this since I came to join here. I would be very careful about who you share any information about this, especially new mothers!!!!!! All they seem to do is talk!!!!
ST: sounding good dude!
Rocks: You free yet...?
Freein: Can't wait for ST's wedding..... Wedding of the year 2016!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Slightly worried about the jewelry though.....
Hope all are well....!!!!!
stay tuned.......................
8.32am,
at the desk.....
Izzy: I'm with ST on this, despite any set back, which seem to happen all the time in what I read, you have been with the Fools for a year. That alone is a huge effort. I'm not sure I can give any advice, other than I have posted here and been reading here for 390 days...... That's not alone. I haven't felt alone in this since I came to join here. I would be very careful about who you share any information about this, especially new mothers!!!!!! All they seem to do is talk!!!!
ST: sounding good dude!
Rocks: You free yet...?
Freein: Can't wait for ST's wedding..... Wedding of the year 2016!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Slightly worried about the jewelry though.....
Hope all are well....!!!!!
stay tuned.......................
Hillbilly Girl
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: In my Garden
Posts: 3,953
Izzy......Being honest & posting here shows your desire to want to obstain completely from the alcohol...I know how hard it is. I hope that you give AA there a try. I live in a fairly small town too, and nowadays, I'm OK with people knowing I'm an alcoholic.....It's my struggle & going to meetings & being part of that crowd, helps me to not feel alone in it....just as SR has been helpful to me that way.
I want to drink tonight, I'm not going to, but want to. I feel that things are up in the air with my new job, I'm in a pissy, irritable mood.....hate that I'm an alcohlic & just sick of the whole damn thing. I should throw on some gym clothes & go work out, but don't feel like it. I've already called & talked to someone & shared my frustrations with them, so I am going to do something & hope this sense of dis-ease passes soon. Thanks for listening to me rant.
I want to drink tonight, I'm not going to, but want to. I feel that things are up in the air with my new job, I'm in a pissy, irritable mood.....hate that I'm an alcohlic & just sick of the whole damn thing. I should throw on some gym clothes & go work out, but don't feel like it. I've already called & talked to someone & shared my frustrations with them, so I am going to do something & hope this sense of dis-ease passes soon. Thanks for listening to me rant.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Thanks obo! Absolutely...mindfulness is one of the greatest things I could have taught myself, and I think I'm getting pretty darn good at practicing it, not just with myself too, with everyone! Obo, I have been reading article after article of how Prozac has given mis-diagnosed patients suicidal thoughts....they say it's a small % but I honestly believe I may have fallen into that number. I'm not depressed, I'm bipolar and my "downs" were viewed by the doctors as depression. A big issue was that I don't get like "happy" manic...I get what is called "hypomanic" and really is just insane irritability. I have started cleaning my apartment when I'm like that.
I am in a good place right now...and haven't said that in a very long time...
I am in a good place right now...and haven't said that in a very long time...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
And then also going to follow up with the infamous "I'm far from perfect and still have a long way to go"
As cliche as it sounds, it's ever so true....I've put my guard down with my loved ones but not once putting my guard down on the negative thoughts and urges to do destructive things towards myself. Def doin this...
As cliche as it sounds, it's ever so true....I've put my guard down with my loved ones but not once putting my guard down on the negative thoughts and urges to do destructive things towards myself. Def doin this...
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