Class of August 2014 Part 8
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 522
This is a post from my first day here:
"I'm right with you-I have been on the merry-go-round for years (14 or so!). This past year, I've been able to quit for a few days, a few weeks, a few months. I have been thinking "I don't want to drink, I don't want to drink". But last week, something changed. Now I keep thinking "I want to live, I want to live, I want to live". I know I can't live my life-the ups and downs-I can't be free to do this unless I stop drinking. And I know from being on our merry-go-round for so long that if I want to get off I just can't take another sip. Period.
The compulsion to drink is right there. I have an addiction and that is not going away. But now, along with that addictive voice that tells me to drink, I can hear my own voice that says "No way. I want to live". It makes me willing to consider any other option-AA, SMART, anything but a drink. "
This is a post from one month ago today:
"Great post, determined! Yes, I think that addictive voice is the same for all of us. And there is nothing fun about alcoholism. I was sitting in my bosses office yesterday for a meeting. I looked at a picture of she, her spouse and their grandchild and the AV whispered that I would never be happy like that if I stayed sober. That's just not reality. But the AV doesn't have reality or logic on it's side. If I ever take a drink again I won't have much of a chance of making it to a picture with my spouse and grandchildren. Either I'll ruin my body or ruin my relationships first. That's reality. All I would have had to do is entertain that thought and my AV would have used that to eventually get me to the point where I'm considering picking up a drink. It would have worked my self esteem, twisted my memories, bended my natural hope for the future. I've been trying to really be open to taking a look at what really real reality is. Our condition has led me to gloss over every aspect of drinking and the pain it causes to myself and those around me. If I'm not willing to see it, and admit it, I won't be able to see past an AV lie. I don't need to dwell in every detail of the past, but I have to see it from a non addictive perspective. Otherwise I'm on my way back to delusion and drinking.
But we are here, and we are winning! We are not drinking, even though we have something in our minds that tell us to do so. We have each other to keep us sane! TeamAugust is going strong!"
Today:
Nothing has changed. The AV still lies. I still want to live. TeamAugust is still here-ready to help eachother stare down that AV and say
"No More"!!!!
"I'm right with you-I have been on the merry-go-round for years (14 or so!). This past year, I've been able to quit for a few days, a few weeks, a few months. I have been thinking "I don't want to drink, I don't want to drink". But last week, something changed. Now I keep thinking "I want to live, I want to live, I want to live". I know I can't live my life-the ups and downs-I can't be free to do this unless I stop drinking. And I know from being on our merry-go-round for so long that if I want to get off I just can't take another sip. Period.
The compulsion to drink is right there. I have an addiction and that is not going away. But now, along with that addictive voice that tells me to drink, I can hear my own voice that says "No way. I want to live". It makes me willing to consider any other option-AA, SMART, anything but a drink. "
This is a post from one month ago today:
"Great post, determined! Yes, I think that addictive voice is the same for all of us. And there is nothing fun about alcoholism. I was sitting in my bosses office yesterday for a meeting. I looked at a picture of she, her spouse and their grandchild and the AV whispered that I would never be happy like that if I stayed sober. That's just not reality. But the AV doesn't have reality or logic on it's side. If I ever take a drink again I won't have much of a chance of making it to a picture with my spouse and grandchildren. Either I'll ruin my body or ruin my relationships first. That's reality. All I would have had to do is entertain that thought and my AV would have used that to eventually get me to the point where I'm considering picking up a drink. It would have worked my self esteem, twisted my memories, bended my natural hope for the future. I've been trying to really be open to taking a look at what really real reality is. Our condition has led me to gloss over every aspect of drinking and the pain it causes to myself and those around me. If I'm not willing to see it, and admit it, I won't be able to see past an AV lie. I don't need to dwell in every detail of the past, but I have to see it from a non addictive perspective. Otherwise I'm on my way back to delusion and drinking.
But we are here, and we are winning! We are not drinking, even though we have something in our minds that tell us to do so. We have each other to keep us sane! TeamAugust is going strong!"
Today:
Nothing has changed. The AV still lies. I still want to live. TeamAugust is still here-ready to help eachother stare down that AV and say
"No More"!!!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 1,491
Originally Posted by Applekat 
I'm not even sure of the time difference between US and UK but I'm pretty sure I'm always the first US member posting in the morning lol!
My son woke me up at 5 this morning so I brought him back to bed to snuggle. He proceeded to sing me the alphabet give or take a few letters. Couldn't be too mad at that!
My son woke me up at 5 this morning so I brought him back to bed to snuggle. He proceeded to sing me the alphabet give or take a few letters. Couldn't be too mad at that!
Sometimes I post 5:45am on weekdays but that is already 8:45am on the East Coast.I love what a worldly team we have here !
24/7 support !!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,177
I ran 10 miles in the trails last night trying to wrap my head around what was happening here- yet still couldn't find the right words.
I tried and deleted a number of posts in the vien of Determined's last night. I didn't feel I was striking the right tone as I reviewed them and was confidnent some other member(s) would find the right words.
I've spent about an hour deleting posts now (and watching Bubble Guppies) with my four year old. I'll try one more time.
As the early week excitement and milestones gave way to a handfull of members being hit hard, fast, and consecutively- things spiraled pretty quickly.
A Couple of Thoughts:
1. "Somebody Else Has Done It". This goal is acheivable and possible. By very nature of being here and committing to the goal- each member here has demonstrated they have the strenth to succeede. We'll continue to see some significant wins.
2. Lets try to recognize reasons to stay sober rather than reasons to drink. Many have commented on revisiting previous posts. Perhaps its a good idea to print those out and laminate them so one can easily access them immediately in times of difficulty.
3. Recent events spiraled downward pretty quickly. Just brainstorming here but if a member slips we will obviously immediately support them. And while doing so, we need to support and validate the common goal. Perhaps something such as posting something we significantly value about him/her, and a personal reason that we'll remain alcohol free- in their honor- for the next 24 hours. Perhaps this will offer and opportunity to support, reflect, and recomitt.
4. Our team needs to remain inclusive. We have a variety of strategies, days alcohol free, and challenges. That strenghthens us and gives perspective. Memebers of the team are valued because, simply, they are here- not based on number of days, slips, frequency of posts, etc.
I'm not a baseball fan but enjoyed a documentery about the Red Sox defeating the Yankees by winning four straight games- a feat no team had done before. At one point, a leader on team said, "I keep asking myself this question: Why Not Us?".
In the normal progression of a team, there will be highs and lows, opportunities and challenges, wins and nearly wins. Lets come learn and grow from the recent events- and strengthen our committment.
There are so many success stories on SR. Many have overcome signifiant challenges to become alcohol free.
Why Not YOU?
Why Not US?
Hope all have a great weekend. It's raining here but I'm going to try to knock out a 5 mile run. I'm really proud of everyone.
I tried and deleted a number of posts in the vien of Determined's last night. I didn't feel I was striking the right tone as I reviewed them and was confidnent some other member(s) would find the right words.
I've spent about an hour deleting posts now (and watching Bubble Guppies) with my four year old. I'll try one more time.
As the early week excitement and milestones gave way to a handfull of members being hit hard, fast, and consecutively- things spiraled pretty quickly.
A Couple of Thoughts:
1. "Somebody Else Has Done It". This goal is acheivable and possible. By very nature of being here and committing to the goal- each member here has demonstrated they have the strenth to succeede. We'll continue to see some significant wins.
2. Lets try to recognize reasons to stay sober rather than reasons to drink. Many have commented on revisiting previous posts. Perhaps its a good idea to print those out and laminate them so one can easily access them immediately in times of difficulty.
3. Recent events spiraled downward pretty quickly. Just brainstorming here but if a member slips we will obviously immediately support them. And while doing so, we need to support and validate the common goal. Perhaps something such as posting something we significantly value about him/her, and a personal reason that we'll remain alcohol free- in their honor- for the next 24 hours. Perhaps this will offer and opportunity to support, reflect, and recomitt.
4. Our team needs to remain inclusive. We have a variety of strategies, days alcohol free, and challenges. That strenghthens us and gives perspective. Memebers of the team are valued because, simply, they are here- not based on number of days, slips, frequency of posts, etc.
I'm not a baseball fan but enjoyed a documentery about the Red Sox defeating the Yankees by winning four straight games- a feat no team had done before. At one point, a leader on team said, "I keep asking myself this question: Why Not Us?".
In the normal progression of a team, there will be highs and lows, opportunities and challenges, wins and nearly wins. Lets come learn and grow from the recent events- and strengthen our committment.
There are so many success stories on SR. Many have overcome signifiant challenges to become alcohol free.
Why Not YOU?
Why Not US?
Hope all have a great weekend. It's raining here but I'm going to try to knock out a 5 mile run. I'm really proud of everyone.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 522
Hi Rah-yes, I think that it's normal to sort this stuff out whether or not alcohol is in the picture or not. Alcohol has been front and center in my relationship with my husband since we first met, so me not drinking was quite noticeable and not met with much support in the beginning. I'm pretty sure that the big move and adjusting to retirement is having a lot to do with your disconnection. There are two people in your relationship, though. If you just keep not drinking, I think you will find more and more ways to connect! Good work!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
Ultra thank you for your post. I understand what you mean about wanting to post.
Bubble Guppies is one show we don't watch in this house lol!
Chris- gotcha on time zones. For some reason there's a huge difference between 5 AM and 7 AM for example and I wish my kids would sleep until 6 at least. 7 would be great.
Bubble Guppies is one show we don't watch in this house lol!
Chris- gotcha on time zones. For some reason there's a huge difference between 5 AM and 7 AM for example and I wish my kids would sleep until 6 at least. 7 would be great.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
Today is my day 47. Thinking about something nice for day 50 and even nicer for day 60!
Hmmmm.
BBF, penkins, knb I hope y'all are well this morning!
Tomorrow is my son's third bday party and I specifically made it 11 AM so I we didn't feel obligated to serve beer or wine.
Hmmmm.
BBF, penkins, knb I hope y'all are well this morning!
Tomorrow is my son's third bday party and I specifically made it 11 AM so I we didn't feel obligated to serve beer or wine.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: CapeCod, MA
Posts: 842
Originally Posted by 1stepup
Morning all, thanks for the support, rainy day here, feel a bit better but angry at myself that I didn't give it right back at that guy, its a classic case of thinking of the right responses after the event.
Sometimes get frustrated with the whole 'what part did I play in it?' way of AA thinking.
Was planning on maybe going to watch my local football team today but the weathers terrible, don't trust my head today either, its sad really I know if I went I wouldn't be able to enjoy the moment and Id just be thinking 'don't drink' over and over.
Got my girls tomorrow- theyre the one bright light in my life...
Sometimes get frustrated with the whole 'what part did I play in it?' way of AA thinking.
Was planning on maybe going to watch my local football team today but the weathers terrible, don't trust my head today either, its sad really I know if I went I wouldn't be able to enjoy the moment and Id just be thinking 'don't drink' over and over.
Got my girls tomorrow- theyre the one bright light in my life...
LIVING WELL IS THE BEST REVENGE!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: CapeCod, MA
Posts: 842
Good morning, Team.
Knb, Blackbird - - PLEASE stay with us.
Determined and Ultra - - GREAT posts - - truly deep and meaningful for us all.
I went to the Y and then to a town festival this morning. This afternoon I am going to Boston to see a 3:00 matinee. I have plans to go to a show tomorrow. I need to stay busy om weekends when my AV is strongest because my loneliness is at its worst.
Today is my Day 50. I am happy about reaching that number, but plan to celebrate my Day 57 next week. I finally figured out that it was 23 years ago in early Spring, 1991, that I stayed alcohol-free for 56 days. Then I thought I could moderate. I spent the next 23 years trying to stay sober. I tried MORE THAN 1000 TIMES- -
One thing different about this time is SR and our team, another is having a childhood friend die, most likely from addictions and depression, another that miserable bully in my book club calling me out about drinking before the meeting, another was reading the different posts about liver, skin, hair issues because of alcohol. I finally realized that my best friends, Miller Lite Beer and White Zinfindel wine were the devil in disguise.
When I was in Plymouth yesterday I wandered in and out of gift shops. I saw many signs that made me think I should take up calligraphy or needlepoint.
One was - - Because it is so hard to start something over again, you should never give it up.
I love my Grandfather's - - Your Health is Your Wealth! Don't ever forget that.
And, I like the one I mentioned to 1Step - - Living well is the best revenge.
I might become one of those little (hopefully little) old ladies with needlepoint pillows everywhere!! That will keep me busy!
Take care, my friends. Let's all stick together and help each other stay strong.
Knb, Blackbird - - PLEASE stay with us.
Determined and Ultra - - GREAT posts - - truly deep and meaningful for us all.
I went to the Y and then to a town festival this morning. This afternoon I am going to Boston to see a 3:00 matinee. I have plans to go to a show tomorrow. I need to stay busy om weekends when my AV is strongest because my loneliness is at its worst.
Today is my Day 50. I am happy about reaching that number, but plan to celebrate my Day 57 next week. I finally figured out that it was 23 years ago in early Spring, 1991, that I stayed alcohol-free for 56 days. Then I thought I could moderate. I spent the next 23 years trying to stay sober. I tried MORE THAN 1000 TIMES- -
One thing different about this time is SR and our team, another is having a childhood friend die, most likely from addictions and depression, another that miserable bully in my book club calling me out about drinking before the meeting, another was reading the different posts about liver, skin, hair issues because of alcohol. I finally realized that my best friends, Miller Lite Beer and White Zinfindel wine were the devil in disguise.
When I was in Plymouth yesterday I wandered in and out of gift shops. I saw many signs that made me think I should take up calligraphy or needlepoint.
One was - - Because it is so hard to start something over again, you should never give it up.
I love my Grandfather's - - Your Health is Your Wealth! Don't ever forget that.
And, I like the one I mentioned to 1Step - - Living well is the best revenge.
I might become one of those little (hopefully little) old ladies with needlepoint pillows everywhere!! That will keep me busy!
Take care, my friends. Let's all stick together and help each other stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,177
OK. Back from a 5.75m run in the pouring rain. I enjoyed the chance to gain experience running the trails in the rain One phrase kept running through my head: Relentless Forward Progress.
Lets make an extra effort to ensure that when short term milestones are reached- they are acknowledged and celebrated- and we stay vigilant. Its common for one to have a 'let down' at these points since so much effort and emotional energy has been spent chasing the goal.
Calichris choses to focus on 10 day increments. He reaches a goal, celebrates, and another goal is automatically waiting for him. Relentless Forward Progress
Sthlondon proudly earned his 60 day chip, and I assume is now after the next one. Relentless Forward Progress.
Those who have slipped have learned from the experience and continued on. Relentless Forward Progress.
Lets make an extra effort to ensure that when short term milestones are reached- they are acknowledged and celebrated- and we stay vigilant. Its common for one to have a 'let down' at these points since so much effort and emotional energy has been spent chasing the goal.
Calichris choses to focus on 10 day increments. He reaches a goal, celebrates, and another goal is automatically waiting for him. Relentless Forward Progress
Sthlondon proudly earned his 60 day chip, and I assume is now after the next one. Relentless Forward Progress.
Those who have slipped have learned from the experience and continued on. Relentless Forward Progress.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: London, Uk
Posts: 1,694
Originally Posted by Ultramarathoner
Sthlondon proudly earned his 60 day chip, and I assume is now after the next one. Relentless Forward Progress.
Happy 50 days scooter - that's great!
Choobie - I love the contrast between the two posts. Great post.
I feel positivity today people! I took some ibuprofen to keep the cold at bay. Fed up of getting them but nothing compared to withdrawal. I also received my letter to see the addiction consultant at the hospital in two weeks, so hoping I can find additional tools for my arsenal there. Tomorrow I am going to research a good sympathetic dentist and start work there too.
I am heading out to meet a friend. We are meeting at the pub but he knows what I am doing so support is there, the primary focus is FOOD (yum) and to catch up. I will post if I get stuck but two AA meetings today so I feel strong. I have hope that one day I can do this and not even think about alcohol, the option is already off the table, just need to train myself some more.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Southern Cali
Posts: 1,356
Good morning everyone. Day 8. Woken up to my nephew asking me to be in junior/adult bowling tournament with him today in 2 hours. I used to be real good haven't bowled in forever hahaa. Made me feel real good he thought of me before my other family members hahahaha :P and lord knows I'd normally be too hungover to do anything like this normally at 12:30 on a Saturday. . Hope everyone has a fab Saturday. Enjoy!
. Hope everyone has a fab Saturday. Enjoy!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,467
Thanks all for kind words and support, Ive really needed them today.
Called my sponsor and got it all out to him how Im feeling and the comment from 'that' guy, and he was reassuring and calming, it helped to talk things through. Although it was a thoughtless and hurtful thing to say. Im going to try and move on from it and try and not lose it the next time I see him.
Its another eye-opener how my first thought of a reaction was to drink and thus self harm, it seems this happened with Knb as a reaction to her ex's comments, I need to be wary of this in the future.
Love the 'Living well is the best revenge' quote Scooter its also a song by REM and I listened to it today whilst doing sit-ups!!!! And congratulations on 50days, great achievement and good news that our team needs right now!
Did some weights today despite elbow still hurting a bit, needed to let off steam in a healthy way! Vacuumed and cleaned up house ready for my girls tomorrow whilst listening to the footy on radio just like you suggested London! Glad your feeling better.
An evening in tonight now, not doing cartwheels yet but getting better.
Loved your post Ultra, and everyone else's, rallying calls were needed and we got them, I thank you all.
Called my sponsor and got it all out to him how Im feeling and the comment from 'that' guy, and he was reassuring and calming, it helped to talk things through. Although it was a thoughtless and hurtful thing to say. Im going to try and move on from it and try and not lose it the next time I see him.
Its another eye-opener how my first thought of a reaction was to drink and thus self harm, it seems this happened with Knb as a reaction to her ex's comments, I need to be wary of this in the future.
Love the 'Living well is the best revenge' quote Scooter its also a song by REM and I listened to it today whilst doing sit-ups!!!! And congratulations on 50days, great achievement and good news that our team needs right now!
Did some weights today despite elbow still hurting a bit, needed to let off steam in a healthy way! Vacuumed and cleaned up house ready for my girls tomorrow whilst listening to the footy on radio just like you suggested London! Glad your feeling better.
An evening in tonight now, not doing cartwheels yet but getting better.
Loved your post Ultra, and everyone else's, rallying calls were needed and we got them, I thank you all.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 1,491
Originally Posted by Ultramarathoner
OK. Back from a 5.75m run in the pouring rain. I enjoyed the chance to gain experience running the trails in the rain One phrase kept running through my head: Relentless Forward Progress.
Lets make an extra effort to ensure that when short term milestones are reached- they are acknowledged and celebrated- and we stay vigilant. Its common for one to have a 'let down' at these points since so much effort and emotional energy has been spent chasing the goal.
Calichris choses to focus on 10 day increments. He reaches a goal, celebrates, and another goal is automatically waiting for him. Relentless Forward Progress
Sthlondon proudly earned his 60 day chip, and I assume is now after the next one. Relentless Forward Progress.
Those who have slipped have learned from the experience and continued on. Relentless Forward Progress.
Lets make an extra effort to ensure that when short term milestones are reached- they are acknowledged and celebrated- and we stay vigilant. Its common for one to have a 'let down' at these points since so much effort and emotional energy has been spent chasing the goal.
Calichris choses to focus on 10 day increments. He reaches a goal, celebrates, and another goal is automatically waiting for him. Relentless Forward Progress
Sthlondon proudly earned his 60 day chip, and I assume is now after the next one. Relentless Forward Progress.
Those who have slipped have learned from the experience and continued on. Relentless Forward Progress.
Yes the 10 day increments keep me looking forward to something. 30 day increments are too long for me at first at least. I know after 100 days I will re-assess (I doubt I will be doing 10 day increments at 1,000 days
) At some point I will up it to 30, 60, 90 day increments, etc. But for now 10 is my magic number. The point is that whatever works for each individual is what we should cultivate to keep us on the right path.I am so grateful for you all no matter what day you are on! We all have something to share that others are learning from.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,177
Agreed- we all need to do what works for us and we modify our strategies to meet our present needs.
I focus on the 25th of each month and at one point figure I'll only know how many months I have if I count backwards.
The entire team has examples of Relentless Forward Progress (credit that term to an Ultra Runner who used it to motivate them on their marathon) and I'm proud of everyone.
I focus on the 25th of each month and at one point figure I'll only know how many months I have if I count backwards.
The entire team has examples of Relentless Forward Progress (credit that term to an Ultra Runner who used it to motivate them on their marathon) and I'm proud of everyone.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: peterborough uk
Posts: 1,171
wow look what I missed!!!!
Okay, come on team - we are one big massive support team here, we can carry each other - we need to. we all joined here for support, part of that deal is that you don't just get it - you give it.
seeing some very strong posts today, we all needed a kick up the butt, well done determind for getting the ball rolling!
a couple of weeks ago, grateful asked us to post why we are grateful. I reckon tomorrow morning we need to do this again - everyone's first post of tomorrow should be what we have woken up grateful for being sober - you all with me??
lets remind ourselves of why being sober is so damn good, and focus on the positives, we all have bad days, we know that, but the first post tomorrow has gotta be a good one, even if its just making the best of a really bad day!!
hope you have all had a great Saturday!!!
congrats to everyone on their milestones, each day counts - I am so damn proud of ll of us
big hugs!!!!!
Okay, come on team - we are one big massive support team here, we can carry each other - we need to. we all joined here for support, part of that deal is that you don't just get it - you give it.
seeing some very strong posts today, we all needed a kick up the butt, well done determind for getting the ball rolling!
a couple of weeks ago, grateful asked us to post why we are grateful. I reckon tomorrow morning we need to do this again - everyone's first post of tomorrow should be what we have woken up grateful for being sober - you all with me??
lets remind ourselves of why being sober is so damn good, and focus on the positives, we all have bad days, we know that, but the first post tomorrow has gotta be a good one, even if its just making the best of a really bad day!!
hope you have all had a great Saturday!!!
congrats to everyone on their milestones, each day counts - I am so damn proud of ll of us
big hugs!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Olde England
Posts: 528
Hi All,
I've been actively trying to bin the booze since Dec '12 and after three or four cycles of abstinence and drowning back into it I'm 7 weeks off the drink this time 'round and I thought I'd start posting here to hopefully help others stop drinking without having to smash back into it multiple times only to find out (multiple times) that you really can't be a casual drinker.
I started a new job back in April which is City of London based, very booze orientated with most business being done either over boozy lunches and after works **** ups. I thought I was good and then slowly got sucked back in, then ended up back where I was "working from home" nailing 4 or 5 cans before 10:00 then going out and getting another 20 in to last me the rest of the day leaving 4 or 5 left for the following morning - before it all inevitably came crashing down with the Mrs leaving with the kids and a major written warning from work.
That was 7 sober weeks ago and the damage has been papered over with happier bosses and Mrs and kids back but I know I've absolutely undermined foundations once again and one more slip and she'll be siting addiction for her reason for divorce - the long walk back is yet again and for the last time underway.
I've been actively trying to bin the booze since Dec '12 and after three or four cycles of abstinence and drowning back into it I'm 7 weeks off the drink this time 'round and I thought I'd start posting here to hopefully help others stop drinking without having to smash back into it multiple times only to find out (multiple times) that you really can't be a casual drinker.
I started a new job back in April which is City of London based, very booze orientated with most business being done either over boozy lunches and after works **** ups. I thought I was good and then slowly got sucked back in, then ended up back where I was "working from home" nailing 4 or 5 cans before 10:00 then going out and getting another 20 in to last me the rest of the day leaving 4 or 5 left for the following morning - before it all inevitably came crashing down with the Mrs leaving with the kids and a major written warning from work.
That was 7 sober weeks ago and the damage has been papered over with happier bosses and Mrs and kids back but I know I've absolutely undermined foundations once again and one more slip and she'll be siting addiction for her reason for divorce - the long walk back is yet again and for the last time underway.
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