This is a post from my first day here:
"I'm right with you-I have been on the merry-go-round for years (14 or so!). This past year, I've been able to quit for a few days, a few weeks, a few months. I have been thinking "I don't want to drink, I don't want to drink". But last week, something changed. Now I keep thinking "I want to live, I want to live, I want to live". I know I can't live my life-the ups and downs-I can't be free to do this unless I stop drinking. And I know from being on our merry-go-round for so long that if I want to get off I just can't take another sip. Period.
The compulsion to drink is right there. I have an addiction and that is not going away. But now, along with that addictive voice that tells me to drink, I can hear my own voice that says "No way. I want to live". It makes me willing to consider any other option-AA, SMART, anything but a drink. "
This is a post from one month ago today:
"Great post, determined! Yes, I think that addictive voice is the same for all of us. And there is nothing fun about alcoholism. I was sitting in my bosses office yesterday for a meeting. I looked at a picture of she, her spouse and their grandchild and the AV whispered that I would never be happy like that if I stayed sober. That's just not reality. But the AV doesn't have reality or logic on it's side. If I ever take a drink again I won't have much of a chance of making it to a picture with my spouse and grandchildren. Either I'll ruin my body or ruin my relationships first. That's reality. All I would have had to do is entertain that thought and my AV would have used that to eventually get me to the point where I'm considering picking up a drink. It would have worked my self esteem, twisted my memories, bended my natural hope for the future. I've been trying to really be open to taking a look at what really real reality is. Our condition has led me to gloss over every aspect of drinking and the pain it causes to myself and those around me. If I'm not willing to see it, and admit it, I won't be able to see past an AV lie. I don't need to dwell in every detail of the past, but I have to see it from a non addictive perspective. Otherwise I'm on my way back to delusion and drinking.
But we are here, and we are winning! We are not drinking, even though we have something in our minds that tell us to do so. We have each other to keep us sane! TeamAugust is going strong!"
Today:
Nothing has changed. The AV still lies. I still want to live. TeamAugust is still here-ready to help eachother stare down that AV and say
"No More"!!!!
