Originally Posted by ScooterBoo

My brother called from Texas to tell me he thinks he is getting a divorce. I have not seen his wife in three years; the last time I saw her I could not stand the way she treated him, and after a few drinks, I mentioned it to her.

Well, my brother was crying on the phone; he wants to go for marriage counseling, she went to a lawyer. They have three children ages 7-10 as he got married later in life.

I listened to him, but did not give advice. I have always considered this wife a snobby bitch, but except for that one time, I have always gone out of my way to be nice to her. She has not been to visit since then, although he comes up several times a year.

He mentioned that the wife keeps bringing up the fact that I argued with her and he did not stand up for her. I know I was (half) wrong; I wrote a long, groveling letter of apology. I send her Christmas and birthday gift cards, and send the kids something for all holidays and their birthdays.

He has now called three times; asked me not to tell our other two brothers and two sisters; he is sobbing in grief; I do not know how to help him. If it was not for the three kids, I would tell him to leave.

I am just so, so, so upset. I dread going to bed as I will just be waiting for the telephone to ring. I am sure he will phone a few more times. I don't know what to say to him. I absolutely hate hearing his despair.

Any advice?

The good thing is I am not drinking. In the past this would have called for a major binge.

Originally Posted by calichris

Scooter: I agree 100% ("The good thing is I am not drinking. In the past this would have called for a major binge.")
Your #1 priority right now is to protect your sobriety.

As for advice for your brother... you cannot tell him what will fix his marriage. You can however be there as loving support and a sound-board.
Something very valuable I learned from my wife: sometimes she is sad or angry or upset and wants to tell me about it. I used to go right into "fix it" mode and tried to give her all this advice to fix her problems when in actuality she told me later on all she wanted was someone to listen to her vent and just to know I am there for her and will not judge her. I might suggest this approach. Tell him you share in his sadness and may not have the answer but you are there for him for loving family support without judgement.

Wishing you all the best Scooter you deserve happiness and health and it is coming your way with sobriety! Keep us in the loop we are here for you 24/7 !!!

Originally Posted by Dee74

Chris gives good advice Scooter - sometimes people don't approach us to fix stuff...sometimes things cannot be fixed...sometimes people just want a shoulder to cry on.

I understand it's difficult for you tho - does your Brother have anyone else to talk to?

as for you arguing with the wife. I would have done the same thing. Thats not why they're getting divorced, IMO.

D