One Year and Over Club Part 19
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,535
Hello Overs ♥
I am just popping into say hello, and I miss you all....
Unfortunately, I cannot post here anymore.
I got scared and overwhelmed, stopped talking to people, and then started abusing the pain meds I was given to handle my bone tumor. Then I started drinking and smoking grass again... Not sure how many weeks this went on. Really. Couldn't even tell you when it started.
Anyway, I guess my point is that this thing really can and does get worse if we go back out there. I almost lost my mind.
I am a week sober now.
Which of course is good....but I am still pretty heartbroken that I "misplaced" my sobriety. So so dumb.
I hope everyone is doing well, and I hope baby B is thriving LB. (((hugs)))
I love you guys,
V xx
I am just popping into say hello, and I miss you all....
Unfortunately, I cannot post here anymore.
I got scared and overwhelmed, stopped talking to people, and then started abusing the pain meds I was given to handle my bone tumor. Then I started drinking and smoking grass again... Not sure how many weeks this went on. Really. Couldn't even tell you when it started.
Anyway, I guess my point is that this thing really can and does get worse if we go back out there. I almost lost my mind.
I am a week sober now.
Which of course is good....but I am still pretty heartbroken that I "misplaced" my sobriety. So so dumb.
I hope everyone is doing well, and I hope baby B is thriving LB. (((hugs)))
I love you guys,
V xx
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,848
Venus, so sorry to hear about your relapse. You've been a good friend to so many here. I hope you realize how much you're loved. I have no profound words, other than to get up, dust yourself off and keep on keepin' on
Thanks to everyone for the kindness and concern about my dad. Our family will get through this, thanks mainly to the example he set over the years. I just saw him a couple of weeks ago and will be able to spend some quality time with him over the upcoming holidays.
Have a great Sunday, all!
Thanks to everyone for the kindness and concern about my dad. Our family will get through this, thanks mainly to the example he set over the years. I just saw him a couple of weeks ago and will be able to spend some quality time with him over the upcoming holidays.
Have a great Sunday, all!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
Sorry to hear that V. I think as much as a relapse sucks, it can also be a very powerful learning experience for us.
I am going to church with the neighbors today. I feel a little split about it. In some ways, I'd rather just stay home. But it won't kill me to go. And while I don't think they're going to convert me to being religious, I might possibly be able to get something out of whatever is talked about. I am spiritual and think there is lots of good stuff talked about in most religions. And it's not as though I've committed to go more than once. Plus, I'm thinking just maybe I'll like it and it could be a venue for meeting more people that aren't alcoholics and druggies.
Then maybe try to get a few more things done around the house and thinking about a walk down by the river. Then I may hit yoga and/or the AA meeting tonight.
I noticed last night that I felt super anxious. And probably have been letting my anxiety get the best of me lately. I always used to think that if I had a problem, it was a tendency towards depression. One day several months ago, I kind of had a light bulb moment when I realized a lot of it was probably closer to anxiety. Then I kind of forgot all about thinking that, but yesterday, the thought popped into my head again. I guess anxiety and depression can kind of overlap.
I'm really not willing to take any meds, but think I need to get serious about doing stuff to help it. I think I need to watch how much caffeine I'm drinking, put yoga back up as a higher priority, get more exercise, and just try to be mindful about my mental state and take time to focus and calm down when needed.
I am going to church with the neighbors today. I feel a little split about it. In some ways, I'd rather just stay home. But it won't kill me to go. And while I don't think they're going to convert me to being religious, I might possibly be able to get something out of whatever is talked about. I am spiritual and think there is lots of good stuff talked about in most religions. And it's not as though I've committed to go more than once. Plus, I'm thinking just maybe I'll like it and it could be a venue for meeting more people that aren't alcoholics and druggies.
Then maybe try to get a few more things done around the house and thinking about a walk down by the river. Then I may hit yoga and/or the AA meeting tonight.
I noticed last night that I felt super anxious. And probably have been letting my anxiety get the best of me lately. I always used to think that if I had a problem, it was a tendency towards depression. One day several months ago, I kind of had a light bulb moment when I realized a lot of it was probably closer to anxiety. Then I kind of forgot all about thinking that, but yesterday, the thought popped into my head again. I guess anxiety and depression can kind of overlap.
I'm really not willing to take any meds, but think I need to get serious about doing stuff to help it. I think I need to watch how much caffeine I'm drinking, put yoga back up as a higher priority, get more exercise, and just try to be mindful about my mental state and take time to focus and calm down when needed.
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,171
FBL, sorry about your dad. The only positive about someone we love having a terminal illness is that it gives us the opportunity to say all the things we meant to and never did. It never really prepares you though.
VC, you will be back here in 51 weeks. Of that I am certain. In the meantime, I will meet you on other threads.
DG, I am already looking at the other aspects of self publishing in preparation, I may go with someone offering a package which also includes hardcopies too. If I do that o would get help with the cover design. Frustratingly I know exactly what I want on it I just cannot find any matching stock photos of some of the components
VC, you will be back here in 51 weeks. Of that I am certain. In the meantime, I will meet you on other threads.
DG, I am already looking at the other aspects of self publishing in preparation, I may go with someone offering a package which also includes hardcopies too. If I do that o would get help with the cover design. Frustratingly I know exactly what I want on it I just cannot find any matching stock photos of some of the components
Sober date 5/1/13
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Staffordshire UK
Posts: 3,547
Good evening Overs.
My MIL was 80 yesterday so we had a family party today, complete with a three man quartet?! DD10 got to play 'Edelweis' and 'Happy Birthday' on her violin with the quartet.
Have a good evening.
My MIL was 80 yesterday so we had a family party today, complete with a three man quartet?! DD10 got to play 'Edelweis' and 'Happy Birthday' on her violin with the quartet.
Have a good evening.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 2,294
Venus : 
Check in with us and I hope to see you around SR! Dust off and keep going forward! Congrats on a week!
FBL Sorry to hear about your father. It is never easy to deal with aging and ill parents. We are here to listen and support!
The priest at my church (Episcopalian) compared the 12 steps and the principles of AA to the the Gospels and the saints. Knowing we have to surrender, examine ourselves, make amends, learn to live a new way and then share what we have learned. Was very powerful, especially to those of us who have been there.
Made an apple pie and now off to take HRH Olive for her mosey around the block.
Have a good one Overs!
Check in with us and I hope to see you around SR! Dust off and keep going forward! Congrats on a week!FBL Sorry to hear about your father. It is never easy to deal with aging and ill parents. We are here to listen and support!
The priest at my church (Episcopalian) compared the 12 steps and the principles of AA to the the Gospels and the saints. Knowing we have to surrender, examine ourselves, make amends, learn to live a new way and then share what we have learned. Was very powerful, especially to those of us who have been there.
Made an apple pie and now off to take HRH Olive for her mosey around the block.
Have a good one Overs!
Hi Wolf!
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Venus,
I hope you feel sober is not deprival from drinking alcohol, but abundance in the freedom to drink many more things, and juices before they ferments. Pills I avoid, especially the legally prescribed pain ones. I only use NSAIDs, and Naproxin Sodium is my DOC. Click on this link Venus kitty.
Pick Yourself Up (Frank Sinatra - with Lyrics) - YouTube
DG, I also have gone to church where my neighbor is the pastor, Methodist. Once just to show him the ceiling was well built. (joke) Of the philosophers and their answers to the question of what is the good life, I found my favorite, the old glass grinder Spinoza. I am more in line with his later writing than anything else. I guess I am that contradiction in terms, a confirmed agnostic. I am sure I am not sure about it. I defer the knowing until I face the final adventure, that we can't come back to talk about, but face alone ultimately.
Like getting sober.
I hope you feel sober is not deprival from drinking alcohol, but abundance in the freedom to drink many more things, and juices before they ferments. Pills I avoid, especially the legally prescribed pain ones. I only use NSAIDs, and Naproxin Sodium is my DOC. Click on this link Venus kitty.
Pick Yourself Up (Frank Sinatra - with Lyrics) - YouTube
DG, I also have gone to church where my neighbor is the pastor, Methodist. Once just to show him the ceiling was well built. (joke) Of the philosophers and their answers to the question of what is the good life, I found my favorite, the old glass grinder Spinoza. I am more in line with his later writing than anything else. I guess I am that contradiction in terms, a confirmed agnostic. I am sure I am not sure about it. I defer the knowing until I face the final adventure, that we can't come back to talk about, but face alone ultimately.
Like getting sober.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,535
Itchy love ~ I now see my sobriety in a very different way.
'Abundance of freedom' is actually a beautiful way to put it.
As DG said, a very powerful learning experience ~ one I didn't want, but needed.
I have bone cancer. I got really scared. And once the pain from the tumor became excruciating, and I was living in fear, I stopped talking.
When I say "abused" the painkillers...I had panadeine forte...and started thinking how can I get this in my body faster? No, I didn't use a needle. I have never even seen one. But you get the picture. So once I opened that door...the self-loathing was so intense that I said yes to grass offered to me, and alcohol of course followed.
The greatest blessing is being able to come here and talk to friends I love.
I may be newly sober, but as I am not new here at SR I have a wonderful community that I can honestly and openly reach out to for support.
If that makes sense.
I think this part of my journey is going to make me a better person.
And better able to help other recovering A's in the future.
Be well all.
So much love,
V xx
'Abundance of freedom' is actually a beautiful way to put it.
As DG said, a very powerful learning experience ~ one I didn't want, but needed.
I have bone cancer. I got really scared. And once the pain from the tumor became excruciating, and I was living in fear, I stopped talking.
When I say "abused" the painkillers...I had panadeine forte...and started thinking how can I get this in my body faster? No, I didn't use a needle. I have never even seen one. But you get the picture. So once I opened that door...the self-loathing was so intense that I said yes to grass offered to me, and alcohol of course followed.
The greatest blessing is being able to come here and talk to friends I love.
I may be newly sober, but as I am not new here at SR I have a wonderful community that I can honestly and openly reach out to for support.
If that makes sense.
I think this part of my journey is going to make me a better person.
And better able to help other recovering A's in the future.
Be well all.
So much love,
V xx
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,848
Originally Posted by Treerat66 
I would like to suggest that Venuscat be adopted as an honorary 'Over' until she gains that status again.
Well, my brother helped my parents pick out a cleaning service to come clean the house for them. Also, the next door neighbors came over yesterday to rake their leaves. Sure helps to have people around who care. Thanks again to all of you for being here for me too
Have a great week, all!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
Itchy- I too would classify myself as an agnostic. While I do pray and it seems to be an effective tool to calm myself and focus more positively on what I need to be doing, I'm totally unclear on what/who I'm praying to.
I tried going to the church service with an open mind, but couldn't help but just thinking 'I don't believe this stuff,' during the sermon. I did however end up agreeing to go to the rehearsal for the new church band that plays the music everybody sings along to. I have mixed feelings about it- one the one side, it would be good to be playing with some real people rather than myself. But on the flip side, I'll have to sit through more sermons I don't believe in. I'm also really nervous about the rehearsal. I don't know any of these people and haven't actually played in a band since high school. Plus I've never played any of that type of music. But it could be a really good experience for me, so I guess I have to put myself out there and at least try.
Andy- the party sounds wonderful.
Well, I stayed busy yesterday. Church in the morning, yoga and then AA in the evening. I never would have written anything like that 2 years ago.
Tons to do today and this week in general. I need to stay calm and focus on one thing at a time. I think having a lot that needs done is one thing that triggers anxiety for me, but that in turn actually makes it harder for me to get things done.
As this is the 11th month in the year, we're talking about the 11th step at AA. The 11th step is about working on conscious contact with God through prayer and meditation. As mentioned above, I'm really unclear on the 'God' concept, but do find that when I actually pray, I feel better for it. This month, I want to focus on taking some time for prayer and meditation daily. As I'm trying to take steps to be aware of my anxiety and to decrease it, I think prayer and meditation would be a good step for that as well.
And, on another note, I finally had a real conversation with my bf about the crap that has been bothering me. It was so simple and easy that I'm kind of kicking myself for not doing it earlier. Not that I didn't try to bring it up, I did and he'd change the topic. But how hard would it have been for me to say 'No. Don't change the topic, I want to talk about this?'. Actually, that was really hard for me.
I learn more about myself every day of this sober journey. Anyway, I think that's all I have for this morning.
I tried going to the church service with an open mind, but couldn't help but just thinking 'I don't believe this stuff,' during the sermon. I did however end up agreeing to go to the rehearsal for the new church band that plays the music everybody sings along to. I have mixed feelings about it- one the one side, it would be good to be playing with some real people rather than myself. But on the flip side, I'll have to sit through more sermons I don't believe in. I'm also really nervous about the rehearsal. I don't know any of these people and haven't actually played in a band since high school. Plus I've never played any of that type of music. But it could be a really good experience for me, so I guess I have to put myself out there and at least try.
Andy- the party sounds wonderful.
Well, I stayed busy yesterday. Church in the morning, yoga and then AA in the evening. I never would have written anything like that 2 years ago.
Tons to do today and this week in general. I need to stay calm and focus on one thing at a time. I think having a lot that needs done is one thing that triggers anxiety for me, but that in turn actually makes it harder for me to get things done.
As this is the 11th month in the year, we're talking about the 11th step at AA. The 11th step is about working on conscious contact with God through prayer and meditation. As mentioned above, I'm really unclear on the 'God' concept, but do find that when I actually pray, I feel better for it. This month, I want to focus on taking some time for prayer and meditation daily. As I'm trying to take steps to be aware of my anxiety and to decrease it, I think prayer and meditation would be a good step for that as well.
And, on another note, I finally had a real conversation with my bf about the crap that has been bothering me. It was so simple and easy that I'm kind of kicking myself for not doing it earlier. Not that I didn't try to bring it up, I did and he'd change the topic. But how hard would it have been for me to say 'No. Don't change the topic, I want to talk about this?'. Actually, that was really hard for me.
I learn more about myself every day of this sober journey. Anyway, I think that's all I have for this morning.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,252
DG, I was talked into going to church with one of my friends, too. I am purely agnostic, also, but I found the whole thing a release for me. I started crying! And I almost NEVER cry. The sermon was about the prodigal son, if you know that story. I don't know what came over me. It was embarrassing. I plan to tentatively go again but I really don't know what to think about this experience. At church I tried to remember that the praying part was meant well and it wouldn't kill me to stand respectfully.
I hope you will go to the music rehearsal. Playing with people again may be just the thing for you. Make sure to let us know how it goes.
I hope you will go to the music rehearsal. Playing with people again may be just the thing for you. Make sure to let us know how it goes.
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