Sorry to hear that V. I think as much as a relapse sucks, it can also be a very powerful learning experience for us.
I am going to church with the neighbors today. I feel a little split about it. In some ways, I'd rather just stay home. But it won't kill me to go. And while I don't think they're going to convert me to being religious, I might possibly be able to get something out of whatever is talked about. I am spiritual and think there is lots of good stuff talked about in most religions. And it's not as though I've committed to go more than once. Plus, I'm thinking just maybe I'll like it and it could be a venue for meeting more people that aren't alcoholics and druggies.
Then maybe try to get a few more things done around the house and thinking about a walk down by the river. Then I may hit yoga and/or the AA meeting tonight.
I noticed last night that I felt super anxious. And probably have been letting my anxiety get the best of me lately. I always used to think that if I had a problem, it was a tendency towards depression. One day several months ago, I kind of had a light bulb moment when I realized a lot of it was probably closer to anxiety. Then I kind of forgot all about thinking that, but yesterday, the thought popped into my head again. I guess anxiety and depression can kind of overlap.
I'm really not willing to take any meds, but think I need to get serious about doing stuff to help it. I think I need to watch how much caffeine I'm drinking, put yoga back up as a higher priority, get more exercise, and just try to be mindful about my mental state and take time to focus and calm down when needed.