Class of September 2013 - Part 32
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,129
Hi all!
I'm glad you checked in, Work!
How's everybody doing?
I'm well and I'm hanging in there SOBER.... It's not easy. It's scary when it is easy bc it feels that much more scary when it all of a sudden isn't easy.
I drank 5 or 6 days ago. I think that's it for me. I remembered the terrible anxiety I would get after drinking and I thought about all the terrible and negative things I would be inviting back into my life if I keep up this little game of drinking every so often.
I thought I could use alcohol as an every so often blow off valve, to release pressure. But that is dumb. I will end up drinking regularly and terrible things will happen.
I just have to put other things in place of the alcohol when I feel pressure or anger.
I'm thinking of you all, I hope more Septies check in whenever possible!
Best,
Melina
I'm glad you checked in, Work!
How's everybody doing?
I'm well and I'm hanging in there SOBER.... It's not easy. It's scary when it is easy bc it feels that much more scary when it all of a sudden isn't easy.
I drank 5 or 6 days ago. I think that's it for me. I remembered the terrible anxiety I would get after drinking and I thought about all the terrible and negative things I would be inviting back into my life if I keep up this little game of drinking every so often.
I thought I could use alcohol as an every so often blow off valve, to release pressure. But that is dumb. I will end up drinking regularly and terrible things will happen.
I just have to put other things in place of the alcohol when I feel pressure or anger.
I'm thinking of you all, I hope more Septies check in whenever possible!
Best,
Melina
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,025
Originally Posted by Melina 
I just have to put other things in place of the alcohol when I feel pressure or anger.
What would those "things" be ? Being the devil's advocate here
Maybe some counselling or AA would give you ideas ?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,129
Hi Fishy!
What's new? Congrats on your long sober streak, I'm happy for you!
Kaneda, I hear you, buddy. I want to go back to meetings and counseling. I am looking forward to both. I think I do a great job with living a sober life until I drink.. I don't think I'm doing anything wrong, I just need more and varied ideas to incorporate into stress and anger management control/alleviation.
I hope everyone has a great day!
What's new? Congrats on your long sober streak, I'm happy for you!
Kaneda, I hear you, buddy. I want to go back to meetings and counseling. I am looking forward to both. I think I do a great job with living a sober life until I drink.. I don't think I'm doing anything wrong, I just need more and varied ideas to incorporate into stress and anger management control/alleviation.
I hope everyone has a great day!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Soberspace
Posts: 591
Returned from Portugal last week and had a great time there, was able to eat dinner at restaurants unbothered by wine lists, wine bottles and wine drinkers. 
I saw alot of little towns and villages, olive groves, marble quarries, churches and castles. Even some rarer things like old crusader church/fortresses and the chapel of bones in Evora which was rather creepy and reminded me that life is short and even shorter for the active alcoholic. /shivers
Back to work again and I am trying to do a couple of extra things and looking into the vague possibility of doing a fellowship in Canada, Vancouver in the future. Staying sober has made me more capable of trying to influence my future. Still abit poor at deadlines for paying my bills though, haha.
I saw alot of little towns and villages, olive groves, marble quarries, churches and castles. Even some rarer things like old crusader church/fortresses and the chapel of bones in Evora which was rather creepy and reminded me that life is short and even shorter for the active alcoholic. /shivers
Back to work again and I am trying to do a couple of extra things and looking into the vague possibility of doing a fellowship in Canada, Vancouver in the future. Staying sober has made me more capable of trying to influence my future. Still abit poor at deadlines for paying my bills though, haha.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,178
Hello, everyone! I just thought I'd stop in and see how everyone's doing. Kanada, I read the last 2 pages, and your heart and wisdom is beyond beautiful.
For me, I'm coming up on 2 years in September, and I am so so so so grateful. They told me at AA that life would get better, and it has. I no longer fight the obsession. There is no question of whether I'll drink or not - I just won't. And, the surprising thing I've learned is that that's okay. I don't miss out on anything in life. Nothing. I can do everything I used to do, I just do it without drinking. I still laugh, get silly, dance, relax, unwind after hard days, go out with friends and to parties, walk around the neighborhood with my husband at night, play, and everything else. I just do it without alcohol now, because I am an alcoholic.
I honestly didn't understand the disease concept of this when I was trying to quit and couldn't. I get it now. Every Friday at my AA group we do a "no first drink" topic, and I finally get it. The problem isn't me getting drunk ... the problem is me taking even a sip because I am an alcoholic and when I get ANY alcohol, I, in effect, go insane. I am no longer able to make good choices. I rationalize, hide, and lie to myself and others. The "cunning" thing is that it doesn't happen EVERY time, so my mind likes to use that as "proof" that I can handle it. But it's a lie. I accept that now. I believe it with my whole being.
And, the only thing I have to do to stay sane is to not drink. As long as I don't consume alcohol, I get to be free. That's all. And it's not the catastrophic thing that I thought it would be. It's really okay.
One of the lies I told myself when I kept relapsing was that, if I drank one night, I could just get right back on the sobriety bandwagon the next day where I left off. I've learned that's not how it works. If I were to drink, I'd have to go back to start. I'd have to go through all the hard times all over again. I'd have to fight the urges and wrestle with myself just like in the beginning. And that part sucked royally. I NEVER want to have to go through that again!
So I won't drink today. And I'll stay sane. At this point, it's really a small price to pay for a full, meaningful, productive life.
Hugs to all of you!
For me, I'm coming up on 2 years in September, and I am so so so so grateful. They told me at AA that life would get better, and it has. I no longer fight the obsession. There is no question of whether I'll drink or not - I just won't. And, the surprising thing I've learned is that that's okay. I don't miss out on anything in life. Nothing. I can do everything I used to do, I just do it without drinking. I still laugh, get silly, dance, relax, unwind after hard days, go out with friends and to parties, walk around the neighborhood with my husband at night, play, and everything else. I just do it without alcohol now, because I am an alcoholic.
I honestly didn't understand the disease concept of this when I was trying to quit and couldn't. I get it now. Every Friday at my AA group we do a "no first drink" topic, and I finally get it. The problem isn't me getting drunk ... the problem is me taking even a sip because I am an alcoholic and when I get ANY alcohol, I, in effect, go insane. I am no longer able to make good choices. I rationalize, hide, and lie to myself and others. The "cunning" thing is that it doesn't happen EVERY time, so my mind likes to use that as "proof" that I can handle it. But it's a lie. I accept that now. I believe it with my whole being.
And, the only thing I have to do to stay sane is to not drink. As long as I don't consume alcohol, I get to be free. That's all. And it's not the catastrophic thing that I thought it would be. It's really okay.
One of the lies I told myself when I kept relapsing was that, if I drank one night, I could just get right back on the sobriety bandwagon the next day where I left off. I've learned that's not how it works. If I were to drink, I'd have to go back to start. I'd have to go through all the hard times all over again. I'd have to fight the urges and wrestle with myself just like in the beginning. And that part sucked royally. I NEVER want to have to go through that again!
So I won't drink today.
And I'll stay sane. At this point, it's really a small price to pay for a full, meaningful, productive life.Hugs to all of you!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Melina, congratulations!! I am so happy for you! How are you feeling about it? Is it still very hard, or are feeling freedom? How is the journey?
PBC, I love the part of your post about feeling so free and how simply, really, that freedom is achieved.
I have a hard time getting past feeling grumpy about sobriety! I don't know why! I have ups and downs, so sometimes feel that joy and freedom. But other times, I resent not being able to drink.
PBC, I love the part of your post about feeling so free and how simply, really, that freedom is achieved.
I have a hard time getting past feeling grumpy about sobriety! I don't know why! I have ups and downs, so sometimes feel that joy and freedom. But other times, I resent not being able to drink.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,129
Hi PBC and Phoebe!
So great to hear from you both!
Congratulations on your sobriety time, PBC! That is super inspiring! I agree 100% with your views on starting over. You sound wonderful!
Phoebe, I feel great. I really can't see myself drinking again. It's the pits! I'm working on slowly feeling normal and figuring out how this new life is going to work. So many good things have happened already but I know my brain and body need time and care. So I try not to get down about feeling tired or needing to sleep a lot, etc. I do what I can.
I've started to really be present for people, to make plans with my family and commit to following through. That is a regret I have and I'm working on fixing that.
I still need to work on stress mgmt bc I often have thoughts of drinking. I don't struggle but they're there. I don't want to be drunk or deal with any of that. I just have to replace it with healthier options.
I'm learning to have patience with myself. I'm proud I don't drink, it feels good!
How are you doing? I'm so glad you popped in, too! I hope you get over the resentment of not being able to drink. Maybe try to twist it mentally somehow so you get a rush out of the pride of self care? And being happy you recognized you were doing something really awful to yourself and were able to change? Easy for me to say, I know I think of cold wine after a hard day and I have to remind myself what a quick road to hell that is.... But the thoughts pop up.
I'm going to pretend my AV is like that whack-a-mole game at Chuck E Cheese, whenever one of those thoughts pop up, I'll bash them down with the TRUTH! And the truth is that drinking makes my life unbearable in every way.
We got this , Phoebe! Hugs to you and PBC and all our September 13 fam!
So great to hear from you both!
Congratulations on your sobriety time, PBC! That is super inspiring! I agree 100% with your views on starting over. You sound wonderful!
Phoebe, I feel great. I really can't see myself drinking again. It's the pits! I'm working on slowly feeling normal and figuring out how this new life is going to work. So many good things have happened already but I know my brain and body need time and care. So I try not to get down about feeling tired or needing to sleep a lot, etc. I do what I can.
I've started to really be present for people, to make plans with my family and commit to following through. That is a regret I have and I'm working on fixing that.
I still need to work on stress mgmt bc I often have thoughts of drinking. I don't struggle but they're there. I don't want to be drunk or deal with any of that. I just have to replace it with healthier options.
I'm learning to have patience with myself. I'm proud I don't drink, it feels good!
How are you doing? I'm so glad you popped in, too! I hope you get over the resentment of not being able to drink. Maybe try to twist it mentally somehow so you get a rush out of the pride of self care? And being happy you recognized you were doing something really awful to yourself and were able to change? Easy for me to say, I know I think of cold wine after a hard day and I have to remind myself what a quick road to hell that is.... But the thoughts pop up.
I'm going to pretend my AV is like that whack-a-mole game at Chuck E Cheese, whenever one of those thoughts pop up, I'll bash them down with the TRUTH! And the truth is that drinking makes my life unbearable in every way.
We got this , Phoebe! Hugs to you and PBC and all our September 13 fam!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,129
Hi buddies!
38 days here!
That's a new record for me, in September 2013 I think the most I ever had was 36 days.
It feels good. I like this streak and I plan on doing everything I can to protect my sobriety and further it.
I hope everyone's having a great day!
xoxo,
Melina
38 days here!
That's a new record for me, in September 2013 I think the most I ever had was 36 days.
It feels good. I like this streak and I plan on doing everything I can to protect my sobriety and further it.
I hope everyone's having a great day!
xoxo,
Melina
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