Class of April 2014 Part 14
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: SE USA
Posts: 941
Hey there fools,
I hope you all are well. Unfortunately, I let life get the best of me and I started drinking again. I think the move, work, and long visit from my very well intention-ed mother and then the unexpected death of my father just gave me the excuse to drink and then I couldn't/wouldn't/didn't want to stop. I seem to have no end point with my drinking and I am back to drinking every night until I either run out of booze or realize that I have to go to bed. Mornings, predictably, are terrible.
Back I am back to square one and back online. I am just trying to get through this month, put my father's affairs in order and get my mother back on her feet. Spending lots of quality time on Delta these days as she lives on the opposite side of the country. It is all fairly exhausting and I am a little overwhelmed right now. I know that drinking will not help things, but obviously, it does numb/tranquilize me for a bit. My father was a raging alcoholic and a very difficult man. I kept him at arm's length for most of my life. It is difficult to mourn his loss and I am dreading the memorial service.
I hope all is well with the Fools. I have not really been online in over a month...but, am back now. Sending lots of good wishes. Need to go for a run tonight and will think of you all then.
Take care, Pan
I hope you all are well. Unfortunately, I let life get the best of me and I started drinking again. I think the move, work, and long visit from my very well intention-ed mother and then the unexpected death of my father just gave me the excuse to drink and then I couldn't/wouldn't/didn't want to stop. I seem to have no end point with my drinking and I am back to drinking every night until I either run out of booze or realize that I have to go to bed. Mornings, predictably, are terrible.
Back I am back to square one and back online. I am just trying to get through this month, put my father's affairs in order and get my mother back on her feet. Spending lots of quality time on Delta these days as she lives on the opposite side of the country. It is all fairly exhausting and I am a little overwhelmed right now. I know that drinking will not help things, but obviously, it does numb/tranquilize me for a bit. My father was a raging alcoholic and a very difficult man. I kept him at arm's length for most of my life. It is difficult to mourn his loss and I am dreading the memorial service.
I hope all is well with the Fools. I have not really been online in over a month...but, am back now. Sending lots of good wishes. Need to go for a run tonight and will think of you all then.
Take care, Pan
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Hogwarts
Posts: 3,233
Originally Posted by Present4614 
One of each please, and a hen
How about this one?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: AZ
Posts: 99
Pan, I am so sorry about your father. It's a natural reaction to want to numb that kind of pain. Please forgive yourself for drinking and move forward when you can. Be gentle to yourself. Lots of hugs here for you
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: AZ
Posts: 99
Originally Posted by ChickChick
You think I'm kidding! Watch out your critter order will be processed after the kittens are old enough to leave their mother... look for it in about 4-6 weeks!!
How about this one?
(real original)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 684
Panacea, I'm glad you checked in. I'm sorry for the loss of your father. I can only imagine the difficulties involved in processing his death while trying to reconcile your conflicted feelings about him. You are in my thoughts, and we're here for you when you need us.
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
I'm sorry about your loss pan, we are all here for you. Praying for you and your family. As present said, forgive yourself for drinking. Also for give your father for any things he did, it will help you immensely.
Great job on getting off the benzos present. I don't think chick's joking.
Great job on getting off the benzos present. I don't think chick's joking.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,473
I'm sorry too Pan. Know we are here for you
congratulations Chick Luc and Present - well done
Kellyg I think more details have come out about RW - like a Parkinson's diagnosis -that help me make a little more sense of it all
If you need support the Fools are here
D
congratulations Chick Luc and Present - well done
Kellyg I think more details have come out about RW - like a Parkinson's diagnosis -that help me make a little more sense of it all
If you need support the Fools are here
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 361
Present, congrats on tapering off the benzos. It makes sense that things will be bad for awhile, but I'm sure they'll get better soon!
Chick, congrats on two weeks! I really wish I could take one of your cats. I love cats, unfortunately my boyfriend is allergic. Ah well.
Panacea, glad to have you back. Sorry about the death of your father. Sending you lots of good vibes!
I've had sort of a weird day today. My last day of therapy before I go have to find a new therapist back at school out west. I really like the woman I've been seeing and wish I could continue seeing her. Hopefully I find someone new that I like. And then on top of it, not to sound too high school, haha, but I bumped into my first love on the street as I was coming out of my appointment. I hadn't seen him since high school and I honestly feel like I've been hit by a truck. I feel like sobriety is causing me to FEEL more strongly lately, so I don't know if it's that or the person but it just feels like that run in happened at a really weird time. I think I've just been struggling lately with feeling like I SHOULD be feeling one way but instead feeling another. Feeling like I should be over things or not be having such strong reactions to my life. I've been told a lot that my emotions are too strong and I think I've been pushing them down the past few years with substances. These 52 days have been good but I'm feeling things so strongly again. And between leaving a therapist and that weird run in a lot of things are flooding right now. I'm anxious about going back to my trouble environment. Makes me feel like I'm starting at day one again, even though I have almost two months. It's weird because with drinking I felt like I was in a slow fog and now I feel like I'm all wound up and overcharged.
Chick, congrats on two weeks! I really wish I could take one of your cats. I love cats, unfortunately my boyfriend is allergic. Ah well.
Panacea, glad to have you back. Sorry about the death of your father. Sending you lots of good vibes!
I've had sort of a weird day today. My last day of therapy before I go have to find a new therapist back at school out west. I really like the woman I've been seeing and wish I could continue seeing her. Hopefully I find someone new that I like. And then on top of it, not to sound too high school, haha, but I bumped into my first love on the street as I was coming out of my appointment. I hadn't seen him since high school and I honestly feel like I've been hit by a truck. I feel like sobriety is causing me to FEEL more strongly lately, so I don't know if it's that or the person but it just feels like that run in happened at a really weird time. I think I've just been struggling lately with feeling like I SHOULD be feeling one way but instead feeling another. Feeling like I should be over things or not be having such strong reactions to my life. I've been told a lot that my emotions are too strong and I think I've been pushing them down the past few years with substances. These 52 days have been good but I'm feeling things so strongly again. And between leaving a therapist and that weird run in a lot of things are flooding right now. I'm anxious about going back to my trouble environment. Makes me feel like I'm starting at day one again, even though I have almost two months. It's weird because with drinking I felt like I was in a slow fog and now I feel like I'm all wound up and overcharged.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,804
Rocks, is there any way you could line up a new therapist before you go back, so it's in place right at the off? Or at least make it your first task when you do get back?
You're right about feelings being stronger in sobriety, I wonder if approaching it with some curiosity may help, "how strange, I'm feeling quite .... about this", just like you're a newbie in your own skin. Feelings are part of our humanity, quite amazing really.
Chick, I need advice about the little cat I'm fostering, he's in to EVERYTHING. Nothing is beyond climbing on to (found him balanced on top of a door yesterday). We've just started letting him out, but I'm worried he'll get beaten up by the local Tom. I'm hopeful that we'll find a permanent loving home for him soon (somewhere with lots of trees to climb).
It's Friday morning here, so the Fools Bargain is reinstated.
Have a great sober day all.
You're right about feelings being stronger in sobriety, I wonder if approaching it with some curiosity may help, "how strange, I'm feeling quite .... about this", just like you're a newbie in your own skin. Feelings are part of our humanity, quite amazing really.
Chick, I need advice about the little cat I'm fostering, he's in to EVERYTHING. Nothing is beyond climbing on to (found him balanced on top of a door yesterday). We've just started letting him out, but I'm worried he'll get beaten up by the local Tom. I'm hopeful that we'll find a permanent loving home for him soon (somewhere with lots of trees to climb).
It's Friday morning here, so the Fools Bargain is reinstated.
Have a great sober day all.
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
Hey fools.
If you spend all of your time search for the one thing that will bring you complete happiness, then you will surely miss all of the little things that bring the big one together.
Have a great day!!
If you spend all of your time search for the one thing that will bring you complete happiness, then you will surely miss all of the little things that bring the big one together.
Have a great day!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Freein,
The tom's traditionally fight if neither have been fixed and they're mixing it up over a female close by,....
Is the little fellow neutered yet ?
I've been in neighborhoods with over 10 cats living really close, and they seem to learn the pecking order pretty quick, .... He sounds adventuresome, and will love the time he spends outside , I'll bet.
Cats love the co. too. Even the company of dogs, ....just to keep them engaged and all.
Rocks, .... getting hit by a truck like that isn't such a bad thing, necessarily.
Some of us count it as a blessing !?! ....not to sound too adolescent, or anything.
Wow, ...it's been five months since my last drink, ....time is really flying by.
The thought of drinking hit me today , finishing up a little pressure washing here. It's nothing I think of acting on, or even surprise me, ....
...try to just let it just wash on by,
That time of letting the thought pass seems to be getting shorter, anyway. Guess that's the silver lining, maybe.
Chick, ....If things keep going around here like they've been, ..I'll be looking to build a small coop at some point next year. My goal is to have a small garden, ...not the half-ass ones I used to try, but something that produces.
That'll be a first, for sure !
For some reason, ....without anymore dogs around , chickens seem perfect with a garden. How does the feeding work, if I leave town for 2 days. Do I get someone to feed them , or can you leave them enough for 2 days ?
Could always leave enough dry food for my dogs, and they would be fine, ...but don't know about chickens.
The tom's traditionally fight if neither have been fixed and they're mixing it up over a female close by,....
Is the little fellow neutered yet ?
I've been in neighborhoods with over 10 cats living really close, and they seem to learn the pecking order pretty quick, .... He sounds adventuresome, and will love the time he spends outside , I'll bet.
Cats love the co. too. Even the company of dogs, ....just to keep them engaged and all.
Rocks, .... getting hit by a truck like that isn't such a bad thing, necessarily.
Some of us count it as a blessing !?! ....not to sound too adolescent, or anything.
Wow, ...it's been five months since my last drink, ....time is really flying by.
The thought of drinking hit me today , finishing up a little pressure washing here. It's nothing I think of acting on, or even surprise me, ....
...try to just let it just wash on by,
That time of letting the thought pass seems to be getting shorter, anyway. Guess that's the silver lining, maybe.
Chick, ....If things keep going around here like they've been, ..I'll be looking to build a small coop at some point next year. My goal is to have a small garden, ...not the half-ass ones I used to try, but something that produces.
That'll be a first, for sure !
For some reason, ....without anymore dogs around , chickens seem perfect with a garden. How does the feeding work, if I leave town for 2 days. Do I get someone to feed them , or can you leave them enough for 2 days ?
Could always leave enough dry food for my dogs, and they would be fine, ...but don't know about chickens.
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