Class of March 2013 part 30
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Originally Posted by BuddinK 
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Originally Posted by lifetplant
Fantastic post Gilmer. I know directed at Sass but there's a lot there for me to take from. I'm struggling again guys. I am going to drink today. I've made that decision, clock watching for opening time at the moment. But, i'm not giving up. There's a womans meeting in the city this afternoon. I'm def heading to it. Hoping the more meetings I go to, the more it finally sinks in. I HATE being an alkie, it's exhausting and consuming.
Life you know I love ya - but this is total BS and the part of you that made you post here knows it is
If you drink today you're one step closer to losing everything...and your addiction wouldn't mind that cos then you could drink all day.
Recovery is about facing hard days, tough emotions, and awkward feelings - and making different decisions than the ones you have in the past.
You can do the same old same old today, miss the meeting (you know you will) and beat yourself up about it for the next week, or you could decide to take the drink option off the table today, feel really good about yourself tomorrow, and be that much closer to being the J you want to be.
Make the right choice
D
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Life, sometimes it feels like the more I give in the easier it is to give in. I've finally realized I have such a difficult time stopping that I need all the help I can get. That means an intensive outpatient program (IOP) or even inpatient rehab if the IOP doesn't do it. It truly is life or death and I cannot put it off any longer. And neither can you. You may find that rehab is the way to go -- I think you'd be better off if you can decide yourself rather than letting yourself continue as you are. Believe me, I do know exactly where that is! I'm asking you to talk to your addiction counselor about inpatient rehab TODAY. You matter to me and to all of us. I want to get better and I want to see you with me! (((Hugs))) and a big kick to the backside to take that big, scary step TODAY.
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----Quote:
Sass I don't understand....... Some of my advice irritates you???? That can't be right, my advice is always perfect spot on and exactly what the person I am writing to wants to gear!
---End quote
Toots, sweetie, your advice only irritates me when you are absolutely right but I am too stubborn and pissy to listen! I've learned that when I have that reaction I'd best be thinking about it....
Sass I don't understand....... Some of my advice irritates you???? That can't be right, my advice is always perfect spot on and exactly what the person I am writing to wants to gear!
---End quote
Toots, sweetie, your advice only irritates me when you are absolutely right but I am too stubborn and pissy to listen! I've learned that when I have that reaction I'd best be thinking about it....
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Gilmer...that was beautiful.
Have fun on your trip Budd! You will be fine. I've found that at my age most people don't pay too much attention to whether I'm drinking or not. As I don't pay too much attention to whether they are...unless they get obnoxiously drunk. Then color me gone.
Glad you found most of your pants Trach. And you and Budd's pics were hysterical.
I like everybody's different personality. I like that Sass and Toots are strong willed. You both have a very deep caring sweet side and neither of you have ever withheld that. So I think you are all just fine the way you were made. Anyway Sass, I think you are a sweetheart and I'm confident you will find a way to make headstrong work for you.
oh, I remember those 2 biddies you were talking about. You mentioned them way back when we all started this journey. Hopefully at any meetings you may go to now they or their twins aren't there. But if they are...
Leave them...and take the rest.
Don't hit me.
Hope your headache's better Toots.
Hi Life, I'm dealing with the thoughts to smoke popping up all the time. I try really really hard to just focus on the positive. I know it's not the same. I was just thinking that's where meetings may be really helpful. I know when I'm having a really hard time there are generally 2 things that help me...1) go be around people who are positive when I'm not and be open to letting it rub off on me and 2) go be around people who are having a harder time. It helps me to be able to maybe in some small way help them. Even if it's just listening and being kind. I'll bet you can find both of those at a meeting. That's been my experience anyway.
Later everyone!
xoxo
Have fun on your trip Budd! You will be fine. I've found that at my age most people don't pay too much attention to whether I'm drinking or not. As I don't pay too much attention to whether they are...unless they get obnoxiously drunk. Then color me gone.
Glad you found most of your pants Trach. And you and Budd's pics were hysterical.
I like everybody's different personality. I like that Sass and Toots are strong willed. You both have a very deep caring sweet side and neither of you have ever withheld that. So I think you are all just fine the way you were made. Anyway Sass, I think you are a sweetheart and I'm confident you will find a way to make headstrong work for you.
oh, I remember those 2 biddies you were talking about. You mentioned them way back when we all started this journey. Hopefully at any meetings you may go to now they or their twins aren't there. But if they are...
Leave them...and take the rest.
Don't hit me.
Hope your headache's better Toots.
Hi Life, I'm dealing with the thoughts to smoke popping up all the time. I try really really hard to just focus on the positive. I know it's not the same. I was just thinking that's where meetings may be really helpful. I know when I'm having a really hard time there are generally 2 things that help me...1) go be around people who are positive when I'm not and be open to letting it rub off on me and 2) go be around people who are having a harder time. It helps me to be able to maybe in some small way help them. Even if it's just listening and being kind. I'll bet you can find both of those at a meeting. That's been my experience anyway.
Later everyone!
xoxo
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Shoes, I'll just give you a light swat for that 
. No, really, I've been thinking that at almost 70 it's time I learned to deal with stuff like that. Never too late to learn something new is my motto 
You are a practical and wise woman, Shoes! Like all of us you have your down spells but to me you come across as very caring, honest and have much wisdom.
Marcher, like Gilmer you are one of our calm and steady rocks. You both anchor us :-)
As I think about it, the collective wisdom of all our Marchers is truly awesome!
For all Marchers -
. No, really, I've been thinking that at almost 70 it's time I learned to deal with stuff like that. Never too late to learn something new is my motto You are a practical and wise woman, Shoes! Like all of us you have your down spells but to me you come across as very caring, honest and have much wisdom.
Marcher, like Gilmer you are one of our calm and steady rocks. You both anchor us :-)
As I think about it, the collective wisdom of all our Marchers is truly awesome!
For all Marchers -
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Join Date: Feb 2012
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Originally Posted by Dee74
Life you know I love ya - but this is total BS and the part of you that made you post here knows it is
You can do the same old same old today, miss the meeting (you know you will) and beat yourself up about it for the next week, or you could decide to take the drink option off the table today, feel really good about yourself tomorrow, and be that much closer to being the J you want to be.
Make the right choice
D
You can do the same old same old today, miss the meeting (you know you will) and beat yourself up about it for the next week, or you could decide to take the drink option off the table today, feel really good about yourself tomorrow, and be that much closer to being the J you want to be.
Make the right choice
D
I know I don't want to be this person I am making myself into. I know i've much more potential but i'm struggling so hard to kick this deamon. As mentioned before. I don't think it's respectful to write when i've consumed some alcohol. I'll therefore leave it there for now but thank you to you all for your words and guidance. We really are blessed, what a fantastic group of human beings.
Much love
J
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It's got you on the ropes J. It definitely did not want you at that meeting today.
Maybe it's time to give it all you've got and go for an inpatient programme.
It might give you the head start you need.
as for not posting here because it's disrespectful...thats your addiction too - and shame and self disgust and everything else that makes it easier to buy more grog to forget it all.
I lost myself in a moment...the slippery slide just picked up speed and before I knew it I'd lost my job my old life and 5 years of my life...5 years of daily drinking.
You have a chance still to apply the brakes Life.
If we could do it for you there'd be 50 pairs of March hands pulling on the brake...but noone else can do that but you J.
give inpatient some thought.
D
Maybe it's time to give it all you've got and go for an inpatient programme.
It might give you the head start you need.
as for not posting here because it's disrespectful...thats your addiction too - and shame and self disgust and everything else that makes it easier to buy more grog to forget it all.
I lost myself in a moment...the slippery slide just picked up speed and before I knew it I'd lost my job my old life and 5 years of my life...5 years of daily drinking.
You have a chance still to apply the brakes Life.
If we could do it for you there'd be 50 pairs of March hands pulling on the brake...but noone else can do that but you J.
give inpatient some thought.
D
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Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,287
Life, they were very blunt with me when they told me I could try the outpatient program but also told me that might not be enough. My first reaction was that I didn't need an inpatient program, didn't want it and can't afford it. After letting all the counselor said sink in, I finally realized that this is my life we're talking about. If it turns out that I need the inpatient program, I will do it. I will not spend whatever time I have left trying to fool myself and avoiding taking responsibility for myself and my actions. Thinking about DD'S posts in particular, made me realize that inpatient rehab or the outpatient program could be an immensely positive turning point for me.
Life, your experiences were a very big factor in bringing me to the point where I am now - finally understanding and accepting what I need to do for me.. For that I am grateful! I can only hope that my experiences will go some small way toward helping you get help to get your life on track to be the lovely and caring woman I know is part of you..
Life, your experiences were a very big factor in bringing me to the point where I am now - finally understanding and accepting what I need to do for me.. For that I am grateful! I can only hope that my experiences will go some small way toward helping you get help to get your life on track to be the lovely and caring woman I know is part of you..
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I just want to add one more thing...I have a 'lost' file (in my head) of all the people I've gotten to know here on SR and who then....disappeared...most of them forever.
Sadly it's a pretty big file these days.
I don't want you to end up there J
D
Sadly it's a pretty big file these days.
I don't want you to end up there J
D
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Life instead of googling why don't you telephone the pysch you are seeing? He will know better than Google what's out there for you. Organising time and finances will be a lot easier now than waiting any longer and maybe losing your job.
Listen to Dee. I'm sad over the people I know in my "lost" file, I can't imagine the size of Dee's file.
Please reach out to your psych now. Not tomorrow, now. Be completely honest.
Listen to Dee. I'm sad over the people I know in my "lost" file, I can't imagine the size of Dee's file.
Please reach out to your psych now. Not tomorrow, now. Be completely honest.
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Objectively, inpatient rehab is a pain in the ass. It costs a fortune (even with good insurance, I ended up paying almost $7k out of pocket in total), taking a month off is rough (I didn't know if I'd even have a job when I returned), and it's tough to get over the stigma of being one of "those" people who needed to be institutionalized.
But when faced with death, as this disease will always end up doing, rehab is a breath of fresh air. I look back on the experience and think, "when else in my life will I have had the opportunity to take 30 days to just work on myself without any distractions?" It really was a game changer for me. That's not to say it is for everyone. I remember talking to guys who were in there for the 3rd, 7th, even 20th time. It scared the sh!t out of me. I didn't want to have to go back there. But I have noticed a direct correlation between willingness to follow the directions and suggestions made in rehab and those who remained sober once they got out. Those that fought the process almost always failed.
One of the main thing I learned is that I belonged there. I earned myself a bed there with my reckless behavior. So I surrendered to the process.
Every week, we would rotate small groups that focused on a specific area. Things like relapse prevention, meditation, men's and women's issues, etc. I was put in the grief and loss group twice! I've never really lost anyone so I wondered why they kept putting me in there. It dawned on me that I had lost myself. I was but a shell of a human being.
I was also put in the "high risk" group twice. This is like the remedial class for rehab. The worst of the worst when it came to drug addict and alcoholic fu(k ups. But again, I belonged there, and that class helped me so much in terms moving forward as a successful, sober person.
And now, for Sass - my AA confessions from attending around 400 meetings in 16+ months:
1. I didn't go to my home group today because I needed sleep instead. I don't go to a meeting every day (usually 3-5 per week, depending on work schedule). But I did do 90 meetings in 90 days when I got out of rehab. My sponsor told me to do it so I did.
2. I hate when people share the same crap over and over. It used to drive me so crazy. But my sponsor, in his 9 years of sobriety wisdom told me a story. When he was new to the program, there was a guy who would stand up and share the exact same thing every meeting. Literally, word for word. He developed a resentment towards this guy. "Why does he keep hijacking the meeting? How is this helping anyone?" So his sponsor pointed out to him that this guy had 15 years of sobriety. If saying the same damn thing over and over helped him stay sober, then more power to him. Who am I to judge? So that's the way I look at it now.
3. Not every meeting is life-changing. Sometimes I get bored. Many times, I read SR in meetings. But just being in a room full of people who think the way I do is comforting in and of itself.
4. When I first started going to meetings, everyone felt the need to tell me how I need to do what they did to get sober. I listened and learned a few things, but I mostly tuned it out. Instead, I just followed the suggestions of my sponsor because I trusted his counsel and we have a similar way of thinking and approaching situations. We're on the same page. Luckily, the preaching stops once those biddies start seeing you regularly. If you're sober and on track, there is nothing for them to preach about.
5. Many times, I just go to meetings to hang out with my friends. But usually I get a good nugget or two of inspiration or perspective along the way.
6. Sometimes I go to meetings I've never gone to before just because I need a new environment and I'm tired of my friends blabbing about the same crap time and again.
7. I've gone to many meetings just one time and have never gone back. Maybe I didn't like the vibe or the people. Maybe people were too preachy on the god thing. Maybe the room didn't have adequate air-conditioning or heat. Maybe the chairs were uncomfortable. But it trying all of these different meetings, I've found about a dozen that I can consistently go to and feel comfortable. All within walking distance of my apartment. And I've been doing this long enough that I know that whatever meeting I go to in the area, I know I'll end up seeing someone I know.
8. I hate the stupid slogans like, "take what you need and leave the rest behind," or "it only works if you work it." Yet I find myself repeating the same crap to myself. They may be cliches, but they are cliches for a reason. I think my gf is tired of hearing them lol.
9. At the suggestion of my sponsor, I do not mention the fact that I take klonopin for my severe anxiety disorder on a group level. I don't need to be preached at that I'm not sober or I'm heading for relapse just because I take a prescribed medication responsibly and they couldn't.
10. I have to remind myself regularly that AA is full of really sick people, even those with years of sobriety. I chaired a step meeting a few months back on the 12th step (working with others) and an old-timer raised his hand and ranted about how he no longer helps people because people don't take sobriety seriously. He said that if someone couldn't stay sober, they should just put a gun in their mouth and pull the trigger. This was in a room full of young people and beginners. And I was helpless to stop it. Thankfully, some friends of mine shared in response about how AA is an inclusive environment and that we are there to support instead of admonish. That guy never came back. Thank god.
AA isn't perfect. But it works for me. I don't care why or how. I don't question the methodology or the alleged success or failure rates. I just do what I'm told to do by people I trust who have years of sobriety and live happy, productive, NORMAL lives. I was at a meeting on Monday, and this guy shared who is a pillar in the local AA community. He has 27 year sober, sponsors several men, has a beautiful, supportive wife, well-adjusted children and a successful business. He shared that he was dealing with some personal issues and wanted to punch every single person in the room in the face. But he wasn't going to drink over it. That's the kind of honesty that keeps me coming back to AA. Not the preachy, know-it-all, big-book thumpers. It's the honest people who deal with real problems and still don't drink.
But when faced with death, as this disease will always end up doing, rehab is a breath of fresh air. I look back on the experience and think, "when else in my life will I have had the opportunity to take 30 days to just work on myself without any distractions?" It really was a game changer for me. That's not to say it is for everyone. I remember talking to guys who were in there for the 3rd, 7th, even 20th time. It scared the sh!t out of me. I didn't want to have to go back there. But I have noticed a direct correlation between willingness to follow the directions and suggestions made in rehab and those who remained sober once they got out. Those that fought the process almost always failed.
One of the main thing I learned is that I belonged there. I earned myself a bed there with my reckless behavior. So I surrendered to the process.
Every week, we would rotate small groups that focused on a specific area. Things like relapse prevention, meditation, men's and women's issues, etc. I was put in the grief and loss group twice! I've never really lost anyone so I wondered why they kept putting me in there. It dawned on me that I had lost myself. I was but a shell of a human being.
I was also put in the "high risk" group twice. This is like the remedial class for rehab. The worst of the worst when it came to drug addict and alcoholic fu(k ups. But again, I belonged there, and that class helped me so much in terms moving forward as a successful, sober person.
And now, for Sass - my AA confessions from attending around 400 meetings in 16+ months:
1. I didn't go to my home group today because I needed sleep instead. I don't go to a meeting every day (usually 3-5 per week, depending on work schedule). But I did do 90 meetings in 90 days when I got out of rehab. My sponsor told me to do it so I did.
2. I hate when people share the same crap over and over. It used to drive me so crazy. But my sponsor, in his 9 years of sobriety wisdom told me a story. When he was new to the program, there was a guy who would stand up and share the exact same thing every meeting. Literally, word for word. He developed a resentment towards this guy. "Why does he keep hijacking the meeting? How is this helping anyone?" So his sponsor pointed out to him that this guy had 15 years of sobriety. If saying the same damn thing over and over helped him stay sober, then more power to him. Who am I to judge? So that's the way I look at it now.
3. Not every meeting is life-changing. Sometimes I get bored. Many times, I read SR in meetings. But just being in a room full of people who think the way I do is comforting in and of itself.
4. When I first started going to meetings, everyone felt the need to tell me how I need to do what they did to get sober. I listened and learned a few things, but I mostly tuned it out. Instead, I just followed the suggestions of my sponsor because I trusted his counsel and we have a similar way of thinking and approaching situations. We're on the same page. Luckily, the preaching stops once those biddies start seeing you regularly. If you're sober and on track, there is nothing for them to preach about.
5. Many times, I just go to meetings to hang out with my friends. But usually I get a good nugget or two of inspiration or perspective along the way.
6. Sometimes I go to meetings I've never gone to before just because I need a new environment and I'm tired of my friends blabbing about the same crap time and again.
7. I've gone to many meetings just one time and have never gone back. Maybe I didn't like the vibe or the people. Maybe people were too preachy on the god thing. Maybe the room didn't have adequate air-conditioning or heat. Maybe the chairs were uncomfortable. But it trying all of these different meetings, I've found about a dozen that I can consistently go to and feel comfortable. All within walking distance of my apartment. And I've been doing this long enough that I know that whatever meeting I go to in the area, I know I'll end up seeing someone I know.
8. I hate the stupid slogans like, "take what you need and leave the rest behind," or "it only works if you work it." Yet I find myself repeating the same crap to myself. They may be cliches, but they are cliches for a reason. I think my gf is tired of hearing them lol.
9. At the suggestion of my sponsor, I do not mention the fact that I take klonopin for my severe anxiety disorder on a group level. I don't need to be preached at that I'm not sober or I'm heading for relapse just because I take a prescribed medication responsibly and they couldn't.
10. I have to remind myself regularly that AA is full of really sick people, even those with years of sobriety. I chaired a step meeting a few months back on the 12th step (working with others) and an old-timer raised his hand and ranted about how he no longer helps people because people don't take sobriety seriously. He said that if someone couldn't stay sober, they should just put a gun in their mouth and pull the trigger. This was in a room full of young people and beginners. And I was helpless to stop it. Thankfully, some friends of mine shared in response about how AA is an inclusive environment and that we are there to support instead of admonish. That guy never came back. Thank god.
AA isn't perfect. But it works for me. I don't care why or how. I don't question the methodology or the alleged success or failure rates. I just do what I'm told to do by people I trust who have years of sobriety and live happy, productive, NORMAL lives. I was at a meeting on Monday, and this guy shared who is a pillar in the local AA community. He has 27 year sober, sponsors several men, has a beautiful, supportive wife, well-adjusted children and a successful business. He shared that he was dealing with some personal issues and wanted to punch every single person in the room in the face. But he wasn't going to drink over it. That's the kind of honesty that keeps me coming back to AA. Not the preachy, know-it-all, big-book thumpers. It's the honest people who deal with real problems and still don't drink.
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