Class of August 2013 - Part 12
Recovered from Hopeless State
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
Originally Posted by jdooner 
One of the best experiences of my life. I feel much lighter.
Congrats to all achieving these life changing milestones!!!
Recovered from Hopeless State
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
Originally Posted by Dee74
Congratultions Kadi 
and congrats too you too JD - hope it was as cathartic as it looks
D
and congrats too you too JD - hope it was as cathartic as it looks
D
Thanks gang!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Sorry classmates, I did not intend to overwhelm our class or overshadow Kadidee's 11 month accomplishments.
The process has been one of the most impactful of my life. Venecia, for me the process of journaling my inventory is amazing. I used the Jungian method of recall, which you relax your mind and do not remember all the details or sequential accounts but whatever comes to mind from one event to the next. Its the feelings. So being put in the dunce chair in kindergarten may trigger a memory of my mother emasculating me in front of her friends at a dinner party for example. During this process I had some of the most intense dreams ever.
Then telling another human all of these sordid details is a trust building exercise combined with a different perspective to see the patterns that emerge so that I can understand these patterns and not repeat them. So all of this has been amazing. I tried everything and all the other softer, easier methods did not work for me. This kind of works best when you have tried everything else. Its the most invasive and works well as a last resort.
If anyone in our class ever wants more info, pls PM me at anytime and I am happy to spend time with you via PM or by phone.
The process has been one of the most impactful of my life. Venecia, for me the process of journaling my inventory is amazing. I used the Jungian method of recall, which you relax your mind and do not remember all the details or sequential accounts but whatever comes to mind from one event to the next. Its the feelings. So being put in the dunce chair in kindergarten may trigger a memory of my mother emasculating me in front of her friends at a dinner party for example. During this process I had some of the most intense dreams ever.
Then telling another human all of these sordid details is a trust building exercise combined with a different perspective to see the patterns that emerge so that I can understand these patterns and not repeat them. So all of this has been amazing. I tried everything and all the other softer, easier methods did not work for me. This kind of works best when you have tried everything else. Its the most invasive and works well as a last resort.
If anyone in our class ever wants more info, pls PM me at anytime and I am happy to spend time with you via PM or by phone.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Southern U.S.
Posts: 1,030
Aw, you guys are sweet. Don't need a bunch of congrats over here and there is plenty enough love to go around. Thank you
JD, that sounds absolutely amazing. And liberating. It's as if you just did a detox or deep cleanse of your spiritual landscape to clear out old buildup to let new stuff grow. That must have been extremely intense and exhausting. I can imagine that you must feel a million times lighter.
JD, that sounds absolutely amazing. And liberating. It's as if you just did a detox or deep cleanse of your spiritual landscape to clear out old buildup to let new stuff grow. That must have been extremely intense and exhausting. I can imagine that you must feel a million times lighter.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,252
JD, I have to say I don't think I've ever met a person with as much drive and ambition as you have. I dislike how people throw that word "awesome" around but I have to say you are truly awesome to me. I know how far you have come and what it took for you to get here. You are brave, smart, tenacious, resilient, vulnerable, amazing, and, yes, awesome. When you see a problem you go after it with the jaws of a pitbull. You have helped me so many times by calling me on my bull s***. It hasn't been easy to hear it sometimes but I took it to heart and am the better for it.
I wanted you to know how I feel about you.
I wanted you to know how I feel about you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Hi, all --
Monday, Monday. I had a really nice weekend, starting with a bridal shower for a cousin's daughter on Saturday, followed by time with other cousins yesterday.
When I got home last night, I spent time thinking about just how much time I spend alone. Lots. Lots.
And I don't really have a great solution. I don't have a *ton* of friends and some of the closest ones are far away from here. While I do manage to spend time with people, I realize it's not enough.
A larger issue: I've not received the slightest support from the woman I've considered to be my best friend for more than 25 years. When I first confided my alcoholism to her (not quite three months into sobriety) her response was "well, if you think you've got a problem." And it struck me how little time we've spent together since then. A lunch or brunch here and there ... a couple movies. Not much more than that. She's not invited me to dinner since the night we got together and I told her about my alcoholism. Seven months ago.
My own accountability is that I haven't either extended invites for at night, either. A lot of our social activity included drinking. Most of it included drinking. Dang near all of it included drinking. And I see more than the occasional post on her FB page of her and her husband with others that features drinks.
I've long since grown accustomed to the fact that she and her husband do a lot with other couples. And I'm not part of a couple, which really has an impact on one's social life. I was her main support when her first marriage crumbled, though she had a boyfriend (now the husband) about 30 seconds after husband No. 1 told her he wanted a divorce. But still ...
Not sure what this means. It helps to get it out.
Thanks for reading.
Otherwise, I'm doing fairly well.
Monday, Monday. I had a really nice weekend, starting with a bridal shower for a cousin's daughter on Saturday, followed by time with other cousins yesterday.
When I got home last night, I spent time thinking about just how much time I spend alone. Lots. Lots.
And I don't really have a great solution. I don't have a *ton* of friends and some of the closest ones are far away from here. While I do manage to spend time with people, I realize it's not enough.
A larger issue: I've not received the slightest support from the woman I've considered to be my best friend for more than 25 years. When I first confided my alcoholism to her (not quite three months into sobriety) her response was "well, if you think you've got a problem." And it struck me how little time we've spent together since then. A lunch or brunch here and there ... a couple movies. Not much more than that. She's not invited me to dinner since the night we got together and I told her about my alcoholism. Seven months ago.
My own accountability is that I haven't either extended invites for at night, either. A lot of our social activity included drinking. Most of it included drinking. Dang near all of it included drinking. And I see more than the occasional post on her FB page of her and her husband with others that features drinks.
I've long since grown accustomed to the fact that she and her husband do a lot with other couples. And I'm not part of a couple, which really has an impact on one's social life. I was her main support when her first marriage crumbled, though she had a boyfriend (now the husband) about 30 seconds after husband No. 1 told her he wanted a divorce. But still ...
Not sure what this means. It helps to get it out.
Thanks for reading.
Otherwise, I'm doing fairly well.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Venecia...I found I surrounded myself with people that told me what I wanted to hear. If someone I knew got sober when I was active, I would have been concerned I had a problem and would not hang with them as a result. From the little I know, it sounds like you highlight something in this woman she is unwilling or unable to see in herself. This is often why we abhor vagrants. It's a safety mechanism...I can be like that person because....this also keeps people deep in their own addictions for way to long, sometimes their whole lives.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,474
I found a lot of friends, even those who didn't seem to drink too much, didn't like the new much as much.
Maybe they missed the old dynamic, or they felt uncomfortable in the new one, I not sure.
I seem to have less friends now...but I need less too.
I'm very happy with the friends I have and the life I lead. I think it's authentically me.
It took me a couple of years to work it all out tho Ven. I think you're doing great
D
Maybe they missed the old dynamic, or they felt uncomfortable in the new one, I not sure.
I seem to have less friends now...but I need less too.
I'm very happy with the friends I have and the life I lead. I think it's authentically me.
It took me a couple of years to work it all out tho Ven. I think you're doing great
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
I posted this in another section but wanted to share with our class one of the more amazing experiences of getting sober:
I chaired my mens group last night. Its not the first time I have chaired a meeting or shared my story but was the first time with this group. There are roughly 50 guys in this group and some of the shares can be powerful. There is strength and honesty that I find in this meeting, which is why I like it.
I introduced myself and provided much of my early backstory. Sometimes I get some PTSD when talking but I did not. I was nervous and looking down versus engaging (I would have to consciously look up in the eyes of those I was speaking to). I made a point to remind those in the room that I am not a victim and things happened to me but I am not that experience its a component of who I am. I also made it clear I don't believe some of the trauma I experienced made me an addict but likely contributed to a disease that once activated made my desire to drink and use that much greater.
I then spoke to the spiral down and how bad things got and loosing my mind and not knowing what was up or down towards the end.
My topic was How it Works and I proceeded to share my experience with being 12 stepped, SR, my spiritual experience, my previous sponsor, and the directions I received from my HP to guide me to my step sponsor and my experience working my steps, particularly how I had gotten stuck on #4 and how I moved through it.
After my share you could hear a pin drop in the room. Nobody wanted to raise their hand. I started to feel insecure and then a guy shared and told me it was one of the most powerful shares he had heard. Then another guy shared and came out with his own sex abuse, then another guy who is gay and how he struggled with identity, then another guy who was raped then a guy who paralyzed someone in a drunk driving incident. These guys don't usually share and I felt I helped by going deep into the abyss and shining light on my traumas helped make it easier for them to feel comfortable sharing some of their darkest secrets.
It was an out of the body experience for me, as if I was not the one talking but watching this guy talk about things I was intimately familiar with. I still feel lightened and great about the meeting and at no time did I have concerns over whether I was disclosing too much.
I chaired my mens group last night. Its not the first time I have chaired a meeting or shared my story but was the first time with this group. There are roughly 50 guys in this group and some of the shares can be powerful. There is strength and honesty that I find in this meeting, which is why I like it.
I introduced myself and provided much of my early backstory. Sometimes I get some PTSD when talking but I did not. I was nervous and looking down versus engaging (I would have to consciously look up in the eyes of those I was speaking to). I made a point to remind those in the room that I am not a victim and things happened to me but I am not that experience its a component of who I am. I also made it clear I don't believe some of the trauma I experienced made me an addict but likely contributed to a disease that once activated made my desire to drink and use that much greater.
I then spoke to the spiral down and how bad things got and loosing my mind and not knowing what was up or down towards the end.
My topic was How it Works and I proceeded to share my experience with being 12 stepped, SR, my spiritual experience, my previous sponsor, and the directions I received from my HP to guide me to my step sponsor and my experience working my steps, particularly how I had gotten stuck on #4 and how I moved through it.
After my share you could hear a pin drop in the room. Nobody wanted to raise their hand. I started to feel insecure and then a guy shared and told me it was one of the most powerful shares he had heard. Then another guy shared and came out with his own sex abuse, then another guy who is gay and how he struggled with identity, then another guy who was raped then a guy who paralyzed someone in a drunk driving incident. These guys don't usually share and I felt I helped by going deep into the abyss and shining light on my traumas helped make it easier for them to feel comfortable sharing some of their darkest secrets.
It was an out of the body experience for me, as if I was not the one talking but watching this guy talk about things I was intimately familiar with. I still feel lightened and great about the meeting and at no time did I have concerns over whether I was disclosing too much.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 264
JD, that sounds like a truly wonderful experience. It is completely unfortunate that you have had to experience the things you have, but look at how far you've come!
You would not be where you are if t wasn't for where you came from.
So proud of you.
You would not be where you are if t wasn't for where you came from.
So proud of you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 728
Had friends over this eve. For happy hour! Truly amazing to be the only one not drinking and feel ok about it! Think the group seems a little quiet without the old me, life of the party!! (In my own mind) maybe they are relieved not to watch me perform my act!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,252
Oceanlady, I used to do that old life of the party thing, too. Sometimes I miss that old liveliness. But I'm learning to be at home with being quieter and more restrained. Is that serenity? I think maybe it is. I hope life holds some joy for me again. But for now peace is enough. I'm letting go of some long held dreams and turning away from the past and seeing I do have a future. My life holds some hard truths which I am coming to terms with. Finally.
Do you have joy in your life?
Do you have joy in your life?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Way to go OL...if you had the power to hear the thoughts of your friends, if they are true friends, I doubt they miss the old you. There is an authenticity that when we achieve it can transcend even the most comedic antics. I find this to be powerful and can truly engage my guests vs. having to make jokes to get a cheap laugh. Of course I will have to sacrifice the drinking buddies but they were to real anyhow.
We had this one couple over two years ago. The night started out well with a vodka martini with my olives stuffed with blue cheese. Appetizers were good but the more martinis the worse my timing got. The main course was good to most standards but sub par for my ability and I was pissed. I then turned on the patin music and lit the fire pit to show off and also to drink a little more aggressively outside. When we returned to the main house, I had polished off the vodka so I asked my wife to go down to the wine cellar and grab a bottle. I guess our guests wanted to open the wine they brought over as a gift. I was unaware and when I took a sip, I said to my wife, "why did you open this **** wine?" Everyone was looking at me in horror and I proceeded to lambaste my wife about what crap grape juice this was that we were drinking. My wife explained that our guests had brought this over. They proceeded to leave and I chalked it up as them not being worthy of my company.
Wonder if they really miss the old me?
We had this one couple over two years ago. The night started out well with a vodka martini with my olives stuffed with blue cheese. Appetizers were good but the more martinis the worse my timing got. The main course was good to most standards but sub par for my ability and I was pissed. I then turned on the patin music and lit the fire pit to show off and also to drink a little more aggressively outside. When we returned to the main house, I had polished off the vodka so I asked my wife to go down to the wine cellar and grab a bottle. I guess our guests wanted to open the wine they brought over as a gift. I was unaware and when I took a sip, I said to my wife, "why did you open this **** wine?" Everyone was looking at me in horror and I proceeded to lambaste my wife about what crap grape juice this was that we were drinking. My wife explained that our guests had brought this over. They proceeded to leave and I chalked it up as them not being worthy of my company.
Wonder if they really miss the old me?
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