Class of April 2014 Part 9
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
Yes and no free. I know I am not going to drink or do anything else. But my mind is a mess right now, a fairly new problem that I blame myself for but I am having no luck trying to fix it.
Thanks tough.
Thanks tough.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: IL
Posts: 313
ST and Soli, I love the Misfits as well!!!!! "Saturday Night" and "Where Eagles Dare" are my two faves...the best of each singer, IMO haha 
And I also dig Millencolin...I got real into the punk scene in middle and high school...LOVE The Dwarves, Bouncing Souls, NOFX, Choking Victim, etc. But I have a ton of variety in my repertoire lol. A little bit random even. For example, I also love Hanson and have seen them four times live. I'm obsessed with the Beatles and even have a Fab Four tattoo (silhouette of them from the cover of the Help! album) Love classical music, as I play violin. And really big into indie and folk, too. Then again, I have a big part of me that loves hip-hop and EDM. So basically everything? Which is funny, because event though I love a lot of everything, I also have been called a music snob by many people! Make what you will of that...
Rocks, sorry you're having a tough go of it...hang in there and keep checking in on this thread, we got your back!
Seems there has been a lot of posting here over the past day or so! I was just online last night and already I'm behind several pages haha...my apologies to any entries I missed, I started reading and than saw how behind I was so I decided I'd post first and catch up more thoroughly after
I wanted to get on here to spew some thoughts on a couple of different things. First, because the last week or so has been odd in that I keep having dreams that I'm drinking or smoking weed again (mostly smoking, since that was my DOC). Like, three nights in a row and then a few more times here and there. It's just strange how the mind works sometimes with that...most of the time when I'm awake and going about my day, I don't feel like I have any cravings. And when I do, I'm pretty good at letting them pass quickly...I take a shower, do dishes, read a bit, or post on this thread. It's just weird (though I guess I shouldn't be TOO surprised) that these dreams keep happening so consistently all of the sudden. I will say, though, that every time, when I use in my dream, I get REALLY upset because I think about how not only did I let myself down, but I let you guys down and the group over at the 24 hour club. So you guys are even on my mind when I'm sleeping!!!!!!
My husband said, maybe I'm having those kinds of dreams because in a way it's helping me from using in real life! Not sure if that's a good or bad thing, but hey, I know that I feel a MASSIVE weight lifted off my shoulders when I wake up and realize I still have almost two months clean and sober!
Second thing...I was REAL BUMMED over the weekend, because, it had been a month since I had that phone interview I kept talking about for that tech writer position. I contacted the recruited about two weeks ago, and he told me he hadn't gotten feedback from the hiring manager yet and would contact me soon, apologized for my wait, etc...so I still remained optimistic. I was really hoping I got the job since it would make good use of my newly acquired English degree, it was close to home, paid well, and seemed really cool.
Well....I STILL hadn't heard anything and like I said, it had been four weeks since my initial phone interview. I decided to go onto the company website, because they always have a list of their current open positions. Well, low and behold the tech writer position is no longer open. I started crying and complaining about how hard it is to get a job in the field I just worked so hard earning a degree for. I initially wanted to teach, but decided partway through that it wasn't for me...at this point, I beat myself up a bit because now I can't look for a teaching job even if I wanted to. The requirements in my state are such that I'd need to pay for a bunch of certification tests and student teach to even be considered despite having an English degree. I have a sub certificate, but can't use that until after the summer and not sure if I even want to do that. I've applied at SO MANY PLACES and this tech writer spot is the only thing I got called back for. So needless to say I was discouraged. But then I realized that I can't think of it as a woe is me, life is unfair type of deal...out of all the people who graduated with me in my program, everyone has had a really tough time finding work...even the ones WITH teaching certificates! This one girl I know works in a school already as a tutor, and can't get a teaching position because every time a spot opens up, she's one of roughly 400 applicants.
So today I applied for a management position in retail. A friend of mine helps out with recruitment and suggested I apply because they need good people and I have almost ten years retail experience. At first I was like, F THAT....I got on my high horse and felt like it'd be a waste to go back into retail when I went back to school for "something better." But I have to put things in perspective...I was always really good at retail, like working in that environment, and despite all the pain in the rear aspects, it does pay really well, especially if I were to get a management spot. This opportunity basically fell from the sky, as my friend contacted me right when I was getting really discouraged, and even though I waited until after this tech writer spot fell through to actually apply, she told me they're still needing people ASAP. And you know what? There are bills to pay. I'm sick and tired of being home, unemployed, and feeling useless. I'm sick of WORRYING day in and day out about money, how we will pay bills, how I need clothes or things for the house, how we never get to go on vacations...the list can go on and on. Yes, I was burnt out from my old job....but I worked in the same exact store for ten years. I sometimes regret quitting my old job if I'm just going to end up back in retail anyways...but I don't think I can ever regret it. It was what I needed to do at the time, and I think no matter what, I need a change of location. I was absolutely burnt out from the same managers, same building, same everything. So another job opportunity for me, and I can only be thankful for it. No more moping around and crying, feeling sorry for myself.
That's it lol I'm tired from typing and have a book to finish! Plus gotta catch up on everyone's entries!!!!
Love you guys, xoxo
And I also dig Millencolin...I got real into the punk scene in middle and high school...LOVE The Dwarves, Bouncing Souls, NOFX, Choking Victim, etc. But I have a ton of variety in my repertoire lol. A little bit random even. For example, I also love Hanson and have seen them four times live. I'm obsessed with the Beatles and even have a Fab Four tattoo (silhouette of them from the cover of the Help! album) Love classical music, as I play violin. And really big into indie and folk, too. Then again, I have a big part of me that loves hip-hop and EDM. So basically everything? Which is funny, because event though I love a lot of everything, I also have been called a music snob by many people! Make what you will of that...Rocks, sorry you're having a tough go of it...hang in there and keep checking in on this thread, we got your back!
Seems there has been a lot of posting here over the past day or so! I was just online last night and already I'm behind several pages haha...my apologies to any entries I missed, I started reading and than saw how behind I was so I decided I'd post first and catch up more thoroughly after
I wanted to get on here to spew some thoughts on a couple of different things. First, because the last week or so has been odd in that I keep having dreams that I'm drinking or smoking weed again (mostly smoking, since that was my DOC). Like, three nights in a row and then a few more times here and there. It's just strange how the mind works sometimes with that...most of the time when I'm awake and going about my day, I don't feel like I have any cravings. And when I do, I'm pretty good at letting them pass quickly...I take a shower, do dishes, read a bit, or post on this thread. It's just weird (though I guess I shouldn't be TOO surprised) that these dreams keep happening so consistently all of the sudden. I will say, though, that every time, when I use in my dream, I get REALLY upset because I think about how not only did I let myself down, but I let you guys down and the group over at the 24 hour club. So you guys are even on my mind when I'm sleeping!!!!!!
My husband said, maybe I'm having those kinds of dreams because in a way it's helping me from using in real life! Not sure if that's a good or bad thing, but hey, I know that I feel a MASSIVE weight lifted off my shoulders when I wake up and realize I still have almost two months clean and sober!
Second thing...I was REAL BUMMED over the weekend, because, it had been a month since I had that phone interview I kept talking about for that tech writer position. I contacted the recruited about two weeks ago, and he told me he hadn't gotten feedback from the hiring manager yet and would contact me soon, apologized for my wait, etc...so I still remained optimistic. I was really hoping I got the job since it would make good use of my newly acquired English degree, it was close to home, paid well, and seemed really cool.
Well....I STILL hadn't heard anything and like I said, it had been four weeks since my initial phone interview. I decided to go onto the company website, because they always have a list of their current open positions. Well, low and behold the tech writer position is no longer open. I started crying and complaining about how hard it is to get a job in the field I just worked so hard earning a degree for. I initially wanted to teach, but decided partway through that it wasn't for me...at this point, I beat myself up a bit because now I can't look for a teaching job even if I wanted to. The requirements in my state are such that I'd need to pay for a bunch of certification tests and student teach to even be considered despite having an English degree. I have a sub certificate, but can't use that until after the summer and not sure if I even want to do that. I've applied at SO MANY PLACES and this tech writer spot is the only thing I got called back for. So needless to say I was discouraged. But then I realized that I can't think of it as a woe is me, life is unfair type of deal...out of all the people who graduated with me in my program, everyone has had a really tough time finding work...even the ones WITH teaching certificates! This one girl I know works in a school already as a tutor, and can't get a teaching position because every time a spot opens up, she's one of roughly 400 applicants.
So today I applied for a management position in retail. A friend of mine helps out with recruitment and suggested I apply because they need good people and I have almost ten years retail experience. At first I was like, F THAT....I got on my high horse and felt like it'd be a waste to go back into retail when I went back to school for "something better." But I have to put things in perspective...I was always really good at retail, like working in that environment, and despite all the pain in the rear aspects, it does pay really well, especially if I were to get a management spot. This opportunity basically fell from the sky, as my friend contacted me right when I was getting really discouraged, and even though I waited until after this tech writer spot fell through to actually apply, she told me they're still needing people ASAP. And you know what? There are bills to pay. I'm sick and tired of being home, unemployed, and feeling useless. I'm sick of WORRYING day in and day out about money, how we will pay bills, how I need clothes or things for the house, how we never get to go on vacations...the list can go on and on. Yes, I was burnt out from my old job....but I worked in the same exact store for ten years. I sometimes regret quitting my old job if I'm just going to end up back in retail anyways...but I don't think I can ever regret it. It was what I needed to do at the time, and I think no matter what, I need a change of location. I was absolutely burnt out from the same managers, same building, same everything. So another job opportunity for me, and I can only be thankful for it. No more moping around and crying, feeling sorry for myself.
That's it lol I'm tired from typing and have a book to finish! Plus gotta catch up on everyone's entries!!!!
Love you guys, xoxo
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
Originally Posted by overwhelmd 
I have a bunch of stronger valium left over from when I first started tapering off benzos and stopped drinking. I spoke to the pharmacy last Thursday and they told me to take the pills back to them for safe disposal and not to throw them in the trash or flush them or they will end up in the ground water.
I remember I used to hear the commercials on the radio and thinking to myself "sure I will dispose of your medication for you." How low can one sink?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 801
Originally Posted by overwhelmd
Woosah! I used to love planting flowers with my boys when they were little. I would also buy glitter and bits of ribbon and at dusk, I would sprinkle them on the plants and bring the kids outside to show them the "garden fairies". Some of my very best memories. Thanks Kat
Woosah! (Love it, kat!)
Mariah- so good to hear from you! Please stick around- we need our sweet Mariah!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,804
MrsB, thanks for the update. I was once told that it's much easier to find the job you want when you already have a job, I think this is true, so perhaps getting back in to retail will just be a stepping stone to eventually landing your true vocation.
Hope you get some good news soon.
I'm off to bed now.
UP, if you bring out the BBQ again tonight, could you wake me up! (bean burgers are packed ready to bring over).
See you all tomorrow.
Hope you get some good news soon.
I'm off to bed now.
UP, if you bring out the BBQ again tonight, could you wake me up! (bean burgers are packed ready to bring over).
See you all tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: AZ
Posts: 140
Originally Posted by ScrewdUpInDe
Yea, Delaware has a program twice a year pushing people to bring in old medicine for safe disposal. I imagine you could turn in the medication year round though.
I remember I used to hear the commercials on the radio and thinking to myself "sure I will dispose of your medication for you." How low can one sink?
I remember I used to hear the commercials on the radio and thinking to myself "sure I will dispose of your medication for you." How low can one sink?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
Freein - We had black bean burgers for the first time this weekend. Tasty. Then hubby put them in a scrambled egg and cheese wrap for breakfast with some salsa. Also yummy!
UP - I'm sure you're not the only one who doesn't play an instrument. Can you sing? I canNOT carry a tune. Nor can I paint or draw.
I started that 21 day fix program today. I'm certain I won't be able to walk right tomorrow morning. Total body cardio fix. Tomorrow's is upper fix. Sigh. Can't say I'm not trying!
ChickChick, check in! Miss you!
UP - I'm sure you're not the only one who doesn't play an instrument. Can you sing? I canNOT carry a tune. Nor can I paint or draw.
I started that 21 day fix program today. I'm certain I won't be able to walk right tomorrow morning. Total body cardio fix. Tomorrow's is upper fix. Sigh. Can't say I'm not trying!
ChickChick, check in! Miss you!
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,470
Welcome back Mariah - hope to hear from you soon
Sorry about the good job MrsBee - see what happens with this other one, I guess. Money can't hurt
About dreams - I'm not a Freudian kinda guy - I did a lot of weed and booze - I think it's natural you dream of that stuff for a while. I still sometimes dream I'm back in high school but I have desire to revisit that LOL.
Up whatever it is I hope you can work it out. Don't forget there's any number of folks here to talk to, either on the boards or by PM
D
Sorry about the good job MrsBee - see what happens with this other one, I guess. Money can't hurt
About dreams - I'm not a Freudian kinda guy - I did a lot of weed and booze - I think it's natural you dream of that stuff for a while. I still sometimes dream I'm back in high school but I have desire to revisit that LOL.
Up whatever it is I hope you can work it out. Don't forget there's any number of folks here to talk to, either on the boards or by PM
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Originally Posted by Dee74
Welcome back Mariah - hope to hear from you soon Sorry about the good job MrsBee - see what happens with this other one, I guess. Money can't hurt About dreams - I'm not a Freudian kinda guy - I did a lot of weed and booze - I think it's natural you dream of that stuff for a while. I still sometimes dream I'm back in high school but I have desire to revisit that LOL. Up whatever it is I hope you can work it out. Don't forget there's any number of folks here to talk to, either on the boards or by PM D
Sorry about the good job MrsBee - see what happens with this other one, I guess. Money can't hurt About dreams - I'm not a Freudian kinda guy - I did a lot of weed and booze - I think it's natural you dream of that stuff for a while. I still sometimes dream I'm back in high school but I have desire to revisit that LOL. Up whatever it is I hope you can work it out. Don't forget there's any number of folks here to talk to, either on the boards or by PM D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Originally Posted by Applekat
Good job checking in here instead, ST! Vent away if you need to.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
I really wanna read a section of a book badly and I can't focus at all, I walked in a preserve all day yesterday and my legs are tired and I'm tired from work, I don't wanna do any outdoor activities right now, all I can think about is being angry and getting beer, I'm trying to focus on other stuff and it makes me more frustrated when I can't
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: IL
Posts: 313
Well, I only applied for this retail job a few hours ago and already got called for an interview! So I go in tomorrow at 3 I'm actually suddenly really excited!!!! I miss working, and the store is a home decor and furniture store...as a first-time homeowner, I will probably spend half of my income there!!!
Time to pray and prepare!!!
I'm actually suddenly really excited!!!! I miss working, and the store is a home decor and furniture store...as a first-time homeowner, I will probably spend half of my income there!!!Time to pray and prepare!!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Originally Posted by Dee74
what do you think you need to do to break this angry sad depressed cycle ST? D
I have no idea dee, a whole done of different things essentially could help, but I guess I have seen this happen to other people in recovery too, like the initial excitement/novelty of getting sober has worn off, I need to make myself enjoy more. Like my days are work, be sober, work, be sober, work, be sober, and then I have my day off which is usually do enjoy. Like forget the larger picture and everything else that's going on with my family and life and such, yea that's bothering me, but not on this level. Im still not letting myself enjoy being sober for some reason, I donno it's really like the "drunk and happy, or sober and miserable" kind of thing I guess but not that straight forward and liner. I'm just being a bummer I guess. I'm never this down for this long otherwise. Everyone is telling me that by two months it really Shouldent still feel this devastatingly sad and blah with being sober, and I tend to agree. I donno I guess I'll figure it out eventually, change does need to happen tho cause this work/sober schedule is absolutely working, but like blan and just depressing in itself. Work bummed me out for just bs reasons too and my expensive ticket didn't help either.
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