Notices

Class of April 2014 Part 9

Old 05-27-2014, 04:36 AM
  # 321 (permalink)  
Member
 
SolitaryThinker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Freein it's funny you use the best friend analogy. So so so many times my friends tell me I'm an awesome listener and give great advice, and 9 times out of 10 they end up telling me something back i said myself and saying "hey remember when you told me this!"
Even after that it still goes nowhere usually lol, but it's ever so true, I wish I could put myself in that 3rd person person perspective.
SolitaryThinker is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 04:38 AM
  # 322 (permalink)  
Member
 
Applekat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
Day 10 consecutive days. Happy for double digits again.

Please don't hate yourself. Any of you. I actually basically teach my kids that "hate" is a dirty word. Essentially. I think it's such a strong word and emotion. I think you can dislike something and wish it was different. I don't know. I hope there's something you can do to change that eventually!

I'm so proud of us.

Keep on keepin' on.
Applekat is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 05:26 AM
  # 323 (permalink)  
Member
 
Applekat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
My Memorial Day weekend plans totally worked out. Kept checking in here even if I wasn't posting. I had something planned each morning bright and early. Root beer instead of beer. Fresca on the rocks instead of white wine. I had a great, sunny weekend.

But thankfully not every weekend is that intense! It's a lot of energy this early on and we can only hope it becomes second nature as time passes.

Back to a 'normal' week, which for me is just home solo with a 2 and 4 year old, from 5:30 AM wake-up (ugh!) to 7/8 o'clock bedtimes. Yawn! I've got to rebuild my Pinterest board of summer activities for little ones. And hope that the predicted rain doesn't stay all day.
Applekat is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 05:50 AM
  # 324 (permalink)  
Member
 
SolitaryThinker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Originally Posted by Soliloquy View Post
I met Jerry a couple of times. Didn't get to hang out with him but I got some good pics. They're really cool to their fans. I love Michael Graves voice. Famous Monsters is one of my favorite albums. They're all good but I prefer post Danzig Misfits.
i like the famous monsters track "them" haha it's redic the premise of the song in general
SolitaryThinker is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 06:03 AM
  # 325 (permalink)  
Member
 
SolitaryThinker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Originally Posted by Applekat View Post
Day 10 consecutive days. Happy for double digits again. Please don't hate yourself. Any of you. I actually basically teach my kids that "hate" is a dirty word. Essentially. I think it's such a strong word and emotion. I think you can dislike something and wish it was different. I don't know. I hope there's something you can do to change that eventually! I'm so proud of us. Keep on keepin' on.
yea it is a pretty strong word, it's just so easy to say too....I mean I grew up from like 12/13 till now going to death/heavy metal shows where hate it pretty much the main theme of the music...I donno I guess after a while it oddly feels good to sling that word out...I know I don't really hate myself cause if I did I wouldent like maintain as I have been, but it's the way I view myself...I actually like what I see in a physical sense when I look in the mirror it's not like that, it's just how I am as a person and interact with everyone else that I can't fing take at all...some days it's not so bad, but some days I'm really down on myself and hate is the only word I can bring up...I wasted so much time and opportunities with what I did, and I know I'm young, but compared to people I know my age, I feel like a complaining old man, and nobody gets it so I stopped complaining...I made the mistakes and I'm paying for them now, but for me personally, If I don't work these two crappy jobs and pay for the few things I have, I really don't have much other then a wonderful girl in my life (thank god) but I have no room in my life for any fun or good times, very little, and I know people say life isn't about money, but I won't have any if I don't do what I gotta do...gas alone to get somewhere to do something is crazy here in NY, I wish I had room for more or more days in the week but I don't, my days are staying sober and staying like not sleeping in my car, so it's pretty dismal sometimes....I do have fun at times but I just wake up every morning like ungh, this crap again...every damn day
SolitaryThinker is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 06:29 AM
  # 326 (permalink)  
Member
 
rockstonic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 361
I'm having a really hard time this morning. This is the day last week that I felt like this and ran and got alcohol and spent the whole day stressed and drunk at school. I couldn't eat dinner last night because I was freaking out about all the make up work I've been doing. I couldn't sleep last night because I was having nightmares about assignments that I don't actually have. I had to wake up early anyway to do an assignment anyway, so I've gotten no sleep. I've been dry heaving all morning and it feels like my heart is pounding. In a half hour I have to drive an hour + through rush hour traffic to get to school where I'll be for 12 hours before I see home again. And then I have an exam tomorrow that I'm totally unprepared for.

I'm not sure I can do this.
rockstonic is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 06:40 AM
  # 327 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 684
Rocks, I'm sorry you feel this way, it sounds dreadful. Maybe instead of thinking about the whole day just think about where you are now. Take today one step at a time, and don't even think about the next step until you get to it. Try to just "be here now", if you can.
You're already off to a better start than last week. You can get through today, I have so much confidence in you.
Adnamaeel is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 06:46 AM
  # 328 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 272
Hey all-

Coming back from about a week out. Last weekend I had one drink at a celebration. This weekend I was intoxicated four days in a row. That's enough of that.

On the bright side, I made it longer than I have in ages, and am coming back after only a week out. On the bad side, I managed to create a lot of embarrassment for myself in a short period of time.

I had a month and I thought I was strong enough to go to a party. Lesson learned. I probably wouldn't have drank this weekend had I not been thrown off by that one previous drink.

I'm sorry I left but I'm happy to be back.
DancingDiva is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 07:11 AM
  # 329 (permalink)  
Member
 
SolitaryThinker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Welcome back diva <3 I can def relate, I didn't drink but the temptation this weekend was very real. I'm glad your back and hopefully can make it longer next time!

Sorry rocks I know that anxiety all too well, I dropped out of college twice, I know it's really crazy feeling but I think taking the "one thing at a time" approach is the best way. The school is clearly giving you intense anxiety, I know it's not the best answer but classes can be retaken, I'm even concidering going back now the more and more I talk to people on here. If it's too much it's too much you know? Hang in there and try to eat something and drink some fluids.
SolitaryThinker is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 07:11 AM
  # 330 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Glad you're back Diva,....


...and so soon ,

Good Move ,

like really , really GOOD MOVE !!!


Rocks , hang in there , Adna's idea's are good ones , ... push through a little at a time , .....

I have confidence in you also.


Good morning everyone !
topspin is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 07:23 AM
  # 331 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 684
I missed you, Diva, and I'm glad you're back.
Adnamaeel is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 07:31 AM
  # 332 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 684
Originally Posted by freein14 View Post
Please, please today if a thought creeps in to anyone's head that they are anything less than the beautiful self that they actually are, please banish that malicious thought and replace it with something loving, something you'd say to your best friend.
Thanks for this Freein. I love your perspective. We would all benefit from being a lot more self affirming.
And just so you know, I'll take a bean burger over a sausage any day.
Adnamaeel is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 07:33 AM
  # 333 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Eat Coast USA
Posts: 84
Originally Posted by Applekat View Post
Day 10 consecutive days. Happy for double digits again.

Please don't hate yourself. Any of you. I actually basically teach my kids that "hate" is a dirty word. Essentially. I think it's such a strong word and emotion. I think you can dislike something and wish it was different. I don't know. I hope there's something you can do to change that eventually!

I'm so proud of us.

Keep on keepin' on.
Kat - My grandfather always said that to us when we were growing up - Never hate! You can dislike something but not Hate it. That has stuck with me all these years.
greenturtle is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 07:48 AM
  # 334 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Eat Coast USA
Posts: 84
Hi all - Just checking in after my weekend away with my family. We had a great time at the beach and even though I had a few stray AV thoughts I pushed them away fairly easily and enjoyed myself. We went to a cookout yesterday after we arrived home and I was happily surprised that no alcohol was offered. These are new friends and it was nice to know I wouldn't be offered alcohol. Tomorrow will be 30 days for me. It's been forever since I've strung that many days together so I kind of can't believe it
greenturtle is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 07:49 AM
  # 335 (permalink)  
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
Morning Fools.

Debate is strong for the mind, yet the mind must be open or the debate informs no one.
Love is strong for the heart, yet without an open heart we do not feel all that it is capable of.
The pursuit of wisdom and love is a quest for all to embrace.
The love of wisdom does not bring you wisdom for love.

Enjoy all that you find in your life and search out that which brings you love and knowledge, the love for knowledge, and the knowledge of love.

Have a great day!!
Upward2Enlightenment is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 07:51 AM
  # 336 (permalink)  
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
I was going to ask how the beach was, you didn't eat it all up did you?
I avoid it on holidays usually even though I sometimes go on 4th of July.
Upward2Enlightenment is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 07:59 AM
  # 337 (permalink)  
Member
 
Soliloquy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Too far up North
Posts: 284
FREEIN your post was incredibly insightful and I'm going to try and use the angle of seeing myself through the eyes of the creator. I struggle with faith and I'm not sure what I believe but I am spiritual to the extent that I pray daily and believe in a higher power. Just not sure what exactly God is, but the "God is love" thing sounds about right. So I guess God probably wants us to love ourselves.

I do believe that part of why we were put here is to learn. And I somewhat believe that each of us have different struggles based on what we need to experience to enlighten our souls. This is how I cope with the "why does this have to happen to me?" or "this is so unfair" feelings. War is awful. And on memorial day particularly, I was struggling with faith. What kind of world is this? What kind of God lets these things happen? And my mom fighting for her life seems like a cruel joke. But somehow there is some grand design. I don't know, maybe bad things are the devil's work. I'm not sure I believe that. Like I said I don't know what I believe but I wish I believed more and knew more so that I could have more faith. I envy the devout Christians, Catholics, Buddhists etc. who find such solace in their religion. Well I do pray and give thanks and I ask for help and forgiveness. I follow my conscience and do what I believe in my heart is right. I know it's not in vain.


SOLITARY Yes, I love Volbeat! I don't own any of their music yet but I listen to the Volbeat Pandora station a lot. I also like Millencolin, from Sweden. They're more punk rock, rather than metal. Worth checking out if you've never heard them. Metallica's acoustic cover of Last Caress is awesome! It makes me laugh for some reason. So does Lemonheads "Skulls" cover. Saturday Night is probably my favorite song from Famous Monsters. How it sounds like some 50's love song but it's gruesome.

APPLEKAT I also tell my kids not to use the word "hate". A while back, my husband used it in a sentence when we were in the car and my daughter yelled "Bad word!" from the backseat. I feel too that it's such a strong word and shouldn't be used lightly, especially by children who hopefully haven't really had much experience with the emotion.

This morning I woke up from a nightmare that my husband had cheated on me and was in love with someone else. I was trying to scream and cry out loud but with all of my mite I could only force out a meek, high pitch, weak, pathetic sound. My self loathing and feelings of inadequacy have crept too deep inside. Waking up from that was a bit of a wake up call. I just have this mentality that beating myself up will motivate me but I think I've been taking it too far.
Soliloquy is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 08:07 AM
  # 338 (permalink)  
Member
 
SolitaryThinker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Originally Posted by Soliloquy View Post
FREEIN your post was incredibly insightful and I'm going to try and use the angle of seeing myself through the eyes of the creator. I struggle with faith and I'm not sure what I believe but I am spiritual to the extent that I pray daily and believe in a higher power. Just not sure what exactly God is, but the "God is love" thing sounds about right. So I guess God probably wants us to love ourselves. I do believe that part of why we were put here is to learn. And I somewhat believe that each of us have different struggles based on what we need to experience to enlighten our souls. This is how I cope with the "why does this have to happen to me?" or "this is so unfair" feelings. War is awful. And on memorial day particularly, I was struggling with faith. What kind of world is this? What kind of God lets these things happen? And my mom fighting for her life seems like a cruel joke. But somehow there is some grand design. I don't know, maybe bad things are the devil's work. I'm not sure I believe that. Like I said I don't know what I believe but I wish I believed more and knew more so that I could have more faith. I envy the devout Christians, Catholics, Buddhists etc. who find such solace in their religion. Well I do pray and give thanks and I ask for help and forgiveness. I follow my conscience and do what I believe in my heart is right. I know it's not in vain. SOLITARY Yes, I love Volbeat! I don't own any of their music yet but I listen to the Volbeat Pandora station a lot. I also like Millencolin, from Sweden. They're more punk rock, rather than metal. Worth checking out if you've never heard them. Metallica's acoustic cover of Last Caress is awesome! It makes me laugh for some reason. So does Lemonheads "Skulls" cover. Saturday Night is probably my favorite song from Famous Monsters. How it sounds like some 50's love song but it's gruesome. APPLEKAT I also tell my kids not to use the word "hate". A while back, my husband used it in a sentence when we were in the car and my daughter yelled "Bad word!" from the backseat. I feel too that it's such a strong word and shouldn't be used lightly, especially by children who hopefully haven't really had much experience with the emotion. This morning I woke up from a nightmare that my husband had cheated on me and was in love with someone else. I was trying to scream and cry out loud but with all of my mite I could only force out a meek, high pitch, weak, pathetic sound. My self loathing and feelings of inadequacy have crept too deep inside. Waking up from that was a bit of a wake up call. I just have this mentality that beating myself up will motivate me but I think I've been taking it too far.
hell yea I love Saturday night! I could email ya some volbeat if you like pandora does a great job tho
I also agree with your feelings on faith, and I do feel it's part of my life, but I'm much further on the not practicing side then going with it. I really wish I could see the better in things, just another miserable day of work for me lol, and just got a parking ticket for 75$ lol

image-2116478345.jpg

With cigarettes at 14$ a pack and 75$ parking tickets, i may have to leave NY all together, I can't keep up with this!
SolitaryThinker is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 08:07 AM
  # 339 (permalink)  
Member
 
SolitaryThinker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Long Beach, NY
Posts: 2,317
Originally Posted by ScrewdUpInDe View Post
Morning Fools. Debate is strong for the mind, yet the mind must be open or the debate informs no one. Love is strong for the heart, yet without an open heart we do not feel all that it is capable of. The pursuit of wisdom and love is a quest for all to embrace. The love of wisdom does not bring you wisdom for love. Enjoy all that you find in your life and search out that which brings you love and knowledge, the love for knowledge, and the knowledge of love. Have a great day!!
this is cool I like it
SolitaryThinker is offline  
Old 05-27-2014, 08:08 AM
  # 340 (permalink)  
Member
 
Soliloquy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Too far up North
Posts: 284
ROCKS just try and breathe and think "in the moment". I felt like I was having panic attacks last night too. You can do this.

DANCING DIVA You're not alone. I was lucky enough not to do anything embarrassing but I did screw up a lot in about a week period. It sucks because I didn't even make it to a month, but like APPLEKAT said..the time that we did accumulate before slipping up does amount to something. We've just gotta keep on keepin on and don't let weeks like that lead into more weeks like that. Sometimes one day of drinking can be like opening Pandora's box. We just have to put a lid on it as soon as possible if that happens again.
Soliloquy is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:36 PM.