Class Of February 2014 Part 8
01-14-2019
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,217
I think addiction sucks. I think and have known what Dee said to be true. I've been only doing the right things, so I have an out. I have sacrificed sleep mostly to do IOP. I've gone to AA, with pride hurting. I'm not sure I've really worked it. I got sick last night. Hubs came home and drank with me. I have AA numbers but I'll never call, too embarrassed.
I know deep down I want to be sober. I have crazy thoughts about being born in a dry country or too poor to have this peoblem, how other people struggle for food and clean water.
We dumped the vodka. Back feeling better, crap, now I know he won't graduate me from IOP.
I know deep down I want to be sober. I have crazy thoughts about being born in a dry country or too poor to have this peoblem, how other people struggle for food and clean water.
We dumped the vodka. Back feeling better, crap, now I know he won't graduate me from IOP.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,462
Hi February group
Sorry I haven't posted, but I'm sure you can imagine why. I wasn't drinking every single night, I did have some efforts of sobriety in there, but never more than a week. So hard to come back after a slip, so Torn, I am so proud of you.
Today is only my day 2 but I went to an addiction counselor yesterday. Just basic stuff yesterday, but I really like her and feel comfortable. My first session is Tuesday. I have known that I really need an extra level of support and obviously I needed to reach out to get it, so I finally did. She wants me to also go to one AA meeting a week, which I will also do, even though that part is tough for me.
Torn, just pick yourself up and hop back on. Like you, there are certain situations and emotions that seem to just lead me right to drinking. I think the more we realize that drinking doesn't help any of it but only makes it worse ultimately, the more ammunition we will have to fight those kneejerk reactions to drink. Maybe? I am certainly no expert, but fighting this battle right along with you and learning from each other.
Of course, at this point I feel very determined, but I know that once I string a few days under my belt, the AV will be screaming at me.
Good to be back and check in on everyone. You are all amazing
Sorry I haven't posted, but I'm sure you can imagine why. I wasn't drinking every single night, I did have some efforts of sobriety in there, but never more than a week. So hard to come back after a slip, so Torn, I am so proud of you.
Today is only my day 2 but I went to an addiction counselor yesterday. Just basic stuff yesterday, but I really like her and feel comfortable. My first session is Tuesday. I have known that I really need an extra level of support and obviously I needed to reach out to get it, so I finally did. She wants me to also go to one AA meeting a week, which I will also do, even though that part is tough for me.
Torn, just pick yourself up and hop back on. Like you, there are certain situations and emotions that seem to just lead me right to drinking. I think the more we realize that drinking doesn't help any of it but only makes it worse ultimately, the more ammunition we will have to fight those kneejerk reactions to drink. Maybe? I am certainly no expert, but fighting this battle right along with you and learning from each other.
Of course, at this point I feel very determined, but I know that once I string a few days under my belt, the AV will be screaming at me.
Good to be back and check in on everyone. You are all amazing
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 808
Torn I was sorry to hear you slipped but glad you're back. That takes strength and courage, get back on track and learn from the slip, it's all good progress as long as you keep moving it forward. I can really relate to your post because I know that feeling of one thing after another going wrong until the negativity is just cascading and the relapse feels inevitable. Hope you're feeling better soon
Recover and get through it, one day you will look back and be proud of yourself.
Rooting for you.
Recover and get through it, one day you will look back and be proud of yourself.
Rooting for you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 346
May I suggest everyone make a post today? Let's pull together. Many of us are struggling, dare I say it? We all have struggles on one level or another.
My struggle today? I just don't feel like facing life. But I will. I will have to be around people. That's what I have to do in these days.
My struggle today? I just don't feel like facing life. But I will. I will have to be around people. That's what I have to do in these days.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,047
Nice post, Diggingin. When I'm having bad times, adding more SR helps. I'm subscribed to like 8 threads and I post to many of them daily.
Tornrealization, as for calling AA numbers, I understand about the embarrassment. But I know two things to be true: Every person who's given me their number has been in the same boat of needing someone to call, and struggling against their pride. Also, when you call someone who gave you their number, you may be doing a lot for them. They may be sitting alone, craving a drink, building resentments, and stewing in their thoughts -- until you call, and give them someone they can help.
I'm trying to reach out by calling, PM, or face-to-face with one alcoholic every day, plus my former sponsor. Just as a piece of general info, since you all don't know me real well, I attend AA meetings (sometimes daily, usually less often) and get a lot of support there, but I'm not full-on in the program.
Funny little story -- when I first had like 20 days, I took someone's number who said "You can call me and we don't even have to talk, it'll be like practice for calling." I thought about it and thought about it, and finally dialed the phone. She didn't remember me, she didn't remember telling me to call for practice, she actually sounded pretty smashed, and I've never seen her again! Yet, it did kind of break one layer of my own personal ice.
Forabetterlife, I'm glad you have an addiction counselor. Focus on getting through today, and let us know how that AA meeting goes.
Tornrealization, as for calling AA numbers, I understand about the embarrassment. But I know two things to be true: Every person who's given me their number has been in the same boat of needing someone to call, and struggling against their pride. Also, when you call someone who gave you their number, you may be doing a lot for them. They may be sitting alone, craving a drink, building resentments, and stewing in their thoughts -- until you call, and give them someone they can help.
I'm trying to reach out by calling, PM, or face-to-face with one alcoholic every day, plus my former sponsor. Just as a piece of general info, since you all don't know me real well, I attend AA meetings (sometimes daily, usually less often) and get a lot of support there, but I'm not full-on in the program.
Funny little story -- when I first had like 20 days, I took someone's number who said "You can call me and we don't even have to talk, it'll be like practice for calling." I thought about it and thought about it, and finally dialed the phone. She didn't remember me, she didn't remember telling me to call for practice, she actually sounded pretty smashed, and I've never seen her again! Yet, it did kind of break one layer of my own personal ice.
Forabetterlife, I'm glad you have an addiction counselor. Focus on getting through today, and let us know how that AA meeting goes.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,877
Great idea, DI. We are here for each other - in our struggles and in our victories. I know what you mean about not wanting to face life; escaping certain realities was the driving force behind my drinking but, in time, the drinking became worse than the realities I was drinking to escape.
Let's keep pulling out the stops for each other. Onward, Febbies.
Let's keep pulling out the stops for each other. Onward, Febbies.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 808
Originally Posted by DiggingIn 
May I suggest everyone make a post today? Let's pull together. Many of us are struggling, dare I say it? We all have struggles on one level or another.
My struggle today? I just don't feel like facing life. But I will. I will have to be around people. That's what I have to do in these days.
My struggle today? I just don't feel like facing life. But I will. I will have to be around people. That's what I have to do in these days.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 808
And to all those struggling today, when everything seems so utterly bleak and pointless just hold on to that light that's telling you to get through it, it's there deep, deep inside even when the AV is deafening there's a light, sometimes it's so tiny it's a mere pinprick in an otherwise vast sea of darkness, but it is there and it will never, ever go out completly.
So hold on to that light and wait out the storm, soon it will pass and your light will grow again, and if you keep holding on it will keep growing and growing until you're holding on to a blazing beacon so bright it burns away the darkness and you feel strong enough to take on anything
Pain is temporary,
Strength will last forever.
So hold on to that light and wait out the storm, soon it will pass and your light will grow again, and if you keep holding on it will keep growing and growing until you're holding on to a blazing beacon so bright it burns away the darkness and you feel strong enough to take on anything
Pain is temporary,
Strength will last forever.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 808
Sometimes it bothers me that I know you're all out there in your individual worlds putting in a superhuman amount of effort into this noble endeavour and I know everyone around you won't recognise, acknowledge or celebrate the effort you're putting in. But I know what it takes and how painful and difficult some days can be, so I applaud each and every one of you. Even if it feels like nobody cares, know that there's at least one person out there that truly does.
01-14-2019
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,217
Guess what sucks, running a 5k after drinking. Oh boy, what a punishment. I can't count today as day one but I can tomorrow. You've all said some nice and powerful messages. I'll fess up in IOP, not looking forward to that.
Thank you group for being there.
Thank you group for being there.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
DI - thanks for the post because there is something I'm really struggling with, and I don't want to bother anyone about it, but between your call for posts and Courage's apt description if how helping others can sometimes help someone having a difficult day, here goes...
Needyfriend is back from vacation, and is hitting up all media in search of me. Same person who let herself into my house uninvited a couple weekends ago when I didn't return calls.
Please understand, I LIKE helping people. It makes me feel good to be of use. I stand by every statement I've ever made offering to be there for any one of you. My situation with Needyfriend is more complicated.
She's about my age, late 30's, has been mentally ill since childhood like me, but with a diagnosis more complicated than my straightforward panic disorder. She's had stage 4 cancer for seven years, and between treatments, the trauma of the diagnosis, and a pre-existing mental health condition, her psychological state is abysmal. I was her sounding board for five years, morning, noon and night, before I started pulling away. I finally sought information about creating boundaries for myself last spring when she was making troubling statements about her sister's pregnancy and baby shower.
She ignores my boundaries. I don't want to hang out. I don't want to be drastic and cut her out of my life. Plus she has cancer that can reappear at any moment's notice - and be lethal this time.
--Friday she saw I was tagged on Facebook by the folks in my book club (FB makes her jealous).
--She called yesterday. I couldn't return call. (I was out).
--She called today but I was too busy to pick up.
--She texted me right afterwards.
I am steaming mad. Like, shaking on the inside angry that she doesn't give me the time to call back. When she wants to talk, she wants to talk, with no regard for how busy I am.
I have to tend to my projects in the kitchen then will come back in a bit to reply to all your posts.
Needyfriend is back from vacation, and is hitting up all media in search of me. Same person who let herself into my house uninvited a couple weekends ago when I didn't return calls.
Please understand, I LIKE helping people. It makes me feel good to be of use. I stand by every statement I've ever made offering to be there for any one of you. My situation with Needyfriend is more complicated.
She's about my age, late 30's, has been mentally ill since childhood like me, but with a diagnosis more complicated than my straightforward panic disorder. She's had stage 4 cancer for seven years, and between treatments, the trauma of the diagnosis, and a pre-existing mental health condition, her psychological state is abysmal. I was her sounding board for five years, morning, noon and night, before I started pulling away. I finally sought information about creating boundaries for myself last spring when she was making troubling statements about her sister's pregnancy and baby shower.
She ignores my boundaries. I don't want to hang out. I don't want to be drastic and cut her out of my life. Plus she has cancer that can reappear at any moment's notice - and be lethal this time.
--Friday she saw I was tagged on Facebook by the folks in my book club (FB makes her jealous).
--She called yesterday. I couldn't return call. (I was out).
--She called today but I was too busy to pick up.
--She texted me right afterwards.
I am steaming mad. Like, shaking on the inside angry that she doesn't give me the time to call back. When she wants to talk, she wants to talk, with no regard for how busy I am.
I have to tend to my projects in the kitchen then will come back in a bit to reply to all your posts.
01-14-2019
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,217
Glee it really is hard to deal with that.
She sounds super needy, like she should be seeing a therapist so that you two can have an easy going time. I'm sorry she is also ill. The guilt you are going through must be heavy.
Have you been straight forward with your boundaries?
I'm like you, I hate asking for help or being selfish, but we need to be sometimes. It sounds like you are trying to have a healthy relationship. Also, I'm glad you posted. It lets off steam.
She sounds super needy, like she should be seeing a therapist so that you two can have an easy going time. I'm sorry she is also ill. The guilt you are going through must be heavy.
Have you been straight forward with your boundaries?
I'm like you, I hate asking for help or being selfish, but we need to be sometimes. It sounds like you are trying to have a healthy relationship. Also, I'm glad you posted. It lets off steam.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
