SoberLeigh

My sister and I are very close and honest with each other (including our struggles with alcohol) but I definitely see your point about the personal experience of AA. I am going to broach the subject with her again soon. The familial link with alcoholism is scary. I know that some of my brother's "issues" with family (and life in general) are either aggravated or caused by his alcohol abuse; he is totally unreachable and I am afraid for him on many levels but he has made it clear that he wants no contact, no relationship, no association with me or my sister with absolutely no rational basis for that decision.

SoberLeigh

Nice to near from you, LB2; glad you are doing well.

tornrealization

It is in the family. All of mine has or had addiction problems. I was surprised last year to hear my eighty something grandmother who I don't talk to was a passed out drunk while raising dad. Dad drinks. Brothers drink and other hard stuff. Mom had asked me to switch to weed, her drug of choice.

Most of us seem to get better. Sad to see my brothers trying moderation after years of sobriety.

Depressing really.

I've isolated from my family partly to hide the sheer amount of drinks. Turns out I fooled no one.

tornrealization

Where are my manners? LB2, glad to hear how you are doing and I'm still excited for you. Two weeks will fly by!

SoberLeigh

Yes, very depressing and disturbing. The only oneswe can truly do anything about are ourselves. So onward and upward, Febbies. We CAN do this.

DiggingIn

I hope everyone is having a bright day.

I am sitting in a local art venue enjoying a local jazz group. Nice way to spend lunch! Hope you all find enjoyment somewhere today.

LonelyShadow

Sounds good DiggingIn!

I'm going to watch Masterchef, massive deal here in the UK haha!

Green tea and liqourice feeding the soul again too
Hope all are well out there

tornrealization

A wonderful spring time walk for lunch. The ducks swim away, cute stuff.

We like master chef too. My husband is a Gordan Ramsey fan!

DiggingIn

LS and Torn - Guilty! I'm working my way through Gordon Ramsay's Best Restaurant on Netflix!

casinva

Love Gordon as well! I don't know what I did before Netflix, lol. Edit to add: Yikes! I didn't think the pic would be so large, lol!

tornrealization

It's small on my phone!

IOP - movie night!

tornrealization

I'm thinking of pulling the plug on IOP. I still don't have a real treatment plan. I think the counselor is probably a great one, but too much time spent on his personal experiences. He's swamped at the end if group and as eager to leave. We aren't really learning about standard things I expected like typical HALT, addiction of the brain, etc. I've seen a day wasted for budget 101. Tonight was movie night and we had new people, one clearly distressed and wanting to talk. We ended early and fast so people could do AA, optionally.

I don't even know what this is costing me. I should know this, I should've had bigger balls to ask these things, sooner. Instead, I'm embarrassed and shy and don't want to be a bother. Now I'm still with no plan, no idea wtf I'm doing or they goal when things end or progress, or costs. Sounds like the court people meet with the counselers to make plans so that parole officers and reports are accurate.

It feels like we are just shooting the ****, not really working anything. I'm at the end if three weeks with no plan. Seems like this place is kinda just all over with the interruptions for open house, new building nights, multiple complaints from first people about first counselor. Perhaps it is because so much time is also for court problems that is the approach to get them to stay?

Me thinks I need more of a one on one approach, or just a different IOP outside of the network. I'm not getting what I had like last time which included one on one time with a counselor, treatment plans, and different therapists. The bits and pieces I heard fom green eggs and ham sounds more like what I thought would happen. I'm still have hangup sharing with the group. I even have hangups looking at the counselor. I'm stuck and in awe that he is younger, escaped his addiction early, is so caring, but relaxed. I don't know, I've been analyzing to something wierd. I know too much about him that he's becoming a fascinating person. A whole new level of weirdo I'm doing to myself.

Things are getting all creepy wierd in my head. Bah. Maybe this is how I am creating stupid drama in my head. Who the hell to talk to about that?

Time for bed. Wonderful day at work, nearly lost it in tears over the squirrel getting hit by car in front of me, increasing weirdness at IOP.

Honestly, don't want to drink though. I almost want to vomit at that idea right now. So that is good.

Glee, congrats on two months!!!! That is most excellent!!

SoberLeigh

Hey, torn. It does sound like you may need a change - a new IOP or one-on-one therapy. The part of your post that jumped off the page for me, though, was the part about your councilor and your fascination about him; that has the makings of an unhealthy complication; good for you for recognizing that. You have great analytical skills.

tornrealization

I did a very brief five minute google search on the issue. I also had a drinking dream, and other bizarre dreams keeping me up last night.

I think my fascination is the caring aspect, and is their job. Watching someone care for people so much is interesting.

Now that I read about it, I don't feel so creepy. The dream I was drinking and trying to hide the fact that my hubbys best bud wanted 500 bucks to score drugs just means i think I'm very tried, mentally. Slept like two hours.

So I was late to work. Haven't done that since drinking days. 45 days tomorrow and I've surpassed sober days from Jan,Feb this year.

I know one thing, when I look for one on one, I should stick to a woman counselor.

DiggingIn

I've been having some weird dreams as well. Last night it was about being in a car wreck.

Glad you're so self aware. I agree that a female counselor would be for the best.

Dee74

Your recovery decisions are yours to make Torn. I've never been in IOP so I can't offer you any assessment on whats happening.

What would constitute a good IOP programme for you?

D

gleefan

Torn - this IOP has been disappointing for you from the beginning. It takes so much time and effort to attend (and possibly money), but you've yet to get anything that you find useful out if it. You seem to be skeptical of your opinions; I get the impression you want to understand the reasons behind your opinions before you act on them. I see that as you not wanting to make the same mistakes over again. Maybe you've had stops and starts before, but right now you strike me as fully committed to sobriety, and it's ok to trust yourself on this situation.

My advice is to think about Dee's question of what your ideal program of recovery would contain, then shop around til you find it.

In the mean time, get support. Look up AA in your area, and go to all different types of meetings, at different locations. There are before work, lunchtime, and evening meetings. Eventually you'll find one(s) that suit your needs best.

tornrealization

I have thought a lot about what I expected. I expected like last time. A goals sheet, a one on one with counselor to touch base, structure and a counselor that can maintain order and professionalism. I guess I didn't realize how good I had it first time. I even was doing AA this go around for IOP.

I chickened out tonight talking to the counslore Again! He's human and no longer fascinating, that was a one day thing. Just odd day yesterday. We played Jenga tonight. It got a little funny, everyone laughing lots. Talking more with the others, there is another lady who thought she was done, has no idea. It was fun tonight, still not what I was expecting.

I do second guess. Lots of people leave IOP or rehabs for this or that. I want to make sure I'm making an honest go at it. I'll have next week. I finally got a number to call if I miss a class. That should've been first night, IMO. I'm going to force myself to make a call and maybe an appointment versus trying to catch him before after session.

Counselor said he could handle more people than they have in group. I said, really? Checks in take like half hour a person! I am a trouble maker I guess.

He's just missing structure and goals, I think for me. Seems like the other non court person has the same problem. The court people feel it's wierd we just chat like we do which also surprises their parole officers. Yet, we're all sober for that session, right! Glee, I'm clearly over analyzing. Bah, wish I could stop.


Meanwhile, I'll be hitting up some AA this weekend. I'm basically on my own Friday and Saturday.

Quiet day today on Febbies thread.

tornrealization

Found a women's AA on the way home from work for tonight.

Sun is back out. Good for lunch walking.

How is everyone?

DiggingIn

Glad you found a meeting. Hope it's a good fit.

Gloomy still here. Have lunch plans at a restaurant I won't be able to afford before long.
:-) No weekend plans which is tricky. Hoping to plant some flower pots but have to fertilize and cut the grass first.