Taproot

Thanks Ilya. You are right, it was not easy...it was a very close call, perhaps the closest call in my tender 12 days. From the "HALT" perspective, I think I just let myself get too tired and was shot by the end of the work day. I'm still learning how to get through hum-drum daily life without any alcohol. On the bright side, I think I am learning a little bit each day...I sure hope this gets easier over time, as some of the veterans of SR have said. Or, if not easier, at least somewhat less difficult.

biminiblue

Ilya, I wouldn't exactly call my Mom toxic, but she and I were too close when I was growing up - it was she and I and no other people in the house, no other family in the area. I did see her as godlike as a kid, she was my whole world. Mostly I forgive her shortcomings, she lost her power over me 30+ years ago and she died 15 years ago. I just think in this vulnerable time of heightened emotions and confusing thoughts in early sobriety, it is easy to mistake caring for control, love and criticism become hard to differentiate at times when I'm seeking new relationships with a lot of people at once.

I've met 100 or more people in the last three weeks. The ones who are super charismatic are a lot like the bubbly good side of my mom. Unfortunately they are also strong personalities, and of course are prone to over-control and are a little too helpful. I hesitate to group people into stereotypes, but you know who I mean. Life of the party, attractive, talkative, confident. Just like my mom, who had all those traits and who also took them too far with an only child. Very easy to control a little girl who idolizes mom, but a relationship fraught with conflict when the little girl blossomed into the same type teenager.

I caught it. It was making me uncomfortable for the last week. Wasn't quite sure why. I've also done therapy work.

This is probably why they say not to get into any romantic relationships in early sobriety.

Ilya

Oh, I see Bimini, I thought you were still in contact but I'm sorry to hear she passed away. So you're still experiencing the dynamic repeating in your relationships?

I think that IS why it's probably not good to get into relationships early on... I've noticed realizations about the people in my life bubbling up spontaneously. I feel like that will continue for a while. I wouldn't want to go get deeply involved with a new person now... New enchantments are always a minefield of patterns for me. Very well concealed.
Slowly being able to see them without my wine goggles

It seems like you've had a few epiphanies today, no? What a great day

Ilya

Taproot,

Yes I keep hearing it gets easier. I am very happy that I can remove myself from situations but it's still not easy driving all of these fresh emotions around and breaking old habits.

Today I rode the bike for a while and realized that it's April, and for me, that always meant rosé season. I caught myself planning to swing by the liquor store to buy a bottle of rosé to celebrate the coming of spring like I have every year for about 10 years.

Nope. I had to ride my butt straight back home and eat something.

My AV tried to seduce me into a spring relapse

Michtizz

Morning all (though I realise it mightn't be morning where you are),

Beginning day 18 here. I didn't really understand in those first couple of weeks, when people talked of sleep difficulties, what you meant - because I was sleeping like a log. I've not been doing so the last few days. I've been waking ridiculously early and feeling tired. My head has felt mushy - it's almost felt like a hangover. I guess this passes - that there's something weird happening. I used to drink to slow my head & thoughts down & I wonder if some of this difficulty sleeping is about my thinking now not being suppressed...

Anyway, it has to pass. Went out to a gig last night (i do go to a lot) and drank lime & soda and then tap water. A massive array of beers and spirits at the bar and I didn't feel the need at all to taste... I'm loving the fact that I'm able to go out with a fiver in my pocket and come home with change..

Keep going lovely people - what a great support network this is...

kopfan

Morning Everyone!

Tough night as my partner decided to start tucking into the bottle of wine she had for Mothers day.

I admit I was teetering. How can you be so determined not to drink all day and then suddenly just have thoughts like "I'll just have a couple of beers".

Anyway when she realised I wasn't going to be joining her she headed off to her daughter's and hasn't been seen since :-).

That's a good thing because normally when she comes back late at night after a skinful she'll start picking a fight with me if I'm sober.

I have to keep telling myself it gets easier.

Glad to be sober this morning! Ten days for Kopfan!

I'm so glad for Sparkos starting the "present and correct" list because I wanted to still be on it :-)

toddle118

Good morning gang! Phew hope I dont have another day like yesterday, spend the whole day like a coiled spring uurgh...well done everyone for not letting that AV win! Day 25 today, feel a bit groggy too today, too much emotion left over from yesterday maybe.

On the being allergic to alcohol thing, I get an itchy nose if I drink wine, hehe, it really is annoying and doesnt go for a few days

Heres to another sober spring day Marchers x

KimsFriend

Day 11. Did not sleep well last night. I feel like my body is so tense. My neck is so stiff. I need to start leaning how to meditate or something.

It must have been something in the air- maybe all of our AVs sent out their own private messages to each other yesterday and agreed to try and attack us. But we didn't let them.

KimsFriend

In the second AA meeting that I went to a guy shared how one of the most rewarding things about sobriety is that for the first time in his life his thoughts are not racing through his mind 24/7. He said it took about 9 months of sobriety to achieve that peace, but that it has remained with him all these years.

Hearing that has become a huge motivator for me to stay sober. I get lost in my mind so horribly. I would love for the thoughts to come at a reasonable pace.

Sparkos

Morning Class.

It's lovely to read your morning posts where there are no hangovers, feelings of shame, regret and disappointment etc. etc. that marred so many of our mornings in the past.

Mich, like you I've been experiencing strange, mushy head emotions lately. I don't really understand them. It's like I'm feeling contemplative about something, but don't know what that something is! (If that makes any sense?)

It's probably as you say, long surpressed thoughts and emotions vying to get to the surface without forming an orderly queue!

I suppose I'll get to them in time. For the moment, I'll continue to surf the thoughts and stay focussed on the immediate task in hand. i.e. keeping a safe distance between the poison and my lips.

Peace

Sparkos

Kimsfriend, our posts overlapped!
Your experiencing these thoughts too!
I think your conspiracy theory of our AVs joining forces and ganging up against us may have some truth after all!!!

Sparkos

Sparkos. Present, correct and sober,
KimsFriend. Present, correct and sober.
Toddle 118. Present, correct and sober.
Aarrycckha. Present, correct and sober.
Calichris: Present, correct and sober.
Nonna11 Present, correct and sober.
Enfin, present, correctish and sober,
Michtizz, present, correct and sober,
FortWorthsober, present, correct and sober,
MrFixit63, present, correct and sober,
Biminiblue, present, correct and sober,
Lookinforward, present, correct and sober,
Cara39, present, correct and sober,
Kopfan, present, correct and sober,
Jade1224, present, correct and sober, (I really hope so).
Adams, present, sober, and indeterminate,

Boobeary

Mornin all,
Crazy stressful week at work, but doing well resisting urges. Once I get through Friday, it'll be clear sailing for a while.

Add me to the roll call please: 11 days and feeling good.

Sparkos

Sparkos. Present, correct and sober,
KimsFriend. Present, correct and sober.
Toddle 118. Present, correct and sober.
Aarrycckha. Present, correct and sober.
Calichris: Present, correct and sober.
Nonna11 Present, correct and sober.
Enfin, present, correctish and sober,
Michtizz, present, correct and sober,
FortWorthsober, present, correct and sober,
MrFixit63, present, correct and sober,
Biminiblue, present, correct and sober,
Lookinforward, present, correct and sober,
Cara39, present, correct and sober,
Kopfan, present, correct and sober,
Jade1224, present, correct and sober, (I really hope so).
Adams, present, sober, and indeterminate,
Boobeary, present, correct and sober,

Sparkos

Be careful of Friday evening then Boob (childish, schoolboy snigger)!

I used to find that after a hard week, and the prospect of "clear sailing for a while", it would be a major opportunity for the AV to strike. So make sure your defence shields are set to maximum then.

MrFixit63

From a maple tree I fall
Through the night air I glide
And In the lazy river I float
In the calm blue water I drift
Starry skies with no cares or worries. On my yearly journey to your relief I'm just a leaf.

Ilya

Good morning, everyone.

A friend of mine is not doing well right now and my husband and I are taking a day trip with another friend to visit him. He's a few hours away.

The plan is to make stops along the way and finally arrive for our visit. Then out to dinner when it's time to go.

Today could be full of triggers. A day trip, meandering, and a dinner out. I'm generally fine with my OH and this friend but I've never been out with both of them...

They've both been supportive. I'll keep checking in.

Hope everyone is doing well !

Ilya

Toddle, good job not striking
You expend less control and power over the situation that way. I'm not exactly sure what happened because there was a mysterious deleted post the other night while I was sleeping, but I hope it all worked out ok

Sparkos

Good luck with it Ilya.
You seem to be going into it with eyes wide open.
Just watch out for the AV. I'm sure you'll be fine.
I think it's very good of you and your OH to be looking out for a friend in need.

calichris

Good morning Marchers!! Checking in from work at 6:32am in drizzly Northern California. Will try to catch up on the posts later have to make a strong cup of tea and some oatmeal and get back to work. Day 23 is starting out very well. I made it thru the big test this week at my trigger hotel. Tonight after work I drive back to home base where I am much safer and I get to see my gals yayyyyy! Love you all. -Chris