wehav2day

Think you have your answer v. Lol! Ain't nobody gonna make you do steps. Only do them if you feel they will help you. I sat on my inventory for years, so yeah I had to do it again. But it was liberating to get it out. I think step resentment on an inventory is awesome! If I ever sponsor someone when I grow up and that's on their resentment list I'm gonna laugh right out of my chair.

SereneEdition

Hi V -

Glad you are putting effort into the steps. You're light years ahead of me with acceptance there - I haven't done them myself.

Can you put a finger on what has you blocked?

SereneEdition

Wehav - too funny!

venuscat

I have to think about it a little Serene....I mean I know, but I need to find the words.
I'm going to answer this tomorrow if that's OK.

Very glad you asked, have been avoiding this for a while but I really need to talk about it.

Love and goodnight,

V xx

venuscat

Hello my lovely Februbuddies ♥

Serene ~ I want to answer your question from yesterday. It's an emotional answer. The truth is this: Step 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

Right. Well I have been an addict/alcoholic for 30 years. That is a very long time. And therefore, it is a very long list. I just don't want to keep reliving this stuff...I messed up my life and it hurts so badly. I just don't think rehashing it all is going to help me.

Love V xx

Dee74

I get that - but is carrying it around with you any better V?

That's what Step 4/5 is about, as I understand it - it's ultimately about letting go

D

venuscat

I was just thinking about that Dee. I cry every time I talk about this.
I don't want to carry this pain and sadness with me anymore.

It's time to change my mind. I don't have a sponsor right now though.

V xx

Dee74

Hopefully the right person will be put in your path V

D

wehav2day

V it felt soooooo good to let it out. I've carried a lot of crap around too. Learned a lot about why I act the way I do. Getting it out there and telling an alcoholic I trust mad e huge difference in how I feel and even act. You can do it if you want to. Sounds like perhaps you do, and that makes me smile for you!

Find someone you trust, someone you respect. You will find a cool sponsor. Love ya!

melissa6381

I just came to the realization that I've never even read the AA steps. Since this all came up I did some googling and found some step 4 worksheets and am going to plan a time for myself to fill them out.

V, I'm scared too. I think it will important because my fear and anxiety lets me know how much crap I'm still holding on to.

I *TRY* to look upon my bad behavior in the past like I would a child. I wouldn't hold a child accountable for making a mistake especially if they didn't know any better. For me making stupid mistakes was only amplified by the booze telling me "go for it, screw it" My shame now means that I know better now and if the same situation arose today there would be a different outcome. I need to forgive the person I used to be and thank them for the lessons that has made me so strong and wise today. That's the theory anyways.

I also have a hard time forgiving others and general hold on to things way too long. I think writing everything out and then burning it in a fire will be healing for me.

Love M

wehav2day

I'm no aa wiz, but learned the stupid way that step 4 is not about beating yourself up and inventorying every bad thing you ever did. I tried before, never got it done, felt like crap and ultimately relapsed for three months.

I was told the steps are in the order they are for a reason, helps to do them in order. There is a 12 step forum on here with good advice.

venuscat

wehav and Mel ♥♥

You are just SO right; and you just put my feelings into words far better than I could have Mel. I didn't know the worksheets were online. I am going to join you. I don't have time right now, but I also don't have time NOT to do this. I want to move forward. I want to find some peace.

OK...off to Google land.

V xx

venuscat

Funny, I have avoided the 12-step forum wehav....hmmm...very telling, isn't it?

Mel ~ could you please give me the link you found for the worksheets? TY ♥

V xx

venuscat

YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS!!!!!

I just called AA head office, and one of my local meetings (Step group) is doing 4 right now...I'm going on Tuesday night. The guy I just spoke to was lovely...I am excited.

I am going to find a new sponsor!
And pls ignore that request re the worksheets; I found them. Saved to Word.

V xx

Dee74

Sounds like one of those God Shots V
D

SereneEdition

V - Fantastic news - so happy that you took the initiative to reach out. & thanks for sharing what you're going through here. I know it isn't easy.

Mel - Also thanks for reminding me about viewing my former self as a child - it resonates with me, and I haven't adopted it yet at my own.

Wehav - excellent reframe. The ability to reframe is a muscle I'm practicing myself right now. A year ago I was working on HALT - just recognizing my emotions for what they were, and a big step was figuring out what I really needed. That felt huge. Now it's about being able to work with what I have - see where I want to go, and redirect myself there.

To reframe with others, I need to be able to hear what are the emotions behind what is being said - Dee & V - you both excel here. I hope to get there.

It's nice to have a name for what I'm practicing - thank you for starting the conversation

venuscat

So grateful that you girls (and Dee ) are still here...we started this thing together.
We know each other, and I trust and respect all of you very much.

You always inspire me Serene, as do Mel and wehav.
And Mvngon and liss have shown such courage and honesty...
Onwards!!!! ♥

Love V xx

wehav2day

You girls (and guy) are awesome!

V, yep, what see said. That is so cool. Good luck. Don't be afraid of what comes out. You will be fine. Way better than before, actually.

wehav2day

Dee, what dee said! Darned autocorrect!

venuscat

Doncha just love technology?????