Class of October 2013 - Part 4
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 151
Warning! depressing post incoming...but i need to vent this stuff somewhere, sometime & it helps me to write stuff out and know that understanding people are digesting it & perhaps even identifying with it. I havnt told anyone else im trying to get sober...yet
It's 7:30pm & I would normally be getting blotto right about now, but im not! im sober & posting on SR. I probably drink most days starting late afternoon & always drink till im drunk & 95% of the time it's on my own. Normally by now i would be cranking up some music & pottering around the house finding inane things to do, achieving nothing, slowly getting more & more out of it till the tiredness comes...then bed & then the inevitable 3am ish wakeup / feeling truly horrible, skull some water, take painkillers & drift off till around 7am & wake feeling slightly less disgusting and get on with my day of anxiety & acting like a ghost around others. pretty pathetic really but the allure of that 3pm drink is really strong & i make damned sure there is at least 3 bottles wine (or equivelent ammount of alcohol) on hand, or i just don't bother to drink. i HATE the running out feeling!! so ive gotten really good at making sure i dont run out.
You know what else?
Ive deleted my facebook account recently because 1: I kept getting drunk and waking up to find id embarrassed myself with awkward posts & often didnt even make sense.
& 2: i find it to too depressing seeing the happy lives other people in my feed are (apparently) having. My answer? quit drinking?? nope...ban myself from social networking...lol...so i can drink in undisturbed peace.
SO yeah, I've isolated myself terribly & only occasionally see family, never enjoy it. Very rarely I'll spend time with some life long friends who live an hours drive from me. I work part time, but it's a huge effort to hold the job down & im struggling. & then theirs my 2 1/2 year old daughter who I have half of the time. She adores me! & iI am a loving father who would like to think he would do anything for her. On the days i drink, i make sure i go to bed in time to wake up to look after her...but who am i kidding?? looking after your kid while hungover is not much fun for anyone involved, although she's so young she doesnt seem to notice anything...yet
SO yeah, end of rant. I promise i will make an effort to be positive from now! I know this is not rock bottom for me, but it feels bad enough for me to not want to ever get close to that.
Nice to read how well some others of you are doing & i can identify with some others on the challenges they are facing.
thanks for reading & hopefully not judging
It's 7:30pm & I would normally be getting blotto right about now, but im not! im sober & posting on SR. I probably drink most days starting late afternoon & always drink till im drunk & 95% of the time it's on my own. Normally by now i would be cranking up some music & pottering around the house finding inane things to do, achieving nothing, slowly getting more & more out of it till the tiredness comes...then bed & then the inevitable 3am ish wakeup / feeling truly horrible, skull some water, take painkillers & drift off till around 7am & wake feeling slightly less disgusting and get on with my day of anxiety & acting like a ghost around others. pretty pathetic really but the allure of that 3pm drink is really strong & i make damned sure there is at least 3 bottles wine (or equivelent ammount of alcohol) on hand, or i just don't bother to drink. i HATE the running out feeling!! so ive gotten really good at making sure i dont run out.
You know what else?
Ive deleted my facebook account recently because 1: I kept getting drunk and waking up to find id embarrassed myself with awkward posts & often didnt even make sense.
& 2: i find it to too depressing seeing the happy lives other people in my feed are (apparently) having. My answer? quit drinking?? nope...ban myself from social networking...lol...so i can drink in undisturbed peace.
SO yeah, I've isolated myself terribly & only occasionally see family, never enjoy it. Very rarely I'll spend time with some life long friends who live an hours drive from me. I work part time, but it's a huge effort to hold the job down & im struggling. & then theirs my 2 1/2 year old daughter who I have half of the time. She adores me! & iI am a loving father who would like to think he would do anything for her. On the days i drink, i make sure i go to bed in time to wake up to look after her...but who am i kidding?? looking after your kid while hungover is not much fun for anyone involved, although she's so young she doesnt seem to notice anything...yet
SO yeah, end of rant. I promise i will make an effort to be positive from now! I know this is not rock bottom for me, but it feels bad enough for me to not want to ever get close to that.
Nice to read how well some others of you are doing & i can identify with some others on the challenges they are facing.
thanks for reading & hopefully not judging
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Nottingham (UK)
Posts: 2,690
Originally Posted by SoberForMySon 
I'm devoting five hours a day to AA stuff between hanging between meetings and travel time but it's occurred to me that I devoted more time than that to drinking so it's a fair trade!
Thanks!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
ND, you are coming to terms with the futility of living a life centered around drinking. I personally HATE Facebook. I keep my account to lurk on my children, but I noticed they don't spend much time on it anymore. (I hear with teens it is getting to be passé). I read an article that many people get depressed the more time they spend on Facebook. It is so fake. I hardly spend any time on it and that is fine by me. I want to spend my time on things that make me feel good and happy and healthy and real. So, I personally think you are headed in the right direction towards feeling better by dumping drinking and dumping Facebook. In my big time partying, drinking days there was nothing more disconcerting that waking up, hungover as hell, to the message "You've been tagged." There I would see pictures of myself doing things I didn't even remember doing. Ewwww!!
In my big time partying, drinking days there was nothing more disconcerting that waking up, hungover as hell, to the message "You've been tagged." There I would see pictures of myself doing things I didn't even remember doing. Ewwww!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 818
Happy Halloween 'Tobers!
Day 9 on this end. It was obvious to me last night that I will need to find alternative means to deal with stress. That wasn't clear to me when I quit earlier this year. My teenage daughter was on a rant after school yesterday and I could feel my stress rise. (Teenage kids causing stress? Nah ...) My first impulse was to pour a drink which is, of course, no longer an option. A small thing really, but it was telling to me that my kneejerk reaction was to want a drink.
Storms are forecasted to hit my part of Ohio right at trick-or-treating time, so there may not be many kids wandering the neighborhood asking for candy tonight. The bad news is that it will be a wet Halloween. The good news is that all the leftover candy is mine!
P.S. - I assume this group stays together once we get to November and we don't jump to the November group. Is that correct?
Day 9 on this end. It was obvious to me last night that I will need to find alternative means to deal with stress. That wasn't clear to me when I quit earlier this year. My teenage daughter was on a rant after school yesterday and I could feel my stress rise. (Teenage kids causing stress? Nah ...) My first impulse was to pour a drink which is, of course, no longer an option. A small thing really, but it was telling to me that my kneejerk reaction was to want a drink.
Storms are forecasted to hit my part of Ohio right at trick-or-treating time, so there may not be many kids wandering the neighborhood asking for candy tonight. The bad news is that it will be a wet Halloween. The good news is that all the leftover candy is mine!
P.S. - I assume this group stays together once we get to November and we don't jump to the November group. Is that correct?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
I think they will move us under the heading of Newcomer Support Threads (as Class of October 2013), so you are stuck with us, WhoDey! I have learned to take a big breath and say a big prayer before I react to any of my teenagers' baiting remarks. I think getting sober has helped me to emotionally detach better, too. My DH (dear sweet awesome husband 
) was in a terrible mood yesterday. Usually, when this happened I would A) get a glass of wine and B) try to force him out of his mood or join him in his ugly mood. Yesterday, I didn't get the glass of wine and I let him have his mood (it is his right) but I did not allow it to affect my mood. I am noticing that from an emotional standpoint, it is easier to handle things without alcohol. That is the trickery of alcohol. It makes you think you need it for these emotional times but really it just makes matters worse.
) was in a terrible mood yesterday. Usually, when this happened I would A) get a glass of wine and B) try to force him out of his mood or join him in his ugly mood. Yesterday, I didn't get the glass of wine and I let him have his mood (it is his right) but I did not allow it to affect my mood. I am noticing that from an emotional standpoint, it is easier to handle things without alcohol. That is the trickery of alcohol. It makes you think you need it for these emotional times but really it just makes matters worse.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
you have it right WhoDey - the October group stays intact, the November group is for everyone getting sober in that month
Depression is one of those things in early recovery Nouble - hope you feel better soon.
Hope the biofeedback helps 82Mama - it's got to be better than drinking on anxiety.
Happy Halloween everyone
D
Depression is one of those things in early recovery Nouble - hope you feel better soon.
Hope the biofeedback helps 82Mama - it's got to be better than drinking on anxiety.
Happy Halloween everyone
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Hampton, VA
Posts: 52
Originally Posted by Dee74
for anyone who doesn't know...this thread continues into next month and beyond...but we move to the Daily Support forum. after the 31st
Next months newbies - the Novembers - will take your place in this forum.
I'll leave plenty of redirects, but pass it on..we always seem to lose peeps in the move
D
Next months newbies - the Novembers - will take your place in this forum.
I'll leave plenty of redirects, but pass it on..we always seem to lose peeps in the move
D
That was very helpful, as I am a late Tober. And pretty new to these types of discussion boards.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: South East US
Posts: 426
Originally Posted by LittleSparrow
Just checking in. I had the most amazing day. I went to a concert by myself and met new people (even the band's singer). I did it all completely sober, and I'm so glad that I'll get to remember this experience instead of only the first half until blackout time.
Originally Posted by LittleSparrow
It turns out that you can actually have fun without alcohol. Who knew?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
I asked my son the other day if he thought he was in love with his girlfriend. He said he didn't know because he is not sure what "in love" feels like. The last time I was sober for good periods of time was when I was in my 20s (that is because I was pregnant with my four children for most of my twenties). I have a hard time remembering what that sober time felt like because now I am 42, but then I thought to myself, it doesn't matter that I can't remember what sober felt like. I am a different woman than I was in my 20s. I have a lot more life experience under my belt. So, sober now is going to feel different anyway. All I can say is that so far, sober is feeling really good. I feel empowered. ( Thanks for reading my rambling. We had a worker here really early and so I have more time on my hands than usual, this morning. :P)
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: South East US
Posts: 426
Originally Posted by WhoDey
My teenage daughter was on a rant after school yesterday and I could feel my stress rise. (Teenage kids causing stress? Nah ...) My first impulse was to pour a drink which is, of course, no longer an option. A small thing really, but it was telling to me that my kneejerk reaction was to want a drink.
Just tells me how hard wired to drink I'd become. I didn't stop for beer. Have zero desire. Just default mode kickin in.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 818
Originally Posted by Driver1
First thought that runs through head is "cool, I can stop off and get beer and she won't see me walk in door with it".
If I wonder if I can learn to drink in moderation, these types of reactions tell me otherwise. It's crazy that the first thing that pops into my head when stressed or being alone is the thought to drink.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,329
I have two teens in the house so I know what everyone is going through. My daughter is 17 and is fine, it's my son who is 15 who is the piece of work.
The good news about the knee jerk reaction that Driver and WhoDey are talking about is that these fade a bit, at least in my case. My wife has gone out if town on business 3 times since I've been sober and the only hard time was the first time. I have had ample opportunities to drink and not worry about getting caught, but so far so good.
Has anyone else gotten their humor back? I used to watch comedies and never laugh. Now I find myself laughing out loud at situations in real life and in the comedies.
The good news about the knee jerk reaction that Driver and WhoDey are talking about is that these fade a bit, at least in my case. My wife has gone out if town on business 3 times since I've been sober and the only hard time was the first time. I have had ample opportunities to drink and not worry about getting caught, but so far so good.
Has anyone else gotten their humor back? I used to watch comedies and never laugh. Now I find myself laughing out loud at situations in real life and in the comedies.
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